Alexis Hall broke my heart again with the fourth installment of their Spires series, Pansies.

What struck me the most about Pansies was this idea of going home to the place you escaped, the place that hurt you and made you in equal measure, and that place ending up healing you. As a person who ran from their town at 17 and never looked back, Alfie’s and Ren’s complex relationship with their town resonates deeply. I know it’s considered cliche to wax poetic about settings being their own characters but South Shields IS A CHARACTER and it develops! Not only itself but the lads as well. It’s whole function is to provide a space for Alfie and Ren to meet each other as the men they are now versus the boys they were in the past.

I also know the title is not an accident but Hall’s way of laying on the not-very-nice insult lobbed at queer boys that insinuates they’re too effeminate or delicate. Truly, the idea of being perceived as weak is Alfie’s lifelong battle, and he almost loses.

In sum, if you’re new to The AH Multiverse, you’re in for spectacularly complex characters overcoming really shit circumstances, whether they be external or internal conflicts. Buckle up for beautifully steamy scenes between consenting adults, and prepare yourself to cry at least once. Their works are achingly human and 3000% delightful.

No book by Alexis Hall will ever get anything less than 5 stars from me.

Pansies is yet another incredibly well written MM novel about grief, longing, love, and finding yourself. I loved Alfie and Fen's story so much and I can't wait to read more from the Spires series.

If you want an emotional read that will make you think about your own fears and relationships, I highly recommend this book,

I enjoyed this book by Alexis Hall. The characters were relatable and interesting (especially Gothshelly, who cracked me up constantly), and it was a nice romance. The very specific Britishisms and dialect were sometimes a bit hard to understand (constant googling was distracting), but otherwise it was a very enjoyable read and I tore through the book quickly.

Impossible not to love Fen and Alfie. They are so relatable and beautifully struggling with life and grief. I'm not one for books with tons of sex, and this one has tons of sex, but I still really loved the story.

When you share a wonderful night with someone then you realise it’s your former bully!

Full of drama and overcoming trauma it’s a great book about finding yourself,love and forgiveness

I loved every minute of it

Wow! This has it all family drama, trauma, finding yourself, love, acceptance, forgiveness and friendship. Alfie goes home and has his world turned upside down when he has a wonderful night with Fen. He thought he was someone new but turns out he used to bully him in school. Now, he wants to apologize and show him that he has changed. Reading the letters Fen wrote to his mom and what he went through as a child was gut wrenching to read but so well written.

Fen is having a difficult time accepting the death of his mother. These two have a rocky start but the relationship is so raw and real and an emotional roller coaster of ups and downs.

Pansies by A. Hall, published by Sourcebooks Casablanca, is book 4 in the Spires Series.
A fantastic read that had me intrigued from the start, suspenseful, fast paced and action packed. 5 Stars.
Blurb: Alfie Bell is . . . fine. He’s got a six-figure salary, a penthouse in Canary Wharf, the car he swore he’d buy when he was eighteen, and a bunch of fancy London friends.
It’s rough, going back to South Shields. It’s the last place he’s expecting to pull. But Fen’s gorgeous, with his pink-tipped hair and hipster glasses, full of the sort of courage Alfie’s never had. It should be a one-night thing, but Alfie hasn’t met anyone like Fen before.
Except he has. At school, when Alfie was everything he was supposed to be, and Fen was the stubborn little gay boy who wouldn’t keep his head down. And now it’s a proper mess.
Alfie just wants to make it right. But how can he, when all they’ve got in common is the nowhere town they both ran away from.

This book hits hard with its raw honesty, diving deep into the chaos of life and love that feels all too real. It's an emotional rollercoaster that had me laughing and crying—definitely worth the read!

Alexis Hall has quickly become one of my favorite writers, he has an excellent way of developing his characters in a way that feels so real and authentic and interesting always keeping you stuck to the page.
Pansies has an amazing mix of humor and serious narrative that makes you root for the characters. Sadly I wasn’t able to finish the novel before my time with the ARC finished and it feels unfair to upload a review to my blog when I haven’t finished the book but it was on its way to become another 5 star read for me - I will post an update as soon as I can afford to buy the book and finish reading it.

