You're Breaking My Heart by Olugbemisola
Rhuday-Perkovich captures the depths of grief in such raw form. An authentic depiction, Harriet Adu's grief and guilt over her brother's murder in a school shooting is so all consuming that she grows more detached and alone. If you've experienced the death of someone who is a part of you, then this book can be both painful and comforting. Painful to relive the grief in some ways, but comforting to feel seen.
I also read a lot of this Coraline-esque YA as a metaphor for suicidal ideation. The darker her thoughts get, the more entrenched and tempted she becomes in the alternate reality. But the loss isn't just about the loss of life, the writing covers the loss of ancestry. Harriet has to repeatedly tell herself to keep swimming. In fact, water is a dominant theme.
The setting is underground Harlem. Harriet's mom tries to reclaim her ties to Nigeria without being absolutely certain of her heritage. These are a few examples for readers to consider. Still, the author makes room for Black pride throughout in the nods to small Black business, 90s sitcoms, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Mae Jamison-there's a lot of intentional placement that is worth a reread.

Guilt does strange things to people. There is no doubt that mixing grief with guilt does even stranger things to people. Harriet feels guilt over the death of her brother and it messes with her head and her heart. She can't even escape into the usual comfort of the water without seeing monsters and wanting to drown beneath the waves. When Harriet is offered a life line to escape her pain, even if it seems strange and unorthodox, she would do anything for a do-over.

Lines between reality and fantasy become blurred as Harriet searches for the one lifeline she has been thrown and the one hope that she can redo her last morning with her brother.

This book begs the question - what would you do if you were desperate for a do over when death is a barrier to fixing the biggest mistake of your life?

Thank you to the publisher and Netgalley for providing me with an ARC of the audiobook in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.
I think the writing in this book is actually pretty good but it really wasn't for me. The constant switching between "reality" and the speculative elements of this book was throwing me off and i found it really hard to keep interest. It kind of felt like getting literary whiplash for me and for me, that negatively affected my ability to immerse myself in the emotional side of the story the development of the relationships.
Ultimately this book was not for me but might work for other readers who more appreciation for speculative books.

Thank you to RB Media | Recorded Books and netgalley for allowing me access to this book. This book was definitely a journey of a book but it was a story that needed to be told.

I thought i left a review but this was just not for me. It started off very interesting but the writing style was choppy and wasn’t easy to keep me engaged.

A young girl deals with grief and guilt in You’re Breaking My Heart by Olugbemisola Rhuday-Perkovich. If you have a sibling, then you can relate to the fighting that often occurs between them. No matter what age, often things are said that are regretted later. In the case of Harriet, she tells her brother she wished he would die, the morning he is shot and killed in a school shooting.

The author weaves together grief, guilt and fantasy as Harriet deals with her current existence in the aftermath of her brother’s murder. We all have moments in our Iives that we wish could have a do-over with. We wish we could say something different or make a different choice.

Harriet feels out of place at her new school, until one day another girl just as “weird” as her shows up at school. She talks about an underground world where there are more people like the two of them. An escape from the bleak life Harriet is living in the aftermath of her brother’s death. It’s a mind-bending, fantastical place beneath the subways of New York City that promises to be an escape that doubles as a second chance.

Her guilt, grief and depression are hard to process in the wake of her brother’s death and her mother’s distance. This underground place might be the second chance or it could be something darker. But Harriet must contend with this decision of whether to stay or go. Whether choosing this dark place is a brighter choice than her grief in her regular life. She takes this journey with her cousin and her brother’s friend.

This is a whirlwind of a speculative novel. It’s an exploration of what it means to have a second chance, as well as how much is a second chance worth.

The narrator does a great job of capturing Harriet's voice and enhancing the nuances of the intentions behind the other characters.

Also, love the image of a Black girl on the cover swimming.

was looking for a couple of audiobooks for the grandkids’ spring break reading circle and found this YA book.

