I really wanted to like this book, as it has all the things I was looking for: Jewish rep and queerness. However, when I started reading, the quality of the writing kept me from getting sucked into the story. The story was cute enough, I just didn't vibe with the writing style.

Thanks to NetGalley and Random House Publishing Group - Ballantine | Dell for a copy of the ARC.

I could not put this book down.

Ezra is such a relatable character. We all either know someone or are the someone that gives and gives, and never asks for anything for themselves. The way he was expected to essentially help raise his siblings as a child, the way that he comes to the rescue for so many but not himself, the way that he does that to the point of burning himself out - when it finally catches up to him, there are so many emotions that go with it.

Ezra being able to see ghosts is incorporated into the story so well. It's a scary thing for him as a kid until he starts to understand it, and then it just is. It's not something that gets in the way or interferes with the story line to a level where it is difficult to suspend disbelief and really lose yourself in the story. The relationship that happens between Ezra and Ben, and how it is used to help heal Jonathon and to heal Ezra is just so unique and heartwarming.

And the effortless representation in this book! Ezra being trans and how the book deals with that is just perfect. Showing the struggles that trans people might experience not just in daily activities, but during intimacy in relationships was eye opening for me. I don't have a lot of experience with trans characters yet, but I would like to think that how Ezra is written is excellent representation. When he finally gets to a point with Jonathon where he is all there during an intimate scene, it is absolutely beautiful. Also, as someone who is ace, the casual and accurate ace rep with Ollie is so appreciated.

This was honestly probably the best book that I have read so far this year. There is so much going on, and so many layers to it but it just WORKS and it flows so well. Too often when books have a lot of different elements going on, some or all of the plot gets over the top or too confusing to follow - that is NOT the case with this book. It was light hearted when it needed to be, heavy when it was warranted, and all of the connections in between were just right.

I received an ARC on NetGalley in exchange for my honest review, and lord am I glad that I requested it because it was well worth the read.

Thanks NetGalley and Dell Publishing for the ARC.

I always enjoy a book that really makes you think, especially when it does it in a way that you don’t even realize you are having revelations until they happen. This book is an amazing example of weaving religion, family expectations and learning to be true to yourself without turning to an after school special. I am not Jewish but the way they described the holidays and rituals of Judaism made me understand the importance without bogging down with a detail heavy explanation that would take me out of the story.

The growth of the main character Ezra was so beautiful to read; if you have ever struggled with being true to yourself you can relate. The ghosts in the book aren’t just the actual ghosts but also the ghosts of family expectations that seem to control your future. I can happily recommend this book to anyone who wants to read a good story that will make your tear up a few times.

Shore's debut novel is a marvel. Ghost short, Jewish family saga, romance, wonderful exploration of trans selfhood in the places between necessity, desires, and lived experience--this novel had it all and was incredibly readable on top of all that.

✨ BOOK REVIEW 📖
Rules for Ghosting by @ShellyJayShore
⭐⭐⭐
400 Pages; E-book

I loved that this book had a diverse set of characters and dealt with topics such as grief and family drama. The title led me to believe this would be more on the paranormal side – fall vibes but it wasn’t really that. If you are into that type of thing but looking for something a bit different – this may be the book for you!

I enjoyed Ezra’s character and actually wish we got to see more of the personalities of Ezra’s housemates and friends. Ezra’s family was amazing! I loved the way they worked together on everything. I am definitely a girl who will fall in love with a book if there is a good love story – I feel like this had one, but at the same time I needed more.

Overall, this was a good book to read with cozy vibes and a ton of drama! 💛

Thank you to NetGalley and Random House for the eARC.

This was my favorite read of 2024 to date. I recently finished an arc of Rules for Ghosting by Shelly Jay Shore and I LOVED it. The trans rep was so well done, and I appreciated the author referring to Ezra with his chosen name and pronouns throughout the entire story, including flashbacks prior to his transition (I might be extra partial because my Hebrew name is Miriam Ezra). I really appreciated how it handled grief, and I learned so much about Jewish burial traditions. I was so moved by the care and dedication of the Chevra Kadisha. It seems like it was setting up for a future book for Ezra's brother Aaron as well, definitely excited to read!

Set in a Jewish family and community, Rules of Ghost is a humorous, touching, and incredibly charming blend of romance and ghost story. This remarkable book delves into loss, mortality, romantic relationships, the difficulties and demands of being the eldest daughter, and the existence of ghosts.

This novel has such wonderful characters, and Ezra really won my heart. I felt the relationship between Ezra and Jonathan was adorable, and I loved learning about the specifics of Ezra's family. And as a non-Jew, I also enjoyed learning more about Jewish traditions and festivals from this book.

