This was SUCH a fun book, but also deep in ways I was not expecting!

One thing that I did not expect was my ability to connect so closely with our main character, Charlotte. Sure, we are both bi, so that's a given, but she also has a lot of unresolved trauma related to relationships, issues with her parents, a boss that is a total dickhead, and struggles with anxiety. I think this book may have been written with me in mind?? LOL!

I loved the author's ability to handle both depth and light, steamy fun. This is not something that a lot of people are able to do skillfully, so when it is done well, it's a breath of fresh air. I am obsessed with these characters and so surprised that this was a debut. I will eagerly be awaiting Ella Dawson's upcoming releases.

Thank you for the gifted copy! :)

It's probably on me for assuming that a book about millennials would be written heavily in a millennial writing style but largely for this reason I couldn't buy into the vibes or the prose. I enjoyed this story as a homage to the collegiate friendships that grow out of ostracized queers reinventing themselves as different versions of ostracized queers (speaking from personal experience? maybe) and to the inherent bisexual panic of being kind of in love with a lot of your friends. However, I wasn't a huge fan of Charlotte's work subplot and it felt like there were too many characters to keep track of.

Thank you NetGally and Dutton for the advance copy of But How Are You, Really

This book took me a little bit to get into but once I did the story grabbed me in a way that was unexpected to say the least. Capturing the emotion of growing and learning, there are parts of this book I feel will stick with me for days. A solid book overall!

Thank you to Netgalley and Penguin Group Dutton for the advanced copy!

3.5 rounded up to 4 stars! This was a really solid book!! I liked how it touched on growing up and growing pains. It felt really realistic about the post grad life. The found family aspect and friend group were a great part of the book and added to the story. The growth from Charlotte was really special to read about and she felt like such a different character from beginning to end.
I also love a second chance aspect so seeing her rekindle and connect with Reece again was super sweet.
Overall, this was a great read especially for someone in the post grad era trying to figure out where life will take them.

Thank you again to Netgalley and Penguin Group Dutton for the advanced copy!

I felt neutral toward this book. I appreciate and relate to Charlotte’s journey of working past her trauma to get the life she deserves. That was well-portrayed. But it felt like so much of the focus was on Reese, and I would have liked to see more self-exploration outside of the context of romantic relationships. I felt disconnected from the plot at points and found myself skimming through much of the first half. Overall, there were meaningful lessons about learning to rely on others and not self-sabotaging out of fear. Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the e-ARC.

This was a pleasant read. I had tweeted on my twitter that the main character being a burnt out bisexual woman is relatable to me and as I progressed in the book, I found more things to relate to in her.

Charlotte's character development was very well written. How she matures from someone afraid of vulnerability to someone who learns to open up to people, lets her walls down and listens to people who want the best for her was satisfying to see. (Especially the part where she gets back at her asshole of a boss and stands up to her abusive ex).

Loved many things about the book, one of them was the bisexual rep. The bi flag on the cover is just BEAUTIFUL!! And the word bisexual was used on page!! And what I appreciated the most was that bisexuality was not represented as binary!! Just the simple inclusion of non binary people was so refreshing to see. (Originally I would have given this book 4 stars but I am adding another star for that and the bi flag pin on the cover).

I also loved the feelings chart. Loved how she assigned colors to the feelings she felt.

And the exes to lovers romance between Charlotte and Reece! Oh it was adorable!! I so enjoyed the tension and the sweet bickering between them. Reece was another reminder that you can only find men like him in fiction.

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the ARC.

“But How Are You, Really” is a refreshing, real story that will send your heart through so many emotions! Dawson’s novel captures the essence of attending your high school reunion, and all of it’s possibilities that can occur.

Ella Dawson's BUT HOW ARE YOU, REALLY perfectly captured the essence of millennial ennui and the risk of burning out when your career has just begun. (Note: I’m in my early twenties so while I haven’t lived this myself, I choose to believe this book depicted the subject well and this is what lies ahead of me.)

Perhaps my favorite aspect of BHAYR is that it's set during a college reunion. The setting is just ripe for drama (and it was.) I also love that it features a dual timeline in the past. The suspense of uncovering how all of the relationships in the story have evolved (or crashed and burned) never fails to hook me and this one pulled me in.

