As someone who is nearing her own 5-year college reunion (yikes), this book meant a lot to me.

Ella truly made me care for all of these characters, even if we didn't see enough of them (the scarcity added to the authenticity of a college atmosphere). She made us understand all of their struggles in AND out of this LGBTQIAP+ community and their struggles in this stage of life. She didn't just show you what they were going through mentally, she helped you understand WHY all of these things happened. I also LOVED that these characters communicated their feelings!!! (or at least tried to)

This book felt devastating but also like a warm hug and I will gladly support this author and get a physical copy when it is published.

Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin Group Dutton for an ARC in exchange for an honest review!

This was an amazing read! Charlotte is incredible as our main character. I think a lot of people can find some aspect in her that they can relate to, and to watch her go through a flurry of emotions from breaking down to building herself back up from some of her past and current traumas was just beautiful to read about. Charlotte and Reece also stunned me, their interactions were an absolute highlight of the book and I loved reading about how Charlotte felt about Reece. Seriously, I tabbed and highlighted so many lines because I just swooned at every moment between them. My only minor critique is that I would have loved to see more flashbacks of their relationship in college as well as learned more about Reece himself, a moment through his perspective would have been so fun to read.

On that note, I also loved how past flashbacks were interwoven throughout the story. Charlotte could walk into a room or sit somewhere and we'd see a moment of how she was in that exact spot years prior; reading about those moments where the surroundings are the same but the people within them are different and grown up really impacted me and got me thinking about the person I'd be when I get to Charlotte's age, which is something I haven't felt when reading and I found very special.

The other characters throughout this book were written wonderfully, Jackie and the other 3Ds are the kind of people everyone wants in their chosen family, and it was so heartwarming to see a friendship like theirs portrayed throughout the story.

Absolutely loved this book and the writing, my Kindle notes are filled to the brim because of all of the beautiful quotes and lines I marked. 5 stars, this is an amazing debut novel and I'm already looking forward to more of Ella Dawson's writing!

The writing is fine, but I was really bored. I stopped after chapter 1 (11%). Fans of slow character-driven books should be pleased, I think, and should be an easy three stars, four for the right readers.

Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin for the ARC.

This book started out slow for me but once I became invested in the characters, I couldn’t put it down. The journey that Charlotte goes through is frustrating, but rewarding, and she experiences a lot of growth throughout the duration of the story. I didn’t quite know where the story was going at first, but then about a quarter of the way through I began to see it was about her relationship, yes, but also he experiences at college and unpacking her past trauma with her ex and mother, as well as her current trauma with her boss.

Charlotte Thorne not only hates her job, but she has feelings for her ex hookup, Reece Krueger. For her five years college class reunion, her boss has instructed her to live tweet his commencement speech. Intending to only work, Charlotte instead runs into old friends and foes. One of which is Reece, the guy she couldn’t quite connect with after an abusive ex. Is now the time for them to build a relationship? And will Charlotte stand up and make a change or continue to drag her way through life?

I didn’t expect the romance aspect to start right off the bat, but I’m not complaining. It’s a nice break from the miscommunication trope. Charlotte’s experience with Ben got me right in the heart as a survivor. When she got sick after seeing him, I felt nauseous right along with her. It’s hard to not get attached to the characters in this book. I wasn’t sure about Charlotte and Reece at the beginning, but they definitely grew on me and seemed great together by the end. It would have been nice to see Reece’s POV, but I still enjoyed this book.

If you like second chance romance, a touch of spice, and multilayered stories, “But How Are You, Really” is a good read for you :)

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the opportunity to read this advanced copy!
4.5/5 stars for But How Are You, Really.
I really enjoyed my experience reading this novel! Charlotte portrays so much of the feelings that come with change and with the struggle of dropping relationships that don’t make you happy!
In this book, Charlotte returns to her Alma mater for her 5 year reunion. I really liked this plot.
I thought her and Reece were so cute!!
Another thing I loved was the parts about drifting from friends after graduating or moving away, or even just growing up!
Overall, I really enjoyed the plot and most of the characters were well written and relatable!
Definitely give this a read once you have a chance!

