4/5 stars. a non-fiction book discussing relationship trauma bonds from start to finish, allowing the reader to understand their own attachment style and other factors in their childhood and adult lives as they relate to the relationships they form and seek out later in life. it covers why you may have a certain attachment style, how that works with your temperament, and sheds light on why you may react in the ways you to as a result. from there, it goes on to identify toxic relationship traits, ways to avoid them, and how to handle yourself in potentially triggering situations in order to break free from a cycle of relationship trauma bonds.

as a disclaimer, i've never personally been to therapy and i picked this book up out of curiosity, so it was my first time hearing and learning about many of these concepts in a formal context. it was eye-opening, and well-structured in an easy to digest, organized manner for the reader. my one comment as a reviewer of the audiobook would be that this did not translate well to an audio format for those who enjoy listening to books while multitasking, as i do--this would be best suited for a quiet session with pen and paper in hand as one listens.

i received an ARC of the audiobook edition in exchange for an an honest review.

Thank you NetGalley and Tantor Audio for the ALC in exchange for my honest review.

The title of this audiobook really spoke to me. I felt like it was fate because I'm currently going through a divorce. I've almost been married for 10 years and my STBX has been emotionally unavailable for most of our marriage. It's still hard for me to think of how I'm going to let him go. The divorce was his idea and basically told me he's not in love with me anymore and there are things he's not willing to negotiate with me on in order for us to stay married. It's definitely a confusing time and never did I ever think I would be getting a divorce.
This audiobook was thought-provoking to me and really made me wonder why I struggled with this unhealthy marriage as an adult. It was interesting to see what my attachment style was. Michelle Skeen gave some very insightful tips on how to interrupt these unhealthy patterns and attachments. Leaving a trauma bond relationship is extremely difficult, but Michelle has given me a lot to work with since listening to this audiobook. I have a lot of reflecting to do on the material I have learned, and hope to better myself and learn from this heartbreaking experience.
Highly recommend!

As a mental health provider, reading new and popular self-help books is frequent for me, as I like to know what patients are reading about. I was excited to read this book, as it's an important topic / common issue in my practice.

While the skills discussed in this book are evidence based, I think the book was anemic in its discussing the science and rationale behind the skills. I also found it a bit pollyannaish.

On a professional level, there was some mismatch between language used and the treatment theory being recommended (e.g., using the word "negative" in discussing emotions while also recommending use of ACT principles, which does not promote labeling emotions in that way).

I recommend this to readers who tend to find themselves in unhealthy relationships..

This book follows several examples of different attachment styles and follows up with how to free yourself from those attachments.

I would recommend for someone starting on this side of self discovery and journey to wellness and healing but do think there are other books that help a little more in the understanding the different styles in this topic.

If you read the book "Attached", then this book would be a great follow up to that book. I knew before hand my own attachment style and many information about attachment styles. However, that book didn't discuss in depth attachment bounding.

If you didn't, then, this book will be an amazing introduction for you and maybe a life changer.

"Why Can’t I Let You Go?" is a profound exploration of attachment styles and their enduring impact on adult relationships, particularly in the context of trauma and toxicity. Through clear, accessible prose and thought-provoking exercises, the authors guide readers on a journey of self-discovery and healing. As someone who has navigated the aftermath of childhood abuse, I found the book to be a beacon of understanding and empowerment, offering invaluable insights into the roots of my relational patterns and practical strategies for breaking free from toxic cycles. Whether you're grappling with past trauma or simply seeking deeper self-awareness, this book serves as a roadmap to reclaiming agency over your own narrative and fostering healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Narrated with compassion and authenticity, the audiobook version of "Why Can’t I Let You Go?" offers a deeply immersive experience that encourages listeners to confront their innermost struggles and confrontations. Each chapter is punctuated with moments of revelation and introspection, prompting listeners to challenge preconceived notions and embrace the transformative power of self-reflection. With its blend of psychological expertise and real-world wisdom, this audiobook is a compelling resource for anyone seeking to understand the complexities of human attachment and embark on a journey toward personal growth and resilience.

Very informative and powering. Extremely helpful for learning about relationship trauma bonds and how to stay away from getting trapped in them in the future. Lots of assessments to identify your attachment style and many other aspects.

I listened to this via NetGalley for an exchange for my honest review.

This book would be great for those who are just at the beginning of their healing and self-discovery journey. It follows several examples of different attachment styles and how to free yourself of those attachments. I definitely recommend reading this book if you find yourself having unhealthy attachments in your life!

Thank you NetGalley and RB Media for the ARC of Why Can’t I Let You Go?

This book explores the various attachment styles that a person can develop in their early childhood and how they can be affected by it when developing relationships later in life as an adult, especially when those relationships involve trauma bonds and toxicity. The author also provided insight on how to end toxic relationships so that the reader can move forward to develop healthier relationships.