That being said, the characterization in this book pleasantly surprised me! (Which is good because it’s heavily character-driven.) The various friends, partners, and exes were distinct and relatively fleshed-out characters. It would’ve been easy to reduce several characters into stereotypes based on their identities, but I didn’t see much of that - even from the antagonists.

I adored Reece so much. His personality and dialogue were so charming throughout the book. I declare that 2024 is the year of golden retriever boy energy and I’m putting Reece on top. However, I also thought Reece bordered on too perfect. I understand that he functions as a character foil the hot mess that is Charlie, but he needs more flaws than just living at home with his mom in his late twenties. Throw him a bone! (Is that too many animal puns? The readers will get it.)

Overall, BUT HOW ARE YOU, REALLY was a sharp and decadent debut from Ella Dawson. 4 stars!

Thank you so much to Dutton for providing me a copy in exchange for an honest review.

I was pleasantly surprised by this book. I thought it was a really unique premise where the author was able to have older, more mature characters but in a setting that lent itself to more youthful shenanigans. There was a lot I liked and some minor things I was picky about.

I loved the themes of found family and second chance romance. I also enjoyed the queer rep. I liked that there were so many people to support our main character, Charlotte, even when she wasn’t in a place to help herself yet. However, I wasn’t a huge fan of all the forced therapy throughout. At the end of the day, this was reunion weekend and it was meant to be a fun filled blast back to their college days. Having a support group in the middle of the cafeteria felt forced to me. I was also a little skeptical of the pacing. After all, she reconnected with Reece in less than four days. But knowing that it left their relationship open ended with room to grow makes it feel less implausible. One of the redeeming moments for this book was how the storyline wraps up with her boss. It was extremely satisfying that she finally quit and the way that it ended was true perfection. (Feels very relevant too now that some 2024 graduation speeches have gone viral for being equally demeaning).

Being in the same phase of life as the main character (and approaching my 5 year college reunion this year as well), this brought up a lot of emotions and had me thinking about where I am at in my own life compared to where I thought I would be 5 years ago. I am glad I was able to have this as a companion read during that time. Overall, this was a great quick read, that although it handled some serious topics, wasn’t too difficult to read in a few sittings. I would definitely recommend to anyone who is also in their mid 20s and contemplating their current life. It would also make a great pride month/summer read. 4 stars!

Thank you to Dutton, Ella Dawson, and Net Galley for the e-arc in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you Dutton Books the #gifted copy of But How Are You, Really!

𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮, 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫: 𝐄𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐃𝐚𝐰𝐬𝐨𝐧
𝐏𝐮𝐛 𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐞: 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐞 𝟒, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒

This was such a unique read and I enjoyed so many aspects of it! It had so many different elements and it kept my attention the entire time. Charlotte does not want to go back to her five year college reunion. Her life is not where she thinks it should be, and her career in media has pretty much stalled. She has no desire to spend a weekend with her successful former classmates. But when her boss is invited to give the commencement address at graduating, which falls on the same weekend as the reunion, she has no choice but to attend. From there, Charlotte reconnects with people from her past, steps out of her comfort zone, and also confronts some past traumas in her life. I loved the friendships and chosen family aspects of this book. There were some tough topics and at times this book was a bit emotional, but I thought it was really well done.

Posted on Goodreads on June 1, 2024: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/144922955?ref=nav_profile_l
**Posted on Instagram - Full Review- on or around June 1, 2024: http://www.instagram.com/nobookmark_noproblem
**Posted on Amazon on June 4, 2024
**-will post on designated date

This book is so millennial (in a good way) and really encapsulates this late-20s experience of still not having your life together when (seemingly) everyone else does, and being a bit of a disaster bi.

Taking place at Charlotte's 5 year college reunion, she goes back on campus, a tomb of sorts, for her job. Her boss, a "thought-leader," podcaster, etc etc, was chosen to speak at graduation, which falls over reunion weekend. Charlotte is there to make sure everything goes smoothly and to live-tweet his commencement speech, hoping this'll finally lead to that promotion to the art department. It's still a far cry from the art's passionate about, but she'd be out from under her boss and at least be art-adjacent.

