I enjoy reading memoirs and thought the premise of this one sounded interesting. Unfortunately the execution and writing didn’t work for me and I decided to DNF at 25%. Thank you to the publisher and Netgalley for the free book to review.

A Well-Trained Wife is Tia Levings’ memoir about her life in the fundamentalist Bill Gothard-led Quiverful movement. At age 33, she had four small children, many animals, no education, no job skills, and an abusive, mentally ill husband. While their Christian faith may have appeared wholesome to others because it was what the Duggar family practiced, it was abusive to women. Women were required to be silent and submissive “keepers of the home.” Wives had to follow a list of secret, special rules including strict discipline, isolation, and an alternative lifestyle.

Tia’s story begins at age 10 when her family moves from Michigan to Gainesville, Florida. Her parents had fallen on hard times and lost everything in the Rust Belt’s economic depression. Tia had a hard time adjusting to her new surroundings, adolescence, and making friends at school. Her mother insisted on attending church services at First Baptist, which was very conservative. Eventually Tia learned to follow the rules in order to be accepted by others.

After Tia married Allan and started a family, she was aware that outsiders considered her family strange. She also knew that she couldn't risk exposing their secret Quiverfull lifestyle. So she hid her abuse and pain from the world for years. When Tia realized that she was raising her sons to be the next generation of abusive men and her daughter to be a submissive woman, she began to question how they lived. Eventually she took the children and left Allan, and later remarried a kind man. She went through years of therapy to process her trauma.

A Well-Trained Wife is a firsthand look at one woman’s experience in the Bill Gothard IBLP/Quiverful religious community. It’s painful to read the emotional and physical abuse that she endured, but it is consistent with other women’s stories who also were part of that movement. The author often uses profanity when she is sharing her thoughts. My one criticism of the book is the author’s lumping all evangelical Christianity together, instead of just this particular sect.

I received an Advance Review Copy (ARC) from NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

A powerful memoir of one woman’s unassuming devolution into, and survival story from, fundamentalist Christianity, Tia Levings’ account also serves as a stark reminder of the thin veil between mainstream evangelicalism (mega churches, purity culture, etc.) and radicalism (in this case, IBLP, the quiverful movement, etc.). Having been raised in a community that toed this line and revered many of the same church leaders, this resonated to an uncomfortable extent in many ways. A timely and important read during this election season.

Pub Date: 8/6/24
Review Published: 8/5/24
eARC received from NetGalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

What amazing book I could really relate to this. How Did T I n survive all this abuse. Her parents were christian , but the man she married was alter Christian in a control way. I can't believe she actually put up the years and had children with this man. She has a lot of courage to survive all the abuse over the years. I When she began dating with This man there is a lot of Red flags she did not see them but other people did see them try to warn her. When she was young she was raised in a christian place and they talked about rape and she was so strong at that point in her life. Things began to change when she married this man.And he was very Abusing to her I. She was trying to control the way she did everything and if she did not do the right way he went on a ram page. She was no contact with her friends.And we're very little contact with the family. This is how these people control these women and make them feel really bad about themselves. She started to change when her daughter died.Heart problems when she was born. Please got really bad when she moved to Tennessee.But she found blogging at night really helped Her. I know the situation because I have been there myself. You feel you cannot walk away, but you do.And you find the Courage to walk away and and start a new life especially for your children. Think the children are better when you get away from abuse of people.Because they We will do the same to people later on life. This should be recommended for women who are going through this to show them how they can get through this.

Wow - this book is so tough to read, but so good. I think anyone who has suffered from or is trying to break from Christian fundamentalism should read this.

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A Well-Trained Wife
Author: Tia Levings
Source: NetGalley
Pub Date: Nov. 6, 2024

A Well-Trained Wife is a textbook memoir about low self-esteem and severe spousal abuse under the guise of training Christian subservient wives. It’s a true-life horror memoir and has too many triggers to mention. Tia writes about an abuse-filled life sanctioned by the various religious factions that she and her husband followed. I know the teachings of some of these groups, and they are so repulsive that I am uncertain how any sane person would accept this abuse under the excuse of being a Christ-follower. While I do not, in any way, negate the terrible mental and physical torture suffered by the author, I do think there were opportunities where she could have escaped her lifestyle. She routinely did not tell the truth to people outside her faith, not even her parents. A Well-Trained Wife is a challenging book, and I still feel sad that Tia’s life was so horrific. #memoir #sexualabuse #beatings #spankings #triggers #infantdeath #eatingdisorder #psychologicaltorture #mentalillness #rogueChristianity #cult #memoir #aWellTrainedWife @tialevingswriter @netgalley @stmartinspress
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I received a complimentary copy of this book. The opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own. Thank you to the publisher, Netgalley, and the author for the opportunity to read this novel.
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First off, the cover is what initially interested me about this book. It looks innocently "fun" but has an obvious dark tone. It looks like a fiction cover, but it's a memoir. I think more memoirs should think about going in this direction.

