My horrified fascination with cults and high-control religious groups began early in my adult life and continues to this day. Name a memoir written by a survivor of religious trauma and/or abuse and the odds are good that I’ve read it. So when I learned that Tia Levings, an incredibly brave woman whose story featured heavily throughout the Amazon Prime documentary Shiny Happy People, was coming out with a book, I smashed that want-to-read button on Goodreads so quickly and so hard, I’m surprised my phone screen didn’t shatter. And when that book, A Well-Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy (St Martin’s Press, 2024), was offered up for review on NetGalley, I went running. I knew this book was going to be incredible.

And I was not disappointed.

But I was shaken. Deeply. It’s that kind of book.

Several times, I had to put my kindle down and take a few deep breaths. Several more times, I had to pull out the tissues, and during one moment, I needed to stop and hug my daughter (still crying, of course).

Before I get into the meat of this review, please know that while this is an utterly amazing memoir that deserves to be read far and wide, it’s intense. It’s a LOT. It’s probably the heaviest escape memoir I’ve ever read, and I don’t say this lightly, because survivor stories are always heavy with the pain and trauma they’ve suffered at the hands of their cult. That said, Tia Levings' writing is raw; she doesn't hold back on walking her readers through her trauma and letting them know that this isn’t just her story. This is the story of a lot of women who have gotten pulled into fundamentalism.

This memoir revolves around themes of abuse (spiritual and religious, physical, emotional, and sexual), Christian fundamentalism, domestic violence, misogyny, Christian patriarchy, fear, shame, fear of hell and loss of salvation, female submission, control, isolation, Christian Dominionism, Christian nationalism, Christian domestic discipline, quiverfull theology, ATI and Bill Gothard, Reform and Calvinist theology, repeat pregnancies, rape, painful sexual encounters, severe medical events, death of an infant, grief, diminishment and loss of self, dissociation, and mental illness. Take care of yourself when you read this book. It’s incredible the entire way through, but even if you’re not a survivor of religious abuse and trauma like Ms. Levings, there are potentially triggering topics on every page. Survivors will see a reflection of the nightmares they lived through; non-survivors will be shocked and appalled at the devastation wreaked upon women and children in the name of God.

It was a family move to Florida, followed by her family’s eventual involvement with a Baptist megachurch, that set Tia Levings down a twisted path of Christian fundamentalism, patriarchy, and female submission. Due to a combination of heavy church influence and lack of family finances, Tia walked away from the idea of college (too worldly for Christian girls like her, anyway) and instead waited for God to send her a husband. And a husband was indeed sent - though by whom, I'm not sure - in the form of Allan, a Christian Air Force veteran who began abusing Tia even before they became engaged. But with the ideas of female submission and forgiveness firmly planted in Tia’s mind, she went along with what she’d been taught and married Allan anyway. It’s what a good Christian girl does.

Her long-anticipated wedding night was terrible, sounding like something straight out of Debi Pearl’s account of her own honeymoon (if you’re not familiar with the story, you can Google it, but I’m warning you, it’s horrific, and beware, because she and her awful husband are still some of the louder voices in this harmful patriarchal movement), and life only spiraled downward from there. “It’s my job to teach you what we believe,” Tia’s husband informed her. Another friend shamed her by telling her, “If you’re feeling personal ambition, Tia, you need to repent and ask Jesus to help you die to yourself.” It’s no wonder that she slowly began to feel like she was vanishing from her own life, using dissociation as a coping mechanism and losing large chunks of time as baby after baby joined their family.

Fundamentalist Christianity uses severe control tactics in order to keep women cowering and keep the men in charge, and this is evident in every sentence of this book. I scrawled down horrifying quote after horrifying quote in my notebook as I paged furiously through my kindle copy: “You disgust me with your opinions and individualism.” “The elders feel that women getting together is dangerous, because of our propensity to stray from spiritual topics into gossip when unattended by a head of household.” And, most chilling and stomach-turning of all, this quote, uttered by the husband of the woman in question: “Well, it’s time we should be getting home. Mommy’s getting a spanking.” And for context, the mother being referred to here was both pregnant and nursing at the time. And this wasn’t said in jest. This adult woman was going to be forcefully spanked like a child, as punishment, by her husband, upon returning to their house. This is an aspect of fundamentalism that Ms. Levings experienced as well. I nearly lost my lunch while reading the scenes that dealt with Christian domestic discipline.

