This story focuses on Ezra, a Jewish transman, yoga teacher, dog dad, doula, son helping at the family funeral home, and somehow happens to see the dead. This book is so ridiculously well written and I feel it almost passes into the literary fiction category. Ezra, Aaron, Becca, Jonathan, Ben, and even Sappho the dog (the best dog!), are so well-written, described, to the point where they feel like folx you know.

I do think there's a lot going on in this book and the romance is really on the backburner so I wouldn't read this if you're expecting a relatively straightforward MM romance. A central theme is grief. How we process grief, respond to it, and death practices...all of it's at the forefront here. And I love this line from the end of the book: Not all grieving has to hurt.

There's a lot of beauty and hope in here and I can't believe this is a debut.

I’m not a huge romance reader, but I enjoyed this a lot! A really lovely and heartwarming story about found families, queer love and community, and some good old fashioned (but not really old-fashioned at all) ghost-haunting. Particularly recommend to fans of Linda Holmes - the characters in this book are similarly thoughtful and caring.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for the ARC!

I can’t even believe this book exists. It is so funny and so sweet and so unlike anything I have ever read. I just love, love, love it. Ezra Friedman is a trans Jewish clairvoyant (I know!) who fled from the family business as soon as he could because his family owns and lives in a funeral home. He grew up being spoken to and judged by all the family ghosts! When he returns home to help the failing business, he has to cope with the fact that his mother is running off with their rabbi’s wife, and also the fact that he’s got a crush on a guy named Jonathan, whose dead husband keeps popping up to talk to Ezra! Shelly Jay Shore charmed me beyond the telling of it with this debut novel. I’m one of those people who loves life and loves to laugh but always has a current of grief running somewhere below the surface. Ezra Friedman gets that in a way I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced in a book before.

They Can't Speak. They Can't Move. They Can't hurt You.


This is what Ezra Friedman tells himself when he communes with ghosts, having spent his childhood in a funeral home. His grandfather's ghost hovers over him, seething with disapproval and distaste. Ezra cannot wait for the day he can leave his judgement family - both dead and alive - in the past. Running away is the only option.

Except, that's when his dream job is taken out from under him. His mother ruins Passover seder to announce her leaving with the rabbi's wife. Now, his family is disgraced and the family business is on the brink of financial ruin.

Now, he is asked to help out at the funeral home, where he grew up with the ghosts he must contend with once again. It makes things easier when there is a certain handsome volunteer named Jonathan to greet him everyday.

Jonathan also has to deal with the fact that he sees Jonathan's husband, Ben. Growing up, the ghouls could not voice their pain nor their messages. Ben is the first ghost, first specter, to voice his thoughts.

This was a super emotional read for me. I came for the spooky vibes and stayed for the tears and the laughs and the warm feels. It was bit of a slow burn, but it was so so worth it in the end. It was full of love and friendship, of grief.

Not surprisingly, death was a heavy topic of the book, and not in a bad way. Death is society's ick, everyone gets uncomfortable around the topic, because it is that dismal end everyone will collectively face one day.

This book covered grief and love and death in a way that was not overbearingly depressing. It was sweet and tender-hearted. I liked that Ezra wanted to heal his relationship with his family, that he was putting in the effort and the time. And the romance, oh was so worth it and beautiful and wholesome. 🌟🌟🌟🌟/5 Stars!

Rules Of Ghosting was more about family drama than seeing ghosts. I had to admit I was disappointed. I really wanted to read more about someone who could see and interact with ghosts. Ezra, the main character, is going through a difficult time. His parents marriage is over and now he has to help out at the family's funeral home, a place he likes to avoid since it is filled with ghosts. Ezra is also transgender and is trying to navigate a new relationship. The story is filled with ups and downs as Ezra tries to navigate his changing world as well as deal with ghosts that only he can see.

The writing was good and the story moved along but I did not connect with Ezra. In fairness, I am not the target audience for this book and I really thought there would be much more paranormal action. It is not a bad story, it was just not for me.

Thank you to Random House/Dell Publishing for this ARC.

I'll be honest, the cover and title of this book are what drew me in, but the story was so unexpectedly heartwarming and delightful. The realistic representation in this book of both the queer and Jewish communities is refreshing - there are no romanticized or idealized aspects of Ezra's life, nor those of his friends and family. We are introduced to Ezra, a trans man, who knew from a young age who he was and how he wanted to live his life. This story begins several years after he came out to his family, who are not only supportive of his identity but fully embrace Ezra as he is. His family owns and operates a Jewish funeral home, and, as the title suggests, there are some ghosts involved (both spiritually and metaphorically). I would highly recommend this book for anyone as a reminder that we are each on our own, individual journey to healing, whether that is from the passing of a loved one or coming to terms with one's identity/gender/sexuality. While others may not necessarily be able to see your personal progress or checkpoints on that journey, it's important to give yourself the grace and space to process as you need to.