Being back at school means old wounds open, open wounds gape, and trying to just survive this weekend. She's lost touch with her friends, work's gotten too busy, and she needs financial security. She only has herself - she has no one to fall back on. But being back on campus means old ghosts come to haunt again. Worrying so much about seeing her ex-boyfriend, she forgets about her other male ex, Reece. A FWD, for lack of a better word, and a redeeming part of her senior year after an abusive relationship. The 3Ds support group is back together again, after 5 years, and nothing is the same anymore. Who they were in college is just a part of the past, they're scattered all over the country, and Charlotte's lost touch with almost all of them. This weekend is supposed to be about work for her, but it becomes so much more.

This book encapsulates so much of a queer college experience - finding a safe space at a queer-friendly organization, being best friends with your ex-girlfriend, creating a found family, etc etc. It felt like warm hug and reminded me of my days interning for the LGBTQIA+ Center at my old school, and the nostalgia felt like a warm hug. Reading this book during the month of my 5 year graduation anniversary (a coincidence!) hit even harder than expected.

I loved the way this book touched on queerness, college hookup culture, capitalism, abuse (of various kinds), found family, and healing. Charlotte goes through it, but through it all, she has so much love and support from the people she knows, even if she doesn't know how to ask for help.

Thank you NetGalley and Dutton for sending this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own.

3.5 ⭐️. This book really reminded me of why I never want to attend my college reunion. The messiness!!

As someone who works in Student Affairs within Higher Education, I had to set down my reality for a moment to really appreciate this story and the ride it took us on. I overall really enjoyed getting to know these characters.....but like can we be honest Charlotte was a really, really bad friend, right?

ty to NetGalley & Penguin Group Dutton for an advance reading copy in exchange for an honest review.

Charlotte is struggling to get by: rent in New York is too expensive, she's not drawing anymore, she's isolating herself, and her paycheck is really the only thing keeping her at her job as an executive assistant to her demanding, douchebag boss Roger.

When Roger is invited to give the commencement address at their shared alma mater Hein, as his assistant Charlotte attends the whole weekend of alumni events where she meets old friends, old flames, and old wounds surface. And when everything seems like it's going to come crashing down, Charlotte has to trust the people who love her to hold her up. If only she'd let them.

I'm really struggling with how to rate this book because I don't think it's a bad book necessarily, but it just wasn't for me.

I'm not a person who DNFs books unless it's really egregious, but if I were, I would have set this book down, which is a shame because I found the last third the most enjoyable part.

The setting did not work for me. Maybe I'm a west coast state school girl but I didn't know college reunions were a thing. I also didn't find Reece and Charlotte's romance particularly believable or compelling, and it was much less interesting to me than her friendships with Jackie, Nina, and the Acronym crew. It almost felt like two books mashed into one--the lightness, ease, and speed of the romance did not mesh with the difficulty and potential depth of the late 20s depression/career rut/trauma reckoning. I wish it had focused more on the latter.

Charlotte discovers you can go home again- or at least to your five year college reunion and your found family- in this novel about a woman who needs a boost. She's burned out, estranged from her mother, hates her job, and generally feels less than, which makes the prospect of seeing successful peers really unhappy but she's got to go because her horrible boss is the keynote. Reece, the guy she rebounded with after a breakup, is a good guy who understands her quandary and accepts that she's bi. How will their reunion end? No spoilers from me but this is about Charlotte working through her issues. Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC. A good read I suspect will resonate with many.

Charlotte is a burned out, 20-something with a truly terrible job. A job that just happens to lead her to attending her five year college reunion, where she reunites with her old friends and several ex's, including her ex-fling, Reese, a golden retriever man who is also struggling to navigate his late 20's.

There was so much to love about this book. I think this story will be super relatable to a lot of people. The whole concept of a weekend long college reunion where you stay in the dorms and everything is a little wild, but it really took me back to a particular time and place in my life and had me feeling very nostalgic. There was so much queer representation and queer joy throughout the book, and I found myself wishing my alma mater had something like Acronym. You also get some heavy doses of found family (love the 3D's so much).

This book also touches on some pretty emotional topics: terrible bosses, toxic relationships, parental-rejection, etc. It definitely wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, but there was enough good sprinkled in to really balance it out.

I do wish the book had been just a bit longer. I felt like there was some background info that could have been further explored, and I would have loved more of a look into this group's college years.

Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin Group Dutton for the ARC!

