Tia Levings' book, A Well-Trained Wife, shares her journey of becoming herself - free, happy, and whole. Religious trauma and a strong grounding in the evangelical patriarchal teachings led Tia down a confusing, frightening and nearly deadly path for her and her children. This is the story of Tia finding the inner strength to escape the person who should have loved her the most, the religion that should have kept her safe, and finding her way through the pain and learning to choose herself.

Overall, I found this to be a very interesting and emotional read. As someone who grew up in extremist Christian cults, I really appreciate Levings' dedication to raising awareness about their harm. Many of the things she wrote were very accurate to my experiences and the situations I witnessed. I also found that this particular memoir was very beautifully written. Compared to a lot of other women escaping cults, Levings had a better education and is very creative, and it shows in her writing style.

However, this is the first cult-escape book I've read from someone who willingly chose to enter a cult as an adult raised in a fairly normal household, and I found her analysis of that process to be a little frustrating. It was basically "I dunno, dominos fell, I disassociated for a bit, and suddenly I was in a floor length denim jumper neglecting my kids' medical and educational needs." Though I fully respect that Levings might not be ready to analyze and discuss that, as a reader and someone who always wondered why the hell my mother chose to force our family into fundamentalism, I really wish Levings had been more willing to explore how she got there in the first place.

Tia Levings' book, A Well Trained Wife, is a harrowing story of an escape from a fundamentalist religious culture. The book begins in scene - the writing style is often urgent and well-paced. Throughout the book, Tia shares scenes about the kind of indoctrination that she grew up with and how it perfectly groomed her for an unhealthy "Christian" marriage. Tia does an incredible job of showing readers how someone's personhood can be influenced by a culture that values uniformity. I cannot emphasize enough how much I enjoyed the scenes that were shared in this book both for their content and their writing style.

My only critique is that after Tia's successful escape from her abusive marriage, we start to lose some of those scenes. The book feels too long - there is a lot of telling about how she finds ways to survive, but we lose the storytelling that pulled me in from the beginning. The ending of the book did not make me feel a resolve, but left me with many questions. I was interested in the beginning 80% of the book because we spent so much time in scene. The ending of the book felt rushed - as if the content is too new or too fresh.

Overall, I was very impressed with this book and enjoyed reading about Tia's story. She's a very strong person who survived something very difficult. Her experience may be unique to most, but the universal feelings of the book (courage, fear, shame...etc) are natural, easy connection points. While I was disappointed with the ending, I believe anyone with any exposure to fundamentalist culture should give this book a good read.

This story feels like it's been told before; however, it is compelling and the memoirist is relatable. The connections she makes between fundamentalism and the state of United States politics is timely and enlightening.

This had been a highly anticipated read for me ever since I watched SHINY HAPPY PEOPLE and found Tia Levings to be incredibly inspirational and impressive. A WELL TRAINED WIFE is a harrowing, enraging, and hopeful memoir about a woman in an incredibly abusive marriage justified by Christian fundamentalism/doctrine (by her husband and her community), and her escape from not only him but also an abusive religious culture. Levings is frank and unflinching in not only telling her story, but also breaking down how fundamentalist Christianity harbors and encourages abusive and violent patriarchs, and how toxic it is in other ways. It's by no means an easy read, with MANY content warnings applying (sexual assault, spousal abuse, child abuse, animal cruelty, spiritual abuse are some that immediately come to mind), but Levings is always candid and measured, though the rage is always simmering (understandably so). I found the read absolutely addictive, and not only is her story on its own deeply fascinating, her writing style is engaging and has lots of wonderful beats of descriptions and introspection. I'm so glad that Levings is getting her story out there and serving as a warning and rallying cry against misogyny in extremist Christianity.

I think the most I can do is sit back and look at this memoir in wonder.

Though Tia Levings's "A Well-Trained Wife" is focused on her exodus from IBLP/Quiverful evangelism (and the horrendously abusive marriage it supported), it reflects the experience of women across the United States, part of a culture steeped in christopatriarchy. Be quiet. Be pure. Be small. Be submissive. You don't have to be ex-evangelical, or even Christian, to understand Levings's suffering and self-actualization.

