Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the ARC of this book. All opinions are my own.

This book. This book has my whole heart. I absolutely adored this! From the incredible characters, to the plot, to falling in love with everything so quickly- I couldn’t put this down. I highly recommend this! It really just sucks you in and makes you never want to leave. In my opinion, those are the best books and I couldn't get enough.

This is a very strong debut novel. All of the characters were so fully rendered that I felt like I understood them all so well and, as a result, really rooted for their happiness. Ezra is a great main character and I really enjoyed all the time spent with their family both in their moments of chaos and tradition. The romance with Jonathan was lovely.

But like many other debut novels, I feel like this had a bit too much going on. For example, I think the whole ability to see ghosts was an unnecessary add-on. While I thought it would bring some added layers to the romance storyline, it just sort of caused lame conflict and then ended up being largely irrelevant.

Overall, this was quite an enjoyable read, if a bit overstuffed with plot.

Rules for Ghosting is an utterly delightful read, blending deep stories about family, love, and loss into one compelling narrative. Ezra is a compelling hero, and the cast of characters around him is diverse without feeling like just surface-level window dressing. His friends and family feel like real, complex characters (even if I did sometimes have to pause to remember which friend/roommate was which). The love story is sweet and tender. The ghosts are just spooky enough to keep you on your toes without actually being scary. I will absolutely be recommending this book to everyone I know.

In short: this book is a hat on a hat on a hat.

I wanted to love this book. I tried so hard. And I did really enjoy it at first. But there are too many things going on that it honestly became tedious to read.

I went in expecting a fun paranormal romance à la Happy Medium or even something more like The Dead Romantics. But this just felt so busy and disjointed. I yearned for more romance and more of the paranormal. But there were so many other minor plots that no plot lines got the time or attention they deserved. I was left feeling frustrated at the length of time it took for anything to be addressed let alone resolved.

There was good too. I liked Ezra, adored Jonathon. The writing was good. The way grief was discussed was both heartbreaking and beautiful. I really appreciated the care that went into that topic and showing how grief looks so different for each person.

In all, I’m glad I read it but I wish the story had more focus. Thanks Del Rey and NetGalley for the arc

This book honestly surprised me! I wasn’t sure what to think when I heard gay, ghost, Jewish romance, and yet this book was all that, and so much more! The representation was *chef’s kiss* and just constantly warmed my heart in so many different ways. I was already suggesting this book to a few of my queer and trans friends/colleagues before even be a third of the way through the book!

I can see myself so much in Ezra, as someone that constantly feels the need to make everyone in my life happy, even if it means not taking care of my own needs. Seeing how he changed and grew through his self discovery journey, as well as his relationship with Jonathan, is honestly inspiring.

I cannot wait to reread this book every time I need a a little spooky pick me up!

4⭐️

This is just a wholesome, beautiful story with an amazing found family and wonderful representation (Jewish and trans). The only downside was it was a *bit* long but I still enjoy it and recommend to anyone looking for this type of story.

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for an e-arc in exchange for my review. This book is out now!

This book has a lot going for it and I really enjoyed it for the most part. I thought I was getting a cute, queer romance set in a funeral home, but Rules for Ghosting was so much more than that. The romance between Ezra and Jonathon is sweet, don’t get me wrong, but the heart of Rules for Ghosting is family, both the family Ezra was born into and the family he chose along the way. This book tackles a lot of heavy moments, but that’s what makes it so authentic. There were some pacing issues (it just seemed a bit long towards the middle), but I was so impressed by this debut. I really appreciated the information about Jewish funeral traditions and actually learned a lot from it. I can’t wait to read more from this author in the future.

*Jewish rep
*Queer rep
*Complicated family dynamics
*Ghosts!

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for a review copy.

I really enjoyed this book! I was drawn in by the cover and title and am glad I requested this one. It was a bit different than what I expected. It was much heavier, I was expecting it to be a bit more humor based; it is trauma-heavy for sure. However, I really loved the queer representation and felt our two MCs were well fleshed out. Their connection and chemistry was amazing and I fell in love with both of them.

