Cait West writes with beautiful imagery, capturing the highs and lows of the home school landscape in the 90s, illuminating the hidden underside of the warped beliefs in the conservative church, and ripping off the shiny wrapping that has concealed the dangers of complementarianism and the stay at home daughters movement.

“It wasn’t until later that I discovered the rules I had been abiding by all along to keep my place.” For many of us who grew up in fundamentalist spaces this is familiar. It takes years and even decades to see what beliefs built the harm done to us. Personally, I’m still unpacking many of the rules that I learned in childhood.

The geological threads woven through the story were stunning, and West says part of the reason she added them was to stay grounded while writing about deep trauma. I learned so much about the land around me and it felt so natural, giving the book an underlying structure that spanned thousands of miles.

Throughout the book, West shares how she found bits of solid ground through friendship, literature, and online support groups. As she digs through her past and rebuilds her life, she generously holds her hand out to those coming behind her, helping reinforce the stepping stones survivors must use to get out of the canyon of despair they were tossed into in order to feed the beast of christian patriarchy.

Cait's story of her experience with Christian Patriarchy and the stay at home daughter movement is eye opening and beautifully told. Using geological metaphors she describes her life in and movement away from these uber conservative circles in a memoir that is moving and artistic.

"Rift" joins a growing body of women's narratives about what it's like to grow up and live within oppressive patriarchal religion. Typically thought to be a social force for good, these women reveal what happens when religion robs its more vulnerable adherents of agency, identity, and freedom.

Cait West is one such woman, her father bringing her into this more restrictive world while she was young, but not so young as to not remember life before. Her story provides an inside look at the stay-at-home daughter movement--a reality filled with a quiet coercion invisible to those who don't know it exists. West tells her story sympathetically, yet without sparing herself as she also contemplates her own complicity in keeping other contained in the world that is also suffocating her.

Readers will appreciate her daring to change her circumstances, and in so doing, coming to know herself more truly for the first time. This is an especially recommended read for friends and allies who want more insight into coercive religion, and how they might support those leaving or thinking of leaving.

I related so much to Cait's story, which at times made it hard to read. Our upbringings were different in many ways, but the trauma of being raised evangelical while struggling with mental health conditions such as OCD is so uniquely painful. It was cathartic to hear Cait's perspective on all of the things she survived and how she took ownership of changing her life for the better. I felt so connected to her as an author and so enthralled by the twists and turns in her story. This was a fantastic read and I hope it sheds light for people on what could be happening inside those "perfect Christian families" you see around town.

Thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for this eARC.

“Rift: A Memoir of Breaking Away from Christian Patriarchy” by Cait West is a profound and moving account of one woman’s journey out of the confines of a repressive system into the liberating light of self-discovery and empowerment. West’s narrative is not just a personal story; it’s a resonant exploration of the broader implications of spiritual and emotional manipulation within the Christian patriarchy movement.

The memoir unfolds as a series of reflections, each tied to the geographies of West’s life, from Delaware to Michigan. These places serve as more than mere backdrops; they are integral to understanding the progression of West’s experience within the stay-at-home daughter movement. The author’s candid recounting of her upbringing under the strictures of her father’s control is both harrowing and enlightening.

West’s prose is lyrical yet accessible, weaving geological metaphors with her life’s narrative to illustrate the seismic shifts in her worldview. The danger of isolation is a central theme, highlighting how it serves as a tool for control and a barrier to broader perspectives. Yet, it is the emergence of external support systems that offers a glimmer of hope. Through the kindness of friends, the love of her husband, and the solidarity found in shared stories, West charts a path towards freedom.

“Rift” is more than a survival story; it’s a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of breaking free from oppressive ideologies. West’s journey is a beacon for those navigating their own escape from systems of control, and her memoir is a valuable contribution to the conversation around religious trauma and the legacy of purity culture.

In essence, Cait West’s “Rift” is a compelling narrative that balances the personal with the universal, the painful with the hopeful, and the descriptive with the analytical. It’s a must-read for anyone interested in the complexities of spiritual abuse, the dynamics of patriarchal systems, and the courage it takes to reclaim one’s life.

Rift is the story of loving, leaving, and reconciling oneself with Christian patriarchy. It tells Cait West's story of growing up with an extremist right wing evangelical father, her path to leaving the faith that raised her, and how she found truths to cling to inside that same faith. West tells her story with strength, determination, and compassion. As someone who has also had to redefine their relationship to Christianity after being raised with harmful ideology, I appreciate the nuance and perspective West brings in Rift. What easily could have been a story of victimhood and religion bashing- is instead a beautiful story of a woman breaking free.