The presence of ghosts in the story enhanced its charm. The way that mourning was handled and the spirits' involvement was wonderful, and it was good to watch how Jon and Ezra became closer and more understanding of one another. Additionally, every turn and twist was incredibly fascinating and even surprising in the greatest manner possible.

I believe that a wide range of readers would find this book to be insightful, endearing, fascinating, humorous, and even a little foolish. The concept of losing who you are and bearing the weight of others was addressed in an original manner.

Considering that this is Shelly Jay Shore's debut book, I am really impressed. I can't wait to read more books by this author.

Ezra can see ghosts... and when he starts seeing the ghost of the dead husband of the guy he's currently crushing on while dealing with the financial issues, his family's funeral home business, and family drama... it's definitely going to be a complicated time. This was a really soothing story about a family drama and a trans character who can see ghosts with a touch of romance, healing, and grief. There was so much happening in this book and I did appreciate that the story dealed with love, loss, and family all while discussing Jewish culture. It's a really warm read overall and deals with a lot of heavy topics. It's nice but not exactly what I was expecting and felt a bit slow. However it was an nice read overall and one that I would recommend to others. Ezra is an interesting character and I did enjoy his friend group so much. The romance was very light and the rep was fantastic.

Release Date: August 20,2024

Publication/Blog: Ash and Books (ash-and-books.tumblr.com)

*Thanks Netgalley and Random House Publishing Group - Ballantine | Dell for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

Ezra Friedman sees ghosts, which was especially hard growing up in a funeral home. His grandfather’s ghost disapproves of his HRT-induced puberty, and living family members judge every choice he makes. As much as he wants to stay away, his mother announces that she’s running off with the rabbi’s wife, leaving Ezra helping out at the Friedman Family Memorial Chapel. His life is further complicated by his crush on Jonathan, who volunteers at the funeral home, and the ghost of Jonathan's husband Ben. This ghost breaks all the rules about ghosts that Ezra knows, so he tries to figure out why while keeping his family together as best he can.

Ezra is a messy trans bisexual Jew, used to being the one to act as a go-between in his family. He never felt comfortable revealing that he sees ghosts, so he's used to avoiding certain aspects of his reality and simply not talking about it. When the community center where he works as a part-time yoga instructor has to shut down for renovations, he doesn't tell his family about it when he steps up to help them after his mother leaves with her girlfriend. He doesn't discuss Ben or how different he is, talking to Ezra and showing up in different places he once was in. He's so busy taking care of everyone else that he ignores his own needs.

His entire family is just as messy with emotions, and no one really talks about their emotional needs or the problems that were stacking up within the funeral home. It's only when Ezra leans on his friends and family for help that they come together to solve those problems. The happily ever after to the romance and to the family situations is less of a neat solution and more that people are working together and determined to make each day better.

If you’re looking for a queer and Jewish romance, this book will blow you away. If you’re not looking for a queer and Jewish romance, and you stumble upon this book for the ghosts, this book will blow you away. I think this is a debut romance, and @shellyjayshore ate and left no crumbs.

Ezra Friedman is a trans man, yoga teacher, birth doula - but he was once an eldest daughter born into a legacy of death, that is, a Jewish funeral home started and owned by his Zayde (grandfather). Oh, and one more thing: he can see ghosts, which doesn’t put the fun in funeral.

Ezra has been the caretaker of his entire family, including his older brother Aaron and younger sister Becca, and the mediator between his parents. When the family dynamic explodes, he’s suddenly back in the swing of things at the funeral home, the finances, the Jewish rituals, the death.

He’s moving from his place into a new roommate situation orchestrated in part by his ex, Ollie, also recently furloughed from the Queer Center where he teaches yoga, so that’s already a lot going on. It’s probably not the time to develop a huge crush on his Nice Jewish boy neighbor Jonathan, but Ezra is an overachiever.

He starts seeing Jonathan everywhere, which is great, except he’s also seeing Jonathan’s deceased husband Ben everywhere, which is not so great.

If this hasn’t sold you, I should tell you that this book is warm, funny, a little sad and a little spooky. It’s a lot Jewish, and a lot queer, talking about bisexuality and being trans, dysmorphia. This book, at its heart, is about how it’s hard to need other people when you’re used to being the one they need, and how to see yourself as worthy of love WITHOUT being needed to do something. It’s a delightful ode to being an eldest daughter (even if that’s not what you are anymore), and the transformation of your identity as you break through your own walls.

But I’d be remiss not to point out my personal favorite micro tropes: sibling bonding, a queer friend group, disgruntled commentary about “the straights,” Jewish holiday shenanigans, and last but not least, adopted girl pittie mixes that take up too much space in the bed. This book is magic.

They can’t speak. They can’t move. They can’t hurt you…But Ben can speak. He can move. And as Ezra tries to keep his family together and his heart from getting broken, he realizes that there’s more than one way to be haunted—and more than one way to become a ghost.

