But How Are You, Really by Ella Dawson

I’m so grateful to have received an uncorrected proof/e-arc of this book!!

I loved this, okay, where do we even begin?

This was a very well-paced book, with rhythmic and flowy (and yet easy-to-read) prose. A very character-centered story.

Charlie is such a wonderful and real character. She is messy and overwhelmed and so deeply loveable. It’s hard not to become deeply attached to a character when you see so much of yourself in them.

Reece is potentially one of the best-written men I’ve ever encountered. He is vulnerable and genuine and brewing with compassion.

Their dynamic is complicated, but it is ever-evolving and based on true care for one another.

Every side character, is dimensional and well-developed. these characters are raw and queer. Ultimately, they feel so real. Any person who has related to mental health issues, mental illness, or complicated family dynamics, will find a part of themselves in these characters.

Dawson touches on a number of heavy topics with love and patience. She shows the beauty in found family and building your own community.

The messages are poignant and can speak to anyone navigating uncharted territory in their lives. It speaks to the terrifying new stage of life known as “your twenties” and the fear of time passing and falling behind. The characters explore the existential fear of social milestones and a lack of plan. This felt like a love letter to living slowly and happily. To knowing when you deserve a better hand than the one you’ve been dealt. Yo recovery and self-forgiveness.

Side note: the acknowledgments are so lovely

Loved this, loved these characters, loved the relationships, love love love love

An amazing read. The incredible storytelling allowed the reader to feel the deep emotions of the main character. There were so many dynamics that played out in this story - friendship love, romantic love, processing trauma, celebrating queerness, and more. While tackling all of those topics may have been overwhelming for some authors, this book told a cohesive yet complex story.

Thank you to NetGalley and PENGUIN GROUP Dutton for an ARC.

oh DEAR GOD this book was made for me (i struck it lucky with my picks today, really).

where do i start!!! this book was the perfect mix of hot, gay, sad, lost, and horny, which is quickly becoming my favorite genre (lmao)—the perfect mix of romance, 20s lost-ness (this is not a word), and deep, deep introspection. if you guys have seen my review of ‘why did you stay?’ then you probably know why the premise of this appeals strongly to me (i don’t wish to rehash). just know that i am supremely grateful to ella dawson for writing a story as touching and heartfelt as this.

this comes at such a perfect time—i’m a month away before the 5-year anniversary of college graduation, and i get how charlotte feels so ‘behind’ and lost, seemingly last in a race she never signed up for. i loved how real this felt to me, and how communicative their entire friend group was. there’s a big premium here on the value of leaving both jobs and people who aren’t healthy for you, an added bonus to this already beautiful book. ella also talks about finding your own family, especially in the context of being queer when you have 3Ds parents (iykyk), which i just loved. god, this book was so SO special.

in truth, this felt like a romance to me (i’m actually SO thrilled lol), except more complex, real, and down to earth. god, i fell in LOVE with reece here. clearly a 5/5 for me for hitting all the right notes—i can’t wait to read more of ella’s work!!

I enjoyed this more than I thought I would!

The bad: I was a little confused why this book took place in 2018, but I can also appreciate that there is a specific cultural vibe the author may have wanted to capture by setting this in 2013/2018. The romance felt rushed (but it was over a weekend so what can you do) and I think I would have appreciated understanding Reece & Charlotte's connection more. I also wish the conflict at the end was bigger -- I need an epilogue where Ben and Roger are fully canceled.

The good: My favorite part of this book far and beyond were all the friendships. I thought they were all so thoughtfully developed and I loved that each of them stepped up in their own way. Reece was the perfect book boyfriend, and I don't think we'll ever be able to find a man like him in real life. But good for Charlotte. Lastly, the way that Charlotte talks about her bisexuality is so perfect and thoughtful, and I really appreciated it.

this book is about charlotte who is feeling kind of stuck in her life and is hoping that a promotion at her job will help with her rut. we get to follow her time at a college reunion that she has gone to for the weekend and see her reconnect with old lovers and friends.

this book was fine. it was a quick read which was nice but it wasn't my favorite. i did love the writing and everything but I felt like the plot had no plot? I'm not sure how else to explain it, it felt like a lot of back and forth and just filler information. i didn't really think this was a romance it read and felt more like lit fic with a hint of romance but the romance wasn't the main part of the plot. however it was a solid read just a bit forgettable in my mind.

A painfully real depiction of returning to college - and those you knew there! This novel hits close to home for those of us who identify as "bi mess" and is a great read!

I really liked the mix of characters in this book, but I just had a hard time getting into it. I love the premise of going back to stay in the dorms again, and the reunion aspect was fun. But the overbearing boss/spineless assistant trope dragged on for too long in my opinion. There were much more interesting details to these stories and characters I would have rather focused on.

I didn’t know how much I truly needed to feel until I read this. I found myself truly emotional many times during this read and I’m not sure how to describe it but that truly felt good. Veryyy relatable for me and I wasn’t emotionally prepared for that. Loved the writing style as well! I’d be in heaven if I knew there would be more to this story👀🫶🏼

The universal feeling of dread when someone asks you: how are you? What have you been up to? Before you can answer, your brain swirls with other questions. Is my answer good enough? Am I doing enough? Am I enough?

Charlotte struggles with this throughout the book, in a way that’s relatable and grounding, as she comes back to her 5 year college reunion and reunites with her best friends. Work has been a bit much for her lately, so she might’ve been out of touch. Combine that with her ex’es coming back for the weekend, and it should be a rumpus party, right?

Charlotte’s struggles are relatable and timeless, with each character providing support in the most beautiful way possible. I, like Charlotte, didn’t want the weekend to end. Pick this up if you’re looking for a great lit-fic, romance, or need a little support from the friend crew in your life as you figure everything out, one step at a time.