Before reading this book, I had spent a great deal of time in therapy discussing the abuse I encountered as a child and how my current relationships are affected by it even after so much time has passed. Of course, attachment styles and trauma bonds were discussed, but I’ve never had as much insight into my development and interpersonal relationships as this book has offered me. The authors laid out the book in a very easy-to-understand format with lots of pauses to be self-reflective and answer the tough questions such as what type of attachment styles we have, how we feel about interacting with others and developing connections, and how our past has shaped our ideas when it comes to relationships and the types of bonds we develop with others. I really liked the journal aspect of following along with the book and keeping notes and thoughts along the way. It almost made it feel a little bit like a workbook and helped me sort through the information so that I could really highlight what stood out to me and will be helpful in moving forward toward healthier connections.

While the audiobook had a great narrator and was very easy to follow, it was emotionally a workout because it really challenged me to get out of my own thoughts and take a fresh look at them. I had several “ah-ha” moments where it felt like the narrator was speaking directly to me about my struggles with attachment and toxic relationships. I don’t listen to many self-help or psychology books, so it was refreshing to read something so mind opening. I definitely feel like I have a better understanding of myself and why I form the relationships that I do and how to leave them when and if they become toxic. If anything, this book felt like a toolkit for developing my best self and making sure that I align myself with people who are good for my mental health, not working against it.

As a victim of childhood abuse, I recommend this to anyone who wants to learn more about your attachment style and how abuse and neglect from your past could be affecting your current and future relationships. I also recommend it to anyone who has a “type” and needs to break the chains of repeating toxic relations and/or get out of one.

Why Can’t I Let You Go is a book about relationship trauma bonds (RTB), what causes them, and how to break free. I read this book from the viewpoint of a licensed mental health therapist, and not someone who has ever been in an RTB. What I love most about this book is that it facilitates some deep self-examination for that person who finds themselves in one bad relationship after another. The authors do not victim blame, yet they go so far beyond the “girl, just leave that toxic man” type of advice. With helpful self-assessment tools, the authors assist readers in identifying the core beliefs and attachment issues driving their relationship choices. Often, I think journaling exercises are a little cheesy, but I thought these were solid. The methods they utilize are taken from evidenced based practices, yet it is an accessible, easy read. They struck the balance between information and anecdotes perfectly, in my opinion.
The audiobook narrator did a great job. If you are going to read this via audiobook, I recommend keeping a pen and paper nearby, especially for the self-assessments. If you can, get the e-book or a physical copy. There are some things in here I think you’ll want to go back to and reference. Though this book is aimed at people in RTBs, I think it could be helpful for anyone who struggles with some unhealthy patterns in their relationships, even if the relationships are generally good.
The ultimate question for me is: would I recommend this to my clients? Absolutely, I would – and I probably will.

5 brilliant stars!! Best 2024 Psychology/Nonfiction book I have read so far! The most complete book on the Psychology of Abusive/Toxic Relationships I have read in the last couple of years! If you have never read a book about abuse READ THIS ONE!! Because it is enjoyable, it brings examples of trappings and toxic datings in real life that happened to real people and explains why and how your childhood schemas lead you exactly to the same abusive relationship you had with your family like a magnet. You think that you found the "love of your life", think AGAIN, we often mistake "high intensity" for "real bonding" and it is the complete opposite of that - lots of times when you find fear, your heart races, you cannot stop thinking about the person, it is something related to trauma bonding and resonates with childhood experiences that you want to repeat unconsciously in adulthood, do not bring peace and it is very harmful to you, even though you often mistake this for real connection, as if you have known this person for ages...
I especially recommend this to young people who are still trying to find the love of theirs lives - to avoid lots of traps and mistakes. As a 50-year-old woman, you are not wrong if you imagine that I, myself, engaged in toxic relationships throughout my life, as a person who had never read this kind of book in my twenties! I used to read a lot of romance, fantasyland stories, in which we can even mistaken abuse for love - domination, dependency, addiction to be glued to another person and never be alone developing your own sense of self and independency...
Maybe one day people will finally see how toxic certain king of romantic books are - where one person is the savior of another and the weak are overshadowed by the brilliance of the dominator...
Take care of yourself! READ THIS BOOK NOW!! Seriously, this is the BEST!! Thank you NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review!

I want to say thank you to Netgalley for an advanced ARC of this audiobook

At this moment in time I am going though so rough times and I have been focused on my mental health, as well as learning how to become better with relationships both romantically and also with friendships so I have been determined to work on factors I know I have wrong with myself that need healing.

This book/audiobook talks about at the beginning what our codependancy styles & then goes into examples what they are like & from chapter 2 goes on with deeper advice with small tasks to work on towards what u need. I see this helping many people and also being needed if your going on your own Healing journey which is never easy.

While this was somewhat informative, the entire book felt more like an extended buzz feed quiz. I suppose this is a better book to read on ebook or physical.