I felt like an ancient Gen Xer reading this book, but still enjoyed it. I just don't feel like I am the target audience for this, but my niece would probably love it. I did really like the chosen family aspect though.

I liked the premise of this book and found it relatable regarding the messiness of feelings, trauma, and adulthood in general. Charlotte was sometimes annoying/frustrating to read, but she did have a good character arc. For me, the overall dullness of the characters is that we don't experience their backstory with them; their trauma kind of gets dropped out of nowhere when they say it happened. I am not really able to make any comparisons between child-Charlotte, college-Charlotte and current Charlotte. Reading about all these experiences described in that way made it seem like there wasn't any depth and that the characters themselves were one-note. I also wonder about the setting--although it makes sense to have it take place at a college reunion, some of the aspects of the campus setting and college life felt misplaced, if not occasionally cringy. With all that being said, I found the ending to be fulfilling and appreciated the messages about standing up for yourself and learning how to ask for help. I would recommend this book to anyone wanting a story about navigating adulthood with a couple spicy scenes mixed in.

It felt like all of Charlotte’s insecurities and personal struggles were ripped right out of my brain and intrusive thoughts and plastered on the page for me to read.

Overall:
- the book was heavier than I expected it to be,
but I didn’t dislike it
- there are so many ways to relate not only to the characters in this book but also their lives post graduating college (and Charlotte hating every minute of it)
- Everyone needs a Jackie in their life

The first half of the book was a little hard for me to get into. I really struggled to get into the idea of wanting to return to college every five years to stay in the dorms for a weekend but ultimately stuck around because I got invested in Charlotte’s journey. I wanted to see her happy.

I think anyone who struggled with finding themselves after college or who didn’t find things to be how they expected them to be would enjoy this book. I think it’s also a good book for anyone who believes in second chances. I will be interested to see future books from this author.

Thank you to the publishers for providing me with an ARC of this book on NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

A cute romance about a bisexual woman who has to confront her past and present at her 5 year university reunion.

Charlotte doesn't want to return to Hein for her 5 year college reunion, but has no choice when her overbearing boss is chosen to present the commencement address at graduation. Within a span of 72 hours, readers will get a snippet into Charlotte's past and present, and will come to understand why she is so afraid of the future.

I thought this book was a little slow at first, but as someone who has also been through traumatic issues in college, I felt like I could somewhat relate to how Charlotte was dealing with (or not dealing with) certain situations.

Thank you to PENGUIN GROUP Dutton | Dutton and NetGalley for the eARC!

i loved this, reece has manic pixie dream man energy and i love it, my only issue was that it felt like charlie was too bogged down at times, ive been through challenging interpersonal relationships myself and i got her, i just couldn’t always understand why she didn’t lean on her friends when she had in the past, over all a great read

thank you netgalley for an arc of this book in exchange for my honest review

This book was really fun, even though I usually find the high school/college reunion trope a little cliche. It actually reminded me a lot of the show "class of '07,' minus the end of the world bit.

A lot of this book was pretty bleak, and I kinda didn’t want the main character to be with the love interest because I didn’t want her to mess up his life, but I think it pulled through in the end.

ARC REVIEW ~ thank you, Netgalley!

*spoiler free*

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to be gripped by this book. The premise sounded excellent and refreshing, but the chapters were slow and long. I wasn’t able to find myself reading it and wanting to keep going. I ended up not finishing and skimming ahead to the end. Admittedly, the ending made me more intrigued and I will give this one another try in the future.

A 3 star review as I may have cheated and seen the end, but it was able to bring me back to the book. and a desire for it.

But How Are You, Really is a spicy romance with some real substance. Charlotte returns to her alma mater for her 5 year college reunion. In addition to the familiar "everyone else is doing better than me" feeling, she's also dealing with a toxic work environment, mental health issues, and trauma. There are plenty of stories where it feels like the main character pushes people away because it helps the plot develop. I appreciated that Dawson really explored why Charlotte did so. Yes, sometimes I wanted to shake her and yell "people love you and also Reece is hot!". But Dawson shows how Charlotte built walls around herself as a survival tactic. The characters that surround Charlotte are fun, messy, and real. Though I'm technically of the same generation as these folks, the 10+ year age difference felt like a different world sometimes (#eldermillennial). I loved that they were all doing their best to act with empathy and emotional intelligence. I think Charlotte and her friends might stick with me for a while.

This book shows the depths of trauma and how it can affect so many aspects of one’s daily life. I thought it was really well done.

Returning to her college for a reunion and commencement weekend, Charlotte is apprehensive, but happy for time with her best friend. She knows she will eventually end up running into two people though. Ben, her emotionally abusive ex who she absolutely does not want to see, and Reese, the guy she rebounded with and left with a wounded heart, who she kind of does want to see…

The trip is going well, especially as she is reconnecting with Reese, but real life is constantly knocking. An overbearing infant of a boss is hounding her day and night, leaving her best friend to wonder why she hasn’t quit yet.

