Want to celebrate spooky season, but can’t handle hardcore horror? Never fear, because Rules For Ghosting by Shelly Jay Shore has arrived on bookshelves, and it’s perfect for those who prefer a cozy supernatural experience to one that will leave you tossing and turning with nightmares. This very sweet, very heartfelt novel has ghosts, a touch of romance, LGBTQIA+ representation, funeral home hijinks, and ok, fine, a tiny bit of an identity crisis with its storyline.

But first, here’s the official plot synopsis, courtesy of the publisher:

“Ezra Friedman sees ghosts, which made growing up in a funeral home a bit complicated. It might have been easier if his grandfather’s ghost didn’t give him such scathing looks of disapproval as he went through a second, HRT-induced puberty, or if he didn't have the pressure of all those relatives — living and dead — judging every choice he makes. It’s no wonder that Ezra runs as far away from the family business as humanly possible. But when the floor of his dream job drops out from under him and his mother uses the family Passover seder to tell everyone that she’s running away with the rabbi’s wife, Ezra finds himself back in the thick of it. With his parents’ marriage imploding and the Friedman Family Memorial Chapel on the brink of financial ruin, Ezra agrees to step into his mother's shoes and help out . . . which means long days surrounded by ghosts that no one else can see.

And then there's his unfortunate crush on Jonathan, the handsome funeral home volunteer who just happens to live downstairs from Ezra's new apartment . . . and the appearance of the ghost of Jonathan's gone-too-soon husband, Ben, who is breaking every spectral rule Ezra knows. Because Ben can speak. He can move. And as Ezra tries to keep his family together and his heart from getting broken, he quickly realizes that there's more than one way to be haunted — and more than one way to become a ghost.”

When I say that people with a wimpy tolerance for the paranormal can handle this book, I mean it — somehow, despite ghosts being mentioned in the literal title, they don’t factor into Rules For Ghosting all that much. Or at least, not as much as I wanted them to, given how much ground there is to cover: Ezra’s ghost pals, his mom effectively detonating a grenade on their family, his new roommates, a flirtation with a new guy, his ex-boyfriend living upstairs, the funeral home selling . . . the list goes on. (And on.)

I went into it thinking that Ezra’s ability to see the spirits of people who’ve passed would be a major plot point, especially because he hadn’t revealed his secret to his family for fear that they wouldn’t believe him and/or judge his sanity (which, fair). But the ghostly elements feel like an afterthought, something tacked on to a more traditional queer family drama at the last second. It functions more as a quirky side plot that pops up every now and again to remind us that, oh yeah, our main character is clairvoyant.

I wish that Shore had left it out entirely to focus more on Ezra’s relationship with his family, the beautiful and supportive community he’s built since coming out as trans, and his blossoming romance with new neighbor Jonathan. The author does include a bit after the end of the book where she explains her inspiration for the novel and its connection to ghosts, which I completely understand and respect. It just didn’t work for me.

There’s a lot of beauty in this novel, with diverse characters who are clearly written with a great deal of love and care. The dialogue is another high point. I really enjoyed Ezra’s conversations with his mother, father, and siblings in particular, which come across as grounded and true to life. (Not necessarily an easy feat to pull off with ghosts in the mix.)

Despite its sweetness and light approach to a spooky atmosphere, with this many plot points it felt like the story was struggling to find a focus. People contain multitudes, sure, and I know Ezra has a lot going on. For the sake of the book, however, I wish the story had settled one major thing: his psychic abilities and how they intersect with seeing Jonathan’s late husband, or how his mother’s infidelity and coming out is affecting the family, or Ezra’s new experience moving into an apartment with an ex-boyfriend upstairs. These are all great stories, but they don’t get a chance to breathe while competing with each other for spotlight on the page.

Shout out to NetGalley and Dell for the ARC in exchange for an honest review!

Rules for Ghosting by Shelly Jay Shore is a clever and entertaining exploration of relationships, heartbreak, and the art of navigating the complexities of modern dating. From my perspective, Shore’s writing is sharp and humorous, effectively capturing the anxieties and absurdities of contemporary romance. The protagonist's journey through the ups and downs of ghosting is relatable and thought-provoking, making me reflect on my own experiences with love and loss.

