A brutally honest memoir about family, relationships and secrets. It's not just about the event of Tracy becoming pregnant at 14 years old and being shipped off to an unwed mother’s home, then her search, first for herself, then her son and then finally for understanding about her relationship with her own mother. Tracy finds her son and it's not only a joyous reunion but the beginning of a lasting, loving relationship. Sadly, not every adopted child has such a happy reuniting as Tracy reveals some of her son’s older sister (also adopted) story.
Tracy has gone through a lot in her life, she mostly gets along with her parents. Though Tracy's mum June lies about her age and cares a lot about 'keeping up appearances' she's always nagging Tracy to use 'lite & bright' in her hair to make her darker hair the more desired blonde shade. Tracy's father James has an impeccable military career and has worked hard, making his way up the ranks.
Some would say her life was quite privileged her father in the Navy, do reasonably stable financially. However, the military life means moving around a lot, having to keep starting new schools, having to make new friends and face the fact the old ones may keep in touch for a while but will also move on without her.
With her parents busy with the social aspects of the military, attending dinners as well as sometimes hosting them, Tracy is older and has more freedom when they move to Shipyard. She makes a few friends and they give themselves the nickname 'the shipyard gang.' It’s the first time Tracy goes to the base pool that she meets Kenny, one if the pool lifeguards and also an Officers kid. Kenny is a little older than her and soon they're inseparable. Tracy ends up pregnant and her parents solution, on the recommendation of a military Doctor is to send her to Florence Crittenton, home for unwed mothers.

I found the history of the Florence Crittenton Home for Unwed Mothers fascinating. Florence Crittenton was a 4yr old who died of scarlet fever in 1877. Her grief-stricken parents wanted to leave a legacy in her name & established the Florence Crittenton Mission in 1883 in New York to assist young women in need, prostituted, unwed pregnant women by providing food, lodging & religious support. In 1885 Charles Crittenton joined with Kate Waller Barrett, they founded the National Florence Crittenton Mission establishing homes in many American cities. Except in extreme circumstances Crittenton’s policy opposed the separation of mother & baby for adoption. Motherhood was viewed as a path to reform, the Crittenton homes were training ground for responsible parenting & self-support. Sadly that influence ended and things changed to what Tracy experienced.

There are strict rules at FLore Crittenton Home for Unwed Mothers, you are given a new name to use whilst you are the home, it’s to retain privacy, or as I imagine the girls felt to be a constant reminder of the “shame” attached to unwed mothers. The pregnant girls are informed they can
gain no more than half a pound a week. If they do put on diet table with lower calorie, less to eat, less tasty food. Also, the quicker you return to pre pregnancy weight after birth the quicker you go home. The pregnant girls live downstairs and do not associate with the upstairs girls. The girls that have delivered their babies live upstairs, with no food restrictions, just waiting to return home.
If the girls leave the grounds to go to the convenience store you have to wear a wedding ring. The girls borrow one from the wicker basket on the receptionist desk! Each girl is held responsible for keeping room clean. Tracy will have school Monday, Wednesday & Friday 9-12 & have lots of homework to compensate for less actual in person school time. Because of her school time commitment’s & the fact her parents are supporting her stay financially she won’t have to do extra laundry/kitchen chores. Those who are not doing any schooling or parents cannot afford to support them are expected to “work for their keep”
There is never any question of the girls keeping their babies, it is expected that they will give them up for a better life, then return to their own lives and forget about their indiscretion and continue and move on in life. The girls are strongly discouraged from forming any connection with their babies. In fact, Tracy only holds her son briefly and has just one photograph of him that she is allowed to keep.
Tracy never 'forgets & moves on' after her time at Florence Crittenton, though it's never mentioned in her home. Tracy’s relationships with her parents are obviously never the same as “before”, her son is never spoken of. Tracy does 'live her life' but the son she had no choice but to give up is never far from her thoughts. She sticks to 'the plan' she made when she was a pregnant teen & decides to search for her son. Has other relationships with men but Kenny seems to be always hovering in her mind’s eye as if 'unfinished business' Tracy does drugs and learns meditation, she is quite spiritual and has 'feelings' 'dreams' and 'premonitions' about her son over the years. Years later when she learns about her sons life she discovers they eerily line up with actual events in her sons life.
Tracy joins groups of others that have had to give up their babies, meeting with people who try to help her navigate a system designed to keep the mothers and babies apart. Tracy even employs and pays the mysterious “Searcher” who manages to find her son quite quickly. The book goes on with Tracy and what she does with the information she receives from the searcher. The book also covers Tracys relationship with her parents and with Kenny who seems to drift in and out of her life too.

Childless Mother really is a compelling, deeply moving and at times eery story, about a time when abortions were not legal and unwed mothers were frowned upon and considered disgraced. I loved that despite those at Floren Crittenton and her family being determined Tracy should give up her son, she managed to hold a connection to him all through her life.

My immediate thoughts upon finishing the book were that it was a brutally honest memoir about family, relationships and secrets.

Summing up I would say that Childless Mother is a thought provoking read. I’d like to think times and attitudes have changed regarding unwed pregnancies and how they are viewed but sadly there seems to have been many steps backwards in this area.

Thank you NetGalley and Vanguard Press for this ARC of the memoir “Childless Mother” by Tracy Mayo. What a heartbreaking and beautiful read. I was thrilled to receive this title and feel honored to review Tracy’s story.
After finding out she was pregnant at the young age of 14 (15 when she would deliver) Tracy was sent to an unwed mothers home to keep her “situation” hidden from friends, family and acquaintances. She was terrified and after laboring alone was only able to spend 10 short minutes with her child. I cannot even imagine the loss- what follows is her journey to find herself and then her son. This book was raw and well-written. Thank you to Tracy for sharing her personal photos at the end of the book. I would definitely recommend this if you enjoyed reading memoirs.

I want to thank net galley for the opportunity to read this book.This was my first adoption book due to me being a birth mother at the age of 17.Tracy thought giving up her child was the best thing for the child.As Tracy relayed in the book that she regretted giving her son up for adoption .She said if she had known how that decision would impact her life forever.I saw myself in this book as I had a mother that forced me into giving a child up for adoption .Like Tracy’s mother,my mother would never talk about this again .Tracy did not give up and I found myself hoping she had a wonderful relationship with the son she gave up for adoption.I could feel the love Tracy had from day one of her child.Her son became her best friend and he wanted to know more about Tracy.My story has not gone as well as Tracy’s story.I am hopeful that one day I will have a reunion with my son .That one decision that Tracy made forever impacted her life and I could say the same about my decision years ago as well.I am praying that one day Katie’s story will end like hers.

this cover is beautiful!

This book was absolutely amazing and will set with you and think about for time to come. It is beautifully written and everything about this book is so moving.

Great Writing and loved this book

Thanks NetGalley for letting me read and review.

Mayo's book absolutely enthralled me. I read a ton of adoption books a year and have my family experience with reunions and she did such a beautiful job expressing the emotions. Her words inspired me. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.