This is a hard, wonderful, important book.

Tia’s such an amazing writer that I feel rather silly trying to write a review of her book. Just go read it for yourself. Her own words are better than anything I could possibly come up with to describe them.

I’ll just say this: even though the details of my life are quite different from Tia’s (I never married or had children), I can clearly see how we were both affected by the same underlying fundamentalist beliefs. She tells the details of her personal story in a way that leaves you on the edge of your seat, but this woman has done the work needed to understand the bigger picture and how her story connects to countless others. This book is so much more than her story of escape, it’s the author reaching a hand out to anyone who needs it, showing us all a way forward.

I rarely buy books (due to lack of funds and lack of space to store them) and I rarely reread books, but I plan on both purchasing and rereading this one. It’s an absolute treasure trove.

Huge thanks to both Netgalley and the publisher for allowing me to read this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

“Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first.” -Taylor Swift (Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve)

Levings is honest about her past in her book, even when, in retrospect, it can be embarrassing and traumatic. What a well-written, devastatingly emotional book. Tia’s detail is so deep; she paints a poignant image of what happened to her. I was so captivated reading this book. I could see everything in my mind so clearly. (I would 100% watch a TV adaptation of this.) While this is not the experience that everyone has, it is an experience that more people than we’ll ever know have been through, and it is important to raise this awareness.

Is it inappropriate to assign this book a playlist of Taylor Swift songs that I feel relate? Perhaps. But I do it for every other book so:
-Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve
-tolerate it
-Bigger Than The Whole Sky
-Clean

The book I didn't know I needed. A library friend recommended this book to me literal months ago, and I've waited with bated breath for this to either go on NetGalley or publish.

As someone who was raised with people who believed in these things, I now feel the need to check in on them. I knew my homeschooled upbringing brought some... interesting characters with... interesting beliefs into my life. This makes me glad I kept my head about me and took my own path. I knew what my "friends" said about marriage, courtship, and having children didn't sit well with me. This book shows me why.

Yes, yes, not all of the young men I grew up with turned out like her first husband. Still makes me glad I forged my own path, got an education, and have a career.

Thanks, NetGalley!

4.5 🌟

Such an eye opening read.

As someone who follows Tia on instagram/watched her on Shiny Happy People - I couldn't get my hands on her book soon enough. And ooof - it was a doozy. It is so amazing to me what people have/continue to do in the name of religion. I suggest anyone thinking about picking up this book to check out the trigger warnings first.

Thanks, Netgalley for the ARC of this book!

This book was devastating and so hard to read. It is amazing how all abusers, religious or otherwise, employ the same techniques. Along with the fact that this is still happening.... Here's to survivors.

Wow. I wish that would be my entire review because this book was so well-written and so heart breaking all at once. When reading memoirs, I take careful time to process someone’s life story and this one really stuck with me. It’s an absolute gem of a book that was polished from the grittiest parts of the author’s life. I’m thankful the author shared her story with all of us about what she’s been through and gave verbiage to many who may be struggling with similar upbringings, similar idealogical pain, and teaches those who have never lived what these ideologies and thoughts could mean for someone.

One could say that there is a glut of these books now - memoirs of women (almost always women) deconstructing and mining their religious trauma at the hands of the Church.

Each story has worth, and each woman's trauma deserves space to be reckoned with, but after a while it cane feel like going down the same dark rabbit hold again and again. Where Leving's makes her mark is in the viscerality of her writing.

Her marriage straight out of high school to a charismatic Navy sailor with a temper snowballed with her growing terror that her conservative faith wouldn't be enough to keep her from the Rapture everyone said was coming. As her husband becomes more and more controlling, she retreats further into the submissive wife she's told she has to be until she reaches a breaking point.

I must be one of the only people that hasn't watched Shiny Happy People yet, so I had no idea Leving was featured in that documentary. I'm actually glad I didn't put those dots together, because the sort-of reveal at the end of her connecting to the Duggar family was uncomfortably satisfying.

Tia did an amazing job of telling her story and exposing the truth behind these dangerous ideologies. As someone who grew up adjacent to many of the teachings she lived under, she gave me words and better understand of that toxic theology I learned.

Levings was still a child when the dominoes began to fall: her family moved from Michigan down south, joined a stricter church, uprooted her expectations of who she should be and what she should want—what she was allowed to want—in life. And so she ended up in a marriage that was abusive from the word "go", one in which the only route to a better future she could see was one in which she made herself ever smaller, ever more submissive.

