I loved Alfie and Fen's story. The bully and victim now all grown up made for a riveting tale. Alfie behaved horribly to Fen but his upbringing was hard. Fen refused to stay in the closet and now Alfie is desperate to make things right with Fen. There was so much internalized fear and hate inside Alfie and even though his past behavior was wrong I couldn't help sympathize with him. The two together just plain worked and the writing was poignant.
A beautiful book that I completely recommend.

Pansies by Alexis Hall is a deeply emotional story about a connection that is not the best timing, a bit messy but beautifully romantic. I love the conflict between Alfie and Fen, that connection between them even though they start at odds but most of all, what I like is how beautifully honest it is about heteronormative expectations, grief, societal beliefs about how men should be and how toxic those ideas can be.
Alfie is a very straightforward man and I like that the novel is told from his point of view. It is a clever narrative element to add insight into Fen by giving us his letters to his mother, however and even though most of the story we see Fen from Alfie’s eyes, both characters are compelling and the emotional connection between them clear from the beginning. I love how Alfie struggles with how he was raised and the underlying toxic beliefs he holds about being a man and being gay. I love how he overcomes this with Fen challenging those beliefs. I also like how much he helps Fen heal from his grief. The characters are messy, authentic and beautiful because they aren’t perfect. The ending is a perfect one for the pair of them, where they get their happy ever after.
If you love romances that are deeply emotional and complex, with messy authentic characters, I completely recommend Pansies. Alexis Hall is one of the best writers out there with novels that are compelling and layered romances with interesting characters that I love to revisit time and again. If you haven’t read anything by Alexis yet, try this one. It is beautiful.

Soft DNF. Maybe I will try again in the future.

I like Alexis Hall, especially this series which I have enjoyed immensely. The themes of this book resonated with me and they were so important. The theme of comp-het, what happens after you come put and you have to keep finding what you actually want to be instead of simply surviving in the role society assigned to you. I loved this reflection. The other themes, including grief, were as important. I also like the setting, which isn’t cosmopolitan London or sophisticated Oxford but South Shields and the conflict between needing to escape your hometown to find yourself and recognizing there are things you still miss, even as a new version of you, and other that keep hurting.

My problem with this novel is mainly that it’s too long. Alfie used to bully Fen at school and this is painful to see and read and the slow pace of the narration doesn’t help. I think for this particular book the new edition needed to be slightly shortened in a way that didn’t impact the quality of the book but actually enhanced it. Of course being a re-edition the point is having more material, not less.

I won’t give up on this book but I need to be less tired mentally.

Thanks to Sourcebooks Casablanca and NetGalley for the ARC.

Giving this one a 3.5 out of 5. Thank you NetGalley for the ARC.

Ok y'all... If I zoom out and look at the overarching story, I adored Pansies. It is a bully-to-lover, kinda second change romance but not, and features a lot of emotional growth and crying of the male characters. Both Fen and Alfie have to do a lot of introspective thinking, both sorting through different flavors of trauma. We love a good male cry session and men showing feelings.

However, there were several instances during the story where I almost DNF'ed it because Fen and/or Alfie were just being plain stupid. There is no action in the story, so all of the conflict is rooted in communication, or a lack thereof. Fen MULTIPLE times lashes out at Alfie in anger out of a place of self-preservation, and while some of those times are due to Alfie being pushy, some of them are just Fen not acknowledging his own pain and not dealing with it in a healthy way. Alfie, the former bully who has never been forced to ask himself WHY, decides out of the blue he wants Fen and goes out of his way to more or less stalk him after being explicitly told no.

Its frustrating because there are some absolutely beautiful moments between these two as they help each other build a new life.

I got an e-arc from NetGalley to give an honest review.

DNF @ 27%

Gosh I really hate Alfie all throughout 27% of the book. This bully to strangers to lovers is not clicking properly for me. Fen should have pride and dignity. Alfie should have not been so stubborn and selfish because he was the ex-bully to the ex-victim (Fen). If someone who bullied you came back to your life, the logical way to react is ignore that person; and when he's pushy, you would stand your ground and rather say, "There's nothing else to do. You bullied me and it's better to go our separate ways, permanently." But hey, Fen wasn't able to stand his ground because Alfie was too pushy. The fact that they started to get to know each other "better" was because he was pushy (just like in the past when he 'was' a bully) was disgusting (sorry for the term). What icks me more is you can see how traumatized Fen was because of Alfie which made it harder to continue. The way Fen described how Alfie was in the past is the same as Alfie in the present.