Tia and her children eventually do make it out, but only barely, and the long-term effects ripple on today. Her story is told in such a way that you can feel her isolation, the mind-numbing boringness of it all, her desperation to give her kids the best life possible in the midst of all of this, her desire for more. And yet, her survival tactics of denial and downplaying make complete sense in the context of her religious indoctrination; this memoir is the best I’ve ever read at explaining the hows and whys of indoctrination and its effect on decision-making and survival.

This book is going to make some waves. Not just among survivor communities, but also among the general public. Because at the heart of it, this book, along with Tia Levings’ vibrant social media presence, serves as a warning: THIS is how Christian fundamentalists and nationalists want us all to live. All the abuse, the pain, the isolation that she suffered, this is the reality that people on the far right are trying to craft for everyone in the country. Learn it, recognize it, and join the fight against it.

If I could give this book more than five stars, I would. This is one of those books that I think no amount of words could ever do justice to in a review. It’s powerful, it’s masterful, it will shake you to your very core. Read this, but take care of yourself while you do. It’s not an easy read. Read it, then tell everyone you know about it so that they read it too, and are aware of how devastating patriarchal fundamentalist Christianity can be.

If you’re a survivor of religious trauma and/or spiritual abuse and are in need of support, please visit The Vashti Initiative. We’re here for you.

Huge thanks to NetGalley, Tia Levings, and St Martin’s Press for providing me with an early copy for review.

I am overcome with emotion finishing this book! To hear this story is powerful, but Tia's prose truly brings it to life. I absolutely fell in love with her writing style, the way her sentences and stories flow. While I feel like I've read multiple stories that follow a similar tale, the sheer amount of detail really places the reader directly in the author's shoes. You feel the complexities of the emotions, the weight of the consequences, the confusion in constantly being told not to trust your instincts. The writing is so beautiful that I had to reread multiple passages to make sure my eyes weren't glossing over anything too quickly - I didn't want to miss a single word.

Tia - thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your life with us.

Sincere thanks to both NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for a complimentary advanced copy in exchange for my honest feedback.

I wanted to read “A Well-Trained Wife” originally based on the cover. I had no idea what it was about originally. I then learned it was a memoir. The author, Tia Levings started popping up on my social media and her reels captivated me. I wanted to read her memoir even more. I could not put this book down because I needed to know what happened next. I found myself full sobbing over parts of her story. It was so full of real raw emotions. The author writes beautifully and shared so much of herself. She is a survivor and also a cautionary tale. While difficult to read at times it was her real life and the reality for other women and children today. We come from extremely different background which captivated me. I was heartbroken for a young girl who wanted to make friends and fit in. She wanted a husband because it was the ultimate goal to have a children family. She was in a fundamental religion connected to IBLP and she did as she was told. The church and the leadership were mostly harmful during her time in a high control religion. I’m thankful Tia is telling her story because she points out things that are relevant today and shines a light on the inner workings most of us don’t see and others will not share.

Thanks to NetGalley and St Martin’s Press for this ARC. I got this book for my honest review.

I was lucky enough to be able to get an ARC of this book, and let me tell you, I am so glad she lived her childhood dream to write this book. She really helps you understand how she ended up in a High Control Group, and how she has healed since leaving. Her strength and inner voice ring true throughout the entire book. I think many people would benefit from reading this touching, heartbreaking, and healing book. I did not want to put this book down, the second it touched my kindle, I was hooked.

I first learned about this book from the author on Instagram. I had watched her face and heard her voice as she recounted a few of the painful scenes within this book and yet, I was not prepared to read them.