This was an incredible book; I am in awe of Levings's strength and wisdom. However, I would strongly advise readers be aware of trigger warnings, especially for domestic abuse, religious abuse, and sexual assault. Be prepared if you are going to take this journey with her, but it is well worth it.

Tia Levings is a power house, finding her voice in this first foray into publishing. I was aware of Levings, having seen the free Amazon documentary on IBLP/Gothard/the Duggars. And have previous knowledge of the group (cult's) ideology, subjugation of women and daughters, and wanting to take away civil rights (and their infiltration into government and levels of power). **Trigger Warning from a non-fundie DV survivor: there are difficult passages in the book that had to be skimmed over. A little 'disassociating,' much like what Tia also had to do to survive. Levings exemplifies a strong woman who has "come into her own" and is using her voice to help others, bring light to a very real and scary wave continuing across the country - and gaining traction; and continues to "connect the dots" for readers to ideology & current events through her free newsletters and her online writing. Her voice and every woman's need to be heard!

Much like Jodi Picoult's novel Picture Perfect, The Well-Trained Wife gives a glimpse into the insidious psychological and emotional hold abuse - religious or not - has on victims/survivors, for those who foolishly ask "why didn't she just leave?" It's not that simple or easy. No one understands until they are unfortunate enough to be target of one of these predators.

I could not put this down. I was adjacent to this life by being homeschooled by saved by parents who valued education and though women were meant for more than to just serve men. It was horrifying to read how the church groomed the author to live in an abusive marriage and how subsequent church and church teaching upheld and supported the abuse as godly. The author details the dangerous teachings of patriarchy and shows how they have snuck into the church and our culture in scary ways.
I still go to church and try to fight these teachings anywhere I see them as I see the danger for both men and women. This book is well worth the read. It will open your eyes. I also found it very helpful in knowing how to teach my children to love others and die to self but also not be abused or cease to be an individual. It also makes me want to check in on the wives I know who still have these beliefs to make sure they are safe.

This is a autobiographical account of Tia Leving’s life. Beginning with a move from Michigan as a young girl and leading us through her current career as a writer. There are many sad and disturbing stories, but also some joy and happy moments. Her life followed a path to a more and more narrow , dangerous and isolated life with her husband. He seemed to be mentally ill and that drove him to these extremes.

If you have lived through domestic abuse, mental illness, extreme religious groups, or the loss of a child, there are sensitive areas in this book that may bring those issues back to you.

It’s a well-written story that I was engrossed in for the two days it took me to read it. It can be a hard read, but the way things turned out for her is uplifting and worth your time.

I'm an ex-Mormon and with each year, as I get older, I see what my parents protected us from. We've all left the church pretty much at this point. A lot of what we avoided experiencing is mentioned in Tia Levings' beautiful and vulnerable memoir of her radical Christian life and her escape.

Levings doesn't hold back, she bares it all, letting you know exactly what she went through and felt, but it doesn't feel like trauma dumping on the reader. Levings recounts her healing journey with a constant tone of realism and empowerment. I overall really appreciate Levings adding her amazing voice to the ever growing group of people speaking out against the religious organizations and individuals.

I recently was given the opportunity to read a copy of Tia Levings' book, The Well Trained Wife in exchange for an honest review. First of all let me begin by saying that it was hard to put this book down! Probably because I grew up in a similar background (though I was a stay at home daughter, not wife, and was not sexually abused, thankfully), I find these types of leaving cults books so fascinating and relatable. I could feel the struggles, hopelessness, fear, and need to keep things secret for safety that she talked about. I kept thinking that if my teenage prayers had been answered that but for the grace of God, I could be living a similar life to the one she shared.

Tia didn't just belong to one fundamentalist Christian group - she made her way through several of them - the First Baptist Church of Jacksonville Florida, Bill Gothard’s IBLP, Doug Phillips’ Vision Forum, and the Reformed Evangelical movement led by Doug Wilson. She was also included in the “Shiny Happy People” documentary on Amazon Prime because of her experiences with the IBLP. The book followed her family's journey as they "church hopped" through these various groups/cults. Sadly the Christianity they experienced all seemed of the legalistic, blind obedience type. There was never any mention of the gospel, of the love of God, or even of any hope aside from hoping in reward for your good works.