I am so in love with the Spires series. Each featured character is so well developed and nuanced, so real. Artie is a different kind of character than I’ve interacted with before. He’s got a little bit of anxiety and uncertainty, but he’s so confident in so many ways. He was popular in high school, well liked, has a high powered and well paying job. He’s kind of an idiot, really, especially when it comes to queer issues. Artie puts his foot in his mouth so many times, offending Fen and others with his questions and comments. I know he means well, as he is the main character so I see his thoughts, but, from an outsider’s perspective, he’s offensive enough that I might not put up with him. I do feel that Fen forgives Artie too easily, that he makes allowances and glosses over some very questionable things. But Fen is selfish too. He wants companionship, he wants sex, if anything. He appreciates someone to talk to who isn’t his dad. Who better than his childhood bully who he had a crush on? Seeing Fen grow to understand Alfie, and understanding Alfie through Fen’s eyes did make Alfie easier to tolerate at some points.

Artie does redeem himself over time. Though he’s pushy and way too confident, Fen wants at least a little of what Artie wants. And Artie being so pushy actually works in his favor because Fen would be fine just working in his flower shop, living his life the way he has been and running himself into the ground. Well, he wouldn’t be fine and would eventually spin out without interference but without Artie, I firmly believe that Fen would still be maintaining the status quo. Also, the confidence results in spectacularly failed DIY projects, which provides much needed humor as well as an excuse for Alfie to connect with his father again.

Aside from the wonderful complex characters, I also loved the humor and the accents! Alexis really knows how to set the scene. I enjoyed the writing of the accents so much, reading parts out loud to get a handle on how words were being pronounced. I smiled and laughed and rolled my eyes so many times. Pansies is a wonderful addition to the Spires series and a great book to read as a standalone. I can’t wait to see what comes next in this series! It is the best light-hearted but also deep romance I’ve read out there and I love being able to absolutely breeze through a book but also take in every word. It’s such a comfort in these trying times.

4.75

"Pansies" is officially in my top three favourite Alexis Hall novels. Right behind "Glitterland" and "Waiting for the Flood": all of them Spires novels, yes, I know.
I think this series, this kind of romance, is where Alexis Hall truly shines for me: their words, the character building, the relationship and emotional arcs... I love everything about the Spires world, and despite truly loving only 3/5 of the Spires novels and novellas now out in the world (yeah, I wasn't keen on "For Real" and "Chasing the Light" was despicable), I'm OBSESSED with this series as a whole. There's something truly magical about it, and I'll be forever grateful I finally decided to take the plunge and dive into this wonderful, emotional, interconnected universe.

Back to "Pansies"... I was a bit worried initially, because like I said, "For Real" wasn't that great for me, and because AH is always a bit of mixed bag: some things they write manage to change the course of my damn life; other things make me want to become a banshee or smash my bedroom in rage/frustration. I think its mainly because their brand of humour is slightly too mean for my liking, so when we finally get an MC like Alfie, who's an idiot, yes, a trying-to-redeem-himself ex-bully idiot, who's also, most importantly, real and relatable and messy and flawed and precious and human and loving and gentle, I definitely don't stand a chance.
Alfie's a walking contradiction of messiness, internalized homophobia and emotional suppression, but he's also a work-in-progress and while he, also, still does hurtful, shitty things at times, he isn't mean and that makes a difference to me, in terms of loving a book and its protagonist.
Or, I think, he's held accountable for the hurtful stuff he says, by his author yes, but also, by Fen and mainly himself, and that makes a world of difference to me from, say, Luc *seething noises* (okay, yes, maybe I shouldn't constantly bring up the BM/HM world, but this is my review and I'll do as I please lol) (also, I'm still bitter about HM, can't you tell? lol)

Anyway, back to "Pansies"... I loved it. It's a magical, emotional chunk of a book, and it flows like a goddamn dream. I wasn't ready to leave Alfie nor Fen anytime soon: I loved them so, so, so much, and I adored seeing their relationship blossom.
I never know what to think of a bully/victim romance: in theory, it should make me uncomfortable (and this one did, in the sense that it made me think really hard about accountability and the way people can change, and also about the fact that I've never forgiven my childhood bully, and I probably never will, and that's okay too!), but in practice, I love a good grovel in my romances and an MC trying really hard to earn back trust is what I live for. Yes, I'm an angst girlie.
I think Hall did a MARVELOUS job at portraying this particular dynamic, and at portraying Alfie and Fen trying to navigate the world of hurt Alfie inflicted on Fen when they were children: it's realistic and very human, packed with contradictions (and unapologetic at that; humans are wonderfully complicated and messy, and romances SHOULD reflect that too), ups-and-downs, and a boatload of "I'm trying, I'm not sure it will be enough, but I'll try anyway". I loved that aspect of their relationship, and I loved seeing how human both Fen and Alfie were in their struggles to overcome their shared past.

