A messy, trying-to-figure-things-out bisexual main character is basically my bat signal and this story didn't dasappoint. I loved Charlotte and her found family of university friends. There's not a whole lot of plot going on as this takes place primarily over a weekend reunion but ther character motivations, backstories, and relationships are more than enough to make a compelling read. A great read for anyone who has ever felt a little aimless or like life didn't quite take you where you were planning to go. This is kinds like a grown up version of Old Enough, which I also adored.

I really enjoyed this book—it had a great balance of compelling characters and an engaging plot that kept me hooked. The writing was clear and vivid, making it easy to get lost in the story. Overall, it left me thinking about its themes long after I finished the last page.

An interesting look on how your past decisions can frame your outlook and love life. It felt a little bit too current in it's language, and with trending ideas and slang it can be easy to write something that doesn't read the same a year later. that being said, I still had fun reading it,

I wanted more depth around Charlotte’s bisexual identity or found the steamy scenes underwhelming. The story’s compressed timeline (just 72 hours??) limited how much growth or resolution could realistically happen.

Thank you NetGalley and Dutton for the arc!

This was a good quick hit fiction book. I loved the realness of not having your life together post graduation and how trauma informes and often repeats itself in all aspects of life. I loved the queer friend group and the much needed overbearing friend that will tell you exactly how you’re messing up in your life, even when you don’t want to hear it. That’s real friendship and love.

This is a solid debut. The dialogue feels pretty YA/not realistic, but overall it's readable and deals with relevant issues (mental health, sexuality, relationships, abuse). It made me want to root for Charlotte.

Plot was good but I feel like real people don’t talk this way! It fell flat for me at the end and wasn’t a very memorable read.

unfortunately did not jive with the writing of this one, something about it read kind of juvenile/YA for me. I thought the premise sounded really cool but ultimately DNF'd right around the halfway mark.

Ella Dawson dives into the complexities of mental health and self-acceptance. Dawson's candid writing style made the book an engaging read, especially for those who appreciate reflections on life's struggles. While the book offers valuable insights and powerful storytelling, it sometimes feels repetitive, and certain sections could benefit from deeper exploration.

Didn't know this was a memoir when I originally requested this book. It deals with depression, anxiety and societal pressures to appear "fine". Reminder that we often say we’re "fine" when we’re anything but, and the pressures of living up to unrealistic standards of happiness and success. The book is both a personal memoir and speaks on how mental health is perceived in society, offering an open conversation about the importance of talking about our struggles and the power of vulnerability.

Liked this! It's kind of fun to see a campus novel that isn't set right at the messiest part of the person's life (the actual school age). It was an interesting setting for further growth. I thought it was very sweet. and insightful.

I've long loved Ella Dawson's writing so I was thrilled to get the chance to read her debut novel. Charlotte, our chaotic bisexual MC, is easy to root even as she makes mistake after mistake. Dawson really nails what it's like to be aimless in your immediate post-graduate years, when you haven't figured out your career or love life or really anything. Perhaps its the burned out millennial in me but I saw a lot of myself in Charlotte (for better and worse at times!) and truly just had an excellent time overall reading this.

Ella Dawson's debut novel, But How Are You, Really, delves into the complexities of post-college life, identity, and the enduring impact of past relationships. The narrative centers on Charlotte Thorne, a 27-year-old bisexual woman grappling with career stagnation, lost artistic passion, and estrangement from her chosen family. Reluctantly returning to Hein University for her five-year reunion, Charlotte confronts unresolved emotions, particularly concerning Reece Kreuger, a former lover she left behind. However, some readers have noted that while the protagonist's bisexuality is mentioned, it doesn't play a central role in the narrative. As one reviewer pointed out, "there is very little need to focus on her sexual orientation outside of the fact to provide a reason for Charlotte’s removal of her mother from her life." Overall, But How Are You, Really is a compelling read that captures the intricacies of personal growth, the weight of past decisions, and the journey toward self-acceptance. Dawson's storytelling invites readers to reflect on their own experiences, making it a noteworthy addition to contemporary fiction.

This book was just OK. While the main character, Charlotte, was relatable on all levels, the storyline was predictable. For a debut novel I enjoyed it, and I will check out any future books as well.

Thank you to NetGalley, Ella Dawson, and Penguin Group Dutton for the ARC in exchange for my honest review.