Tia Levings escaped a horrible trauma that many people are in at this moment and is willing to tell us about what it is like, how she escaped, and leave us with a sense of hope at the end.

I recommend anyone with even the tiniest bit of longing for "tradwife" or returning to typical gender roles in a way that removes choice to read this book.

Thank you to St. Martin's Press and NetGalley for the eARC.

Incredibly well done. Tia did a fantastic job bringing out a large variety of issues in patriarchal family systems. The harm it does to women and kids, and even men themselves.

Just wow. I was captivated throughout the whole book. I relate to so much. I am not as far in my recovery, and I appreciate what she shared about the struggles with that. It's just so nice to hear someone else talk about what feels all too familiar. We are not alone.

Many thanks to NetGalley for the ARC!

Tia Levings deep dives into her past in A Well-Trained Wife. As someone who grew up in a fundamentalist family, this book is hard hitting and extremely validating. Leavings documents her trauma in the most venerable way; you can’t help but feel emotional while reading her story. Her writing style makes you feel like you are there quietly observing her life. I found myself struggling to put down this book, I always needed to read one more chapter.
Overall, this book is a must read.

Tia Levings' book, A Well-Trained Wife, shares her journey of becoming herself - free, happy, and whole. Religious trauma and a strong grounding in the evangelical patriarchal teachings led Tia down a confusing, frightening and nearly deadly path for her and her children. This is the story of Tia finding the inner strength to escape the person who should have loved her the most, the religion that should have kept her safe, and finding her way through the pain and learning to choose herself.

Overall, I found this to be a very interesting and emotional read. As someone who grew up in extremist Christian cults, I really appreciate Levings' dedication to raising awareness about their harm. Many of the things she wrote were very accurate to my experiences and the situations I witnessed. I also found that this particular memoir was very beautifully written. Compared to a lot of other women escaping cults, Levings had a better education and is very creative, and it shows in her writing style.

However, this is the first cult-escape book I've read from someone who willingly chose to enter a cult as an adult raised in a fairly normal household, and I found her analysis of that process to be a little frustrating. It was basically "I dunno, dominos fell, I disassociated for a bit, and suddenly I was in a floor length denim jumper neglecting my kids' medical and educational needs." Though I fully respect that Levings might not be ready to analyze and discuss that, as a reader and someone who always wondered why the hell my mother chose to force our family into fundamentalism, I really wish Levings had been more willing to explore how she got there in the first place.

Tia Levings' book, A Well Trained Wife, is a harrowing story of an escape from a fundamentalist religious culture. The book begins in scene - the writing style is often urgent and well-paced. Throughout the book, Tia shares scenes about the kind of indoctrination that she grew up with and how it perfectly groomed her for an unhealthy "Christian" marriage. Tia does an incredible job of showing readers how someone's personhood can be influenced by a culture that values uniformity. I cannot emphasize enough how much I enjoyed the scenes that were shared in this book both for their content and their writing style.

My only critique is that after Tia's successful escape from her abusive marriage, we start to lose some of those scenes. The book feels too long - there is a lot of telling about how she finds ways to survive, but we lose the storytelling that pulled me in from the beginning. The ending of the book did not make me feel a resolve, but left me with many questions. I was interested in the beginning 80% of the book because we spent so much time in scene. The ending of the book felt rushed - as if the content is too new or too fresh.

Overall, I was very impressed with this book and enjoyed reading about Tia's story. She's a very strong person who survived something very difficult. Her experience may be unique to most, but the universal feelings of the book (courage, fear, shame...etc) are natural, easy connection points. While I was disappointed with the ending, I believe anyone with any exposure to fundamentalist culture should give this book a good read.

This story feels like it's been told before; however, it is compelling and the memoirist is relatable. The connections she makes between fundamentalism and the state of United States politics is timely and enlightening.

