I wasn't able to finish this book in time so I want to thank NetGallery and the publishers for allowing me access to the book. I went out and bought and I absolutely loved this. 10 out of a 10. I highly recommend it.

"Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime" by Julie Menanno is a gem for couples seeking to build lasting and fulfilling connections. Menanno's book offers a refreshing perspective on fostering secure attachments, providing practical advice and actionable steps to strengthen relationships. Grounded in psychological research and personal anecdotes, the author delves into the core elements of trust, communication, and emotional intimacy. With warmth and insight, Menanno guides readers through the process of cultivating a secure and resilient bond, empowering them to navigate challenges and deepen their connection over time. "Secure Love" is an essential read for couples at any stage of their relationship journey, offering a roadmap to building a love that stands the test of time.

I am very excited to be reading this book! My full review to follow.
Thank you to the author, publisher and NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for my honest review.

I got this book as a resource to use with clients working through attachment issues and stuck in patterns/cycles in their relationships. While I have solid background knowledge in attachment theory, this book proved to be beneficial for me as well, with practical suggestions and common scenarios that play out in relationships and how we can better navigate situations in a way that considers each partner’s attachment style and subsequent behaviors. Excellent resource- I know I will refer back to this again and again, both for personal and professional use.
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/6223321295

This book might just mean everything to my relationship. My partner and I have been reading it together. Years ago I read Attachment by Amir Levine - my takeaway from that book was that the only real way to find secure attachment was to be with a securely attached person. This book offers so much more, really building on an understanding of how and why we end up with insecure attachment styles, as well as clear and concrete exercises to break out of loops. We appreciated the early reader copy so much that we marked on our calendar when the book published, so we could go and get a hardcover copy. A gift of a book.

Wow wow wow! This book is worth thousands of dollars in couples therapy.
I’ve been a loyal follower of the authors Instagram @TheSecureRelationship and always enjoyed the simple graphics with tips on how to communicate or respond to common relationship struggles.

The author did a fantastic job of describing the different attachment styles and giving examples for you as the reader to determine which attachment style you most likely fall into. Knowing your attachment style will help you realize why you respond the way you do and how you can better communicate to get your needs met.

The author doesn’t just tell you what to do, she SHOWS you with an entire chapter dedicated to scripts with “instead of this”, “do this”.

If you want to better understand how childhood upbringing affects your adult relationships and how to have a, not perfect, but better relationship, this read is definitely worth it.

This was a super informative and helpful book! There was so much information about attachment styles, building healthy relationships, and maintaining meaningful connections as relationships progress over time.

Menanno clearly discusses the possible attachment insecurities and styles that many people are unaware that they are displaying in their most important intimate relationships. Along with attachment styles being clearly discussed this book also is a great companion to any couple's therapy sessions, especially if you are looking for a way to have common language about insecure attachment issues. This book also includes visual diagrams that can really help to simplify the complex nature of this book.

"Secure Love" is a such an important piece of literature for our time. We live in an era where most things are temporary and love shouldn't be such a trifling thing. "Secure Love" highlights how to work for love and nurture it into a beautiful, lasting intimacy.

I LOVE THIS because it’s about the deep rooted STUFF that gets in the way. Attachment styles, conflict avoidance, and understanding YOURSELF are so important to relationships.

I received an advance review copy for free via Netgalley and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

This book came into my life at exactly the right time. I'm not married, but have been in a serious relationship for many years and sometimes the same old arguments rear their ugly head. I will be using this book with my partner so that we can better understand each other and communicate even during times of heated arguments. Reading this together will allow us to be on the same page. I feel like after we finish the book we will both feel like we have gone to couples counseling which is something we've been wanting to do for a while.

I think putting your best foot forward and always looking ahead not behind is such an important trait for any human being to have. Now, this is easier said than done, but something that we can all work on. Working and redefining ourselves is the epitome of being human. I think that sometimes we become so caught up on the hype and trying to please others before we please ourselves is so detrimental.