Rules For Ghosting is a beautiful debut about love and loss and family. Ezra has been able to see ghosts since he was a child, and has done his best to stay out of his family’s funeral home business, but when his mom implodes things he finds his way back to help. His grandfather’s ghost is lurking and Ben is there too…and at his apartment building, an anomaly he’s never encountered before. To further complicate things, Ben’s husband Johnathan is volunteering at the funeral home.

Ezra and Johnathan grow closer and honestly they gave me such warm fuzzies. The way their relationship developed was so beautiful to watch.

There is humor in this book. Ezra’s family, blood and found are a constant source of humor (and stress because families) and keeping him grounded…but there is also death in this book, just given the setting at a funeral home. Everything is portrayed with care and love and tenderness.

It’s a romance, and I loved the romance aspect of it, the fact that it also deals with heavy topics, but it’s real and grounded without feeling like it’s too much at any point is a true testament of Shelly’s talent and skill.

If death is a hard topic for you, I would keep that in mind before picking this up, but again, it’s handled with such love and understanding that if you’re in a good mental space for it, I think it’s worth checking out.

The family story at the heart of this was very good, with lots of great touches both realistic and unrealistic. The whole family was interesting and a lot of fun (though the main character was a bit of a sad sack). The ghosts were all much less integral to the story than the title, cover, and synopsis indicated!

3 Stars
One Liner: An under-baked cake smothered in icing

Ezra Friedman’s family owned the Friedman Family Memorial Chapel, which made it hard for him as he saw ghosts. The ghosts (dead ones and personal) made him leave his home to make a new life. Being a trans male with unprocessed trauma was hard enough.
However, Ezra meets a ghost who defies all the rules he has understood about them. It doesn’t help that the ghost is Ben, the dead husband of Jonathan, a part-time volunteer at the Chapel and Ezra’s new neighbor. Ezra needs to face his trauma instead of avoiding it if he wants a chance with Jonathan. Can he do it?
The story comes in Ezra’s third-person POV.

My Thoughts:
So… I fell in love with that wonderful cover. The mention of a funeral home and its ghosts was enough for me to request the book. I went into it hoping for an entertaining paranormal romance. Unfortunately, I got a slow-paced family drama with meandering narration.
This is a debut book (from what I see on Goodreads) and reads like one. There’s no denying that it deals with some important themes. But it should have been marketed as an intense read, not lighthearted. (You see me use the word trauma twice in my summary. I’d have appreciated it if the official blurb said it at least once)
The rep is terrific. There are several queer characters in the book. Some of them have been wasted, though. It would have been better with just one or two of them present and well-fleshed out than a blurry of names.
I love the found family trope and hoped it would be prominent when we were introduced to a bunch of housemates at once. While they do play a small part, I felt the potential has been wasted in too much monologue and heavy exposition. It gets lost in the drama of the existing family.
This is a book about a sort of dysfunctional family. However, the members clearly love each other. Communication is a big issue, but otherwise, it’s not horrible. The focus is so much on family drama and the MC’s response (or the lack of it) that it doesn’t leave space for anything else.
Jonathan is a lovely guy, human and flawed obviously, but also someone with a beautiful heart. Ben, despite being a ghost, shines better than some other characters.
The Jewish rep and the details of the rituals were great to read. I learned a lot about their funeral practices, so that’s well done.
I really wish the ghostly aspects were more prominent in the story. I wanted to see the MC explore his talents. Without ghosts, the story wouldn’t be much different. Also, it was too easy with Ben being a talking ghost and all.
The narration is super slow. I zoned out whenever the MC spaced out. Yeah, not assuring! Readers who enjoy such kind of meandering narration will like this book more. IMO, I’d have loved it if it was 30-50 pages shorter. The first half could have benefitted from toning with surgical precision.
The author calls this a family drama with ghosts, queer rep, romance, and humor in the interview at the end. The book was intended to be a family drama. It should have stuck to that aspect (along with the queer rep, of course). There really isn’t much of the dark humor I was expecting. The whole book is heavy and exhausting, unlike the cover, which is vibrant and cheerful. Anyway, thank you for not finalizing the version with the ‘twist’.

To summarize, Rules for Ghosting is the story of a family that finally learns to communicate properly and an MC who realizes his self-worth after a lot of monologues. I think the book needed a ruthless editor for the main plot to stand out and shine. Right now, it is, unfortunately, a kitchen sink.
Thank you, NetGalley and Ramdon House Books (Ballantine | Dell), for eARC. This review is voluntary and contains my honest opinion about the book.
******
More links to be updated later.