I appreciated how the narrative tackles themes of communication and honesty, highlighting the importance of being true to oneself while navigating the often messy world of dating. The pacing is generally well-structured, with a nice balance of comedic moments and deeper emotional insights. However, there were times when certain plot twists felt a bit predictable, which slightly impacted the overall suspense.

Overall, Rules for Ghosting is a delightful read that left me chuckling and reflecting on the nature of relationships. It’s a fantastic choice for readers who enjoy contemporary romance with a witty twist, and Shore’s ability to blend humor with meaningful commentary on modern dating makes this book a fun and insightful experience.

Unfortunately, this was no for me. I wanted to love this book so bad. But, it fell flat. I felt like the characters have no dimension and the romance was very cringy.

This was such a beautiful and layered story that I completely did not expect! Every character was written about so tenderly and it somehow managed to make literally seeing ghosts feel natural and also not the wildest situation they faced. I really enjoyed this read from start to finish!

Part love story part ghost story and part comedy. I loved this one more than I thought I would. I had always wanted to read a rom com set in a funeral home and the Rules for Ghosting met that need. And I loved having a Jewish main character.

Rules for Ghosting is an unexpected gem that beautifully intertwines romance, family drama, and a sprinkle of the supernatural. As someone who was drawn in by the cover and the premise of ghosts, I found myself pleasantly surprised by the depth of this heartfelt narrative.

Ezra Friedman is a compelling protagonist—a trans, bisexual, Jewish man grappling with the complexities of his identity, family expectations, and the unique burden of seeing ghosts. Growing up in a funeral home is challenging enough, but add in a scowling grandfather's ghost and a new crush on Jonathan, a volunteer with his own ghostly baggage, and you’ve got a recipe for an emotional rollercoaster. Ezra's journey back to his family's business, especially during such tumultuous times, is both poignant and relatable.

What I loved most was the slow burn between Ezra and Jonathan. Their connection felt authentic, rooted in shared trauma and growth. It’s refreshing to read a romance that doesn’t rush into relationships but allows characters the space to heal and confront their pasts before diving headfirst into love. Jonathan is a breath of fresh air—his ability to communicate openly adds an essential layer of maturity that’s often missing in contemporary romances.

The supporting cast shines brightly, too, particularly Ezra’s siblings and his quirky housemates, who help create a sense of found family that is so vital in the narrative. The themes of grief and the complexities of family dynamics are explored with sensitivity, and I appreciated how the ghosts serve as a metaphor for the emotional baggage we all carry.

However, I did feel that the pacing was uneven at times. While I was fully engaged around the 70% mark, the earlier chapters sometimes dragged, making it hard to keep up the momentum. Additionally, the ghosts didn’t feature as prominently as I initially expected, which might leave readers seeking a more traditional ghost story feeling a bit underwhelmed. I also craved a bit more resolution with Ezra’s grandfather; his role was significant, and I wished for a deeper exploration of their relationship.

Overall, Rules for Ghosting is a beautifully written exploration of love, loss, and healing. If you’re looking for a story that balances humor and heart while addressing heavier themes with grace, I highly recommend this book. I’m excited to see what Shelly Jay Shore brings us next!

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review!

I'd definitely give this a 4.5 - the only reason it wasn't an immediate 5 star is because I wish we'd gotten more closure between him and his grandpa. His grandfather played such an important character in his life, before and after death, and I felt like the closure was so minimal, if you blinked, you'd miss it.

I love the slow-ish burn between Ezra and Jonathan. They click really quickly, but the effort it takes to get them both where they're healed and completely open to each other was so refreshing to see. In a lot of books where the couple sort of couples off early and the rest of the book is their struggle to stay together, it grows stale. But this book did a really good job in having the obstacles for both of them be unhealed trauma where they both sort of grow separately before they come completely together. I also love that there isn't an unnecessary third-act break-up because at least ONE of them (Jonathan, my beloved) is good at communicating how they feel.