You certainly do not have to come from a Christian patriarchy lifestyle to find this deeply personal memoir engaging. West relates her story to the natural world, and honestly, her point is made but it inhibits the natural flow of the story.

Excellent alternative choice for those looking to read on this subject but fear the level of abuse in Educated to be too much.

Thanks to NetGalley and Eerdmans for the ARC of this title.

RIYL: Educated, The Exvangelicals: Loving, Living, and Leaving the White Evangelical Church, Jesus and John Wayne: How White Evangelicals Corrupted a Faith and Fractured a Nation.

This was a fantastic memoir of what growing up under the Christian Patriarchy movement, and the braiding of the author's narrative with a record of the media available to them at the time helped fill in the gaps of what this felt like. The juxtaposition stood out for me - this felt like a quilt or a tumblr page, where all the pieces provide a more informed whole.

This was an absolutely wonderful book. As someone with religious trauma, this book made me feel so seen and sane. Cait's story has a heartbreaking beginning, but reading about her journey to freedom was worth the tears. Highly recommend for anyone interested in learning about the dark sides of Christianity, or just trying to get different perspectives on life.

Thank you to the author for my advance electronic copy via NetGalley. My opinions are my own.

Cait West was raised in a household steeped in the Christian patriarchy movement, where she was programmed to believe that women are inferior to men and that it was her role to serve first her father, then her (eventual) husband. This is a story of abuse and manipulation for the sake of power, all hidden within the guise of spirituality and the Truth. West survived this long enough to finally escape, and within these pages we can relive her trauma and the courage it took to break away and choose her own future.

I appreciate the honesty and transparency in what must be a heartbreaking process of laying bare a traumatic past. West is deeply observant in her poetic, lyric prose. This is a series of glimpses, vignettes, and flashes of memory that will most probably be triggering for some (it was for me). But if there is to be any change this cannot be left to flourish in the dark, as it has for so long.

Trigger warning provided by the author: “This book talks about abuse, suicidal ideation, infertility, and religious trauma, among other sensitive topics. I have tried to write my story with your physical, emotional, and mental well-being in mind, but please take care.”

A mind boggling memoir that made me equal parts shocked and appalled. Very well written and compelling!

In her April 4th Eerdman’s interview, Cait West says, “I’ve been called an apostate, a heretic, and a witch. But I don’t take it personally. 🙂 I prefer ‘truth teller.’”

I can think of no better way to begin this review than to say, “Read my friend Cait’s book! She’s a truth teller!”

From the first to the final page, there is so much to love:

* Cait West’s skilled and beautifully crafted writing, like this from the opening page: “If I am alone enough or scared enough, I try to collect the memories, weave them together like lace, like snowflakes.”

* Cait’s honesty about “the complexity of past love and loss and damage” which threads through the book as a steady both/and of emotions and experiences that have shaped who she has become, who she is still becoming.

* Cait’s hope on the final page that, “I have room to love and be loved, to explore the Earth unafraid, to pray or be silent. I am open to the wonder of living.”

Readers on their own journeys—particularly those breaking free from fundamentalism and abusive structures of all sorts—can trust that through the rifting of their own lives, “we can survive, and in the separating, we become something new, always evolving.”

Thank you to the publisher, author, and netGalley for providing me with a copy of this in exchange for an honest review.

TRIGGER WARNING: This book involves subjects about abuse, homophobia and purity culture.


Rift is a memoir about a girl who grew up in the Christian Patriarchy Movement. Chronicalling from her birth and all the way to the modern day Cait discusses how much her life changed when her father came across the Christian Patriarchy movement and how that behaviour affected and influenced both her and her siblings. She discusses the emotional abuse, the gaslighting and manipulation that comes with the movement and the way every aspect of her life was completly controlled by her father who was, at the time, seen as one of the top speakers on courtship. She discusses falling in love, her brother coming out, and the friends she loved and lost through her father's control. She covers faith and the idea of an all loving God being warped into a God who supports the abuse and manipulation girls suffered through the Christian Patriarchy movement.

This was a difficult book to read. Growing up, a protestant who is heavily involved in Chuch I was both interested and scared of what I would find between the pages of this book. And yet I read it in one sitting. This memoir was lyrical, beautiful, and poignant, leaving me so thankful for my own faith and the freedom I experienced whilst also leaving me to question the behaviour of people around me.