"All along, I thought I was protecting the kids. Shielding them from realities behind closed doors. Sacrificing to maintain a two-parent Christian home. Making hard, better choices for their faith, family, and education than I made for myself, trying to safeguard them from pain.
But they saw. That was obvious now. And staying meant raising sons who hit women. Staying meant raising a daughter who stayed with the man who hit her." (loc. 25*)

This was one of my most anticipated books for 2024, and it does not disappoint. Levings was in the Amazon docuseries Shiny Happy People, but her writing has been on my radar for even longer. This is not her processing her childhood and marriage—she's done enough of that that the result here is a clear-eyed, clear-voiced look at not just her toxic marriage but the forces behind it.

It's hard for me to sum up just how terrible Leving's marriage ended up being, not least because it's hard to unpick how much of it was the abuse itself and how much of it was the religious culture around them encouraging Levings to take the abuse, take all the blame for everything, submit submit submit and maybe, just maybe, her marriage would get better. (And if it didn't, it would be her fault.)

"He wanted me to call him 'My lord.'
Wear only dresses.
Cover my head with a scarf to show submission and modesty.
And he wanted me to stop showing anyone what I'd written or made, such as a forum post or a scrapbook, unless I'd shown it to him first." (loc. 2011)

It's a lot of story, and quite grim in places—even knowing how things turned out I found the reading stressful at times. That's a good thing, believe it or not (sign of a well-done book), but it's definitely one to pick up with intention. Very glad that Levings is now not just writing her own story but writing her own path forward.

Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.

*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.

I first heard of Tia in the Shiny Happy People documentary. I found her really compelling and have kept up with her social medias since. This is an incredibly well written memoir. It made me so angry and devastated hearing what all Tia went through. She really doesn't hold back and dives in deep describing the darkness in domestic violence, fundamentalism, patriarchy, and spiritual abuse. As someone who also went through an abusive relationship when I was younger, she articulated so well all the layers of sadness, fear, frustration, a sense of loss, an urge to people please, etc. It was also inspiring to hear of her journey towards healing in therapy and the empowerment she was able to find within herself along the way. If you've read the memoir Educated, this memoir reminds me of that in terms of the excellent writing and vivid descriptions. This book is going to take the memoir world by storm. Tia is very brave and I am so glad she is here to tell her story. I wish her well in any of her future endeavors! Thank you to the publisher and netgalley for the opportunity to read this memoir.
I have posted this review to Goodreads already, found here: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/6488879620
I will post to Barnes and Noble and Amazon on the publish date.

Unfortunately, I don't think there is a woman in the United States who can't relate to one (or many) parts of Tia's story (whether or not you grew up in a church.) As so many woman are brainwashed and trained (in society) to be different ways, it was refreshing (and nervewracking) to see how she was able to overcome and continue to her life with all that she was given. Her insight into how she dealt with conflicting ideas and beliefs, how she held them and actualized them, put them aside and lived multiple lives was a great illustration of what many of us do every single day whether we want to, realize it or not. This is a must read for any woman in the United States.

Religion Gone Awry

This is the story of a religion that takes it a bit too far. Indoctrination since childhood in ways which are unfair and could be harmful mentally and physically to women. A religion that teaches young men principles that are just wrong.

It is the story of one woman, Tia that was indoctrinated into this religion from birth, believed with her heart until she was unable to believe any longer. Her story of her voyage from a happy girl, to a young woman and mother in a terrifying marriage sanctioned by the church.

It was a nightmare for Tia and I appreciate that she shared her story with us so that we might see what overzealous religions are like.

Thanks to Tia Levings for writing the story, to St. Martin Press for publishing it and to NetGalley for providing me with a complimentary copy to read and review.

I was chilled by Tia Levings’ account of her upbringing, marriage into and eventual escape from evangelical Christianity and I had to put the book down and walk away multiple times because the subject matter is so raw and traumatic. I admire her resilience and her constant belief in herself that not even decades under the thumb of the church could stamp out. It’s an important memoir, especially with how she connects her experiences with how conservative Christians want to claim political power and run countries like they run their homes. I recommend it with the caveat that it’s an extremely difficult read, and even though I know a lot about the abuses the religion inflicts, I had a very hard time with some of the chapters. Levings is so gifted and I appreciate the work she does to fight back against Christian patriarchy.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an advanced copy of this novel in exchange for an unbiased review.

A well-trained wife is the story of Tia Levings' indoctrination into the IBLP/Christian fundamentalism sphere as a teenager and a young wife. I found this book incredibly interesting-- I love memoirs and autobiographical stories from people who have lived interesting lives.

Tia isn't the most brilliant writer. I found several of her chapters to have sentences that all basically had the same structure/length and a lot of the writing was fairly utilitarian. That being said, I absolutely could not stop reading this book. My husband had to pry it out of my hands one night for me to go to bed! While the writing was fairly simple, Tia knows how to craft a compelling narrative.

