“Holy matrimony,” this is not.

A WELL-TRAINED WIFE is Tia Levings’ memoir, about her experiences being married to an abusive man, while living a cloistered life within a Christian fundamentalist church organization.

-Men are in charge, always.
-Women do not have autonomy.
-Men are encouraged to “spank” their wives.
-Women are expected to submit to their husbands, always, about everything.

The insidious power of abuse is staggering. Add in religious extremism, and you have created an emotional and psychological prison. Walls and locks aren’t necessary.

People often ask why abused women stay so long. Read this book, and you will begin to understand.

I think it’s important to note that the author isn’t attacking Christianity here. Her faith, miraculously, stayed intact. It’s the specific religious sect and the specific people who were the problem.

I received this book in both ebook and audiobook format. The author narrates the audiobook, which I normally love, but here I actually wish someone else had done the narrating. No offense to the author, but the experience was emotionally distant, straightforward reading. While I enjoyed listening to it, I felt more impact when I switched to reading the ebook myself.

*I received a free eARC from St. Martin’s Press, via NetGalley, and a free audiobook download from Macmillan Audio.*

If you're looking to be angered and to have your mind blown, this is the book for you. Levings lays bare the life she lived within her fundamental christian marriage and it's not pretty. I felt incensed and saddened while hearing what her husband put her and her children through in the name of religion. At the same time I felt in awe of her tenacity and strength to not allow him to fully dull her shine or talent. To think that people like this exist is frightening but this book gives one hope that change can happen. Tia Levings is strong beyond comprehension and this book really showed what determination can do even in the most seemingly hopeless of situations. If you enjoyed Educated by Tara Westover, this is a no brainer!

Thank you to Tia Levings, St. Martins Press, and NetGalley for an eARC copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Where do I even begin? This book was so much more than I was expecting. Levings talent to bring her experiences to the page and make us feel as though we are right there with her is nothing short of amazing. While reading I found myself crying, gasping, filled with anger, and nervous to continue reading at some points.

Even while writing this review I'm finding myself at a loss for words to accurately describe all the emotions this book embodies. A true story of the deep will to live and just how far a mother will go to save her children from harm. Truly dying to herself and sacrificing her body, mind, and soul to shield her children from the harm of their own father and the religious cult they are being forced into, Levings story of abuse, escape, and self-discovery will live within my mind for years to come.

Truly a 5-star read

CW: DV, marital rape, religious trauma, death of an infant, killing of animals/pets

Tia’s story of life in and escape from Christian fundamentalism and an abusive marriage, sanctioned by church leaders, is rage inducing and I feel so much grief for Tia, her children, and other survivors of these cults.

It’s also frightening, because as Tia states, these religious zealots are the same people trying to run America. They are the creators of Project 2025, they sit on the Supreme Court, and they are members of congress. Christian fundamentalism is a parasite that seeks to control and has nothing to do with the Love of Jesus.

The book is visceral. I feel Tia’s fear, pain, physical ailments. Also, with my objective view as the reader, and not the person lost in the forest, I wanted to scream at every ignored red flag, including her second marriage.

The ultimate message/takeaway from the book: Live for yourself. Do not put yourself in a box, refuse control, allow others to be disappointed.

This is a memoir about a woman living in and eventually leaving evangelical Christianity. I followed a lot of the Christian "mommy blogs" back in their heydey in the early aughts as someone who found the whole phenomenon vaguely amusing while also not believing that these women's lives were being portrayed accurately. Turns out that I was both right and wrong: Tia states that one of her biggest jobs was keeping the image of her family clean, so a lot of the squeaky clean image was a veneer. But some things I thought were completely made up - like Biblical Discipline, where husbands would consensually spank their wives for disobedience and then afterward show them they still loved and appreciated them by making love - actually happened. I remember reading about it and thinking it must just have been an excuse to have some kinky sex, but apparently I was wrong.

The main point I took from this: Tia didn't start in a fundamentalist church, "just" an evangelical one, but the teachings in her more "moderate" church primed her to accept more and more extreme practices. This is an unflinching book, meaning that there are graphic depictions of SA and DV. The prose is more matter-of-fact than dramatic, but that serves to underscore the mundanity of her abuse rather than detract from its horror.

This objective review is based on a complimentary copy of the novel..

This may be one of the roughest nonfiction reads I've ever been through. No one should have to experience this and to know that women are still stuck in these types of societies is heartbreaking.

What an incredible journey Tia Levings has led through her life. As an anxious little girl, Tia was essentially groomed to be the timid, seen not heard, well-trained wife by and in her fundamentalist church. Upon meeting a man who will become her husband, she is immediately met with aggressive and often physical abuse. In her book, Levings describes the life of a young woman who is mentally at odds with the church and their teachings but obeys both the ideology and commands of both it and her husband, to keep up appearances, and prevent physical violence in her marriage. After the loss of one of her babies, however, the cracks in her beliefs start to widen. As event after event takes place, and realities set in, she finally takes her children and escapes a horrific and abusive relationship, both with her husband and the fundamentalist church.

I hate to say it, but this was such a fascinating book. I hate that Levings spent so much of her life imprisoned by religious beliefs, and consequently her husband's wrath, and that I was so enthralled with her story, but she wrote so wonderfully that I couldn't put it down. I felt so much sorrow and defeat for her, but she built herself back so eloquently I was crying tears of happiness when it was over. How courageous and selfless for her to share this story with the world. Levings is a natural storyteller, weaving emotions and words together so smoothly that I often forgot I was reading a work of non-fiction.