"She was ecstatic with existence."

The memoir begins with Cait talking about her early life. The christian kindergarten she went to. Her father smiling at the table. Her siblings laughing and going to high school, ready for life to start. She speaks of a child, a distant memory of herself, who was unburdened by the theologies and ideas of a church run entirely by men. And then she begins to talk about what happened when her father stumbled across a figurehead of the Christian Patriarchy movement and the changes that hit her family suddenly, changing everything.

"Be kind, but not yourself."

When Cait was 11, her sister almost 18, her father started to change his rules about dating. He began to call it courtship and began to put together a list of things a woman should be in order to be a good wife. Cait remained at home, learning to cook and clean and sew, knowing her father would be the one to choose who she married. This action started a culture of chastity and control in her home, with her sister ending up in an abusive marriage. Cait asks the questions: Does a list of qualities equal a happy marriage? Can you truly fall in love without knowing the person first? Does purity culture create a safe haven for women, or does it perpetuate abuse? We, the reader, are left to answer those questions alone.

"I played at who I was or who I could have been."

For over a decade, the author fit into the box her father created for her. She watched one of her older brothers leave home and join the military to escape her father, but didn't truly understand why. She moved around with her family, never staying in one place long enough to make good friends. She thought her 15 year old friend was joking about having a husband. She realises many years later that she probably wasn't joking. She's told that by getting emotionally invested in a male, she is causing pain to his future wife. She discovers that she must not show any skin. She is told she is responsible for men's sins, that she must not lead them astray. She goes to churches where men lead the church and women are restricted to the children or the kitchens. She grows in a culture of sexism and manipulation, and for many years, she thinks it is normal. Soon, she decides she wants out, the decision only cemented by her father's refusal to allow her to court a man who will end up becoming her husband.

Cait was very thorough in this book. Although it is non-fiction, it reads like fiction, with elements that could have been coming out of The Handmaids Tale. She opens up about her father, about the PTSD she still suffers with. She discusses the way the culture of her household turned her from a completely happy and normal child to an adult with severe OCD who thinks that everything she does that her father disagrees with is a sin. And she discusses the route of healing she had to take.

I loved this book. I'm always interested in the idea of nature vs. nurture, and Cait covers the subject with a great degree of emotional intelligence, sharing the boundaries she set in place to protect herself and others. She recounts how the emotional abuse she received made her think it was her fault when she and her husband couldn't have children, even though they later discovered he was the one with issues. I found it really interesting to read about a situation where the woman is always to blame - where the woman is the sinner and the man a saviour. Cait covers homosexuality, discussing the churchs reaction to her brother coming out and the effect that had on his life. This book was so intelligently written, tying in bible verses, personal accounts, and articles from magazines her father would have read as she was growing. She ends the book by realising that her father was always going to end up being controlling and emotionally absuive. He just found something to hide behind.

I find the idea of people hiding their evil behind faith very interesting. It is the perfect excuse, and the world perpetuates that, with the Chrisitan Patriarchy movement still being at the forefront in many homeshcool, home plant churches. This book is part memoir, part criticism, and I think that, despite the themes, it is a book most young women should read at some point. It was beautiful.

4.5 stars.

In this riveting coming-of-age memoir, West reflects on her upbringing, life as a stay-at-home-daughter, and exit from Christian patriarchy.

Rift shows-not-tells what many girls raised in Christian patriarchy and dominionism faced in the 1990s and early 2000s...and still face in those subcultures. West deftly intersperses her own memories and observations with quotes from publications and leaders to demonstrate how authoritative voices shaped aspirational parental desires which then became expectations for a rigidly defined Christian girlhood and prescribed future. I appreciate the way that West, alongside her unflinching honesty, humanizes the friends and family members who were participants, enablers, and victims of the spiritual abuse that accompanied these teachings. The geological motif and setting provides a vivid and solid metaphor as well as a welcome reprieve from some of the heavy content.

West's powerful story-telling and beautiful writing bear witness to the impact of Christian reconstructionism on families and offer a cautionary warning for a new generation of Christians flirting with rebranded dominionism. But even those unfamiliar with this Christian subculture will resonate with the broader themes touching on Christian womanhood, purity culture, loss, grief, self-discovery, and personhood.

