The most beautiful book I’ve read in recent history. This family dynamic was fraught with drama but the relationship between them was dynamic and strong. The inclusivity brought tears to my eyes on more than one occasion, I was so exhilarating to see all types of people so beautifully woven in to each other’s lives without pretense or prejudice. The ghost aspect only added to the beauty of this story. Where some ghost/haunting stories can error on the either cheesy or creepy side, this was utter perfection. I would give anything to be able to experience this book again for the first time.

This is an utterly stunning debut novel that has easily won a top spot from me.

Ezra is trans and Jewish and has a host of normal human problems and he can see ghosts, but this story really isn't about the ghosts he sees. This book is about family and how it can be messy and wonderful and difficult all at once. This book is about found family and how the people we choose for ourselves can be those things too. This book is about death and loss and how to live with those concepts. This book is also a romance novel, even if it doesn't always feel like the romance is at the center of the story.

I am eagerly waiting to get my hands on a physical copy upon the official publication, thanks to NetGalley and Random House for the eARC I was provided.

I always love being able to see trans characters in romance novels, because there are never enough of those– however, I spent way too much of this book experience wondering how Ezra’s ribs are not crushed from excessive binder-wearing (there is one point at which he does not take it off for eighteen hours straight) and I do think that that is something worth pointing out. More seriously though, I did like the book and the way that religion was also incorporated in it, even though I am pretty unfamiliar with Judaism. Good book, fun read, the characters are fun although definitely millennials.

"Guidelines for Ghostly Encounters" delves into the delicate balance between celebrating life and bidding farewell to cherished ones, exploring the profound impact of grief and love on our lives. It blends tenderness and humor reminiscent of "You Should Be So Lucky" and "The Prospects," infused with the comforting presence of caring spirits.

From the very first page, I found myself drawn into the narrative, eager to delve deeper with each passing moment. This tale had me laughing aloud, shedding quiet tears, and experiencing a mixture of both emotions in between. While it revolves around encounters with spirits, don't let that deter you if paranormal tales aren't typically your cup of tea. At its core, this is a contemporary romance—a delightful, funny, and poignant one at that.

Shelley Jay Shore's writing shines brightly in this fanfic-style narrative, presented in the third person and present tense. The ensemble cast of characters, both primary and secondary, is exceptionally crafted. Ezra captured my heart from his introduction as a six-year-old, while Jonathan's kindness melted it. And Ben—his vulnerability during Ezra and Jonathan's first kiss tugged at my heartstrings; I wished I could embrace him, but alas, ghosts don't hug! The first part of the story was enjoyable, but the second part elevated it to new heights. The romance depicted was simply... indescribable, and Ben—oh, Ben, I can't stop thinking about him.

Finally, I must applaud the incorporation of Jewish death customs throughout the narrative, beautifully depicted and fostering inclusivity.

Overall, I'd rate this book 4.5 stars without hesitation.

Heartfelt thanks to Random House Publishing Group/Ballantine and NetGalley for the delightful ARC!

**SPOILER FREE** Get ready to fall in love with the characters of Rules of Ghosting! These characters are flawed but lovable. While there are many storylines and plots to follow, you will enjoy each character arc and journey. I cannot express the amount of joy I felt while reading this cute book. It is so important to have characters that represent the trans community. We need more and more books written from their perspective. Thank you Shelly for including characters of all walks of life.

Very strong debut! An unconventional romance novel that is heartwarming, quirky, and funny. I always enjoy a Jewish family dynamic, and a somewhat dysfunctional one is always entertaining to read about. Add in some sweet paranormal activity and I am totally sold! Very original and charming. Looking forward to more from this author. Thank you Netgalley and the publishers for the advanced copy.

I made the mistake of starting Rules for Ghosting right before bed, thinking I would only read a chapter or two and then sleep. That was NOT the case though, and I highly recommend not following in my footsteps because I stayed up until 5am to finish reading it. That being said, please, do yourself a favor and pick this book up. I absolutely adored everything about it, from the family dynamics and trauma, humor, grief, and all of the little details about Jewish burial traditions (seriously, those were really interesting to learn about). Ezra was so sweet and loving while still having problems and flaws of his own, and it was easy to love and root for him. Also, his relationship with Jonathan was SO soft and adorable, that man deserves nothing but kind things. We need more love interests like him, I love soft, kind men so much. And Ben? Ben was perfect. Oh my god I'm lowkey sad this wasn't a polyam ghost romance because there's one scene that had me on my SWOONING over how much I'd have loved them as a trio (I get why it wasn't, but please, know I would commit federal crimes to read the chapters of what could have been).