This was just such a refreshing and beautiful, queer story. I loved everything about it, especially the side characters (sister and brother specifically). And I loved that his housemates became his extended family. Wanna cry just thinking about them again.

Can't wait for more from Shelly!

This was a really cute and cozy read!


I really appreciated that this felt like a queer story I genuinely haven't read before. I loved the explorations of grief, self growth and acceptance, and how to move past and move forward from things that happen to us and around us.

I thought the main characters growth was really lovely, as well!

While I loved the premise of this book, and it is very seasonally appropriate, something about it just didn't click and I ended up not finishing this one. I couldn't connect to the characters who seemed very one dimensional.

This novel is SPECIAL. It’s so full of love, heart, and vulnerability. It is also beautifully written. I think anyone who enjoyed Dead Romantics would LOVE this novel. The romance is just perfect, the family dynamics are beautifully weaved and worked through, and the ghostly element is interesting and its symbolism is flawless. Ezra captured my heart immediately, but so did his family, friends, and—of course—Sappho! I cannot wait to read whatever she writes next!

3.5 rounded up to a 4
please note that the trigger warnings and topes/themes may contain spoilers
I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
HEA: HFN
POV: dual 3rd person
spice: mostly closed door romance
TWs: anxiety, body dysphoria, cheating, talk of death, death of a family member, death of a spouse, divorce, grief, mentions of miscarriage and stillbirth (not on page, just mentioned), transphobia
Kinky Content:
standalone: standalone
final thoughts: this was a fun read! I liked that it was a ghost story without being a ghost story. I wish there were more romantic elements in this book. I would’ve loved to see more of their relationship progression and angst on both sides.
I loved the friend group, their witty banter, and the importance of found family woven throughout this story. I didn’t like that cheating (not between or on the MCs) was such a big plot point though… it was so distracting to the rest of the beautiful messages, and I wish it was gone about in a different way.

read this book if you love
😬 angst
🐈‍⬛ black cat MMC
💬 epistolary
😳 forbidden lovers
🏝️ forced proximity
👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 found family
🧑‍🤝‍🧑 great side characters
✡️ holiday themes (Passover)
🩹 hurt/comfort
🌈 LGBT+ representation (bi, gay, trans, ace)
💞 neighbors-to-lovers
💤 nightmare comfort
💖 paranormal

I felt that this book had an intriguing storyline and overall, I felt it was a good read. Going in, you might not think it, but there is a lot of depth to Ezra's story because it touches on many complex topics that I feel everyone can relate to like family, loss, life, embracing yourself, acceptance and love. There is really a lot going on here and for me personally, I wish there had been just a little less in play. Not that everything wasn't important and meaningful because it all was. However, as someone who reads for romance, that aspect was a bit too secondary to make me happy.

This book was a DELIGHT.

There is crazy family drama, grief, new friendships, romance, a dog everyone loved, and of course, ghosties.

If we’re being honest, the rules of ghosts (from the title) don’t play much a part in this book, maybe once or twice it’s really delved into, but there’s not much of a conclusion for that, but for me it was fine.

We’re really here for the family drama and the romance anyway, side of Ghosties. Ezra and Jonathan are adorable, seriously Jonathan is the SWEETEST and so full of griefyness, and Ezra is just trying to take care of everyone but then Jonathan is taking care of HIM and ❤️.

The writing style reminded me of Casey McQuiston’s RWRB era, which is my fave. The characters are so well written and the side characters also shine, though sometimes it felt like there were a lot, but it was fine.

I’ve you love romance, family drama, and a side of ghosties, for sure pick this one up! I loved it so much ❤️.

Thank you @netgalley and @randomhouse for sending this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own.

With the premise that is so unique, the reader needs to pick up the book, I was hooked. I’ve never read anything like this, or well, set like this.

This book was such an emotionally driven story. When we meet Ezra, he loses his job and has nowhere else to work. He decides to help out his funeral director father and brother when their mom leaves with her girlfriend. It’s all out of left field. In addition to being a family of funeral directors, Ezra can see the ghosts of people who are stuck between worlds.

When he meets a man who has been through his own trauma and is unsure what to do when the feels immediately fly, the reader embarks on quite the adventure.