Part of why I enjoyed this book so much was because it felt like another path I could have gone down in my young adulthood. I grew up fundie adjacent in the height of the "purity culture" evangelical movement and went to a Christian college. If I had made slightly different decisions, or married a different person, I could have led a life *very* similar to the one Tia was trapped in for so many years. In some ways, this book was incredibly triggering because it was reminiscent of how I was raised or things I was taught as a child.

Tia is an incredibly strong woman who isn't afraid to stand up and be vulnerable with her story if there's any way it can touch someone else's life and perhaps get them out of a bad situation. I'm thankful this story exists in the world and I hope it sparks real change. I would definitely read more from Tia in the future regardless of the subject matter. This is a great read for people who enjoy: memoirs, cult books, were raised in evangelical culture, like non-fiction that reads like fiction

*I received an advance copy of A Well-Trained Wife, by Tia Levings, in exchange for an honest review.

Tia Levings uses her writing talents to tell the tale of her own life and what it was like to live in an extreme Christian culture of patriarchy fundamentalism. She shares her struggles during adolescence, the trauma and abuse she endures during her first marriage, all while demonstrating a strength that kept her going through it all.

It’s terrifying to know there are Christian extremists here in the United States that sanction this type of abusive lifestyle, and there are people who become brainwashed to believe this is the way to live and serve God. Within these extremist groups, women and children have no rights. Talented women, such as Tia, are told they need to lose their individuality and stop utilizing their God-given gifts so they don’t outshine their husbands. They are taught from a young age that girls and women are only put on this Earth to have babies and serve the males in their life such as husbands and fathers. This book certainly was an eye-opener, and, after watching Shiny Happy People on Amazon and reading this book, I have a new perspective and opinion of families such as the Duggars who promote this type of lifestyle.

I rate this book 5 stars, as it stirred big emotions while I was reading about Tia’s life, and made me think about my own religious beliefs. Very thought-provoking.

Tia Levings grew up in a Christian fundamentalist church where women obey their husbands and wives do not question their decisions. This eye-opening and sometimes distressing memoir of Tia's escape from her husband will stay with you long after you've finished reading it. Tia not only escaped her stifling marriage, but bravely brought her four children with her. This excellent and moving memoir allows the reader to experience the pain, abuse and sadness Tia experienced, and also see the hopefulness and optimism she sees after leaving her church behind.

Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for an advanced copy of this book.

This book was one of the most challenging, soul wrenching, beautiful stories I have ever read. I was totally drawn in. I typically read 3-5 books at once, but I do one myself pausing other books to read this.

Tia Levings went through a lot of turmoil as a child. As a result, she learned as a young girl that rules are what kept her spiritually, physically and emotionally safe. She sets out to figure out what the rules are to be the best Christian ever, and follow them to a tee.

In this journey, she finds herself as a young wife and mother. In her attempt to create safety and security for herself and her children, and her husband’s to assert more control, she begins to follow patriarchal and quiverfull teachings, including those of bill Gothard, Doug Wilson, and Doug Phillips. These envelop her life. As a submissive wife, she follows her husband’s lead, even as things feel increasingly more precarious.

Eventually, for the safety of her self and her children, she is faced with a choice to leave. The courage and resilience Tia showed was astounding.

The narrative was fantastically written. I cannot recommend this book enough. It is one that I will be recommending for years to come. Easy five stars.

A Well Trained Wife is the kind of book that you should definitely read, but it’s a heavy story. I found myself weeping at parts of this book. Tia writes of her experiences so well, I could feel myself being there with her.

If you want to understand how dark some homes can be on the inside, take a walk with Tia through her trauma. It’s worth it to help us become more empathetic friends to those we meet who are suffering.

Tia’s memoir is a Very Difficult Read and, simultaneously, impossible to put down. The tagline of this book calls it her escape, and it was. In her own words, it was very possible she and her children might not have survived the highly controlling and abusive environment they were trapped in for many years.

Definitely check the content warnings if you’re interested in this book. The themes in it are not only traumatic and disturbing, but recurring—not ones you can skate over. I’m ultimately glad I read it, but it left me with a similar feeling as Jennette McCurdy’s memoir: an intense grief for the victims of such a vicious system and anger at those who continue to perpetuate it for their own gain.

I've followed Tia Levings on Instagram and appreciated her insight into the world of conservative Christianity in the Duggar doc Shiny Happy People, so when I saw she is releasing a book I was hyped!! Even more excited to be able to read it early thanks to NetGalley.

Her story is so intense and harrowing and I am so happy to see her thriving and doing what she loves. It's so interesting how she was able to accomplish a WFH career before that became more widespread. I think it just shows how resilient she is and her protective instincts when it comes to her kids kicked in in the face of her abusive ex.

Overall this cements my hatred for this form of Christianity, and I just hope that women in similar situations (esp with the recent "trad-wife" resurgence) can get out and live their lives.