Thank you NetGalley for the ARC of this title. Pansies is the fourth book in the Spires series that is being rereleased after author Alexis Hall has gone back and made some revisions. Frankly, I'm grateful this series has come back around and made available.. There is so much love and pain and emotion and anguish and laughter in Alexis Hall's books. I'm hooked so quickly into the relationships that are the center of Hall's books because they are written with so much fun and wild yet realistic situations. Hall is an expert in banter and it always makes me laugh. Hall also has the ability to bring me to tears about five minutes after that laugh.

Pansies is the love story of Alfie and Fen. Their first encounter in the story is hot and weird and intense and amazing. Alfie is newly out in the town where he grew up, but left, and is back for a friend's wedding. Everything is the same and everything is different. He picks up Fen in a bar, or maybe he doesn't, Fen seems to be angry with him for trying. After a very hot session in Alfie's hotel room, Fen reminds Alfie that they have a shared past, one Alfie hadn't realized until Fen brought it up. From that point on it is a push and pull of affection, anger, frustration, sadness, steamy scenes and ultimately love.

I really liked exploring Alfie's mindset as a newly out gay man who is struggling with the traditional male roles he was brought up with and how that fits into a relationship with another man. I thought Fen's lingering grief was very relatable and a certain scene where Alfie reads a note next to a mirror shattered my heart. It may sound odd but I always learn things from Alexis Hall's books and I always feel like I've made a full emotional journey at the end of them.

<i>She wouldn’t understand, and he couldn’t explain. How bad it felt to be a shock. To be an idea people had to get used to. To be a moment of hesitation. A flinch when someone touched you. A wariness in their eyes. </i>

Every time I read a new book in the Alexis Hall’s Spires series I think it might just be my favourite and Pansies is no exception.

<i> Alfie Bell is . . . fine. He’s got a six-figure salary, a penthouse in Canary Wharf, the car he swore he’d buy when he was eighteen, and a bunch of fancy London friends.
It’s rough, though, going back to South Shields now that they all know he’s a fully paid-up pansy. It’s the last place he’s expecting to pull. But Fen’s gorgeous, with his pink-tipped hair and hipster glasses, full of the sort of courage Alfie’s never had. It should be a one-night thing, but Alfie’s never met anyone like Fen before.
Except he has. At school, when Alfie was everything he was supposed to be, and Fen was the stubborn little gay boy who wouldn’t keep his head down. And now it’s a proper mess: Fen might have slept with Alfie, but he’ll probably never forgive him, and Fen’s got all this other stuff going on anyway, with his mam and her flower shop and the life he left down south.
Alfie just wants to make it right. But how can he, when all they’ve got in common is the nowhere town they both ran away from.</i>

With Pansies, Hall takes notions of who we are, who others expect us to be, who others are and who we expect them to be, and throws them in a giant pot. He throws in internalised homophobia, grief, and childhood bullying. He gathers great handfuls of home, of growth, and of desire and stirs them in with a generous pinch of sea salt.

<i> If he kissed Fen in London, would he still taste of the sea?<i>

And it’s magic.

Every Spires book has hit me hard, has made me think, has dug itself under my skin, but Pansies? Pansies grabbed me by the balls, dragged me to a mirror and made me take a good hard look at myself. I saw so much of myself in Alfie Bell; of what it means to be human, of how we fuck up, of how we make amends. And on the flip side, I couldn’t figure out if I was him, if I wanted to be him, or if I just really fucking wanted him, so I guess I could relate to Fen also. Alfie is kind and kinda stupid. He is earnest and honest, he wants so much to do right by people, and he is just so bloody romantic I can’t even. And I should want to even, but alas, even tho chivalry is a bad thing now, because of tumblr or something, He falls hard and fast for Fen, and in his forthright, no nonsense, get thing done (or try to) kind of way, he just wants to take care of him.