It took me a little time to sink into the narrative--while the opening that establishes the large scope of the memoir's themes grabbed my attention and left me itching for more, the next few chapters about Cait's childhood felt somewhat directionless, disjointed. Still, subtly ominous episodes from early on in her life kept me reading to find out what would happen, and by the time she reaches her pre-teens, I saw myself all over the pages of the book. I plowed through to the end, anxiously waiting to see how and when she would finally break free from all the invisible chains that had held her for so long. And the payoff was exhilarating, massively cathartic--and also very bittersweet. I've waited for a long time for a book to capture the experience of leaving a toxic patriarchal family, something I know far too well myself, and this one does to a T. Cait's compassionate self-knowledge and the understanding she has gleaned of her situation on the other side of it informs the book with insight and wisdom that I hope will be a beacon for others still trapped, and the way she couples integrity with gentleness in telling her story is deeply commendable.

Disclaimer: I received an advanced copy of this book from the publisher, W.B. Eerdmans, for the purpose of leaving a fair and unbiased review.

Solid and relatable for anyone who grew up in this kind of world. Mine wasn't this intense but I understand it well. Some parts felt a little rambly/ choppy, but overall, solid.

I love a good memoir, and I had a hard time putting this one down! West grew up in a strict Orthodox Presbyterian home, led by her father, who adhered to the Christian patriarchy movement. Every decision was dictated by her father, as he was the head of the household. West and her siblings were home-schooled, with most details of their lives (clothing, mannerisms, hobbies, etc.) stringently controlled. West grew up knowing that her main goal in life was to get married and bear children, and that she would live as a stay-at-home daughter until she was courted by a “Biblical” man vetted by her father.

The first half to two-thirds of the memoir depicted West’s childhood, teen, and young adult years. Her narrative was incredibly riveting and full of rich descriptions of the places she and her family lived, as well as their home life. She particularly excelled in showing how gradual and insidious the emotional abuse and religious trauma she endured became as she grew up.

The rest of the book depicted how she escaped her strict family and what her life is like now. This section really drove home the enduring effects of the emotional and religious trauma she endured: PTSD, OCD, anxiety and panic attacks. And yet this was done in a thoughtful way that was not triggering and full of care and compassion not only for herself, but for others who experienced similar upbringings.

With the ever increasing influence of fundamentalist Christianity in US politics, especially for this upcoming election cycle, I highly recommend reading this amazing memoir to get a necessary glimpse into how Christian patriarchy infringes on the rights of women and children, disallowing them their agency and personhood.

Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the digital ARC of this book. All opinions expressed are my own.

Thank you to NetGalley, Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company and Cait West for the ARC of this book.

I was very excited to read Rift, as it seemed to be written in the same vein as North of Normal, Educated and Glass Castle. I love any book that exposes a a very alien type of society or way of life to me. Plus I love anything a little bit culty. This was also my first look into the Christian patriarchy movement and wow. The concept of a stay at home daughter is absolutely wild, and hearing Cait West's story was wild.

Rift is divided into two parts- West's story in the first half, and the second half she muses over her trauma and works through healing it. The first half of the book was great, however, the second half lost my interest and felt like it started dragging. A better editor could have shortened down the second section of the book which would have made it more readable.

I felt like Cait West didn't go that deeply into her story- I felt like she could have been much more descriptive of the events which took place with her father and it felt like a lot of smaller traumatic events were passed over, which could have made the story more powerful. After reading other memoirs about abusive and wild childhoods (like the ones mentioned above), it just felt like Rift lacked some depth. Now- I do not want to judge West too hard for not going deeper- because I am sure that even revisiting these events at all is re-traumatizing.

The first half of the story would have been a 4 for me, and the second half was probably a 2.5, so rounding out to a 3.

I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has had experience being a member of a patriarchal church or wants to understand what it’s like to have been raised or affected by one.

Cait West lived under the authoritarian rule of her father and the church and the movement as a whole, and recounts her lived experiences with great narrative detail. I was involved in this movement for part of the raising of my children and am just now beginning to reckon with the effects of the spiritual abuse, years after separating from the movement.

This book brought up some intense feelings for me, but I’m grateful to Cait for telling her story and feel like there are a lot of women I know that may eventually write similar stories as a way to process and to give hope to others.

This is a needed perspective and very well done.

Wow. While my experience is still somewhat different from the authors, there were parts of this that seemed as though she had been watching my life and putting it onto paper. I cried, and felt so much empathy while feeling like I was so very seen.