Rules for Ghosting follows Ezra as he navigates old and new queer friendships, intensely complex family relationships, oh and he can see ghosts! This book does a brilliant job of capturing the feelings and complexities of being the eldest afab child in a family, while also covering so many other complex topics in an eloquent way. I loved getting to see so much queer representation, both in relationships and friendships throughout the novel. I will say throughout a lot of the book, I thought it was trying to cover too many pieces and plot lines, but everything comes together at the end and ties up beautifully!

I loved this book so much. It is SO queer and SO Jewish. It's also just really sweet - a lovely and tender (and funny) story about loss and family and eldest daughter syndrome (gender neutral) and ghosts and love. So anyone will like it. But readers who are queer or Jewish and especially those who are both (like I am) will absolutely adore it. The fastest pre-order I've ever done.

🚨Thank you NetGalley and Penguin Randomhouse for my e-arc🚨


Shelly Jay shore, has become one of my auto-buy authors and this is only their debut!!!

From page 1 I was immediately hooked, I felt like I was in the story all of the descriptions and all the details were what it possible for me. I want to feel like I am in the “world” with all the characters when I’m reading.
The representation in this book hit so many marks: LGBTQIA+, religion, loss/grief, love and mental health(anxiety). Each and every one was handled with such sensitivity and grace and love it would be hard to not find at least little of yourself in all the characters if not a lot of yourself in all of the characters.
The found family for Ezra *chefs 😘 *

I’m not sure if this is going to be a standalone or series but I could easily see so many books coming within this world.

Rules For Ghosting follows Ezra, a Jewish transgender male who can see ghosts. His life is does a full 180 and he finds himself working at his family’s funeral home, moving in with his ex and their friends, and aggressively NOT trying to fall in love with the cute boy who volunteers at the funeral home and also lives in the unit below him. Rules For Ghosting explores life, death, love, and loss through the lens of Jewish and LGBTQIA+ culture.

This book had me teary eyed more than once, which is a big deal because I never cry. I connected so deeply with this book and its themes of found family, love, and growth. This is Shelly Jay Shore’s debut novel and I hope she writes more. Rules for Ghosting is easily one of my favorite books of all time.

5 / 5 stars !!

i usually really have to like a book to give it a full solid five stars but i genuinely adored everything about this book, i don't have a single complaint at all. it initially intrigued because of the blurb, i had never heard of a story that is set in what life would be like for people involved in funeral services, and it's always something that has interested me, strangely enough maybe. to find out that it would be mlm, and that the main character, ezra, is a trans man was enough to get me to read it. and i am by no means disappointed, a story dealing with so many different things so beautifully; grief, love, death, healing, found family, queerness and all about jewish faith and things revolving around it. loads of diversity, told and handled so well. i am absolutely obsessed with this book, truly.

for a debut from the author, this was absolutely incredible, and i will most definitely keep my eyes out for any other books from them going forward.

thank you to the publishers and netgalley for giving me a copy of this arc in exchange for an honest review!

To be honest, I just applied for this book ARC just because it sounded interesting. I had no intention of loving it as much as I did, but here I am. While I was right in it not being a top 10 favorite book, it's certainly up there. I love the unconventionality of the whole thing– it's like if someone did a randomizer for different things and just smashed them all together. If that's the case, Shore definitely got a great lot :)

The plot is unique but it wasn’t really about ghosts
- there are people and young adults that would probably love this because they need help with some of the emotions

I skimmed a lot of it after the first 1/4

This book I ate up. There’s a lot of moving parts in this but I enjoyed the whole idea of it. Definitely plan on buying this once it comes out.*full review will be up once book comes out due to author asking to wait*

I am impressed by this book and Shelly's debut. What a great story full of grief, life, death, and more. The book made me both laugh and cry.

Wow, wow, wow! What an incredible debut novel.
I enjoyed everything about this book. One of the greatest strengths about this book is the representation; LGBTQIA+, grief, religion, and love.
Rules for Ghosting does so well in its portrayal of relationships. From the friendships, family, and romantic connections. Everything was depicted with a sensitivity and realism that resonate deeply as a reader. It has so much depth and heart from the very beginning. Very well written and a must read!

Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC!

Star rating: 5 out of 5 stars!