This author was able to bring out those lessons that we need to hear and learn in order to become our best selves!

SECURE LOVE
BY: JULIE MENANNO

This was a book that was a *Reader Recommend* that I had seen on Net Galley. I was interested in learning more about attachment styles which have gained popularity in the United States in the last five years. It isn't a new concept in the field of psychology. I thought that I knew psychiatrist John Bowlby was the pioneer who came up with attachment theory in the 1950's. This non-fiction book called, "Secure Love," is written by a marriage therapist named Julie Menanno, and I wasn't expecting it to go in as much depth as it does regarding how to improve romantic relationships. She cites psychiatrist John Bowlby's "Attachment Theory History," to have been work that he did with "delinquent adolescent boys," in the 1990's. While that may be the case, my understanding was that he came up with the theory during the 1950's and it's getting more recognition in the last five years.

Basically, how we attach to our romantic partners and who we are drawn to according to John Bowlby is directly correlated to how we attached to our parents or caregivers as early as being in the womb. This is my working definition that I'm drawing this information from what I thought I already knew before reading this book. I'm including it for the sake of simplicity for those who might not be familiar with the different attachment styles. This author refers to the same idea, but she uses the attachment theory as such, that how we attach to our romantic partners is derived from how we as children and teenagers attached to our parents or caregivers. As I'm reviewing her book I'm going to assume her working theory even though it isn't what I thought I knew. My purpose for reading this book was to try to expand on the knowledge of learning more about attachment theory, and instead I gained additional insight in to how I can relate to other people with the different types of attachment styles besides the secure type that I have. This author includes the insecure styles of attachment and provides scripts on how to have success when dealing with those who carry their early developmental attachment wounds into adulthood. I agree with this author in that we identify as so much more than our labels of our attachment styles. I wasn't looking for a book on marriage counseling, but I did find this book to be extremely helpful with its gentle approach to treating everyone with dignity. It is the type of book that I can't read just once, because there is too much information to absorb in one reading for everything to sink in. A lot of the information is common sense when it comes to being a good partner. This author echoes what I believe to be true that it's vital to express when we're communicating with our partner that it is done in such a way that our message conveys, "that you matter to me." Every long term relationship is going to have differences of ideas and opinions when you've been together long enough. It's vital to validate your partners point of view using empathy always with the goal of doing what's best towards the health of the relationship. "Our relationship matters to me and is important enough that I'm curious to hear more of your ideas."

This author states that usually when couples argue it boils down to the same reason, even though it's a different topic or subject.

I read a different book that I will review next that has a more concise explanation about attachment theory, called "It's Not Your Fault." It is written by a woman who worked on her attachment wounds to eventually rise above them and she now identifies as having a secure attachment style. That gives hope to people that if you do the hard work, it's possible to overcome what this author categorizes as the insecure attachment styles. This author is a therapist who works with couples having problems in their relationships and she uses different examples of their particular problem. She goes in depth of different scenarios giving what not to say during a conflict and provides other alternatives of what to say that is most likely to repair a conflict.

To make this easier to understand when a person is a baby or a very young child, and his/her caregiver or parents met this persons needs consistently, it carries into adult romantic relationships that this person has a secure attachment style. A person with a secure attachment style doesn't look to their romantic partner to get their needs met. They usually seek out a securely attachment style romantic partner and those long term relationships are most likely to be the healthiest and can easily navigate conflict. The other three types of attachment styles are those infants and young children that for some reason due to neglect or abuse didn't get their needs met. This isn't usually done on purpose. I don't believe any parents or caregivers consciously decide to deprive their baby or child of not being emotionally available or physically available on purpose. Maybe the mother was hospitalized due to illness or the baby was in foster care, but whatever the reason the baby or young child didn't get their needs met. They fall into three insecure attachment styles as children that they carry with them as adults and into their romantic relationships. The three are anxious attachment style, avoidant attachment style, and disorganized attachment style. It would serve you well to identify which attachment style that you most identify with. Also, it's extremely beneficial to try to tease out your romantic partner's attachment style. The traits of all four attachment styles are included in this book. If you happen to identify with insecure anxious, insecure avoidant, or insecure disorganized then you will find hope because this author has written a brilliant resource in how to segue way towards healing your attachment style and provides the pathway towards self growth. Even though this book is intended for couples it's also, beneficial as a starting point for people who aren't in a relationship towards acquiring healthy skills with an overabundance of information.