Harriet Adu is struggling with the violent death of her brother. Tondu was killed in a school shooting. Unfortunately for Harriet, she had an argument with her brother before school and told him, "I wish you were dead." She can't help but blame herself for his death regardless of how much she is told or thinks through the events that they are not her fault.

It is a good story about a young person dealing with grief, the death of a close family member, and the changes in the adults she loves. Also, her parents moved her to a new school because they thought it would be easier for her because there were fewer reminders of her brother. Too many changes are not good for anyone in a time of grief; for a young person, it only hurts their heart more.

Harriet finds a way to experience life differently. At this point, the story touches on the paranormal/fantasy. This is the only downside for me. It doesn't flow as smoothly as the beginning of the story. Also, the story seems a little out of sync. However, I think teens and tweens will accept it more. My frustration was too many questions, but I don't think it will bother a younger person as much.

I’ll see when we get together next month.

Normally, I'm not a big fan of authors narrating their own work put this is well done. I felt I was in Harriet's head and heart. 4 Stars for Olugbemisola Rhuday-Perkovich.

Was not a fan of the writing or storyline. It was very choppy and the pacing was off. It started off okay, but began to implement too much without smooth transitions.

Something about how rude the main girl was to anyone no matter their intentions really set me off. I understand that she's grieving, I understand those are really complicated emotions for someone of that age especially after what she went through, but I just felt if she was mean to her brother before his death, why be even more mean to everyone else around her? I can see it as a 'don't come near me, I'll cause your death' but I felt like it could've been portrayed way better. I ended up dnfing this from how much the main girl set me off without me caring about her at all.

I love this wonderful book about grief and guilt. I absolutely loved the narration! It was perfection. I felt it.
What a great book!

This is not my normal type of book that I read but it is a lovely book. A young woman struggling with grief of her brother. There was definitely some interesting chapters towards the end that I would not have expected. But would definitely read more from this author

sadly i had to dnf. this was my first arc and i didn’t really know what this was about. the writing is very questionable here, I couldn’t understand if it was the past or the present. also the whole story is weird. like is it simple fiction or paranormal?
the narrator is very lovely, her voice fits the characters very well.

a nice story of grief and healing, identity and magical worlds but i don’t think it was really for me and in the end, i didn’t care much about the characters.

Did not finish book. Stopped at 41%.
Thank you RB Media for the ALC. Unfortunately, the pacing is slow and I'm having a hard time staying engaged. I was excited for this book based on the sample and the summary, but I'm honestly just confused and bored. The concept seemed really interesting, but it's just not keeping my attention. After a week of struggling to get into, I finally called it quits. Maybe I'll give this one a try again at a later date or in a different format, but right now it's just not doing it for me.

I can’t say that I was exactly ready for this book. When I heard about it I was thinking there was going to be some talk of grief and the guilt that she felt. And for the most part, that’s what I got, but there was so much more to it that I wasn’t expecting. And I can’t lie, it threw me off a bit. Not in a bad way, but it just wasn’t what I was expecting.

Ok so the very first thing was the way they portrayed the grief. The mysterious girl coming in and thinking all the same things, and being the only one who likes the same thing she does. It was interesting tho that everyone else could see her tho. I thought it was also weird that she was there to help her and she literally did nothing to help her. I hated that she didn’t have anyone. She needed to get help. As the book goes on she is given even more hard times while she’s trying to keep it together. Her guilt manifested into some really weird things.

Usually I am a huge fan of books on serious topics, but this one is speculative, so it seemed like it was out there. I wish we hard learned more about the accident and what all those images and animals had to do with her grief. Like the rats? Was it just from the story her mom used to tell her? I also didn’t like that there was no explanation for these things. I try to read as a teen since that’s what I would think they’d see in the text, but I think without explanation this might be a little difficult for some readers. Idk, it was weird. But it was also beautiful. The author did a great job in making sure that even tho what was going on seemed weird, it was also set in some really beautiful prose. And I appreciated that.