This is not an easy read. It is fascinating and horrifying way. It's terrible that religion is ever used as a means of abuse to women and children. But sadly it happens every day. I appreciate that the author was strong enough to share her experience.

Tia Levings' devastatingly raw memoir chronicles her journey to end the church-sanctioned abuse inflicted upon her by her husband for years. Levings' story evokes a whirlwind of emotions: sadness, anger, frustration, confusion, shame, hopelessness, fear, devastation, and heartache. While I have felt many of these emotions throughout my life, I couldn’t fathom carrying the weight of all of them, every second of every day, for years.

The physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual exhaustion must have been overwhelming. Yet, the author persisted, fighting to ensure her children were safe and protected. This tenacity brings about a profound sense of relief, joy, and hope that Tia continues to experience.

Touching, moving, real, raw, and occasionally difficult to read, this is a solid four-star memoir. I highly recommend it to anyone who has experienced an abusive relationship, struggled with their faith, or had to start over.

Thank you to NetGalley, Tia Levings, Macmillan Audio, and St. Martin’s Press for the opportunity to read and listen to this memoir ahead of its release date in exchange for an honest review.

After watching an interview with the author, I knew A Well Trained Wife was going to be an uncomfortable book to read. The amount of mind F-ery that goes into transforming a sweet, compliant young girl into a human slave punching bag - is shocking. I am glad that Tia Levings shared her story. I now have a better understanding of how someone can find themselves in this situation and the courage it takes to get themselves out. Thank you to NetGalley for the ARC.

Wow. Memoirs like this are riviting in both a fascinating and horrifying way. It hurts my heart to think that ANYONE is forced to deal with this kind of treatment. Abuse like this starts at such a young age- the fact that a child is trained to believe that anything negative that happens to her is her fault is just terrible and tragic. It made me feel so upset and angry that her parents could see (at least, I hope they could see) that something was NOT right, but they never did anything to help her out of the situation.

Definitely an interesting read, but one that left my heart hurting. “Religion” should never be used as a reason for abusing women or children. That is not right, and not what God ever intended.

"A Well-Trained Wife" by Tia Levings reveals one woman's experience within a high-control, patriarchal religious environment. The author shares her story as a wife and mother trying to figure out what it meant to live a life committed to God, while also dealing with immense heartache of lilfe events, and enduring emotional and physical abuse by her husband. This book sheds light on the actions that are so frequently encouraged within high-control religious contexts, are carried out behind closed doors, and bring great harm to the victims. There are several portions of the book that I would likely have a difficult time bellieving if I did not have experience within high-control religion.

I recommend this book for anyone who is curious about how patriarchal guidelines within high-control religion can harm individuals. I also challenge readers to remember that just because you haven't/aren't seeing the abuse doesn't mean it is not occurring.

A Well-Trained Wife by Tia Levings

You know those books that are tense from the very first page, you hold your breath, you have scrunched shoulders? It’s typically a horror or a gripping thriller? Yeah, that was this book and it was her REAL LIFE. This memoir is absolutely not an easy read, and I encourage everyone to check out trigger warnings and take care of yourself before, during, and after reading.

I’m in awe of Levings’ unflinching memoir. This is an incredibly moving and timely memoir that demonstrates a woman’s rise back into her self. It is empowering even though what happened was horrific. I’ll be thinking about this one for a long time.

The writing is special. It has a cadence that is Levings’ own - it’s intimate, it’s fluid, it’s stream of consciousness. It’s detailed and factual while simultaneously being thoughtful and provoking. I love the connections Levings draws, especially this particular quote: “‘Why were we taught to fear the witches instead of the men who burned them.’”

As I finished this book, I immediately thought of the song lyrics from Fight Song, “This is my fight song/take back my life song/ prove I’m alright song/[…]/cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me.” Fans of incredibly honest memoirs should pick this one up.

I would like to thank St Martin’s Press for providing me with an ARC copy of A Well-Trained Wife in exchange for my honest review.

My first introduction to Tia Levings is probably the same as a lot of you – I saw her promo on Shiny Happy People, the documentary diving into the fall of the Dugger family’s fame, as well as digging into the darkness that stems from IBLP and Gothard followers.

When you leave, and you’re actually out there, flailing like a new little fish. there are people who catch you. The universe catches you.

–Tia Levings, Shiny Happy People

I remember watching the Dugger family on TLC and thinking that as strict as the religion I was being raised in, at least I was allowed to wear blue jeans and a swim suit to the pool.

Tia takes us into a deep dive of what her life was like from being raised in a Megachurch, to finding herself running out of options as woman and what she was “allowed” to be. Her story is heartbreaking and powerful, full of incredibly horrible trauma and amazing highlights. I felt so many moments of familiarity for what Tia went through and how she survived and began to flourish in her adult life.