2/5

thank you to net galley and the publisher for providing me with an eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

EHH. this was just ehh to me.. when i saw this was a bisexual disaster post-grad story i was so excited but this fell so flat for me :/ i just did not feel the bond between charlotte and reece. i think this story taking place over a weekend detracted so much from it since as readers, we weren't entirely familiar with the bonds between the characters already. reece and charlotte shared an extensive history, yes, but at times things were referenced from the past that i felt could've been developed more. this story would've benefited from taking a past/present pov approach. also reece just gave me bad vibes...... it felt like the author was trying really hard to create this Perfect man but like. maybe im a hardcore man-hating lesbian but this bland "nice" white guy was not doing it for me.

i wouldn't pick this up again :/

But How Are You, Really by Ella Dawson

I’m so grateful to have received an uncorrected proof/e-arc of this book!!

I loved this, okay, where do we even begin?

This was a very well-paced book, with rhythmic and flowy (and yet easy-to-read) prose. A very character-centered story.

Charlie is such a wonderful and real character. She is messy and overwhelmed and so deeply loveable. It’s hard not to become deeply attached to a character when you see so much of yourself in them.

Reece is potentially one of the best-written men I’ve ever encountered. He is vulnerable and genuine and brewing with compassion.

Their dynamic is complicated, but it is ever-evolving and based on true care for one another.

Every side character, is dimensional and well-developed. these characters are raw and queer. Ultimately, they feel so real. Any person who has related to mental health issues, mental illness, or complicated family dynamics, will find a part of themselves in these characters.

Dawson touches on a number of heavy topics with love and patience. She shows the beauty in found family and building your own community.

The messages are poignant and can speak to anyone navigating uncharted territory in their lives. It speaks to the terrifying new stage of life known as “your twenties” and the fear of time passing and falling behind. The characters explore the existential fear of social milestones and a lack of plan. This felt like a love letter to living slowly and happily. To knowing when you deserve a better hand than the one you’ve been dealt. Yo recovery and self-forgiveness.

Side note: the acknowledgments are so lovely

Loved this, loved these characters, loved the relationships, love love love love

An amazing read. The incredible storytelling allowed the reader to feel the deep emotions of the main character. There were so many dynamics that played out in this story - friendship love, romantic love, processing trauma, celebrating queerness, and more. While tackling all of those topics may have been overwhelming for some authors, this book told a cohesive yet complex story.

Thank you to NetGalley and PENGUIN GROUP Dutton for an ARC.

oh DEAR GOD this book was made for me (i struck it lucky with my picks today, really).

where do i start!!! this book was the perfect mix of hot, gay, sad, lost, and horny, which is quickly becoming my favorite genre (lmao)—the perfect mix of romance, 20s lost-ness (this is not a word), and deep, deep introspection. if you guys have seen my review of ‘why did you stay?’ then you probably know why the premise of this appeals strongly to me (i don’t wish to rehash). just know that i am supremely grateful to ella dawson for writing a story as touching and heartfelt as this.

this comes at such a perfect time—i’m a month away before the 5-year anniversary of college graduation, and i get how charlotte feels so ‘behind’ and lost, seemingly last in a race she never signed up for. i loved how real this felt to me, and how communicative their entire friend group was. there’s a big premium here on the value of leaving both jobs and people who aren’t healthy for you, an added bonus to this already beautiful book. ella also talks about finding your own family, especially in the context of being queer when you have 3Ds parents (iykyk), which i just loved. god, this book was so SO special.

in truth, this felt like a romance to me (i’m actually SO thrilled lol), except more complex, real, and down to earth. god, i fell in LOVE with reece here. clearly a 5/5 for me for hitting all the right notes—i can’t wait to read more of ella’s work!!

I enjoyed this more than I thought I would!

The bad: I was a little confused why this book took place in 2018, but I can also appreciate that there is a specific cultural vibe the author may have wanted to capture by setting this in 2013/2018. The romance felt rushed (but it was over a weekend so what can you do) and I think I would have appreciated understanding Reece & Charlotte's connection more. I also wish the conflict at the end was bigger -- I need an epilogue where Ben and Roger are fully canceled.

The good: My favorite part of this book far and beyond were all the friendships. I thought they were all so thoughtfully developed and I loved that each of them stepped up in their own way. Reece was the perfect book boyfriend, and I don't think we'll ever be able to find a man like him in real life. But good for Charlotte. Lastly, the way that Charlotte talks about her bisexuality is so perfect and thoughtful, and I really appreciated it.