When I saw Ella Dawson was publishing a book I was so excited to read it - I’ve folllowed her online for years and was thrilled for a bisexual main character. The book did not disappoint! While I’m out as a lesbian now, I initially came out several years ago as bisexual, and even though it’s not my identity I still loved seeing that representation.

Party *gifted ARC* This was fun! I loved the complexity of these characters and I always love seeing people put the hard work in to remain friends from college to life after. It’s hard and messy. Relationships of all kinds need work and deserve care. I also love that Charlie’s toxic college relationship was taken seriously by her loved ones bc so many times traumatic things when you’re younger are just chalked up to people being “young and stupid.” When in reality that man was a manipulative piece of shit. Charlie’s feelings will resonate with so many people. This book was also beautifully written and highlight-worthy. What brought it down to 3 stars for me was that it felt repetitive. The plot kind of went in a circle and that got a bit boring for me. Overall I recommend this!

But How Are You Really follows Charlotte Thorne, a 20something assistant who returns to her college for her 5 year reunion. The book takes place over the course of a long weekend as Charlotte reconnects with old friends, including the guy who got away. Throw in a boss who doesn’t respect her or any boundaries, and an ex-boyfriend she didn’t expect to ever see again, and Charlotte’s weekend suddenly isn’t all about fun and games.

While this was a mostly light book, But How Are You Really managed to tackle a lot of heavy topics at the same time. Charlotte struggles a lot with trauma involving a past relationship and her horrible mother, and returning to her alma mater really stirs up everything she left tucked in the past. Charlotte was easy to relate to and I was really rooting for her in the end. All in all I thought this was a sweet second chance romance with the addition of a lovely and supportive found family. I loved all of the Queer rep and thought this was the perfect read to kick off pride month!

Thank you to Dutton and NetGalley for a review copy.

Received on Netgalley. A solid 3 star read - and even better, a great book to read during Pride Month! I related with the title because once you get past the fluff, digging in to ask someone "But how are you, really?" is such a heartwarming and lovely connector. This was a delightful trip down memory lane

This book was a pretty standard contemporary fiction romp. As someone who is already three years out from their college graduation, it was easy to sympathize with Charlotte’s experience of not quite understanding where she belongs in her own life. The romance subplot was sweet and helped to develop both of the characters involved. However, there were so many side characters that I found it hard to keep track of who was who. I also found the prose and humor quite millennial, though I suppose that was the point, as the book even makes a mention to an in-universe Buzzfeed clone. I can see people in a slightly older age group than me really enjoying this one, but it wasn’t for me.

I received this book for free for an honest review from netgalley. Thank you for the opportunity

Too YA for me but for its target audience it would be great

I think this is a book I would have enjoyed a lot more in my early twenties. Unfortunately, as someone in a much later stage of life, I just count not connect with the main character and I struggled through this book. I don't think it was bad, it's just a right book, wrong time kind of situation for me.

DNF @ 15%. It became apparent fairly quickly that this book wasn't going to be for me. I hate when there are certain "buzzwords" dropped into a story instead of explaining it or making it apart of who the character is. I'd rather learn who the characters are than hear a word describe them. The first 15% suffered from an overabundance of inner thoughts and I prefer stories with more dialogue.

Thank you to NetGalley, the Author and Penguin Group Dutton for allowing me to be an early reader. All thoughts are my own.

Sadly this book was not for me. It was too character driven and I just found myself not really caring about the outcome. I got to 80% through and it was a struggle to get myself to pick it up so I dnf'd.

Set over the course of a weekend, BUT HOW ARE YOU, REALLY follows Charlotte Thorne as she returns to campus for her five-year reunion. Charlotte feels she’s floundering: she’s stuck in a toxic job with an overbearing, sexist boss (who happens to also be an alumni and is slated to do the commencement speech); her passion for drawing has all but disappeared; her post-college plans didn’t involve living the single life in a crappy apartment but here she is.

But back on campus, surrounded by her chosen family, Charlotte wonders if it’s possible to do it all over, restart her life — and even make amends with an ex she ghosted five years ago.

BUT HOW ARE YOU, REALLY was a solid, quick read with great rep (Charlotte is bi and many of the supporting characters are queer) and doesn’t shy away from heavy topics (grief, abuse and its lasting trauma, harassment, homophobia).

The book’s middle-of-the-road okayness makes this a hard one for me to review! There wasn’t anything glaringly offensive (though I did find the two major antagonists to be a bit heavy-handed and cartoony in their villainy, twirly mustaches at the ready) but there also wasn’t anything that made a lasting impression. It was an enjoyable read while it lasted — and I did find myself racing through it, the book is VERY readable! I can easily see this becoming a buzzy summer pick!

This book was such an overall great read. It had me wanting to know more and at many points had me needing to read just one more chapter. Definitely a title I want to have as my staff pick and a great addition to our fiction pride table in store for June.

I really struggled with this unfortunately. this was one of my most anticipated reads this year but I truly dragged. For the most part I think the story just lacked excitement. It was obvious Charlotte was battling a lot of inner demons and struggling with the connections in her life. Sure she had better character development but I thought people like Reese and Jackie deserve better.