🌟Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
💧Drip-o-Meter: 💦💦
💗Something I Loved: The whole premise really. As a former funeral director I’m a sucker for any romance set in a funeral home where death is so prevalent it’s almost a character in itself… especially when it’s done well, like in Rules for Ghosting by @shellyjayshore. I especially loved Shelly’s writing and how the story was a perfect balance between romance, ghost story, and instruction manual on Jewish funeral customs. And despite not being a big paranormal reader, I ended up loving the ghost/psychic aspect, which brought so much humor and heart to the story.
🫤Something I Would Have Changed: Personally I felt that there was often so much going on (and with so many different characters) that I couldn’t always keep who was who straight, especially in the beginning with some of the less “necessary” roommate characters.
🥰Favorite Moment: Nava’s funeral. I loved the way Ezra’s family stepped in to help his friend of a friend without a second thought simply because it’s “what we do”. The whole scene brought me back in time and reminded me of the good parts of being a funeral director, of what an honor it is to be able to help people in their time of need. “They’re all special.” 😭
🌶️Spiciest Scene: Chapter 25. It’s more sweet than spicy but still one of my favorite scenes between Ezra and Jonathan.
📚Standalone vs. Series: As far as I know it’s a standalone.
📖Would I Recommend: Definitely. It won’t be for everyone but I loved the patient, caring, and honest relationship that developed between Ezra and Jonathan as well as the relationships between Ezra and his family through all of their trials and tribulations (and boy, were there several😬).
💬Tropes: Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Queer Friend Group, Bi Trans MC, Ghosts, Jewish Humor

This book had a LOT of heart. Ezra, our protagonist, has a long history of struggling in his own skin. Growing up as the eldest daughter of a Jewish family (and now the younger son), he carries the burden of being the glue who keeps his family together. He spent a lot of his childhood in a parent figure role for his youngest sister Becca, and he still is the confidante for his whole family. Family drama comes to a head when his mom confesses her two-year affair during a family seder, disrupting the entire family. To add to the kerfuffle, his mother played a pivotal role in the family-owned funeral home, which Ezra reluctantly comes back to do after being laid off by the Queer Community Center. Ezra has been consciously avoiding the funeral home, haunted by literal ghosts, including the ghost of his Zayde, who he cannot help but feel is disappointed in him. Ezra's living situation is in upheaval, as he has moved in with his ex-turned-friend and their found family of friends, with a hunky guy downstairs. Jonathan has a penchant for locking himself out, as well as a ghostly husband that only Ezra can see. I thought the story was going to be more a comedy (Rules for Ghosting - Ezra sees ghosts but is also notorious for not confronting his issues), and it is funny at parts, but it's really more a complex interplay with family, friends, Jewish culture, and funereal traditions. I thought it was a great story, and I really learned quite a bit. I really enjoyed it, and, while it wasn't what I was expecting, it was certainly a worthwhile read.

A beautiful little story of queer love, loss, and self-discovery from Shelly Jay Shore. *Rules for Ghosting* centers on Ezra Freeman—a Jewish, trans man whose life has always been a little weird since his family owns a funeral home, but is even weirder because he can see ghosts. Ezra’s life is falling apart a little bit—he’s just moved into his friend’s great apartment when he finds out that the queer community center he works at has furloughed him, and his mom just announced over a Passover sedar that she is running away with their rabbi’s wife. As Ezra steps in to temporarily fill his mother’s shoes at the funeral home, he keeps running into his handsome new neighbor Jonathan, who volunteers at the funeral home. It’s clear to Ezra that despite being terrible timing, he really likes Jonathan. But Jonathan’s got ghosts of his own—specifically, the ghost of his deceased husband Ben who seems to be able to do things that no other ghost Ezra’s encountered ever has before.