I can't recommend this book highly enough to everyone. It's accessible and easy to understand. Like I said, it was an accidental and serendipitous discovery for me. My purpose when I decided to read it was to glean more information towards attachment theory with the idea of educating my two adult sons. What I discovered was a treasure trove of information on becoming a more empathetic wife towards my wonderful husband. It's an eye opening reading experience that isn't something that I would never usually pick up, but I'm so glad that I did. The author has a gentle voice and it is a soothing reading experience. I have one more that although, not as comprehensive as this is, I honestly can't wait to review it because I read it before this one. This I'll admit is easy to understand, but not my usual genre. I'm grateful for reading both of them, and will read this again in the future. Not for a long time, because I need a break from the heavy subject matter. I do think this is deserving of the Five star rating!

Publication Date: January 30, 2024

Thank you to Net Galley, Julie Menanno and Simon & Schuster for generously providing me with my ARC in exchange for a fair and honest review. All opinions are my own.

#SecureLove #JulieMenanno #Simon&Schuster #NetGalley

This book gives great explanations and detailed scenarios for anyone looking to understand their relationships better. It presents the information in a logical, easily-digestible way. It has already improved my understanding of attachment styles and how they play out in my life.

Written by a therapist, and offering weeks of therapy in one book, the reader is drawn into the world of attachment styles, learning how they form, what they look like, and that yes, they can be transformed if you're willing to do the work. It's a surprisingly low percentage of adults who can boast a secure attachment style from birth, but with the effort, it's possible to go from distrust and self-protection to a place of vulnerability and real relationship attachment. The author explores perpetual arguments and what's really behind them, and she provides scripts to use as the reader puts these principles into action, facing challenging situations head on.

Secure Love was like having a month of sessions with a therapist. I learned so much from this book about attachment styles and how they can play a huge part in marriage. This book came at the right time in my life. Well done. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. Five stars. A lot of details in a clear and understandable way. Great charts at the end!

Secure Love was like having a month of sessions with a therapist. I learned so much from this book about attachment styles and how they can play a huge part in marriage. This book came at the right time in my life. Well done. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. Five stars. Lot of details in a clear and understandable way. Great charts at the end!

"Secure Love" by Julie Menanno is a transformative gem in the realm of relationship literature, earning its place as one of the most exceptional books of its kind. Drawing upon her vast expertise, Menanno takes readers on an enlightening journey into the realm of secure attachment in adult relationships, fundamentally reshaping our understanding of what true relationship health feels like.

As the brilliant mind behind the beloved Instagram account @TheSecureRelationship, Menanno's wisdom has captivated over a million avid followers, and in this book, she delves deep into the intricacies of romantic connections. She unveils the mysteries behind perpetual arguments, revealing the unmet attachment needs lurking beneath, while providing invaluable exercises to decode both your and your partner's attachment styles.

With a keen focus on enhancing communication, Menanno encourages vulnerability over self-protection, offering practical scripts for navigating challenging situations. Furthermore, the book explores how insecure attachment can erode intimacy, offering a path to reignite the flames of passion. "Secure Love" is an indispensable guide for anyone seeking to break free from negative relationship patterns and forge the secure, lasting bonds they've yearned for.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this ARC!

I find this book useful in examining my relationship and attachment style and how to grow and become more secure.