This had been a highly anticipated read for me ever since I watched SHINY HAPPY PEOPLE and found Tia Levings to be incredibly inspirational and impressive. A WELL TRAINED WIFE is a harrowing, enraging, and hopeful memoir about a woman in an incredibly abusive marriage justified by Christian fundamentalism/doctrine (by her husband and her community), and her escape from not only him but also an abusive religious culture. Levings is frank and unflinching in not only telling her story, but also breaking down how fundamentalist Christianity harbors and encourages abusive and violent patriarchs, and how toxic it is in other ways. It's by no means an easy read, with MANY content warnings applying (sexual assault, spousal abuse, child abuse, animal cruelty, spiritual abuse are some that immediately come to mind), but Levings is always candid and measured, though the rage is always simmering (understandably so). I found the read absolutely addictive, and not only is her story on its own deeply fascinating, her writing style is engaging and has lots of wonderful beats of descriptions and introspection. I'm so glad that Levings is getting her story out there and serving as a warning and rallying cry against misogyny in extremist Christianity.

I think the most I can do is sit back and look at this memoir in wonder.

Though Tia Levings's "A Well-Trained Wife" is focused on her exodus from IBLP/Quiverful evangelism (and the horrendously abusive marriage it supported), it reflects the experience of women across the United States, part of a culture steeped in christopatriarchy. Be quiet. Be pure. Be small. Be submissive. You don't have to be ex-evangelical, or even Christian, to understand Levings's suffering and self-actualization.

This was an incredible book; I am in awe of Levings's strength and wisdom. However, I would strongly advise readers be aware of trigger warnings, especially for domestic abuse, religious abuse, and sexual assault. Be prepared if you are going to take this journey with her, but it is well worth it.

Tia Levings is a power house, finding her voice in this first foray into publishing. I was aware of Levings, having seen the free Amazon documentary on IBLP/Gothard/the Duggars. And have previous knowledge of the group (cult's) ideology, subjugation of women and daughters, and wanting to take away civil rights (and their infiltration into government and levels of power). **Trigger Warning from a non-fundie DV survivor: there are difficult passages in the book that had to be skimmed over. A little 'disassociating,' much like what Tia also had to do to survive. Levings exemplifies a strong woman who has "come into her own" and is using her voice to help others, bring light to a very real and scary wave continuing across the country - and gaining traction; and continues to "connect the dots" for readers to ideology & current events through her free newsletters and her online writing. Her voice and every woman's need to be heard!

Much like Jodi Picoult's novel Picture Perfect, The Well-Trained Wife gives a glimpse into the insidious psychological and emotional hold abuse - religious or not - has on victims/survivors, for those who foolishly ask "why didn't she just leave?" It's not that simple or easy. No one understands until they are unfortunate enough to be target of one of these predators.

I could not put this down. I was adjacent to this life by being homeschooled by saved by parents who valued education and though women were meant for more than to just serve men. It was horrifying to read how the church groomed the author to live in an abusive marriage and how subsequent church and church teaching upheld and supported the abuse as godly. The author details the dangerous teachings of patriarchy and shows how they have snuck into the church and our culture in scary ways.
I still go to church and try to fight these teachings anywhere I see them as I see the danger for both men and women. This book is well worth the read. It will open your eyes. I also found it very helpful in knowing how to teach my children to love others and die to self but also not be abused or cease to be an individual. It also makes me want to check in on the wives I know who still have these beliefs to make sure they are safe.

This is a autobiographical account of Tia Leving’s life. Beginning with a move from Michigan as a young girl and leading us through her current career as a writer. There are many sad and disturbing stories, but also some joy and happy moments. Her life followed a path to a more and more narrow , dangerous and isolated life with her husband. He seemed to be mentally ill and that drove him to these extremes.

If you have lived through domestic abuse, mental illness, extreme religious groups, or the loss of a child, there are sensitive areas in this book that may bring those issues back to you.

It’s a well-written story that I was engrossed in for the two days it took me to read it. It can be a hard read, but the way things turned out for her is uplifting and worth your time.