I was very fortunate to receive an advanced reader copy from NetGalley but all thoughts are unbiased and my own!

This was a cutesy read for me and was enjoyable! I also didn’t realize this is the authors debut (how cool!) I would say it was a pretty quick read and there were some points that had a bit too much detail when it comes to setting the scene, but I also felt in terms of plot some aspects were a bit underbaked. I loved the queer representation in the book and I also loved how chosen family was portrayed - no matter where you go or how long it’s been they will still be there and love you! I thought that was pretty refreshing. I thought the author described the post graduation of the race to accomplish everything both professional and personally so well. It’s hard when you see the people who started the same place as you “having it all” when you’re going through it.

However don’t think I necessarily was the target audience for this read. I would describe the target audience as people who would go berserk to be featured in a Buzzfeed video. It was a bit too “millennial core” at times, but I don’t think that takes away from the overall story.

Overall, I enjoyed it! Would I recommend it to everyone, no. But, there are some people in my life who I think would really enjoy this read.

[3.5 stars] An enjoyable debut novel of second-chance romance and diverse found-family characters. Charlotte is extremely relatable for anyone who's ever had a job they hate, an awful school/college ex, or made some regrettable mistakes when younger, and I'm glad she was able to grow from them. Side characters all seem fun but I felt like I didn't get to know that much about them, and the story itself seemed limited by taking place entirely over the reunion weekend - the first half of the book seemed to drag a little explaining so many details of the college before it got interesting, and I'd like to have known what happened after. Maybe a chance for a sequel?

Thank you Dutton & NetGalley for an advanced copy and chance to review this lovely book. I love how relatable and confident this character is! I’ve talked for ages about how navigating this stage of life is so difficult and someone finally wrote about it in such a tasteful way! Captivating, compelling and thought provoking!

"But How Are You, Really" by Ella Dawson delves into the complexities of post-college life, career struggles, and the challenges of maintaining relationships. The protagonist, Charlotte Thorne, finds herself reluctantly returning to her alma mater, Hein University, for her five-year reunion. The unexpected convergence of her professional life, past relationships, and unresolved emotions creates a narrative filled with self-discovery, nostalgia, and the pursuit of personal growth.

The novel's exploration of Charlotte's postgraduate life, marked by stalled career progress and a fading passion for drawing, adds a relatable dimension for readers navigating the uncertainties of early adulthood. The reluctance to confront the past and the discomfort associated with revisiting college experiences resonate with the common struggle of balancing expectations with reality.

The central conflict, driven by Charlotte's need to attend her reunion due to her demanding boss's commitment, sets the stage for a weekend of self-reflection and reconnection. The inclusion of LGBTQIA+ themes, such as disco parties at the LGBTQIA+ program house, adds diversity and depth to the story, allowing readers to explore the challenges faced by the queer community in a college setting.

The dynamic between Charlotte and Reece Krueger, the hockey player from her past, introduces an element of romantic tension and the opportunity for the protagonist to confront unresolved issues. The exploration of why Charlotte ghosted Reece five years ago promises a deeper emotional layer to the narrative.

The description hints at Charlotte's attempts to dodge questions about her mental health, highlighting a potential exploration of mental health themes in the story. This could provide a valuable perspective on the importance of addressing mental health challenges, a topic that resonates with many readers.

The condensed timeline of seventy-two hours creates a sense of urgency, suggesting a narrative structure that keeps the story focused and dynamic. It also implies a transformative journey for Charlotte within a short span, adding an element of intensity and anticipation for readers.

In summary, "But How Are You, Really" appears to be a nuanced exploration of post-college life, relationships, and self-discovery. With its relatable themes, LGBTQIA+ representation, and the promise of emotional depth, the book seems poised to offer readers a thought-provoking and engaging reading experience.

I've followed Ella Dawson's work for a long time, from her social media work with TED and later a romance podcast company to her writing for Patreon. I was stoked to get my hands on her first novel!