Ezra Friedman sees ghosts, which made growing up in a funeral home complicated. It might have been easier if his grandfather’s ghost didn’t give him scathing looks of disapproval as he went through a second, HRT-induced puberty, or if he didn’t have the pressure of all those relatives—living and dead—judging every choice he makes. It’s no wonder that Ezra runs as far away from the family business as humanly possible.

But when the floor of his dream job drops out from under him and his mother uses the family Passover seder to tell everyone she’s running off with the rabbi’s wife, Ezra finds himself back in the thick of it. With his parents’ marriage imploding and the Friedman Family Memorial Chapel on the brink of financial ruin, Ezra agrees to step into his mother’s shoes and help out . . . which means long days surrounded by ghosts that no one else can see.

And then there’s his unfortunate crush on Jonathan, the handsome funeral home volunteer . . . who just happens to live downstairs from Ezra’s new apartment . . . and the appearance of the ghost of Jonathan’s gone-too-soon husband, Ben, who is breaking every spectral rule that Ezra knows. Because Ben can speak. He can move. And as Ezra tries to keep his family together and his heart from getting broken, he realizes that there’s more than one way to be haunted—and more than one way to become a ghost.

A brilliant dive into the thin line between life and death, messy but real family dynamics, and love. Honestly, I picked this book up and couldn't put it down. Highly recommend this! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the advanced digital reader's copy (ARC) in exchange for an honest review!

My first ARC review (thanks, NetGalley).
Rules for Ghosting by Shelly Jay Shore is somewhat of a rom com with a paranormal twist on the surface, but really is about grief, family dynamics, growing up queer/trans and Jewish traditions.
I enjoyed this book because I personally really identified with the main character, Ezra. Although I am neither trans or Jewish, his internal monologues could be taken straight from my brain. I think I really identified with him as the Older Sibling who always had to be the responsible one (very Luisa from Encanto vibes).
I really liked the dialogue, the diverse cast of characters, and there's a dog! I did think it felt too long and really took me a while to get through, although I can't pinpoint a specific reason why. I just found myself asking "I'm enjoying this story, why is it dragging?"
Overall I'd give this a 4.25 and recommend it to fans of romcoms, family dramas, LGBTQIA+ community, and anyone wanting to learn more about Jewish holidays/traditions.
The book comes out August 20th and is a debut by this author.

Oh my gosh! I knew this looked like a fun premise but I didn't expect to laugh or love this book as much as I did!!! I think I basically downloaded the ebook and read it in basically one sitting in a span of about four hours. Definitely going to preorder this one. If only some retailer gets some kind of special edition...

Ok this is going to sound like SO MUCH and I think that's why it was such a funny breeze! We have an MC who is a trans guy who sees ghosts. At the Passover seder, his mom announces that she's running away with the rabbi's wife. Ezra agrees to help out at the funeral home that his family owns, which seems like a not-great idea considering the number of ghosts? Oh and his hot housemate is the widower of the rabbi's son, who is a ghost now.

Ezra was so unexpectedly funny, and I felt for his pain and trauma as he tried to keep everything afloat. I think I'm in love with Jonathan. And I think that some of Ezra's character growth healed me too.

DEFINITELY worth a read, and I can't wait to read another book from this author.

Thank you to Netgalley and Ballantine for this wonderful ARC that I loved so much.

Content Warnings: Death and Mourning; Birth Scenes (Semi-Graphic), Gender Dysphoria/Body Dysmorphia,

For those sex averse, there is one semi-explicit sex scene and some fade-to-black.

I loved this book and how many narratives it weaves together. I most enjoyed the insight into Jewish traditions, particularly funeral traditions, and the work of doulas around both life and death the most. These were all critical to the book’s plot and understanding the characters, especially Ezra, our transmasc MC. Ezra, who can see ghosts, grew up in the funeral business but finds himself drawn to the queer-life-affirming business, whether in the form of being a doula or teaching yoga at a queer community center. He is overly hard on himself, burdened with his secret, familial bonds and duties, and queer identity, and yet always striving to be more and do more. I was invested and wanted him to succeed.

Even beyond Ezra, Shore succeeds in creating authentically flawed characters while also depicting diversity in queer representation. The characters and their situations were allowed to be messy and gray. I think the best example is when Ezra’s mother drops the bombshell that she has been having a lesbian affair with the Rabbi’s wife. would have been easy to push a sugar-coated narrative where everyone is immediately okay with it because they are queer friendly – but, instead, watching the effects on each family member and how it affects them all is much more realistic and satisfying. It’s not that the affair was a lesbian one that was the issue – it was the affair at all, the breach of trust and ramifications on a tight-knit, family-run business.

Overall, I found this book lovely and life-affirming and would gladly read another of Shore’s works in the future.