This is a solid debut. The dialogue feels pretty YA/not realistic, but overall it's readable and deals with relevant issues (mental health, sexuality, relationships, abuse). It made me want to root for Charlotte.

Plot was good but I feel like real people don’t talk this way! It fell flat for me at the end and wasn’t a very memorable read.

unfortunately did not jive with the writing of this one, something about it read kind of juvenile/YA for me. I thought the premise sounded really cool but ultimately DNF'd right around the halfway mark.

Ella Dawson dives into the complexities of mental health and self-acceptance. Dawson's candid writing style made the book an engaging read, especially for those who appreciate reflections on life's struggles. While the book offers valuable insights and powerful storytelling, it sometimes feels repetitive, and certain sections could benefit from deeper exploration.

Didn't know this was a memoir when I originally requested this book. It deals with depression, anxiety and societal pressures to appear "fine". Reminder that we often say we’re "fine" when we’re anything but, and the pressures of living up to unrealistic standards of happiness and success. The book is both a personal memoir and speaks on how mental health is perceived in society, offering an open conversation about the importance of talking about our struggles and the power of vulnerability.

Liked this! It's kind of fun to see a campus novel that isn't set right at the messiest part of the person's life (the actual school age). It was an interesting setting for further growth. I thought it was very sweet. and insightful.

I've long loved Ella Dawson's writing so I was thrilled to get the chance to read her debut novel. Charlotte, our chaotic bisexual MC, is easy to root even as she makes mistake after mistake. Dawson really nails what it's like to be aimless in your immediate post-graduate years, when you haven't figured out your career or love life or really anything. Perhaps its the burned out millennial in me but I saw a lot of myself in Charlotte (for better and worse at times!) and truly just had an excellent time overall reading this.

Ella Dawson's debut novel, But How Are You, Really, delves into the complexities of post-college life, identity, and the enduring impact of past relationships. The narrative centers on Charlotte Thorne, a 27-year-old bisexual woman grappling with career stagnation, lost artistic passion, and estrangement from her chosen family. Reluctantly returning to Hein University for her five-year reunion, Charlotte confronts unresolved emotions, particularly concerning Reece Kreuger, a former lover she left behind. However, some readers have noted that while the protagonist's bisexuality is mentioned, it doesn't play a central role in the narrative. As one reviewer pointed out, "there is very little need to focus on her sexual orientation outside of the fact to provide a reason for Charlotte’s removal of her mother from her life." Overall, But How Are You, Really is a compelling read that captures the intricacies of personal growth, the weight of past decisions, and the journey toward self-acceptance. Dawson's storytelling invites readers to reflect on their own experiences, making it a noteworthy addition to contemporary fiction.

This book was just OK. While the main character, Charlotte, was relatable on all levels, the storyline was predictable. For a debut novel I enjoyed it, and I will check out any future books as well.

Thank you to NetGalley, Ella Dawson, and Penguin Group Dutton for the ARC in exchange for my honest review.

BUT HOW ARE YOU, REALLY is a novel with a wild range of emotions, in such a true-to-life way, that it kind of felt like I was reading a diary play by play of someone I really knew in college. I received this book as an ARC so long ago at this point it's almost embarrassing to be posting a review this late, but I am truly glad I waited until I did to read it, because I know it hit me so much harder reading it now. It's the sort of feeling-vaguely-lost quarter life crisis book every gay should read.

But How Are You, Really by Ella Dawson is a deeply honest and thought-provoking exploration of mental health, vulnerability, and self-compassion. Dawson’s raw and relatable storytelling invites readers to reflect on their own emotional well-being while breaking down stigmas around mental health struggles. Her blend of personal anecdotes and insightful commentary creates a powerful and empathetic narrative that resonates long after the last page. The book’s conversational tone makes complex emotions accessible and encourages readers to prioritize self-awareness and healing. Perfect for anyone seeking connection and understanding, this book is a heartfelt reminder that it’s okay to not be okay.

I LOVE campus novels. Anything set on a campus: high school, college, post college, you name it. That's what originally drew me to this book. It definitely captured Charlotte's nostalgia for her college experience (both in the cringey, 'I can't believe I did that' way to the 'I actually kind of miss college' way). Beyond that, this is a book about what it means to be human - it's a mixture of humor, mental health discussions, and a commentary on work-life balance. I'd recommend this to both fans of campus novels and second chance romance.

I usually love love love books about messy bisexuals, but for some reason, I couldn't get into this one! I don't know if it's because it hit too close to home with having shitty work-life balance or what. I did not finish it, but might try again during a less stressful time in my life.

A roller coaster of personal growth, facing your past, and navigating old wounds, all while attending a 5-year college reunion. The bisexual MC, Charlotte, is not necessarily where she wants to be personally or professionally, but bravely attends her reunion and tries to make up for some errors in her past. I found the journey to be relatable, humorous, and rich in candor. The characters are authentic and I loved the second chances trope.