This novel does not disappoint--but it's more intense than I expected! If you're looking for a light-hearted, fluffy, escapist romance read, this isn't it. But it's excellent. The characters feel real and believable, and I loved how much Ella fleshes out their backstories and relationships. Reese was a delight to fall for through Charlotte. The weekend was a whirlwind and I was so invested in getting Charlotte out of her shitty job and moving in a better direction.

At times, Charlotte was a bit frustrating. I, too, am a bi girlie with mommy issues, but I only had so much patience for her clinging to her abusive, toxic workplace because *paycheck.* GIRL, GET OUT.

I wish her friendship with Jackie had been a bit more fleshed out--we see how important Jackie is to her, but we don't actually get to know Jackie all that much.

Sometimes the writing felt a bit repetitive because there was so much groundwork laid, trod, and re-trod with Charlotte's mama trauma, relationships trauma, etc. I got it! It was well done, but I was ready to move on after awhile.

There were a few solid steamy scenes--not the steamiest I've ever read, but still well written and not cringe! Reese and Charlotte's budding relationship itself was more wholesome and envy-worthy than the sex, lol.

This book made me feel old. I never had Charlotte's confidence to date and sleep with people of all genders in college--I was a terrified prude 😅 And going to a five year reunion to drink and reminisce with your college buddies seems deeply unappealing. But I guess that's what you happens when you're 33 haha. And, it's a good reminder that books don't have to be relatable to be enjoyable!

Read this for: found family themes, a wholesome relationship, thoughtful (if repetitive) exploration of trauma, a triumphant job-quitting scene, and great queer rep (note: the representation in this book was so well done and didn't feel forced/cringey like some romance I've ready lately--looking at you, Ashley Herring Blake).

4.5 stars. Would definitely recommend.

A book that takes the phrase "chaotic bisexual" extremely literally. Overall, this was a fun read! Heavier than I expected, given both the cover and the description, but I think the heavier topics were treated with an extreme amount of care.

Some of the book lacked nuance, reading as very literal and thus lacking dimension, and I do wish we had spent more time with Charlotte's friends to get a clearer sense of their lives and their version of community. But even then you could feel there was a lot of love between them, and that made the end of this book extremely uplifting considering the amount of shit that Charlotte had to get through in order to come out the other side.

Also, can I just say how refreshing it is to have a romance where people talk, and actually communicate how they're doing/what they're feeling. Adults can communicate! It was so nice to see these conversations actually take place, instead of dancing around topics--this book confronts them head on.

While it did slow down in places, overall this was still a relatively well-plotted book. I enjoyed it, and also very much want to be friends with these people.

Thank you NetGalley and Edelweiss for the advanced copy in exchange for my honest review. First off, what a fun cover! This was a super fun premise and I was excited to read a debut LGBTQ novel. The representation in this book was spot on. There is an emotional depth to this story that I was not entirely expecting given the description which is no fault to anyone else but my current mood as a mood reader. Love a second chance romance and reliving the college nostalgia!