Their romance was fabulous: I was obsessed with how obsessed they were for each other from the very beginning. I love two characters who are absolutely WHIPPED for one another, and that's both Fen and Alfie. They made me swoon and blush and sigh and growl in frustration and then swoon some more. I loved their conversations and I loved seeing them slowly open up to each other: everything about their dynamic never felt forced nor unrealistic; it just felt very human, but also, very, very magical too.

As individuals, both of them shine so much. I loved Fen: I felt really close to him, despite not having his POV chapters, and it was kinda hard seeing myself in him, in his grief, in the fact that he doesn't seem to recognize himself anymore and he's kinda stuck and he really doesn't know how to move past loss and get a semblance of a life back, and it was also kind of cathartic and very emotional to do so too. He's more on the spectrum of Hall's "mean, prickly characters" I was describing before, but he also holds himself accountable and he definitely knows when he's lashing out out of anger/spite/hurt, and that makes a world of difference as well. Anyway, I really loved him.
I also adored Alfie with my whole heart: he's that special kind of character that ALWAYS manages to burrow themselves in my heart. Stubborn, quietly clever, competent but also a freaking mess too, a walking contradiction of confidence, delusion and crippling insecurity; like Fen, he also lashes out, but he's also, so freaking gentle he made me want to tear my hair out; and squeal in my pillow. He's trying, so so so hard, and UGHHHHH, I loved that so much.
I don't know what to do with myself now: I mess being in Alfie's head.

I think this book would have been a full five-star rating, if only a couple of things had been addressed a smidge more: mainly, Alfie's own pain and past. I was waiting for the moment he and Fen finally addressed the big elephant in the room (the fact that Alfie's been practically, quietly, shamefully disowned by his parents, and he's hurting so much because of it), but that moment never came, and it made me sad. Lots of Alfie's own internalized homophobia, his relationship with his parents, his brother, his town, hell, even his exes, is left unsaid (or, actually, Alfie does say it, but in his head, and it's never touched upon with Fen) and that was a shame. I kept waiting for that moment, but it never came.

Oh well, like I said, this is a small niggle I had, and it didn't take away from my enjoyment of the book: I still don't know what to do with myself now that it's finished. I'll probably spend the next few years until Dom the Dom's book and Niall's book, re-reading these books. I cann0t wait (also, where do I sign a petition to get Greg's book too?).

TWs/CWs: homophobia, slurs, childhood bullying, death of a parent, assisted suicide, grief.

Many thanks to Netgalley for the ARC. This is my honest review.

Pansies is the latest in Alexis Hall's "Spires" series to get a re-release, and I've been really excited to read it. I love everything by Alexis Hall, so it's not surprising that I enjoyed this one, too.

Alfie and Fen are interesting characters with a complicated history. When they meet again as adults, the two men are immediately attracted to each other, but their past and personal struggles complicate their deepening relationship.

I found myself rooting for Alfie and Fen pretty quickly. Both of them are funny, complicated, and have satisfying character arcs. Their relationship starts off rocky but grows into something incredibly sweet and healing.

Like the other books in the "Spires" series, this deals with some heavy topics in a realistic but sensitive way. It's also seriously spicy and very funny!

Pansies is one of my favorites in the "Spires" series. It has great characters (both the two leads and the supporting players), and a relationship that I got seriously invested in.

I genuinely love this series and can't wait to read Alexis Hall's future additions to it.

Thank you to the publisher and the Netgalley for the ARC. Unfortunately, I found that this book was really not for me and DNFed at 20%.

Pansies tells the story of a romance between Alfie and Fen, an ex-bully and his ex-victim who meet again by chance 15 years after their time at school. Both of them have moved on in life, but Fen is (understandably!) not over their shared past and they have a long way to go for their romance to be able to blossom.