I think this is the first book I've read that really examined the long term damage that happens from Eldest Daughter Syndrome (for reference, this is the term used in the book), and it was emotionally destroying in the best way. I cried over multiple things throughout the book (not just EDS lol) and I am so glad that this was a part of my week of emotionally damaging media consumption (Thank you Nora Sakavic and Taylor Swift).

The TL;DR for this is go read this book ASAP and bring a box of tissues so you can wipe away tears of laughter and sadness. It reminded me of a Casey McQuiston novel but with ghosts and Judaism and I mean this in the best way. I'm so impressed with Shore's writing, and can't wait to see what they write next - if it's half as good as Rules for Ghosting is, I'll have a new auto-buy author!

Thank you so much to Random House Publishing Group and NetGalley for the opportunity to read this book early in exchange for an honest review.

Rules for Ghosting follows Ezra, a trans Jewish boy who can see ghost as his life and his family begin to fall apart around him.

This is an adult novel set mostly in a funeral home with complicated family dynamics and connections between the characters that I really enjoyed reading. This is not a book that I would have chosen on my own (I prefer sapphic to achillean) but after receiving an email from the publisher it looked just interesting enough to give it a try.

I specifically like the way Ezra’s trans identity was incorporated into the book. It’s not a main part but it’s clear how it affects how he sees himself and his relationship to other people. And from my perspective as a non binary person this was done very well and respectfully.

This is a debut book and there were a few times I was confused about tiny plot points but the love story between Jonathan and Ezra was so beautiful as well as Ezra’s relationship with his siblings and friends that I just couldn’t put it down. And all the twists and turns were so interesting and at times unexpected in the best way possible I had to reread sections to make sure I had it right.

Overall I was pleasantly surprised by Rules for Ghosting and am excited to read it again once it comes out!

4.5 stars rounded up to 5.

Ezra and his family, both found and biological, are a beautifully dysfunctional and loving team who I could read about for days. Being set partly in a funeral home, Shore's beautiful and gentle treatment of death and funerary work was honestly a breath of fresh air. Ezra is such a loveable ball of stress it's impossible to not feel for him at every twist and turn in life, positive or negative as they may be. Anyone who has ever found themselves in the throes of "eldest daughter syndrome" will empathize with Ezra's instinctual protectiveness even as it proves unhealthy for himself. The depictions of Jewish celebrations and rituals are so lovingly written and provided in context for the unfamiliar that I barely noticed the gaps in my own knowledge. This book made me emotional in the best way and I would heartily recommend it to anyone wanting a story of queer joy and triumph.