Sincere thanks to NetGalley and PENGUIN GROUP Dutton for an advanced reader copy in exchange for an honest review.

Review posted on GoodReads: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/6930097742

Charlotte Thorne’s life is in a bit of a slump. After college, she thought she’d be designing cool stuff, but instead, she’s stuck as an assistant to a demanding tech journalist, feeling completely disconnected from her creative passions and her old college friends. When she gets dragged back to her five-year reunion at Hein University—thanks to her boss—Charlotte’s forced to face her past, including the queer family she’s lost touch with and the guy she ghosted, Reece Krueger, after a messy breakup. What was supposed to be a weekend of awkward catch-ups turns into a chance for Charlotte to figure out where she’s headed, while trying not to relive the mistakes of her past.

I wasn’t sure what to expect going in, but this book totally hit the spot. Charlotte’s story of post-college burnout and self-doubt felt so real, especially the whole comparing-yourself-to-everyone-else thing. It’s relatable on a millennial level—trying to figure out what comes next when it feels like everyone else is killing it, and you’re just... not. The balance between her reconnecting with old friends and dealing with the mess she left behind was spot on.

What really stood out for me was how the book didn’t shy away from tough stuff. Charlotte’s struggles with homophobia, mental health, and toxic relationships are explored in a way that feels authentic but never heavy-handed. It’s emotional but never over the top. The lighthearted moments and banter kept things from feeling too dark, which I appreciated.

Reece, the ex who isn’t actually an ex but more of a “we never quite figured things out” type of situation, was honestly one of the best parts. He’s not the brooding, melodramatic love interest. He’s grounded, listens, and doesn’t freak out about every little thing. It made their dynamic feel so much more real and relatable.

Honestly, this book gave me a lot of “oh, this is *my* life too” moments. It didn’t try too hard to be dramatic, and I liked that. Charlotte’s growth throughout the weekend—finally figuring out who she wants to be and how to deal with the stuff she’s been avoiding—felt like a quiet win. It’s not just about reconnecting with Reece (though that’s cute too), but about getting back to herself.

There were a few moments I’d have liked a little more depth, but overall, this book was smart, quirky, and totally enjoyable. It’s the kind of story that makes you reflect a bit on your own life without getting all preachy about it. Definitely worth the read. 4 stars!

This book was a wonderful heartfelt read that gives a great view on vulnerability and emotionally honesty. There are a lot of topics approached in this one, including mental health, self discovery and many relationships. THis is beautifully written and almost conversational

Thanks so much for the digital copy of this one!

I'm still on the fence about how I feel about this one. There was a LOT to unpack here. Charlotte was dealing with so much and she was looking forward to her college reunion which of course doesn't go as planned.

I still have to process to really write a fair review.

But How Are You Really? by Ella Dawson is a relatable and engaging coming-of-age story about a young woman navigating career struggles and past regrets. This charming novel explores themes of friendship, self-discovery, and the complexities of modern life with humor and heart.

Many thanks to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for sharing this book with me.

I just finished reading But How Are You, Really? by Ella Dawson, and I’m so excited to share my thoughts with you!

This book is an insightful and deeply relatable exploration of mental health, self-care, and the importance of truly understanding ourselves. Ella Dawson's writing is both candid and compassionate, making it a must-read for anyone looking to improve their well-being.

One of the standout moments for me is when Ella shares a story about a particularly tough day at work. Instead of brushing off her feelings, she takes a moment to reflect and realizes how important it is to acknowledge her emotions. The way she describes sitting at her desk, taking deep breaths, and writing in her journal is so vivid—you can almost feel the sense of calm washing over her. This scene perfectly encapsulates the book’s message about the power of self-awareness and the small steps we can take to care for our mental health.

What I love most about But How Are You, Really? is its honest and supportive tone. Ella Dawson tackles tough topics with sensitivity and warmth, making you feel seen and understood. The book is filled with practical advice and personal anecdotes that make the journey to better mental health feel approachable and achievable.

If you’re looking for a book that will help you connect with yourself on a deeper level and inspire you to prioritize your well-being, But How Are You, Really? is a must-read. Trust me, you’ll find it both comforting and enlightening.

This story follows the story of Charlotte, who is struggling in her life but hopes to hide it as she attends her college reunion. Of course it all comes crashing down as she has to face trauma from her college years that she hasn’t dealt with yet. Luckily she has good friends to help her through it, and maybe she can even rekindle an old romance?

I really liked how the anxiety and trauma were handled in this book, it was very authentic. I also liked that the MC made mistakes and did shitty things sometimes, because we all do that, especially when we are struggling.

Lastly, I liked that the MC was bisexual and had an ex-girlfriend that we meet, and at the same time the romance in this book is with the opposite gender, and that’s okay— it doesn’t make her any less bi.

The romance in this book was great, the friendships were so realistic and fun, and the story felt genuine.