Being on the inside of that kind of world it can be hard to see what is going on, how to get help, and how to get out. That's why I do feel we need resources to help those people. Books like this, and documementaries can be a great help. But it makes me sad that almost all the time these resources lump all groups of "Christians" together. There are terrible, awful leaders who call themselves Christians, and use the name of God to hurt others because they enjoy that power. Then there are so many other Christians I've been blessed to know who are humble, love Jesus, and are horrified by cults too. I would love to see a story like this end with gospel hope, to see the love of God being shown. I hate that all conservative beliefs are lumped in with the above mentioned cult leaders and are therefore bad.I get that it is easier to make everything black and white, but in real life it is not that simple.

I have been following Tia online for a while, so I was excited to dig deeper into her escape from fundamentalism. Tia’s story was very moving. It is a devastating look into the realities of extreme Christian fundamentalism, where women are merely seen as ornament or appendages of the men in their lives. The church of my youth comfortably straddles the line between cult and mainstream (it still causes harm, but not as blatantly as more extreme churches), so while my experience was nowhere near as intense as Tia’s, I felt a kinship with her suffering and struggle to find herself in a community that constantly demanded she lose herself. I had more freedom than she did, but the same patriarchal roots infested both our lives causing rot and pain. There are no winners when women are sacrificed on the alter of patriarchy (even the men involved lose in the long run). If submission was actually a part of women’s nature, we wouldn’t require men to teach us to submit. Tia does a wonderful job cutting through the “church speak” (something that is purposefully meant to hide the abuse and suffering) to get to the heart of the issues, explaining things in ways that outsiders will be able to understand. There were times I found her prose a little hard to follow when she was talking more abstractly about her own ideas. That being said, she also had some very beautiful and moving passages.

Wow! I felt such a mix of emotions reading Tia’s book. She tells her story in a way that makes you feel like you are there with her through every step. It’s rare that a book makes me feel so much- dread when she was slipping deeper into a coercive and abusive religion, sorrow when she was trapped in an abusive marriage, heart rendering at her loss, fear when she was leaving, and relief and joy in her recovery and the life she made afterward. Her writing is so compelling that I found myself staying up late at night reading to see what would happen next.

I cannot recommend this book enough-I would give it six stars if I could. It is so important for people like Tia to get out there story- not just so people realize what’s happening in these religious communities, but to also see that there is life and love waiting for you once you do get out.

"A Well-Trained Wife" is heartbreaking and horrifying. Growing up in fundamentalist churches (though not to this extreme) I am familiar with the doctrine, culture, and lingo. I remember in particular the teaching that a women's body belongs to her husband and he is free to do with it as he wishes, which can include sexual assault. This is an important book to educate people who are not familiar with religious abuse, and validation for those who have experienced it first-hand. Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC.
*Tia Levings also a has a Substack with more essays and information
#awelltrainedwife

Thank you St. Martin’s Press and the author for the advance reader copy of this book. I’ve seen some of the author’s videos on TikTok talking about the IBLP and quiverfull movement so I was really interested in reading her book. This book is a memoir about her experience in various fundamentalist churches and a fundamentalist marriage. What she went through was horrifying and traumatic. She also discusses a lot about the theology of these religious groups and how it impacts the current political climate in the US. I give this book 4.5⭐️.

Tia Levings provides the reader an in depth account of her experiences in a white led 'Christian' Patriarchy that preys on faith and weaponizes it.
A Well-Trained Wife is not an easy read. Tia grew up with the teachings of Bill Gothard, a zealot (supported by the church which she attended) bent on placing the white male as the next level under God and everyone else under their control. Gothard uses fear and seclusion to keep his followers in check. After marrying an abusive man with a lot of baggage, every aspect of Tia's life was dictated from those teaching.
From the title and the fact that she wrote this book you know she escaped. Tia details the lasting impacts of what she experienced and how she worked and is working to heal. I really appreciated her accounts of the therapies used to include what worked and what didn't.

This book made me so angry and horrified reading it and still can't get it out of my mind. With that said, this is an important book and I recommend it.

Warning: Her account of her experiences is very detailed so I recommend looking into the trigger warnings before reading as there are many.