Shelly Jay Shore’s Rules for Ghosting is a remarkable novel about love, identity, and family above all else. There’s something tragically beautiful in the characters’ journeys told through Ezra’s narration, likely because Shore doesn’t hesitate to confront grief head-on alongside everything else. She places love with grief side by side, as they always seem to be.
Stepping into reading this book, I had no expectations of what I’d experience. Firstly because the premise of this novel is different than any of my personal experiences. And secondly, because it’s not usually the type of book I pick up. Reading Ezra’s story though, made me feel connected to him instantly, even though we have had vastly different experiences. It’s the sign of a good story when you feel tied to a character like they’re real, like their highs and lows impact you as well. No matter the life I lead in comparison, there is a universal feeling of love and connection Shore touches on in this book. With Ezra and his family, with Ezra and Jonathan, with Ezra and ghosts like Ben – they all ultimately speak to the way we all desire connection, but must work to maintain them.
The first few chapters of the novel were heavy with setting the scene for Ezra’s life, established struggles, and relationships. It felt like there was less movement and development in this part, where we were just getting to know everything, that might have been more effective sped up. But once the story really starts kicking, I fell all in, wrapped up in Ezra and all the characters around him. Ezra’s journey is one of healing, for both himself and others, and I don’t know how else to describe the feeling of reading it but as lovely, warm, and comforting like honey.
As Ezra grows with his siblings, with his parents, and with his new partner Jonathan, we watch him face some of the rawest human struggles that are intensified by his gender identity, religious background, and his ability to see ghosts. It’s a marvelous premise and plot tool, using graveyards, funerals, and ghosts as a vessel for Ezra to explore his identity throughout his whole life and the character arc he experiences through meeting Jonathan and the ghost of his dead husband, Ben.
What makes this book most enjoyable for me is several things, but mainly how whole and encompassing it feels and Shore’s incredible way of writing complex relationships. We read about familial conflict – both with parents and siblings – conflict with friends, with Jonathan, but most importantly, the internal conflict struggle Ezra endures and must overcome to resolve the external fights in his life. The supporting characters in this novel are written with so much love for Ezra and for their values, it just creates an experience of fulfillment and safety. And these are all only made addictive to read because of the way Shore writes these characters. The way she describes their humor, kindness, and flaws simultaneously lifts them off the page and forms them into raw and real humans.
Probably my favorite part of the novel was the way Shore used Ben’s ghost in the trajectory of Ezra and Jonathan’s relationship. Ideas of ghosts and being haunted by people are things used literally in the novel as plot tools, but they still carry the same figurative weight. All of these characters are so beautiful and craving of love – and they fight for it, helping each other overcome their ghosts, let things pass and rest, so we get that satisfying ending.
It’s really just a sweet and evocative book about connection and what it takes to heal, and just reading this story to appreciate this message is something I’m grateful for.
Rating: 4.25/5
Thank you to NetGalley for allowing me to read this book in advance in exchange for an honest review!

I mean, of course I had to read a book with a trans Jewish character named Ezra. And he did wind up being a very relatable character for me in a lot of ways. This book was surprisingly funny and honestly just a good read all around. It had me laughing and it had me crying and I loved it all. I liked that, while Ezra’s transness was a part of the story, it wasn’t about coming out. Coming out stories are important, but it’s also nice to read stories where we just get to exist. And Ezra had a fantastic group of queer people in his life.

I had admittedly forgotten what the synopsis said about this book and so when Ezra’s mom and Judy made their Passover announcement I felt just as blindsided but it felt a lot funnier to me than I’m sure it did to them.

It also focused on an aspect of Jewish life that I don’t feel like is normally discussed. Death isn’t something commonly talked about so it’s interesting to read a book from the perspective of someone who’s been surrounded by it most of their life.

Thank you to NetGalley for making this available in exchange for an honest review!

I was given an advanced copy in exchange for my review. This is my honest review that I am leaving voluntarily. I loved this! I'm sorry? This is the author's debut novel? It is so well written! It is a single POV but that's okay I truly had a great time. Everything was so charming and funny, it is going to be a perfect fall book. Defiantly will be following this author.

wonderful book with such an original plot! the inclusivity and familial relationships were so well done that it felt real. the cultural aspect in this book was new to me and i appreciated it greatly. everything was so charming and funny i’d love to see what else this author does!
thank you to netgalley for this advanced copy!

Rules for Ghosting is a really good debut novel by Shelly Jay Shore. I was really interested in reading this after reading the plot. Who doesn't love ghosts in a romance novel! Rules for Ghosting did not disappoint. I loved Ezra and Jonathan; their relationship was really sweet and romantic. Shore wrote two characters with great chemistry. This book made me both laugh and cried, which is all you can really ask for in a romance novel.
I didn't just love the main characters, I also loved the secondary characters. The way they all interacted with one another, and supported Ezra and Jonathan was fantastic. Shore wrote them to be incredibly realistic and fleshed out, and it really helped create a great reading experience.
I'll definitely be recommending this one to my friends!

"Rules for Ghosting" was deeper and more intense than I expected. And I am glad for that. While a romantic comedy, as I had been expecting, would have made for a good book, I think this book is better for delving deeper into Jewish traditions, self-perceptions, expectations, fears, ways to handle (or not handle) conflict and trauma, relationships, etc. A significant aspect of the book focuses on the expectations and responsibilities that Ezra places on himself and allows others to place on him, and his belief that his self-worth is tied to fulfilling those expectations, including keeping secret things that will cause chaos if/when revealed. The discussion of Jewish burial/funeral traditions and rituals was interesting, as that is not something with which I was very familiar.