>> ❤️ What I loved: This was such a sweet, honest story that tackles some really complicated issues around identity, self-worth, and death. This was well balanced with examples of queer joy and family that kept the book from being real without being too heavy. I adored both Ezra and Jonathan, and was not only rooting for them as a couple but rooting for them both individually to find themselves within their own personal journeys. I also really liked the broader speculations about life facilitated by Ezra’s role as a birth doula and Jonathan’s volunteer work as a sort of “death doula.”
>> 💔 What I didn’t love: The only thing that was a little odd about this story to me was that the main ghost plotline of Jonathan’s husband Ben was much more minor than I would have anticipated. There were a lot of great things going on in this book, and it feels like this line got lost a little bit at times.

I would highly recommend this book to lovers of contemporary romance, paranormal fiction, and queer stories. I look forward to reading more from Shore in the future! 

**Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐/5 (4.5-5)**

**Acknowledgments & Disclaimers** 
✨ Thank you to NetGalley, Shelly Jay Shore, and Random House Publishing/Ballentine/Dell, for providing an ARC and the opportunity to share an honest review of this book.
✨ All thoughts and opinions expressed in this review are my own.
✨ My reviews and ratings strive to evaluate books within their own age-demographic and genre.

a trans main character who is also a psychic and jewish? baby, sign me up!
this book is messy in the best way. the family drama. the ghosts. the found family.
it made me laugh and sob. truly glad I got to read this one.

Rules for Ghosting by Shelly Jay Shore has beautiful characters. I found myself especially drawn to Ezra as a pre-surgery transgender man. His family owns a funeral home, and Ezra's ability to see ghosts was initially why he left the family business to be a birth dual. He returns to the funeral home to help out since the family business is in financial trouble. The Rules for Ghosting provides all the emotions, charm, humor, empathy, and love, covering themes of romance, loss, grief, and facing mortality. I hope you read this book because it's a moving story that provides something relatable to life's journey.

First off, there’s plenty to love about this book. From the found family theme that acts as its baseline, to the queer and more specifically bi-sexual representation- it’s definitely a modern love story that engenders not just romantic sentiments, but familial ones.

Lovely writing, (although a bit repetitive at times to the point I skimmed until I found the “point”) and a smart plot, I have a feeling this writer is going to grow into a major literary presence.

However… I should mention that the reason I requested this book (thank you NetGalley!) is because it was sold as a paranormal story…and this wasn’t quite that. Yes, our protagonist can see ghosts (and yet, is never referred to as a medium, just “a little psychic”) but the supernatural component seems to exist as a catalyst for the central romantic relationship and little else.

Also. This author has clearly done their research on a great deal- everything from doulas, to traditional Jewish funeral rites, and yet…I dare say they didn’t do any research into mediumship. At all. So the paranormal component that is meant to be such an integral part of our protagonist’s experience rings hollow and disingenuous. Such a shame, and as a result I found it difficult to fully lean into the story.

This was marketed as a spooky season romance novel but honestly, I don’t see this appealing to any fans of the paranormal genre.

All in all, I enjoyed parts of this, but the paranormal genre IS a genre, and not a device to employ for convenience’s sake.

This was the perfect book to kick off my cozy spooky reading season. Funeral homes, ghosts, and romance. What more could you ask for?

Dedication hit close to home:
"For the eldest daughters, current and former—this is your reminder to exhale."

Queer / Trans MC rep
Death / Grief
Family Drama
Third Person Single POV
Found Family
haunted funeral home
bi trans main character (the book's POV)
romance is a sub-plot
hurt / comfort / grief
the best dog
jewish humor + culture

I was so excited for the ARC of this one! Thank you to NetGalley and Ramdon House Books (Ballantine | Dell) for the eARC.

I wish I could say that I loved this one, but I didn't. I was sort of disappointed. I feel like the vibe was presented wrong? Based on the cover and title you'd expect more light-hearted ghost stuff, but it was pretty heavy on emotion and grief (and long-winded monologuing in the MC's head) and low on ghosts.

I AM glad that I did not decide to dnf when I got frustrated with it and finished it - I did enjoy all the Jewish customs and rituals. The sibling dynamics. The group of side-character queer friends. And I cried A LOT. There's a lot of grief, but when you're dealing with a funeral home and someone that sees ghosts, their new roommate/love interest that is a widower- I guess it makes sense!