Thank you to both NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for a complimentary copy in exchange for my honest feedback.

I first heard of Tia Levings' story while watching Shiny Happy People and upon learning that she was publishing a book immediately added it to my TBR. Christian fundamentalism is a niche morbid interest of mine and in wake of recent publicity surrounding the IBLP and similar organizations I was curious to hear Levings' story.

Levings' story is unique in that she was not necessarily raised in fundamentalism but gradually made her way into it independently of her family. She discusses how a move across the country isolated her and when her parents decided to start attending a mega church she found herself searching for belonging and slowly becoming more and more indoctrinated into increasingly conservative and restrictive forms of Christianity. We are able to see her thought process as she is groomed into becoming an obedient biblical daughter and potential wife and are able to see the doubts and struggles that she has during this process. Levings' gets pulled even deeper into the cult of fundamentalism when she meets (and eventually marries) her husband, a man with a violent temper and a harsh view of gender roles within a relationship.

Levings' writing is easy to follow and does a great job of showing the internal turmoil she experiences as she finds herself getting deeper and deeper into fundamentalism. She drops several prominent names and references various political and social events that played a part in her deconstruction. Overall a great read for anyone interested in religious extremism and stories of deconstruction.

Thank you to NetGalley for the ARC!

It's hard for me to believe these kinds of things go on today. Tia was a good Christian and taught to obey in all things. She was a submissive wife in all things. He husband kept isolating her and her children so he could rule the home as a Christian man. He kept moving them around and she had no one. They were not allowed to see doctors, dentists, etc. Some parts of this book were heartbreaking. Was so happy Tia found the strength to take her children and start a new life. I received an ARC from Netgalley for an honest review.

New level reached on Bookstagram : reading a book you heard about on TikTok. I came across Tia Levings, and in one video she talked about her upcoming memoir. Since I'm fascinated by cults, new religions, and extreme religious groups I requested this one from @Netgalley. “A Well Trained Wife….” is a fascinating look at the damaging effects of fundamentalist Christian beliefs - particularly around purity and marriage. Tia doesn't just belong to one fundie Christian group - she makes her way through so many of them : the First Baptist Church of Jacksonville Florida, Bill Gothard’s IBLP, Doug Phillips’ Vision Forum, and the Reformed Evangelical movement led by Doug Wilson. Tia Levings was also included in the “Shiny Happy People” documentary on Amazon Prime because of her experiences with the IBLP.

It was usually her husband leading these transitions, but all of them have damaging effects upon not only her but also her children. While I don't doubt that Tia’s now ex-husband would have been abusive anyway, he certainly used the structures and teachings of these various groups to further subject Tia to additional abuse. The book tells not only of Tia’s life but also her transition out of her formerly held beliefs and her marriage, ending on a happy note. There are multiple trigger warnings for this book, and you are welcome to message me for a complete list if you'd like. The book comes out on August 6, and thank you to St. Martin's Press for the advanced e-copy.

This is an extremely difficult read. I was horrified and angry during the reading of this book, and I’m still angry and horrified. No one should have to go through what Tia Levings did. And yet thousands of women are currently trapped in Christian fundamentalist marriages, and thousands of their children are being raised with the attitudes and beliefs that will perpetuate the cycle of abuse. The girls are taught to submit to males, and the boys are taught to keep the females in line, at *any* cost.

Can a husband rape his wife? Not in the fundamentalist society.
Can a husband beat his wife? Sure—that’s encouraged here!
Can a wife bring up her husband’s abuse to church leaders? Sure, but she better be prepared to hear, “Submit more.”
Is divorce ever on the table, even if the wife and children’s safety is in danger? Never. Don’t you dare bring up the “D” word.

Ms. Levings has made a point to speak out against fundamentalism and to educate about what really goes on behind closed doors. I admire her bravery, resilience and willingness to be extremely vulnerable so that others can hopefully recognize signs of abuse and run the other way. She’s done the work on herself, and it shows. I’m so glad she’s free. ❤️

My thanks to both NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for a complimentary copy in exchange for my honest feedback.

Content warnings: multiple violent rapes, domestic violence, and a scene in which an image of graphic pornography is described.