A Well-Trained Wife will be available on August 6 2024 in your local library or wherever books are sold.

I first learned about Tia Levings after watching her interview on the Prime Video documentary, Shiny Happy People. To say I was engrossed in her memoir is an understatement. This book is a powerful look at how one young woman and her family got caught up in the fundamentalist quiverful movement. Though these practices masquerade as Christian, they are not. They are a cult, and Tia's story of survival is nothing short of a miracle. It was heartbreaking, scary, and difficult to read her story.... but so important, as her story and the elements of extreme religious practices that she experienced are likely more common than we know. I could very easily see elements of this lifestyle creeping into the Christian community of my childhood, though I am not aware of anyone I personally knew who was in this deep.

It is remarkable what a strong woman Tia Levings is despite her experiences, and I am grateful she shared her story with others. She has pursued so much healing and health in her journey! If you read this book, be advised that there are many challenging elements including abuse, trauma, rape, death, mental health issues, and more (some related to both people and animals). I had to put this book down at times even though I knew there was hope and growth coming.

Thank you to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for the eARC. All opinions are my own.

Tia’s memoir is one of the most gut-wrenching and infuriating I’ve read. She describes her experiences so vividly that I’ve had to take my time and walk away from this book many times to process.

So glad this book exists to serve as a testament for how dangerous and damaging extreme religions are for women. And to show that another life is possible.

Some may see women who are in these strong christian cults as weaklings but if you've never experienced something like this you have no idea the wisdom, bravery and strength it takes to become free.

I think this book is different from other cult books that I've read due to Tia waited awhile to write the book so she also included what it took for her to heal and become a free woman in every way.

She has an Instagram account as well that is good to follow.

Thank you to NetGalley, Tia Levings and St. Martin's Press for allowing me this arc version. This is my honest opinion and has nothing to do with anyone else.

Wow is all I keep thinking! I just keep thinking about it.

This book shines a light into some extreme religious practices, some I knew of and some I didn't and I was shocked by the rigidity of it. Recruited into the fundamentalist quiverful movement as a young wife, Tia learned that being a "good christian" meant following a set of secret life principles. Christian patriarchy demanded strict discipline, isolation, and a seemingly wholesome but alternative lifestyle. Women, "keepers of the home" were to be silent.

To say this book made me angry would be an understatement. I was horrified by some of the teachings and practices that Tia endured and the worst part is, she's not the only one. I had no idea some of these religious sects existed or that they could be so extreme. This was such a hard read so I needed breaks but even as I set it down I was constantly thinking about it. I read this more slowly than I normally would and because of that, I was able to really sit with the story and process everything that was happening. It may seem far fetched to some but I was able to see clearly how Tia became trapped in her world. Its one choice made to be a good christian and thinking what your'e doing is leading you down the "right" path, being taught that God's blessing is always around the corner, not to be selfish, to honor your husband, and never rock the boat with the wrong partner or leader and you've got a recipe for disaster and trauma.

It's always strange to me to rate memoirs and someone's personal experiences but this was an incredible story. Tia is a strong, inspiring woman and I thank her for sharing her story. It's one that will stay with me for a long time. If I could give her a standing ovation I would but for now 5 stars will have to do.

Favorite Quote:
"Purity culture hadn't prepared me for healthy sexuality. Keeping sweet hadn't equipped me to speak up about abuse. Waiting for touch to happen all at once hadn't allowed my nervous system to acclimate to intimacy. Doctors aren't evil agents of a New World Order. Scaring me with hell hadn't led to loving Jesus. Cutting off gay friends didn't make them straight. What else was wrong? Every day I found new things, old beliefs to pick apart and sort through."

Trigger warnings: Domestic Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Trauma, PTSD, CPTSD, Undiagnosed Mental Health, Child Death, Religious Trauma, Rape

Thank you to Netgalley and St Martin's Press fro the chance to read this early in exchange of an honest review.

Levings suffered just about every type of abuse imaginable.
I gritted my teeth and clenched my jaw as I read many situations and paragraphs that infuriated me.
The messages and “education” made my blood boil.
I think Levings has,healed tremendously but will always be scarred from her earlier beliefs and experiences.
This book will be difficult for many readers to stomach but it should be read.

This was a wonderful heartfelt story.

I found this to be emotionally raw in parts. It outlines patriarchy can justify their actions by using the Bible.

They can interpret everything as they wish and put all the pressure on the women of the family.

I think this is a book that will hopefully stop other young people to join a church that does not treat men and women as equals

A brave, chilling, and timely memoir that surprised me and should serve as a warning. Levings did not fully understand what she was getting into when she married but her awareness of how wrong everything was grew slowly until she was able to free herself. And her recovery from her life is interesting as well. Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC. Hopefully this will get the wide readership it deserves.