Thank you to Netgalley and St. Martin's Press for this advanced copy in exchange for my honest opinion. An especially large thank you to Ms. Levings for sharing her story and for helping others who have had to endure hardships within religious and personal relationships.

4.5 stars
This was an incredible read. Tia is an unbelievably strong women and her journey was quite the rollercoaster of emotions to read about. I could not put this book down and I have read a lot of similar types of memoirs, with this one being one of the best. Highly recommend.

Thank you St. Martin's Press for the complimentary copy.

Thanks to NetGalley for the eARC of A Well-Trained Wife! I have wanted to read this book since I first discovered Tia's social media. As a still actively religious person, I never found the book to be completely anti-religion. Rather, Levings focuses on the aspects of fundamentalist and high-control religions that cause issues or allow for pre-existing problems (like her first husband's obvious mental illness) to flourish and thrive under cover of secrecy. This is an emotionally difficult book to read, and I recommend it with caution. I read it in one day and recovered by playing board games with my friends. This book will stay with me for a long time.

This is a terrifying, powerful memoir. The author recounts her life in a fundamentalist church relationship and is her story of survival, at any cost. Excellent book.

Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martins Press for the eARC.

This book will tear your heart to pieces. There aren’t appropriate words to summarize how this book made me feel. Unbelievable, a must read.

[4.5 stars] A shocking memoir of Levings' early experiences and eventual escape from her exploitative, oppressive Christian lifestyle - a chilling read in the current political climate with so many parallels to what 'Project 2025' could bring for all of us. Tia shares her struggles with physical, sexual and psychological abuse, sinister patriarchal traditions, estrangement from her loved ones, and how she was able to finally be free from an unimaginably horrific situation and eventually have the freedom to enjoy life on her own terms.

I'm glad this book exists not only to show the real dangers of an American christocracy and religious extremism, but also to give hope to other women wanting to escape a similarly oppressive situation that things are truly better on the other side.

Grateful I was lucky enough to receive an ARC of this book which kept me fully occupied in suspense on a long plane journey!

I know this world all to well and I appreciated how she went into the theology and not just the salacious details. I wish her all the best in her healing and hope lots of people read this book!

Thank you to NetGalley for an ARC of this book. I loved this book. Tia Levings’ writing is not only beautiful but also deeply moving, capturing the reader's attention from the very first page. However, the content was disturbing and very difficult to get through. It's horrifying to learn more about how harmful cults and fundamentalist religions can be, and this book shines a stark light on those realities. Reading about the author's abuse and trauma was truly horrifying, yet her resilience and courage are inspiring. I recommend everyone read this book to understand the profound impact such harmful environments can have on individuals and to appreciate the strength it takes to escape them.

The author gives us an in-depth look into her time involved in the fundamentalist evangelical church, and even more importantly, discusses the reasoning behind why she stayed despite the abuse and the increasingly erratic husband. There were things I read that I then had to go back and read again, to make sure I had understood correctly. It felt to me as though the husband himself wanted to be worshiped, not just respected. Levings takes her readers through why she was in this position to begin with, why she stayed so long, and how she thankfully broke free of the abuse of the Christian patriarchy. Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for allowing me to read an advanced copy of this book.

This memoir had so many heartbreaking moments shared by the author, and it was even harder to realize that so much of this is going on in fundamentalist/evangelical families - and spilling over into our government. Her tale is a scary one for our future.

I found the writing a little unstable at times - there would be all kinds of details and then all of a sudden, big things seemed to be mentioned and skipped over. I needed a little more continuity. Things got a little wordy (to me) as she tried to figure out how to make changes in her life.

Thank you to NetGalley for providing this ARC for me!

This was a heartbreaking memoir about what it is like to be a woman in fundamental Christianity. This book is very well written and chronicles Tia’s life from growing up in a fundamental Christian religion to breaking out to save herself and her children as an adult. My heart ached as I read how she was groomed to be submissive and submit to her husband and religious leaders. I cried as I read through all the many instances of abuse she suffered at the hands of her husband. Then I got angry as she got up the courage to tell religious leaders what was happening, and they counseled her to be a better wife and woman to fix the problem. This book is well written, but it needs to be read with caution as there are so many triggering topics and scenes in this book. This was a very brave and beautiful book, and one I will be thinking about for a long time. I received an ARC, and this is my honest review.

Wow. This was really devastating. I had seen the author on Shiny Happy People and knew I needed to read this when it came out. What the author went through--much of which was church-sanctioned--was horrific. I'm so glad she was able finally to start growing and healing and move on. That was such a difficult job and it's important for all of us who wonder "Why didn't she just leave?" --when you think everyone else thinks this is normal or approved and you will ruin your family and God will hate you because clearly you just aren't submissive enough--that is a lot to overcome. Glad they all got out safely.
Thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for this ARC.

good book about her life and leaving her religion. she was a fundie to something else and leaving an abusive relationship. she finds love again and then loses it with the book deal. what a interesting hard life with religious trauma.

Tia Levings bravery in writing this compelling and disturbing story and the skill and expertise with which she writes it is truly remarkable. Difficult to read and at times difficult to believe, Levings writes with honesty and introspection of how people can use religion as a weapon of repression and abuse. The toxic cycle of young girls being raised in an environment of submission, robbed of an education, with expectations of being nothing more than a servant to their husbands is church-sanctioned abuse and something that is hard to believe is happening in this day and age. An important story to all to read, hopefully this book will help those who have been able to break from the church and are struggling to make sense of how they were raised.