My favorite part was when she finally got the balls to quit during Roger’s commencement speech. I appreciated the sense of nostalgia with a college reunion weekend

"𝑀𝑦 𝑛𝑎𝑚𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑙𝑜𝑡𝑡𝑒 𝑇ℎ𝑜𝑟𝑛𝑒, 𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑡𝑤𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑦-𝑠𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑜𝑙𝑑. 𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑠𝑎𝑓𝑒 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒."

Where to even begin..... I'm not gonna lie I've been scared of this book since I got approved for it😅 The title already hit home as a promise for potential reflections that I was not quite ready for. If you've been in the pits (sad pits or otherwise known as suffering from depression and or burnout) before, you recognise "but how are you really?" as what some would call a sworn enemy right up there with "how are you doing?" and "are you ok?" among others. Sometimes when you're going through it and trying really hard not to think about it, these are some hard hitting questions that, though they may not look like it, are loose pins on a ticking time bomb.

The beauty of But How Are You, Really starts with the title, the intimacy of it. Ella Dawson through Charlotte Thorne our protagonist is able to portray the ebb and flow of trying to heal and move on from trauma through the lens of hyper independence and self isolation as a coping mechanism. The different shapes it takes and how sometimes that can mean you're a raging asshole😂. What is closest to my heart is the reinforcement that abuse doesn't have to be physical. Non-physical abuse is also abuse and it's valid in its own right.

I am so in love with the kind and gentle way the love interest cares for the MC (and everyone else around them) and im even more obsessed with the queer found family (we all know how i feel about found family 🖤) I'm not gonna lie Jackie's abrasiveness pissed me off alil bit at times but at the end of the day she's a down bitch and I'm down with that.

BHAYR made me feel so much that I can't even begin to articulate 😭 but most importantly it made me feel seen and validated. Ella Dawson really ambushed me and then stole my heart.

It's giving big bisexual energy and we love it.

Charlotte has had a rough go of things since she left college, needless to say that things have not gone her way. She is not thriving like she hoped that she would be, but she's given a chance to go back to her old college. Things get complicated when she returns to campus.

This was just a mess in the best way possible. I really enjoyed my time with it.

This was gifted in exchange for my honest review by Netgalley & The publisher.

I really wanted to love this book, but it just fell a little flat for me. The concept of the book is great, but I didn’t vibe with the writing. It tends to be a bit clunky and overwritten. I also struggled to connect with any of the characters.

the ending did boost it to a three star rating but honestly I wish there was more plot to it. Like it was longer and maybe even included flashbacks. I was left wanting more than I got.

Sadly I didn't love this as much as I had been REALLY hoping for. A college reunion, a bisexual coming of age/finding your footing in the workplace story that is sure to please fans of last year's Old Enough. That said, I just struggled to really get into it or become invested in the characters. Okay on audio and worth a listen but nothing super standout. Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an early digital copy in exchange for my honest review.

3.5 stars

But How Are You, Really follows Charlotte as she is forced to attend her 5-year college reunion as she catches up with old friends she has fallen out of touch with, reconnects with an old hookup that she ghosted, and is forced to confront her emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend, all in one weekend.

Overall, I liked the main character Charlotte and the themes of reconnection, regret, and healing from trauma. I also really enjoyed the commentary about the difference between how people present their lives on social media and what their day-to-day lives are actually like. If you like the genre of literary fiction featuring women in their 20s that are trying to Figure Out Their Life, you’ll probably enjoy this too. I didn’t rate it higher because it didn’t stand out enough for me personally. There are moments I really, really enjoyed but also parts that felt repetitive and made the book feel longer than it was. I wanted a little bit More to happen. However, I did enjoy reading it overall and I would definitely read more from this author.

Thank you to Dutton and NetGalley for the arc!

3 Stars This one is for all the millennials who are still figuring it all out (myself included). But How Are You, Really is a book about trauma, healing, communication, and reconnection, all set during the reunion weekend of a fictional college. It's Charlotte's five year college reunion and she hadn't planned on going, but her boss is giving the commencement address, so the entire thing becomes a work trip. She connects with old friends, including her old hookup who had the potential to be more before Charlotte ended it. Though this book touched on some heavier topics, it felt like there wasn't much conflict or it all got resolved fairly quickly. Some more conflict would've helped with the plot and the pacing.

Thank you to Dutton and Netgalley for the ARC of this book.

But How Are You, Really is an alumni campus novel that follows a group of friends, back together for their five year reunion. They were all so excited to be back together and experience their glory days again.

The main character, Charlotte, had experienced some type of trauma from her ex-boyfriend, Ben. She spends most of the book looking over her shoulder for him and actively trying to avoid him. The reader is not exactly sure what happens until the later part of the story.

If you're one who likes to know exactly what and how the main character is feeling with lots of inner dialogue, then this book should be right up your alley! We are in Charlotte's head head, listening to her thoughts for most of the book. That part was okay but it did get a little repetitive as the book goes along

I never went away to college, so it was a good time reading about the college experience. I think it was descriptive and told the true story of what life on campus was like. I felt like I was really there with them.

There were quite a few themes weaving throughout this book. The group of friends we're following all had some sort of family misstep and formed their own found family unit. But as life happens you sometimes lose touch with even the people you love the most. As this group reconnects you can feel their bond and the way in which they pulled each other through.

Charlotte is dealing with a lot in her life. We walk with her as some of her darkest times come to the surface. This is a story of survival, finding your self-worth, and learning to lean on the people who love you the most.