The ending was just ok. I liked what happened, but I wanted some type of explanation on it. Like she came to terms, she no longer felt guilty, she just accepted it and let it go? What happened? I thought that was just me because I’m not a fan of books that seem open ended, but after talking to my friend, she also thought the same. It just seemed abrupt and I would have liked to have a little more with her finding her family and friends again.

The characters were just okay also. They’re introduced, and some of them even have some large parts, but none of them have a clear ending. Like what happened to her cousin and her brother’s bestie? She tells them what she’s been dealing with, they cry and then it just stopped at her storyline? And her mom let them go on their way, and then disappeared? Idk, I think I wanted more in that aspect.

This book was beautiful and haunting, but I still needed more. I understand that it is a speculative book, but there should have been some more info because speculative or not, I was left mostly confused but with a smile on my face. If that makes sense lol

i really liked a lot of things about this book. the way i handled grief and how Harriet felt with it. How all consuming grief can be. I loved the premise of this book about a place underneath the subways of New York but this book just fell flat for me. i found myself zoning out at a lot of parts, and speeding up the audiobook to go a little faster. I think this book would be perfect for. lot of people, it just wasn’t for me. I did enjoy the narrator.

The diction in the first half of this book was beautiful… with wonderful character development of the main female character, Harriet, as she grapples with her brother’s death. I became disinterested and quite confused in the last half of the book, however, when the elements of what a think was a magical realm or portal was introduced? The narrator did a wonderful job…but maybe if I had a physical copy I wouldn’t have been as lost.
Thank you to NetGalley and RB Media for a copy of this audiobook for my honest review.

What a ride! This book totally changed directions while I was listening to this. I wasn't expecting this type of journey for Harriet while dealing with her brother's death and the guilt she was carrying. Initially when she met Night Man, the story reminded me very much of my favorite book, Neverwhere, by Neil Gaiman. The characters Olugbemisola Rhuday-Perkovich created were so vibrant. The narrator really enhanced the experience with the voice changes and inflections in each of the voices. She definitely brought something that I don't think I would have experienced if I hadn't listened to it.

I did feel a bit confused about 2/3 into the book with the characters and with Harriet trying to work out what was happening with the different "Harriets". It is definitely a difficult concept to explain, especially if you haven't seen all of the Marvel movies, which I have, but I found myself having to stop the book and rewind to listen again. It went from a dream work into a nightmare where I was trying to put all of the pieces together.

This was such a hard topic to cover, especially for a young adult, and I really appreciated the thought that the author put into this subject. My brother passed away and I was reflecting on how I'd feel if put in Harriet's situation with the different timelines and realms and that in each realm, her brother would still pass. That did bring me even some piece that we cannot stop the inevitable.

I will definitely recommend this book, and I think it would be a wonderful book to discuss in a group setting.

This book is heavy and raw and fantastical. I was invested in the beginning of this story as Harriet is navigating school life while dealing with grief and guilt after her brother is shot. Then, the book leaves the real world. The fantasy elements of the story got pretty out there and I'm not sure I really got it, but I think others, especially those who read fantasy more often, will like this book.

3.5 stars

Grief can make us feel like we are on another planet, totally isolated in our own horror show, and this author captures that sentiment expertly in this unusual young adult novel.

Harriet feels terribly guilty for what she perceives to be her role in her brother's death. Now, she's grappling with grief and guilt in ways that no one - especially a young person - should ever have to manage.

While the concept is fascinating and the emotions are raw, this one got a little too experimental for me. Rather than enhancing the depth, I felt distracted at times by much of what happened (especially in the final third of the novel). I'm a stronger visual than auditory processor, so I'm not sure how much my opinion may change with an ebook versus the audio, but I wish I had been able to get a stronger foothold in the final chapters.

Overall, this is a unique read, and it made me aware of an author who is new to me: always a plus.