I hadn't quite realised when reading the blurb how much the ex-bully-to-lover trope wouldn't work for me. I can see it appealing to some other people as a niche edition of enemies-to-lovers, but it turns out I really couldn't get into it. I struggled with how instantly Alfie goes after Fen despite having been told to stay away multiple times. I know it's supposed to be romantic, but I found it really icky and pushy, given how strong Fen's feelings about the past still are.

Something I enjoyed was the raw honesty of Fen's letters to his mother, showing his feelings and giving him a great depth as a character even just within the 20% I read. Alfie wasn't quite there for me - he just wants to get his way, and always has, so he does what he wants.

I'm sure this book will appeal to lots of people, though, as it does have a more unusual enemies-to-lovers situation, rather than the more common rivals-to-lovers in contemporary romance.

Thanks to netgalley and the publisher for an e-arc!

This is the last of the previously published Spires series books, and one I'd read before! Bully-trope romances are never something I read, so when I read the original and this new version, I was surprised and impressed at the care and nuance Hall takes to ensure his readers understand the underlying tensions and history Alfie and Fen have. These two are both deeply complicated, flawed, and a little lost in their lives, and finding each other again forces them to confront what they've been hiding from in their lives.

Alexis Hall is a truly magnificent author; this book is no exception. My favorite thing he does is write in the characters' accents; as a non-Brit, it can be incredibly difficult at times, but I love the realism. He brings places and people to live in his writing, and I adore it!

The romance here, beyond the beginnings of it, is very tense as the characters go through the push and pull of their immediate attraction, genuine care, and fears of change to be together. They fight for each other and for better communication, time and time again, and it's wonderfully written!

This one has some serious trigger warnings, former bully, grief of a parent, internalized homophobia, actual homophobia, slurs, and violence for some, and it is not a rom-com. Yet, it is a read that you feel lighter after reading two characters fall into such imperfect, genuine love!

Excellent book, loved it! Looking forward to more from this author! Apologies for the lateness of my review

Alfie accidentally comes out to his family during a wedding reception. It puts him on a path of self-discovery and love. Fen sees Alfie in a bar and picks him up. Fen knows who Alfie is but Alfie doesn’t recognize Fen at all. Their one night together sparks a journey of forgiveness and love. Can Fen forgive Alfie for being a bully when they were kids? Can they find lasting love when they seem to be from two different worlds?

Both Alfie and Fen have a lot of baggage to unpack in this story. The author did a good job balancing all of the angsty stuff with the blossoming relationship. Alfie has a huge growth curve. Once he comes out to his family, he is forced to grapple with every aspect of his life. Fen is a little more complete as a character at the beginning of the story but the author slowly rolls out all of his elements. His grief over losing his mother is driving all of his decisions which means he isn’t making the best choices. I like both characters. I also like that the author chose to show all the ways that their relationship affects their lives, both big and small. There are some good side characters that add to the overall story. I didn’t feel like any of the side characters were superfluous. There isn’t a bad guy per se but there are a few bigoted people who are used to show some of the pressures that the couple will face.

In a way this is a second chance romance even if it isn’t done in the standard way. This is a M/M romance. The story takes place in England, in London and in a small seaside town. I will read more from this author in the future.

Pansies is Alexis Hall’s fourth book in the Spires series, and it happens to be the last of the releases before the new Spires series works to be released. As a first time reader of this one, it felt incredibly fresh and relevant, just as it would have during the original issuance back in 2016.

Alfie Bell is back home with his friends Wedding I’m coming to terms with the fact he just came out in front of the whole small town wedding party! Need to escape he leaves the wedding and hits up a local prom and five cute guy lounging at the bar…

Relatively new, pulling guys, Alfie is is surprised at the hostility and aggression &
receives but when go home with them, he takes them up on the offer!

The evening seems to be going well until Partner, Fen off on him again, and then he look at him…. and Alfie finally recognizes Fen the boy bullied throughout their school years for being queer!!!

Now, I have to say I’m not usually a fan of bully romances, but if anyone can write one, it will turn me in its favour, I t’s definitely Alexis Hall. These adult characters are coming to terms with where they are in life now and who they were as children. Usually written, these characters are so real and vibrant. Found myself easily rooting for Alfie and Fen find a way together right now, but to have their perpetual happily ever after.

The Spires series has gotten me every single time, and this one is no different. Brilliant characters, realistic settings, and complicated relationships create romances that endure.

🤍💜 Pansies Review 💜🤍

Thank you so much to Alexis Hall and Sourcebooks Casablanca for the opportunity to read and review this book!