If you are looking for LGBTQ representation, this book has it in spades. Ezra is a transgender male (which has caused some issues in his Jewish family) and there are multiple other transgender characters in the book. Respect and dignity for transgender characters is a key element of parts of the story. There are also gay/lesbian characters, including a gay man who is also ace. In fact, the unexpected "coming out" of Ezra's mother (Bobbi) and the rabbi's wife (Judy) as a lesbian couple is one of the chaotic events that envelop the Friedman family in this book.

For all the seriousness and heavy issues addressed in the book, there is also plenty of humor and levity, especially in the interactions between Ezra and his friends and Ezra and his siblings.

I'm rounding up from 4.5, but still an excellent read. There's quite a bit going on, but it all comes together. The main characters are Jewish and their traditions are represented here through the family owned funeral home. Ezra sees ghosts and that is the least of his problems most days. He needs to move in with roommates, one being his ex. He gets furloughed and needs to go back to work at the family funeral home after his Mom comes out during a Passover seder..... in front of one of his new neighbor who also volunteers at the funeral home. Ezra goes through quite a bit and needs to learn his worth along the way. Eventually, he allows himself to be loved and helped the way he deserves when he let's others in. This is a contemporary romance in every sense of the word. Jonathan is a wonderful character, who has also been through so much and becomes a foundation for Ezra to build on. This family is not great with communication, but they improve as the story goes.

Rules for Ghosting is a book about grief and love with a side of ghosts. I loved all the representation and the characters were so genuine and flawed but also obviously people with good intentions. I also enjoyed the ghost aspect, that was something that really made it stand out. The plot was interesting and had some twists that I definitely did not expect. I had a good time reading it and would recommend it!

Rules for Ghosting is a sweet romance that shines most in the ways it deals with grief, the casual and varied queer representation, and how the main couple opens themselves up to one another.

Ezra is in the middle of a crisis, both financially and family-wise, and it doesn’t help that he’s still recovering from a breakup and dealing with his hot new neighbor. Worlds collide when Ezra and the neighbor, Jonathan, begin working together at a funeral home and the two begin falling in love. There’s only one (okay, maybe more) problem: Ezra can see ghosts and begins seeing the ghost of Jonathan’s ex-husband.

First of all, Ezra and Jonathan’s relationship was a great mix of instant attraction mixed with the subplot of the ghost of Jonathan’s ex-husband and the question of whether either of the two men are ready for a relationship. This development went at a pretty good pace for me although I didn’t quite feel as invested in them the way I wanted to. I think they needed to talk about things and do things outside of the funeral home together to make me really believe in them as a couple. Otherwise though, they are very cute together!

Besides the romance, the friendships and family dynamics were the perfect amount of cozy and bittersweet. There were some hilarious moments and I felt like these side characters were fleshed out enough to feel alive even when they weren’t in the scene. I especially enjoyed Ezra’s relationship with his siblings and his mother. There are so many complexities to their relationships that were unexpected but well-thought out.

Rules for Ghosting is truly as much about repairing old relationships as it is about building new ones and successfully does both. Although the book is 400 pages, I still would’ve read more about Ezra and Jonathan and about Ezra’s family. The depiction of Jewish funeral customs in particular was beautiful and I loved how intertwined it was with the identity of these characters and how they approached grief.

Overall, Shelly Jay Shore has written a sometimes melancholic yet ultimately hopeful romance.

Thanks to NetGalley and Dell for an ARC in exchange for my honest review!

This review will be published on my blog (clearsummers.wordpress.com) and Goodreads on August 6, 2024. A review will be published on Amazon on the pub date.

The amount of times I gasped out loud, almost cried. So many emotions. I fell in love with all of characters. Becca and Erza was by far my favorites. If you read this you will definitely find out why. I’ll definitely read this again & again. Thanks too Netgalley & Sally Shore for the ARC copy.

That was fucking amazing, probably my favorite book I've read so far this year. I like gays and I like ghost so I read this and I did love the gays and the ghosts there was so much more to it. How it dealt with grief and the many other issues in Ezra's family and life slayed. Also I love that Aaron was screwing the lady who was trying to take the business away from his family. The roommates were fun and I love Sappho. The only criticism I have is that I would have liked to see a bit more of Nina but otherwise I loved it.