In Ella Dawson's captivating novel, "But How Are You, Really," readers are introduced to Charlotte Thorne, a young woman who finds herself at a crossroads in life. Dissatisfied with her post-college existence, Charlotte's career has hit a roadblock, her artistic passion has waned, and she feels disconnected from her chosen queer family. As the prospect of attending her five-year college reunion arises, Charlotte initially recoils at the idea of spending a weekend with her accomplished former classmates. However, circumstances force her back to her alma mater when her demanding boss, Roger Ludermore, is invited to deliver the commencement address. Returning to Hein University, Charlotte is immediately confronted with a flood of memories, both glorious and cringe-worthy. The campus becomes a nostalgic reminder of late-night disco parties at the LGBTQIA+ program house, nights spent in cramped twin XL beds, and her complicated relationship with Reece Krueger, a hockey player who became her rebound after a painful breakup. Suddenly, the dreaded reunion weekend morphs into an opportunity for Charlotte to revisit the past and gain a fresh perspective on her present. With a determination to let loose and have some fun, she deftly evades her best friend's probing inquiries about her mental well-being, disregards incessant work messages, and attempts to bury the truth behind her abrupt ghosting of Reece all those years ago. But as the clock ticks away, can Charlotte truly outrun her past and find a way to rebuild her life within a mere seventy-two hours? Dawson masterfully weaves a tale of self-discovery and personal growth in "But How Are You, Really." Through Charlotte's journey, readers are reminded of the complexities of post-college life, where expectations often clash with reality. The author expertly captures the universal struggle of finding one's place in the world and reconciling with the decisions and mistakes of the past. Charlotte's internal battle with her mental health provides a poignant backdrop, shedding light on the importance of addressing emotional well-being in the face of life's challenges. With skillful storytelling, Dawson delves into the intricacies of relationships, both romantic and platonic, exploring the impact of unresolved issues and the power of forgiveness. The chemistry between Charlotte and Reece is palpable, and their emotional connection serves as a reminder that love and personal growth can go hand in hand. "But How Are You, Really" is a thought-provoking and emotionally resonant novel that will captivate readers from beginning to end. Ella Dawson's insightful exploration of the human experience, combined with skillful character development, makes this book a compelling read for anyone navigating the complexities of adulthood, relationships, and finding one's true self. In conclusion, "But How Are You, Really" is a compelling and heartfelt work that will leave readers pondering their own journeys of self-discovery. Ella Dawson's ability to capture the essence of personal growth and the complexities of relationships is commendable. This novel is a must-read for anyone seeking a thought-provoking and emotionally immersive literary experience.

I could not be more excited for the world to discover Ella Dawson’s awesome debut. How Are You, Really? follows its bright protagonist to her five year college reunion. As she reconnects with an old flame and her vibrant queer community, she hides the realities of her life – she’s got a job that is beyond toxic, a nonexistent social life, and a boatload of unexamined trauma. But four days is an eternity when there’s a ghost around every corner and her neglected friendships are on the brink of collapse.

I loved this book about navigating relationships in a world that’s on fire. At the same time, the romance at the heart of the book is steamy and warm in the most satisfying way. Charlotte’s journey back to the place where she first found herself is a thoughtful story about what it really means to heal. How Are You, Really? is the perfect book for anyone who is trying to figure out what it takes to build the life they want for themselves… And who also might be a bit of a romantic.

The description of the book seemed interesting, so I wanted to check the story out. Unfortunately, it is not working for me right now. It is nothing against the story or the author, but I couldn't get into the story/characters. I may try and find a physical copy to add the my library when it is released, though, because I think my readers could like it!

This book has some lovely things going for it. It features a great queer chosen family and plenty of representation across both genders and sexualities. It also has characters learning to speak up for themselves, which is lovely. At its best, it's heart-warming, sexy, and funny. At its weak points, it sometimes lingers too long in a scene or setting. I think the book could have been trimmed by about 40 pages without losing the heart of its emotional impact. I think its a good romance, and I would recommend it, but qualify it as a slow burn.

*4.5

This book is pretty great, I really liked it! It’s perfect for every queer and for every bisexual girl (like me!) in particular. It’s really hit me, it’s mess up with my brain because this story is so real, it can be the story of all of us. I’m grateful for it. Grateful for have had the chance to read it so early. Can’t wait for this book to be relished and I really hope people would love it like I do.

Thank you Netgalley and Penguin Group for the arc!

I really liked this book. I felt that the author did an incredible job of expressing through Charlotte the very human craving to be known and loved despite feeling broken, undesirable, and unloved by past people and experiences. We’ve all held space in our lives where we felt stuck in a dead end job, the friends we once held dear are now more acquaintances, and each day feels like a fight to make it to tomorrow. Charlotte’s struggles felt so real and I think that resonated deeply with me. Another thing that I thought was wonderful was the use of color to describe feelings - yellow relief, sea foam green pride, vein blue blood, neon pink of freedom, radiant orange or excitement - it made this book pop and come alive. I could see and taste the story in such a compelling way. Ella Dawson’s representation of the LGTBQIA+ community is vibrant, steady, and subtle, all mixed together in a beautiful blend of humanity. And as with any good romance, there is spice for those that are down for that!

Oh she's just like me for real huh? Yeah everyone needs to read this. The girls and gays will eat this one up.