Thank you to Dutton Books and Net Galley for a copy of this ARC in exchange for my honest review.

Interesting, raw and real. It took me a while to finally get through this novel because I felt like the inner monologue was repetitive and a touch chaotic. However, I can understand that it can be a reality for some to think in that way.

The concept of this book was very unique to me – a narrator stuck in a dead-end job with an abusive boss heads back to her five-year college reunion to face some hard truths about her college life (and current life). I really enjoyed that aspect of it, of Charlotte coming to realize that she doesn’t have to resign herself to being treated like crap. It was very accurate to the feelings of the tolls emotional abuse have on your self worth, and I commend the author for that accuracy.

That being said, I think where I struggled was the dimensions of the characters. I felt like I didn’t get a good enough glimpse at Charlotte and Jackie’s friendship to understand why they were friends; it seems like Jackie was just annoyed with Charlotte and Charlotte treated Jackie like crap. Reese also felt very flat, I didn’t understand how their sexual attraction morphed into the unrelenting love it ended up being. I expected a lot more involvement with Ben as well, but it seemed like he was only present like twice despite being a topic of conversation every chapter. The concept was great, but the characters just sort of fell flat more me and it was a drag to get through in the middle.

Lastly, the queerness in the book sort of felt weird to me. The name “Acronym” sort of made me cringe, and she talked a lot about her queer identity and made it her whole personality. It felt very much like a view from the outside in on what it is actually like, because more often than not queer communities are a lot more subtly stated (but maybe that is just from my own experience, who knows).

Appreciated the bi rep here, as well as the millennial-seeking-meaning angle to workplace drama in this coming-of-age friends-to-lovers romance. cw: emotional abuse, controlling/abusive relationship

This was a raw and honestly funny depiction of what it is like to go back to a college reunion for a bit, especially when you are not in the place that you thought that you were going to be in life. I loved that the author chose to reflect that college wasn't necessarily the best time of someone's life, but that you got to meet your favorite people, because that seems like more of the universal truth. Charlotte is a very relatable main character that you want to hug (even though she doesn't want a hug) and shake at the same time. The author handled very delicate subject matter with a kind of grace that I wish more people employed. The ending scene wasn't necessarily my favorite, but I still appreciated it and smiled.

This book is a beautifully written and important story describing one character’s recovery from trauma. This book was a heavy read and often felt more like literary fiction than traditional romance.

Charlotte is attending her college’s 5-year reunion, which is occurring the same weekend as graduation. She has plans to reunite with friends she’s lost touch with and avoid her terrible ex-boyfriend. She also must help her horrible boss to prepare to give the commencement address, because he’s dangled the chance for a transfer to better department in front of her.

I am so impressed with this author. I felt basically the full spectrum of emotions while reading this book. The author perfectly captured the nostalgia for college, while also conveying the sour aftertaste when those college memories are tainted by traumatic experiences. The book poignantly illustrated the shame associated with being in a toxic relationship and how that shame can keep people quiet. The themes related to mental illness, burnout, and financial precarity were also well-written.

This book also felt uniquely bisexual to me (spoilers ahead). Charlotte reminisces about her mom being overjoyed when she started dating a man in college. When Charlotte left her abusive ex in college, he spread rumors about Charlotte cheating on him with a woman. Charlotte is vulnerable to manipulation by her boss because she is unable to rely on financial support from her biphobic mother. I think this book will be painfully relatable for many readers, given that the CDC found in 2010 that 61% of bi women have experienced intimate partner violence. I found reading the difficult parts of this book deeply cathartic.

Charlotte’s friends were supportive and felt so real. Reece (the love interest) is wonderful, and I can see how he will be a good partner as Charlotte heals. Basically, this book broke my heart and then patched it back together again.

Highlights:
- college reunion
- very millennial & very bisexual
- M/F Romance
- healing from trauma
- second chance romance

Content advisory: reference to prior emotionally abusive romantic relationship; reference to a sober character’s prior alcohol addiction; reference to emotionally abusive and homophobic parent; reference to biphobia stereotypes; reference to emotional abuse from a supervisor in the workplace; description of depression and panic attacks; brief references to prior suicidal ideation.

The premise of the story is good: a 5-year college reunion and get together of friends. The characters were well developed, but the story was a little slow to get going. Charlotte had so many issues as did some of the other characters. The first half of the book was somewhat tedious and I thought I was headed to the longest weekend ever, but the second half of the story was much better. Ultimately, I enjoyed this book. Thank you NetGalley for providing the ARC.

Thank you Netgalley and Ella Dawson for an arc in exchange for an honest review.

The first half felt repetitive and I grew bored as the story slowed down. I wanted to dnf but pushed through and I’m glad I did because the second half of the book was great!

Watching Charlotte suffer from work burnout and feeling like she isn’t where she should be was so relatable. Her boss was the worst and I loved her queer friend group and how she wasn’t ashamed to be bisexual. I usually hate second chance romance but the author did a good job. Her ex sucked but I’m glad she had a chosen group of friends by her side to show support !