Rules for Ghosting explores family - found family and your nuclear family, Jewish joy and guilt, grief and more. Main character Ezra is so used to being haunted, literally, that he forgets how to live. Life still finds its way to sneak in, friendship, family, community, and romance.
Characters are relatable and I felt like they could come to life from the pages.
One interesting side benefit from this story is all the new Yiddish words I know, I highlighted them so I could look them up!

Rules for Ghosting is a completely unexpected story about life, death, families, and ghosts. And it’s an emotional queer romance too. Shelly Jay Shore combines all these disparate elements into a fascinating story that I couldn’t put down .

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💫

Doula and yoga instructor Ezra is trans man whose family runs a Jewish funeral home, and he sees ghosts too. Along the way, he’s established some rules in this paranormal universe, like ghosts stay in one place and they never actually speak to him. All that changes when he meets Jonathan, whose husband Ben died more than a year ago. Soon Ben’s ghost starts showing up everywhere. Ezra feels a connection to Jonathan that he can’t ignore. But can he even think about romance while trying to manage his family upheaval and while Ben’s ghost is following him around and talking to him about Jonathan?

I wasn’t sure what to make of this book, but I found the premise fascinating. I’m so glad I checked it out! Along with lots of detailed information about Jewish death rituals, there are lots of thoughtful conversations about identity and being comfortable or not in your own body and your metaphorical own skin. Ezra is not comfortable with himself, but tries to make up for it by acting as his family’s caretaker. And Jonathan is a sweetheart who sees the best in Ezra, even when Ezra can’t.

Ezra’s family plays a huge role in his journey. From his close knit siblings to his somewhat clueless parents, their roles within their family dynamic are distinct. Aside from all their drama, though, I like the way they all easily support Ezra through his queer trans journey.

Rules for Ghosting focuses on aspects of both the Jewish and trans experience that don’t always get discussed in romance books. Shelly Jay Shore’s detailed and haunting (no, really) story is unexpected in all the best ways, and will stick with me for a while.

I voluntarily read and reviewed an advance copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

This ended up being much more about the family drama instead of the romance I thought it would be.
It was decent, but not exactly what I had anticipated going into it, and some of the family drama was just boring to read sadly :(

Definitely would still recommend to friends but would sell it more as a family drama novel about a funeral home.

I can’t believe this is a debut novel. Absolutely brilliant!

LGBTQ romance is probably how it is being described, but it’s also a humorous and sometimes tense family drama. Also includes an amazing found family and a bit of paranormal activity (he sees dead people) to round it out! Was such an amazing read.

Thanks to NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for my honest review. Watch for Rules for Ghosting to come out August 20, 2024.

4.5 stars. This book was beautifully written. I loved the story, I loved the plot, I loved the characters. Was it perfect? No, but I thoroughly enjoyed Rules for Ghosting from beginning to end.

The journey that this story took was a rollercoaster of emotions for me. I found myself laughing, crying, and everything in between throughout my time with Ezra and co. First things first, our main character is a trans man, middle child, in a strongly religious Jewish family who owns a funeral home.. oh and he can see ghosts. That being said, the story touched on... a lot of tough subjects. From body dysmorphia. family trauma, cheating, loss, and accepting yourself for who you are, this book hits hard but so so beautifully done. I loved Ezra and how complex he was. While I don't relate to many things he went through in the book, he was still so easy to connect with and understand. Honestly, most of the characters were. Each and every one had a purpose and added to the story. Even Zayde, as silent as he was.

The found family and healing that you witness while reading felt so... therapeutic in a way. There were many moments where I had to stop and really think about what was happening and what I was learning. I know this was a book written for entertainment and to tell a story.. but I think it helped me open my eyes not only to more real experiences that are happening around me but also to how I can grow from my own experiences.

Truly my only complaint was that too much was happening. There were more subplots than necessary and you almost get lost remembering all of the different ones and the characters that are involved.

I said it before and I'm saying it again. Rules For Ghosting was beautiful. Thank you NetGalley and Dell Romance for the arc.

5 stars

This was such a beautiful book. It has romance, family drama, humor, found family, ghosts, and truly so much more. I was so engrossed in the dynamic of this family and their funeral home. I really liked all the looks we got into operations of the funeral home. It was so sad and so beautiful and definitely made me cry more than once.
I also really enjoyed the romance in this book. Ezra and Jonathan were both very complicated people with a lot of baggage, although theirs was very different from each other. I loved the journeys these characters went on and I especially loved their communication through it all.
There’s really not enough good things I can say about this book. It’ll make you laugh, it’ll make you cry, it’s just a really good book.

Thank you to NetGalley and Dell for the ARC!

this was one of the most unique books that i've ever read and damn i'm going to need everyone else to be reading it!! there was so much care, nuance, and layers woven into this book. i loved the found family of it all (it's giving casey mcquiston found family vibes) and the real family of it all. i'll definitely be reading more from shelly!