The ways in which this weekend encourages Charlotte to not only step out of her comfort zone, but to confront old demons and make those real big steps to recognize traumas and triggers. I thought the characters were all incredible. There is a bit of steam, but a reasonable amount. All in all I thought this was a really great read. It didn’t make me cry, but I felt emotionally wrung out afterward.

Thank you to NetGalley for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!

Rating: 5 Stars ☆
Pub Date: 04 June 2024

“Charlie Thorne, always fine.”

Trying to find the words to write this review is difficult. To once again quote this book, “I needed this, it’s been a shitty few years.”

I so myself so much in Charlotte Thorne it was like looking into a mirror; the way Ella Dawson so perfectly captures the impossible yearning for a return to college days is astounding. The need to return to community, to being wanted, to belonging, was just so strong.

Charlotte’s fawn response and subsequent consequences are written just so realistically, and getting to both see her support system right in front of her when she can’t while at the same time being so in her hear that even we as the reader are blinded to the outside support, barraged by empty questions of “are you okay?” that can only be answered with an “I’m fine,” when the question we need to be asked is the titular But How Are You, Really-- it’s just beautiful writing is what it is.

“Enough of anything before today,” is a quote that will stick with me, and so will Dawson’s beautiful, witty, raw story. Everyone needs a Reece Krueger in their lives, someone who’ll show them the unconditional love they deserve, and this book is a light in the darkness for anyone going through a similar situation.

To end this review in the most honest way I know: this book made me cry. A lot. And that’s how you know it’s a damn good book.

This was SO GOOD. Charlotte is a beautifully complex character, and the people around her reflect that. While some of the other characters are not as complex as I would necessarily like, it might have been too much for the story if Ludermore and Ben were not as hateable as they were. I loved seeing Charlotte’s growth throughout the novel, especially how it wasn’t linear. Gotta love the feelings wheel laced throughout, too ;) I would love to see a collectors’ edition come out sometime with the colors for each feeling change throughout the book, whether it’s the color of the pages, the edges of the pages, etc. 11/10 definitely recommend, and that's really saying something as someone in their late teens who is not going to a college reunion anytime soon!!

Domestic violence comes in a variety of forms, and terrible damage can be done to people without ever laying a finger on them. Charlotte grew up with a verbally abusive mother, picked up a love-bomber turned abuser boyfriend, and is - mostly - only on campus for the five year reunion weekend because her boss-from-hell needs her there for his commencement address on the last afternoon.

Or, is she only there for him? Because *also* present on campus are the members of her chosen family, the queer college community, and the hot guy who was her rebound romance. All standing by to offer her support and encouragement. And the sparks between Reece and Charlotte are still there.

Disclaimer: I received this novel via NetGalley for review purposes.

This has romantic elements, but isn't a romance. It has some explicit sex scenes, but isn't erotica. Some heavy drinking, but is not about alcoholism (side note: a funfetti-tini sounds absolutely vile). Parts may be triggering to those feeling trapped in bad relationships, regardless of who they're with, but overall it's fun and encouraging.

Above all, it's about a young woman of twenty-seven figuring out her worth, how to stop repeating toxic patterns, and learning to heal.

When you go back to your college for a reunion you expect to be confronted by the past. When it’s two exes and more somethings get complicated.

I enjoined this book. It had some deeper topics but I enjoined the characters and was wishing for their success. I right away was pulled into their present and wishing for more glimpses of the past.

Thank you NetGalley for the ARC.

I can't remember the last time I read a book like this, if ever.

This book was overwhelmingly relatable to me in some sections, and completely foreign in others. Which was a nice reprieve from spiraling as I began to have existential crisis' about my own relationships, time in college, current career and personal life paths, and so so much more.

I look forward to writing a deeper review once I've had more tideme to sit with my feelings of this book, but I truly think it changed me.

This was an incredible debut novel from Ella Dawson. I have since followed her on social media since reading this ARC and have enjoyed more of her research and reporting writing as well.

The theme of feelings as colors really intrigued me, and I keep looking forward to the next instance where the main character would liken her current feelings to olive green, etc.

3.5⭐️ Thank you Dutton for the ARC!
This wasn’t my favorite, but it wasn’t a bad read for me either-I just never felt super invested or invested in the story. That being said, I think this has great themes of diversity and some heavier important issues and great characters.

Read this book all in one day because I couldn't get enough of it! Ella Dawson's characters in "But How Are You, Really" are so vibrant; they jump off the page at you and become distinct with their own lives, personality traits, and backstories that you can't help but be invested in. Her protagonist, Charlotte, is stuck in a never ending cycle of anxiety and hopelessness when it comes to accepting love and help from those around her. I felt so seen by the way she was written, and felt as if Ella Dawson took thoughts right from my own head & put them into Charlotte's. Would absolutely recommend for a great story about not only loving yourself, but also allowing others to do the same. Thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for letting me read this ARC!

I enjoyed this book a lot! I wasn’t expecting it to be as good as it was, but it really caught me by surprise.

This was a fun and quick read! There was good banter throughout, an easy to follow plot, and excellent representation.