3.25⭐️

ARC kindly provided by publisher via NetGally in exchange for an honest review.

This book was full of millennial vibes, queer rep, and found family with a touch of life lessons and love. The romance plot felt a bit secondary to our bi FMC’s character arc which i enjoyed, however it caused some parts of the story to be a bit disconnected. I would definitely recommend for anyone who relates to being a burnt out people pleaser who finds their voice!

But How Are You, Really managed to pack a lot in - friendship, love, abuse, found family, etc. - but I never found it to be too much. Charlotte was going through a lot for most of the book, and I sometimes found it hard to read, which may have been intentional. Since she tended to put up walls to protect herself, I sometimes wondered how well I really knew her. On the flip side, I felt like I got a really clear picture of the other characters close to her in the book.

One thing I particularly enjoyed was the setting at a college's joint reunion/graduation. It was fascinating to see the characters relive some of the positives from their college experience and grapple with the difficult experiences.

A queer character-driven contemporary fiction with a splash of romance and found family? How could you go wrong?

This is a book with strong themes of self-discovery that feels like a comin-of-age book even though the characters are in their thirties. It's a good reminder that we're constantly works in progress, and I loved that. This book also felt so deeply cemented in the millennial generation, which I always love to see. It handled a lot of really tough topics with grace, and I loved the emphasis this book placed on the importance of friendship, queer community, and chosen family.

Was this the best book of the year? No. But was it full of interesting characters that I rooted for the entire time? Absolutely.

But How Are You, Really, is for every person who has ever dreaded going back to their hometown or their college town, dealing with the endless questions about what they're doing with their life. It speaks to the experience of figuring out where you're going when you're young and the options seem daunting.

From the cover and description, I didn't expect there to be so much romance to the plot but I enjoyed it and the bisexual representation was so well done.

But How Are You, Really is a quick read and an interesting character study. There's not a ton of plot to the story but it's relatable and honest.

I was so excited to get a chance to read this story based on the premise and the cute cover! I've never read anything by Ella Dawson before but I'm very excited to read more books by her after this one. It was very captivating and I didn't want to put it down! Perfect for anyone looking for a romance book that's quick and fast paced! Thank you so much for the chance to read this!

3.5 stars

I'm not sure this book was entirely for me. It took me much, much longer than normal to get through this book. I normally get through books in like 2-3 days and this one took me a good month. I'm a mood reader who goes in blind, so that could also have something to do with it.

I felt like it was a super slow book and I had no idea what was going on. The plot seemed like it had no plot. Does that make sense? Like we're literally following around Charlotte at a college reunion where everyone hates their jobs and has no money (I mean, it takes place in 2018 and the book is very millennial-which I loved and connected to).

The characters were all great and open and mostly all queer in some sense. the second-chance romance part of it was sweet and I really would love to be friends with all of these people in real life.

It wasn't a bad book. The writing was wonderful and relatable and I'm glad I read it. I just wasn't motivated to keep going and it made it drag on and felt like a chore to finish. I'd recommend reading the blurb and other reviews about it before picking it up so you're giving yourself some sort of mp to where it's going instead of wandering lost in the woods like me.

I had high hopes for this one but I found that the book was not for me. Ultimately, I found many of the characters unlikable and the plot somewhat slow for most of the book. While the themes of self-discovery and confronting the past are present in the narrative it was hard for me to connect when I couldn’t empathize with the main character. I have no doubt that there are people out there who will enjoy this novel and I will be recommending it others even though I didn’t connect with it.

But how are you really is a queer adult romance that explores the many challenges college grads face starting their lives after graduation. It balances college nostalgia with a story about breaking a cycle of abuse. Most people will find a character in this book to relate to. I wish we had an epilogue to see how the loose ends tied up.

much-needed bisexual representation, huzzah! love this story of reunions and reconnections, will be adding it to my pride lists asap.

Loved this one! Dawson captured the liberal arts experience so well. Definitely more of a romance than I was expecting but it was HOT and had me giggling and kicking my feet. Complements Old Enough by Haley Jakobson well - if you enjoyed that book I’d definitely recommend!

It's like a gut punch that never stops coming. Charlotte and friends are a little older than me, a cusp Zoomer, but I think the fears and struggles of post college life for low income, queer kids with shitty parents stay pretty resonant. The middle sagged a bit for me, but overall, this hit hard as I get ever closer to my own 5 years post graduation. I loved seeing so much on the page communication between characters and friendships that felt real, with all the frustration that comes along with the love.

This was a quick read full of buzzy millennial/Gen Z tropes, but when it got down to the serious heart of it I just felt like it fell short. I was grateful for the ending, but even as someone who has dealt with her share of trauma I found myself frustrated with, rather than empathetic toward, Charlotte. And juxtaposing a steamy romance with these heavy topics just left me with a bit of whiplash. Ultimately I’m not unhappy I read it but I will have forgotten it by tomorrow.

This was a nice quick read. I thoroughly enjoyed Charlotte's character development. There's nothing I love quite like flawed characters. I feel like the story could have benefitted from having multiple POVs, but that could just be me.