I unfortunately misunderstood the description for this one and thought it was a sapphic romance, and while there were some elements of it, the main romance is between the MC Charlotte who is a female and Reece who is a male. That is 100% on me as it’s said she was bisexual and I just assumed Reece was a female. That said, once he was brought into the book I stopped reading as I was struggling to get into it anyways.

I just really love queer people. This book was beautiful. Trauma and grief and struggle are handled so gorgeously. The group that Charlotte surrounds herself with is the absolute definition of found family. They all felt so built out and so real. They communicated like true friends and went through their character development so naturally. While definitely touching on heavy topics, it keeps it just light enough to not feel too dark. I loved this cast of characters, I love Charlotte, and I loved this story.

I was unable to finish this book and thus will not be posting a full review. I found that five years after college graduation was not sufficient to make these characters interesting and the state of arrested development did not resonate with me. Thank you for your consideration and the opportunity to review.

BUT HOW ARE YOU, REALLY is a poignant, funny and emotional novel about charlotte thorne, a burnt out bisexual millennial going back to her alma mater for her 5-year college reunion. going back is the last thing she wants to do, but when her boss is invited to do the commencement speech, she has no choice but to return and confront some past ghosts. i wasn't sure what to expect when i started reading this book, but i quickly found myself immersed in the narrative, eagerly following along as charlotte reunited with her college friends and ex-situationship (who she still has incredible chemistry with). as a millennial who's struggled with impostor syndrome and comparing myself to my peers, i found charlotte to be so relatable and her struggles with her dead-end career and her fear of the future felt so palpable and real to me. i would absolutely recommend this book to anyone, but especially those who've struggled with finding their place post-graduation. thanks to netgalley and dutton for the advanced copy. BUT HOW ARE YOU, REALLY comes out june 4th.

Charlotte Thorne is returning to college for her five year reunion. She is working as a personal assistant, to a thankless boss. Caught up in the need to pay dues and hoping for the job her egocentric boss dangles but never gives her. Charlotte is BI and has a hard time realizing how much she has let her once dear queer friends slip from her life. Her character arc is great. Going from the whiny it’s not my fault to showing confidence and self worth all in a very short weekend timeframe.

It helps that her once college boyfriend is there and the attraction and chemistry is still high. I like that reconnecting with friends is part of her journey to finding herself again. Of course having a boss that is almost cartoon villainous makes it easy to cheer her on in her new choices. I like the story overall but even with the quick time frame the story was slow in parts. Because this is Charlotte’s story it is correctly marketed as women’s fiction with a romance. I was happy with the potential HEA ending and may have wished for an epilogue to see further into her future. Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin Group Dutton for the ARC and I am leaving an honest review. (3.5 Stars)

But How Are You, Really?

Well, I'm perplexed but in the best way possible. this was a goodie btu V diff from what i'm used to. Overall though it was still a win for me. Just on the slow side.

Love a book that makes me feel validated in my fear of being a burn out and being in my late twenties. Absolutely nothing like working a job you don’t want but have to have for income and insurance.

I loved the description of the book however I think the pacing could have been better! It was slow at first but it got better!

It seriously captured being bi so well and everything that comes with it! Definitely one to recommend to friends and the queer community!

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC and chance to review this book.

I felt so protective of Charlotte while reading this book and felt similarly to her friends who were worried about seeing her so miserable. As someone who graduated high school 10 years ago and college 7 years ago, the idea of a college reunion filled me with dread, probably for the same reasons Charlotte mentioned in the book. Being seen is hard; being truly known is HARD. It leaves us with nowhere to hide.

As a trauma therapist, I loved reading about Charlotte coming to terms with the abuse she experienced from multiple people in her life in multiple contexts. I loved it because it felt real — the patterns we find ourselves falling into when we’ve suffered abuse are there because these relationships feel familiar and our brain mistakes familiarity for safety. These realizations are messy and break us wide open. I could feel how carefully and respectfully Ella Dawson wrote about this.

I was excited to read this book, but unfortunately I just couldn't get into it. The pacing felt slow and it was hard for me to get invested. I would like to give this book a second chance since it hits on so many things I love, but I will likely do that via audiobook.

THIS BOOK!!! For a debut I’m blown away. Charlottes story felt so real. Facing your past and things that scare you most is not easy. I love that she’s taking back her life and following her heart in that she’s worth more than she thinks.

Oh this book was so much fun and it hit me quite hard. This contemporary romance story hits that spot that I seek where it provides depth of characters (main and side) while also exploring very difficult topics. In this book, Dawson does a wonderful job at portraying the cycles of abuse a person can get stuck in when it's all they've known. From parents homophobia, to emotionally abusive partners and bosses, this book shows how it can inhibit a person from knowing they deserve better from their families, friends, partners, and jobs.

This story is told form a 3rd person perspective, which scared me a bit because sometimes that makes it harder to connect with the inner world of the main character (in my experience). However, I think it does a great job at giving you the insight of how Charlotte felt throughout the book. On the other hand, I kept wishing I could get more insights on how Reese (mmc) or Jackie (bff) were feeling; even though it was 3rd person, it gave me the same vibes a 1st person pov gives me where all the insight comes from the main character and their perceptions of others. It still worked and conveyed the emotions it needed to, but I do wonder if fully committing to 1st person or exploring more of what a 3rd person pov could do for side characters would've benefit this story.

In summary, this one is for the queer kids with parent or partner-related trauma who don't know how to ask for help or they feel like they are so behind their peers. This book was fun, emotional, sexy, and sweet.

Side note: I LOVE that it didn't include an epilogue. The ending was perfect! Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this review copy.