BUT HOW ARE YOU, REALLY is a novel with a wild range of emotions, in such a true-to-life way, that it kind of felt like I was reading a diary play by play of someone I really knew in college. I received this book as an ARC so long ago at this point it's almost embarrassing to be posting a review this late, but I am truly glad I waited until I did to read it, because I know it hit me so much harder reading it now. It's the sort of feeling-vaguely-lost quarter life crisis book every gay should read.

But How Are You, Really by Ella Dawson is a deeply honest and thought-provoking exploration of mental health, vulnerability, and self-compassion. Dawson’s raw and relatable storytelling invites readers to reflect on their own emotional well-being while breaking down stigmas around mental health struggles. Her blend of personal anecdotes and insightful commentary creates a powerful and empathetic narrative that resonates long after the last page. The book’s conversational tone makes complex emotions accessible and encourages readers to prioritize self-awareness and healing. Perfect for anyone seeking connection and understanding, this book is a heartfelt reminder that it’s okay to not be okay.

I LOVE campus novels. Anything set on a campus: high school, college, post college, you name it. That's what originally drew me to this book. It definitely captured Charlotte's nostalgia for her college experience (both in the cringey, 'I can't believe I did that' way to the 'I actually kind of miss college' way). Beyond that, this is a book about what it means to be human - it's a mixture of humor, mental health discussions, and a commentary on work-life balance. I'd recommend this to both fans of campus novels and second chance romance.

I usually love love love books about messy bisexuals, but for some reason, I couldn't get into this one! I don't know if it's because it hit too close to home with having shitty work-life balance or what. I did not finish it, but might try again during a less stressful time in my life.

A roller coaster of personal growth, facing your past, and navigating old wounds, all while attending a 5-year college reunion. The bisexual MC, Charlotte, is not necessarily where she wants to be personally or professionally, but bravely attends her reunion and tries to make up for some errors in her past. I found the journey to be relatable, humorous, and rich in candor. The characters are authentic and I loved the second chances trope.

Sincere thanks to NetGalley and PENGUIN GROUP Dutton for an advanced reader copy in exchange for an honest review.

Review posted on GoodReads: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/6930097742

Charlotte Thorne’s life is in a bit of a slump. After college, she thought she’d be designing cool stuff, but instead, she’s stuck as an assistant to a demanding tech journalist, feeling completely disconnected from her creative passions and her old college friends. When she gets dragged back to her five-year reunion at Hein University—thanks to her boss—Charlotte’s forced to face her past, including the queer family she’s lost touch with and the guy she ghosted, Reece Krueger, after a messy breakup. What was supposed to be a weekend of awkward catch-ups turns into a chance for Charlotte to figure out where she’s headed, while trying not to relive the mistakes of her past.

I wasn’t sure what to expect going in, but this book totally hit the spot. Charlotte’s story of post-college burnout and self-doubt felt so real, especially the whole comparing-yourself-to-everyone-else thing. It’s relatable on a millennial level—trying to figure out what comes next when it feels like everyone else is killing it, and you’re just... not. The balance between her reconnecting with old friends and dealing with the mess she left behind was spot on.

What really stood out for me was how the book didn’t shy away from tough stuff. Charlotte’s struggles with homophobia, mental health, and toxic relationships are explored in a way that feels authentic but never heavy-handed. It’s emotional but never over the top. The lighthearted moments and banter kept things from feeling too dark, which I appreciated.

Reece, the ex who isn’t actually an ex but more of a “we never quite figured things out” type of situation, was honestly one of the best parts. He’s not the brooding, melodramatic love interest. He’s grounded, listens, and doesn’t freak out about every little thing. It made their dynamic feel so much more real and relatable.

Honestly, this book gave me a lot of “oh, this is *my* life too” moments. It didn’t try too hard to be dramatic, and I liked that. Charlotte’s growth throughout the weekend—finally figuring out who she wants to be and how to deal with the stuff she’s been avoiding—felt like a quiet win. It’s not just about reconnecting with Reece (though that’s cute too), but about getting back to herself.

There were a few moments I’d have liked a little more depth, but overall, this book was smart, quirky, and totally enjoyable. It’s the kind of story that makes you reflect a bit on your own life without getting all preachy about it. Definitely worth the read. 4 stars!