"Rules for Ghosting" by Shelly Jay Shore is an absolutely delightful read! It truly, as the kids say, made me feel all of the feels, and I alternated between crying tears of sadness for the characters and tears of laughter at some of the situations in which they found themselves. I loved the inclusivity of this novel; I can't think of any other book featuring a Jewish transman whose messy family basically lives in a funeral home...and who can also see ghosts! I loved Ezra from the first moment I met him and I won't soon forget him and his big heart. I would love a sequel!

Many thanks to NetGalley, the publisher, and the author for the privilege of reading an advanced copy of this lovely book.

I just can’t get into this book right now, though I wish I could. I might come back to this a little later and I think it’ll be a good read but I’m just not into this book right now. 3.5 for the content I did read

I went into Rules for Ghosting expecting something lighthearted. What I got was a tender, emotional family drama about a trans, Jewish man coming to terms with grief, trauma, and his issues surrounding always being the emotional support person for everyone around him.

I fell in love with Ezra right away and just wanted to wrap him in a blanket and give him a hug. His story resonated with me, particularly through the discussion of "Eldest Daughter Syndrome" and having to bear the weight of managing the emotions of others. I found it interesting to learn about traditional Jewish funeral practices; the supporting cast was fun and real, although there were perhaps a couple characters too many for every one to serve a purpose; and I loved the family dynamics where all the members loved each other even though they don't always do right by each other.

The ghosts didn't come into play as much as I thought they would, which was fine since I could view them as an allegory for the issues Ezra was dealing with. The romance also didn't take as prominent a position as it does in most contemporary romances/rom coms, which I was also fine with as I was more focused on Ezra himself.

I absolutely recommend Rules for Ghosting, but would caution readers expecting a fun paranormal romance that they're going to get something very different. This is not really a ghost story and the love story takes a bit of a backseat to the family drama and Ezra's own coming of age. Pick something else if you're looking for lighthearted, but when you're ready, give this one a try. I enjoyed it from start to finish.

3.5 stars

Third person, single POV.

Ezra is the middle child born into a small business mortician family. He can also see ghosts, but always had to keep it to himself. The ghosts can’t speak to him, and tend to vanish as quickly as they appear. Mostly, he sees his grandfather at the business so, when he got older, he tried to distance himself from the business of death and became a doula.

He moves in with a group of people, including his ex. They’re a funny cast of characters. After moving in though, a new ghost has been appearing to Ezra. One that can speak to him and seems to be breaking all the rules. Soon, their widowed neighbor catches his attention and a shakeup in the family forces Ezra back to working at the funeral home.

Overall, it’s a slower read that felt a bit long and the writing is a bit choppy. There’s also an undertone of almost eeriness. It’s a good fall read.

Also, among a LGBTQ+ cast of characters, Ezra is trans. There’s definitely a diverse cast of characters and getting that kind of seamless representation was cool.

Thank you to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for my advanced digital copy!

Ezra is Jewish, Trans, and also sees ghosts. Growing up around his family’s funeral home, once a place he adored, it became a place of avoidance. He didn’t want to be there much at all, not with all the ghosts lining the halls.

A couple decades later, Ezra is working at a Queer Community Center teaching yoga & as a doula, moving into a new apartment. His ex lives there with roommates, so he feels safe in knowing there aren’t any ghosts. He’d been there before, he’d have seen them. He meets their downstairs neighbor immediately, and, as it turns out, his late husband’s ghost shortly after.

A particularly eventful family Passover seder changes all his plans. Filling in for his mom at the funeral home, Ezra comes face to face with the ghosts of his past, and of his present.

This book is a beautiful journey of family chaos, confronting your ghosts (both literal and metaphorical), love after loss, and found family.

Such a beautiful read, I’ll continue recommending this for years to come.

I wanted to like Rules for Ghosting so much, but it never landed with me. I'm still willing to take the blame for that; I started it over the summer when I was really busy and couldn't settle into it, and then continued it in the last few weeks when that same situation was happening again. I never connected with the characters, but I wanted to. I would still recommend it, even though it never landed for me.