But Fen? Fen is a hot mess. He’s sassy and proud. He’s grieving and full of guilt. He is lost, and broken, and unsettled by the way he feels about Alfie, and what that says about him, given all they’ve been through. Hall doesn’t shy away from big feelings, and even though we only get small snippets of Fen’s internal point of view in Pansies, this book delivers Big Feelings by the bowlful.

This new edition of Pansies contains a bunch of extras, including a foreword from the author, annotations, Alfie Bell’s Hashtag Eggplant Wednesday Lasagne Recipe, and Floriography: The Language of Flowers.

Thanks NetGalley and Sourcebooks for this eARC.

11/10 recommend.

3.5 stars. I have read several books by Alexis Hall and I find that my likes and dislikes for each of them are very similar. My likes; the friendships and romances are grittier; the character are more realistic and realistically flawed; up until the three quarters mark, I always root for the characters to be together. My only dislike: why is there always some angsty, unbelievable piece of drama that keeps the two character apart towards the end. It always makes me so stressed out. In this book, especially, there were enough obstacles throughout that the final drama was unnecessary. That said, I keep reading what this author writes so…there you go. I received a digital ARC from the publisher via Net Galley.

This will be an easy read for those who are fans of Alexis Hall.

Unfortunately it just didn't hit right for me. DNF.

Always an absolute fave author of mine writing just another phenomenal story that I just couldn't put down! I just ate this one up and instantly wanted to re-read the second I was finished. Everything I need and want from start to finish.

Alfie Bell is, in his heart, a Northern lad. After returning to his hometown of South Shields for the wedding of his childhood best friend, Alfie finds himself involved with an old school-”mate,” Fenimore O’Donaghue, the receiver of a younger-Alfie’s relentless bullying. Pansies follows Alfie and Fen as they, individually and collectively, navigate identity, grief, the past, and the ever-shifting dynamics of family, friendship, and relationships in adulthood.

As a preliminary matter, this book hit three of my least favorite technical writing choices: 3rd person limited POV , written dialect (though Hall - as per usual- nails authenticity), and POVs via written letters. None of these choices factor into the review, but are included here only to make the point that if you are like me and finds these things slightly irksome, please endure. It will be worth it.

There is plenty in Pansies that is so well-done and effortlessly makes you laugh, and hurt, and cry with Alfie Bell & Fen (shout out to Greg for also being fantastic). The Do-not-do-it-yourself, Lasagna cooking, Go-Kart scenes and basically the entirety of chapter 23 are among the moments in Pansies that had me smiling irrationally (and in the case of ch. 23 - both smiling and wanting to punch Alfie Bell (though I hasten to add I do not condone violence, even if it is towards fictional men)). As usual, Hall excels in painting gorgeous imagery, detailed world building, and granting a platform for queer struggle. Indeed, where I think Pansies excels the most is in painting the many difficulties one faces post-coming-out, whether that be from the never ending coming-out to others (including friends and family), the reality of the “after,” and wrestling with one's identity in relationship to society and self-identity. All this framed in gold (a side note - this word is severely overused in this story - “gold” or “golden” is mentioned 45 times (I am not usually this persnickety but it was glaring at me this time)), with lines such as:

“She wouldn’t understand, and he couldn’t explain. How bad it felt to be a shock. To be an idea people had to get used to. To be a moment of hesitation. A flinch when someone touched you. A wariness in their eyes. How much it fucking hurt.”

Hall’s ability to make readers feel remains unparalleled. I have yet to walk away from any read written by Hall and not feel dazzled and transported, wistful and enlightened. In a way that is all Hall’s own, Hall makes one be human. I am always left with this twisted thing of wistfulness and nostalgia that is unique to Hall’s writing in a way that is truly indescribable. The closest I can come, is this bit of a letter written by Frederic Chopin:

“I keep your letters, as if they were ribbons from a beloved one. I have the ribbon; write to me, and in a week I will enjoy myself chattering to you again.”