This book had so much potential - but still has its bright spots.

Even the "rules" the title references weren't a huge part of the story? Like I honestly forgot about them and then they were brought up again and I was just like oh? lol.

I think if you go in knowing it's slow and heavy you could enjoy it a lot more than I did! Don't expect a Dead Romantics-esque story or you'll be pretty disappointed as well.

This is messy book with interesting characters that talks about interesting themes. More than a romance, the story is just Ezra on a journey of learning about himself and tons of family drama. When I say tons, I mean bucketloads, with so many characters and emotions, and the surrounding chaos that comes with it. There's a lot of discussion about Ezra's background too, with him being Jewish and growing up in a family with a funeral business. I appreciate the well fleshed out MC that the author created, but his journey felt as though he was being pulled into several directions at the same time. The book does have some triggering topics, including extramarital affair. The possible reason i didn't enjoy this book was that I went in expecting something completely different which also isn't my type of a read.

I was honestly expecting a fun ghostly romcom based on the cover of this book, but it turned out to be an incredibly moving story that really took me by surprise by its depth of emotion.

The story follows Ezra, a young man who spent most of his childhood at his family’s funeral home, where he quickly learned that he could see and communicate with ghosts. He couldn’t wait to grow up and get away, but as an adult, is asked to return and help save the family business, which is on the brink of going out of business.

Ezra develops a crush on Jonathan, a young widower who volunteers at the funeral home. One day Ezra finds himself face to face with Jonathan’s dead husband Ben, and it is then that he realizes he can actually communicate with Ben, who has some things on his mind. Talk about awkward!

What follows is a beautiful story about love, death, grief, healing, and most importantly, about second chances. Ezra also happens to be transgender, which adds another layer to the story. He’s a sympathetic character who is really easy to root for.

Overall, I really enjoyed Rules for Ghosting. I thought the writing was lovely and that the transgender rep was very well done.

I alternated between the physical arc and the audiobook and would definitely recommend either format. The audiobook is narrated by Petey Gibson and the author, and it’s a wonderful listen, very poignant.

Ezra Friedman can see dead people which is slightly inconvenient considering his family owns a funeral home that he must unexpectedly work in after his mother drops a bombshell at Passover Seder that threatens to rip his family apart. But no worries because Ezra’s new crush is a widower whose husband definitely isn’t haunting Ezra absolutely everywhere.

I was not at all expecting to learn so much about Jewish funeral and burial customs when I started this book but it was really interesting and moving to learn about Tahara (the washing of the body for purification) and shemira (watching over the deceased until they are buried to protect their body and spirit).

My only real gripes about this book are that 1. I kept being really thrown off by this being in third person. I felt like this story lent itself more to the first person style but that’s just really a preference so do with that what you will and 2. I was getting REALLY annoyed with Ezra’s “I’m so broken. Why would anyone ever love me?!” When he’s a perfect person. I get that Jonathan is an actual angel on earth but Ezra acting like he didn’t deserve love from Jonathan is bonkers. This is a phenomena I come across a lot in romance novels and it bothers me every time. Why do so many main characters have imposter syndrome about their entire life? Ezra was pushing a wonderful group of friends away for literally no other reason than he didn’t feel deserving of friends. Wild. The following are some quotes that really hit the imposter syndrome point home:

“You don’t have to do penance for needing help.”
“Why are you acting like nothing you do is important?”
“I am so fucking mad at you but believe it or not, you deserve a little good.”


I want to add that I LOVED that there was absolutely no transphobia in this book with a trans main character. Ezra had other struggles and that didn’t need to be a part of his story. There was a death of a trans college student but the circumstances of their death were not discussed and they were treated with the utmost respect in death which was very healing to see.

Content warnings: death, car accident, infidelity, gender dysphoria, death of a trans person, fire, medical content, minor self harm

the sweetest ghost story about love, loss, and acceptance!

it’s pretty slow in pace and not quite as lighthearted/humorous as anticipated, and it feels overwritten at times, but at it has a cast of quirky, lovable characters that draw you in. i loooove a messy family drama and the queer representation is superior.