I'm an ex-Mormon and with each year, as I get older, I see what my parents protected us from. We've all left the church pretty much at this point. A lot of what we avoided experiencing is mentioned in Tia Levings' beautiful and vulnerable memoir of her radical Christian life and her escape.

Levings doesn't hold back, she bares it all, letting you know exactly what she went through and felt, but it doesn't feel like trauma dumping on the reader. Levings recounts her healing journey with a constant tone of realism and empowerment. I overall really appreciate Levings adding her amazing voice to the ever growing group of people speaking out against the religious organizations and individuals.

I recently was given the opportunity to read a copy of Tia Levings' book, The Well Trained Wife in exchange for an honest review. First of all let me begin by saying that it was hard to put this book down! Probably because I grew up in a similar background (though I was a stay at home daughter, not wife, and was not sexually abused, thankfully), I find these types of leaving cults books so fascinating and relatable. I could feel the struggles, hopelessness, fear, and need to keep things secret for safety that she talked about. I kept thinking that if my teenage prayers had been answered that but for the grace of God, I could be living a similar life to the one she shared.

Tia didn't just belong to one fundamentalist Christian group - she made her way through several of them - the First Baptist Church of Jacksonville Florida, Bill Gothard’s IBLP, Doug Phillips’ Vision Forum, and the Reformed Evangelical movement led by Doug Wilson. She was also included in the “Shiny Happy People” documentary on Amazon Prime because of her experiences with the IBLP. The book followed her family's journey as they "church hopped" through these various groups/cults. Sadly the Christianity they experienced all seemed of the legalistic, blind obedience type. There was never any mention of the gospel, of the love of God, or even of any hope aside from hoping in reward for your good works.

Being on the inside of that kind of world it can be hard to see what is going on, how to get help, and how to get out. That's why I do feel we need resources to help those people. Books like this, and documementaries can be a great help. But it makes me sad that almost all the time these resources lump all groups of "Christians" together. There are terrible, awful leaders who call themselves Christians, and use the name of God to hurt others because they enjoy that power. Then there are so many other Christians I've been blessed to know who are humble, love Jesus, and are horrified by cults too. I would love to see a story like this end with gospel hope, to see the love of God being shown. I hate that all conservative beliefs are lumped in with the above mentioned cult leaders and are therefore bad.I get that it is easier to make everything black and white, but in real life it is not that simple.

I have been following Tia online for a while, so I was excited to dig deeper into her escape from fundamentalism. Tia’s story was very moving. It is a devastating look into the realities of extreme Christian fundamentalism, where women are merely seen as ornament or appendages of the men in their lives. The church of my youth comfortably straddles the line between cult and mainstream (it still causes harm, but not as blatantly as more extreme churches), so while my experience was nowhere near as intense as Tia’s, I felt a kinship with her suffering and struggle to find herself in a community that constantly demanded she lose herself. I had more freedom than she did, but the same patriarchal roots infested both our lives causing rot and pain. There are no winners when women are sacrificed on the alter of patriarchy (even the men involved lose in the long run). If submission was actually a part of women’s nature, we wouldn’t require men to teach us to submit. Tia does a wonderful job cutting through the “church speak” (something that is purposefully meant to hide the abuse and suffering) to get to the heart of the issues, explaining things in ways that outsiders will be able to understand. There were times I found her prose a little hard to follow when she was talking more abstractly about her own ideas. That being said, she also had some very beautiful and moving passages.

Wow! I felt such a mix of emotions reading Tia’s book. She tells her story in a way that makes you feel like you are there with her through every step. It’s rare that a book makes me feel so much- dread when she was slipping deeper into a coercive and abusive religion, sorrow when she was trapped in an abusive marriage, heart rendering at her loss, fear when she was leaving, and relief and joy in her recovery and the life she made afterward. Her writing is so compelling that I found myself staying up late at night reading to see what would happen next.

I cannot recommend this book enough-I would give it six stars if I could. It is so important for people like Tia to get out there story- not just so people realize what’s happening in these religious communities, but to also see that there is life and love waiting for you once you do get out.