Pansies is a contemporary gay romance and part of the Spires series. Alfie has escaped his small town existence, has a successful career and finally reconciled with his sexuality. So when he returns home and meets the intriguing Fen who makes him question everything he’s ever known about himself

This book was a fantastic read. Alfie and Fen had so much to work through and I loved their journey together. This book touched on so many complicated emotions and I really enjoyed the growth of these characters throughout. I did feel like things moved quickly in this book, but it actually fit with these characters and their history

Overall this was a five star read for me. I loved these characters and their story so much. This book definitely has some darker moments, so please check if you’re sensitive. This book did have spicy scenes throughout, so overall three flames for spice

If you’re a fan of small town romance, fun banter, and lots of feels, then absolutely pick this one up!

This was my least favorite book in the Spires series so far. That doesn't mean it was a bad book, just that it wasn't as good as the others. I think part of the issue is that it gave me so much second hand embarrassment that I actually had to stop reading and couldn't force myself to pick it up again for months. For all Alfie's well-meaning attitude and gesture's, he is such a hot mess of a human and I couldn't stand it. I am also not super into the ex-bully to lover version of the enemies to lovers trope. I actually really hate it. But the writing is great, I would expect nothing less from Alexis Hall, and I will absolutely still read the next book.

I didn’t expect this story to feel so warm.

The queerphobic bully and the queer bullyee falling in love is a tired trope, but in Pansies, I didn’t hate it. Years pass, some people change, and others are still hurting. No excuses for internalized prejudices are made, but does this make having shoved someone’s head down a toilet any better? No. What else to say.

Though I’m not qualified to pronounce on how the topic was handled, I will say that I read a tender story crafted with care. I felt conflicted but comforted, and will be returning to this novel in the future.


Thank you to Sourcebooks Casablanca and NetGalley for the advanced copy!

Something I always enjoy about an Alexis Hall book is the way he explores complicated and nuanced topics and weaves them into sweet love stories. And I think this may be my new favorite of the books I’ve read from him. It’s definitely my new favorite of the Spires series. This book explores a wide range of topics, like the meaning of home, grief, forgiveness, the idea of masculinity, and queerness in a heteronormative world. It’ll make you think, and question things and it will also make you fall in love with Alfie and Fen as they stumble their way to a HEA.

Alfie Bell grew up in an environment where there was a very specific set of rules for what it meant to be a man. As an adult, when he finally figured out he was gay, he struggled to reconcile his queerness with the idea of what a man should be. This notion is challenged even further when he returns to his hometown and meets Fen, who is unapologetically queer and more courageous than Alfie could ever hope to be. It was interesting seeing Alfie navigate falling for someone like Fen in the town that taught him everything Fen represented was wrong. A task that was made even more complicated by the fact that Fen turned out to be the boy Alfie and his friends bulled back in school.

Alfie was determined to prove to Fen that he had changed since then and earn his forgiveness. And it was oftentimes messy, and he made plenty of mistakes along the way. But even as he screwed things up over and over, I wasn’t frustrated with him, I was more sad than anything. Sad that things were so mixed up in his head about what he wanted to be and who he thought he should be. Letting go of all that internalized homophobia is not an easy task. Fen saw the good in him though and was largely understanding, even when it was hard to be. They were both kind of broken boys, but I loved seeing them find healing and forgiveness and, of course, love, along the way.

The story is way more nuanced and complicated than I’m able to articulate but perhaps that’s good and what I’ve written will intrigue you enough to want to pick up the book and take this journey alongside Alfie and Fen. It’s worth the ride.

Absolutely adore Alfie and Fen!! It was the perfect read to distract from the real world. A Bully-to-Lover story that had me tearing up for sweet Fen and eventually warming up to Alfie. Would 10/10 recommend.

I loved this story and the series! Hall skillfully avoids the he said/she said narrative so common among authors who lack the talent and skill of a great storyteller. Hall imbues his stories with humor, interpersonal growth, and everyday common sense. We feel we’d like to know the characters and support them along the way. It’s another great addition to the Spires series, and I absolutely look forward to reading more.

A bully x his former victim romance and I liked it??! I was shocked too, but Alexis Hall seemed to write this whole series specifically for me because each book was simply amazing.
The style of writing, humour and gentle ways in which these characters are described all spoke to my heart.
Also this book has the most epic coming out story ever!
There is a lot more focus on what it means to grow up queer in a small village in two very different ways and how it affects you in your adult life (family drama and small minds included).
I liked how both of them grew and healed together and I can’t wait for the next two books!