This slight tangent is all to say: these characters and stories Hall produces are invaluable, cherished by many, and equally as invoking of emotion with each re-read.

All this aside, Pansies took me a bit longer to get into and left me a little less wonder-lusted. I suspect, unfortunately this has to do with how Alfie Bell was written, especially in the beginning - a bit bumbling or perhaps in a way that suggests he is more brute and less brain when we know he has a brain. To give Hall credit where credit is due, his technical choices with Alfie Bell do portray what he is trying to very well: Aflie is a bit repressed, confused with his identity and place, and northern-boy at heart and as the story progresses you feel his progress. His narration shifts from a bit short and short-sighted to a little more run-on, flowery, and emotional. This is brilliantly done.

Pansies is sweet and honest, somewhat clunky, a bit a mess, but hey - so is life and relationships, right? I think actually Fen and Nora summarize Pansies best:

“Um, what are weeds, then?” “Flowers where you don’t expect them.”

All in all, Pansies is worth the spot on your bookshelf and/or e-reader. If you have read Glitterland, For Real, and Chasing the Light, you will appreciate the subtle and not-so-subtle nods. The author annotations add, as always, an added level of depth and platonic parasocial-ity. It is always wonderful to see the delightfully obscure factoids, well-thought out lines and events, and personality that goes into a work.

Pansies was a victory, even if (personally) it was a harder fought one than I normally experience with Hall. This should not disway others from falling in love effortlessly with Alfie and Fen, as I am sure many have and many more will.

Honest review - ARC copy - Net Galley. Thank you Sourcebooks Casablanca for this opportunity!

Alexis Hall never ever disappointed. I read so much of his work and this is another fantastic romance. I love the characters and it is always so much fun to read Hall's book and watch the romances unfold before me. It was another great addition to his catalog of books

I think the big problem for me with this novel was that I didn't like either of the main characters. However, for all of that, I loved the commentary, from both sides, on heteronormativity, sexism and homophobia. I think I would have been a bit happier with all that had it not been for the main speaker against heteronormativity decided to change his mind and vote on the side of it by the end of the book.

Still, interesting thoughts were brought up in the process of this novel.

Alfie is the character through which we get the whole story. He's out of the closet, but continues to hold onto a lot of values that, as other characters point out more than once, went out of date in previous centuries. I'm generally okay with characters who hold onto values that are important to them, but there was just something about this character who rubbed me the wrong way.

He once was one of the men who bullied Fen way back when they went to high school. For this reason, Fen's character acts quite strangely when they first come back into contact with each other. However, we don't understand that this is why he's acting oddly until later on. Fen's character was the one of these two who improved on further acquaintance, but I still just wasn't engaged by them and their romance together by the end. Not an outright terrible book, just not one of my favourites by this author.

Just like the other books in the Spires series, I had already read Pansies before getting my hands on the ARC for this rerelease. The first time through, I enjoyed it a lot, though I didn’t connect with it as deeply as I did with some of the other books in the series. I’m not sure if it was because I had just finished For Real—which is one of my all-time favorite reads—or if I wasn’t quite in the right place to relate to the themes back then. Whatever the reason, I’m so glad I gave it another read because this time around, I absolutely adored it.

Pansies focuses mostly on character growth and the relationship between Fen and Alfie. It’s mostly made up of heartfelt conversations as the two men navigate their evolving roles in each other’s lives and confront their personal expectations. Alfie struggles with his traditional upbringing/values and how they fit with being gay, while Fen is dealing with his mother's passing and his past with Alfie. Watching their relationship develop was truly moving.

At first, I found Alfie’s traditional values a bit frustrating (yes, I understand it’s a product of his upbringing, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing, it's just so not me). But as the story progressed, I couldn’t help but warm up to him and his kind heart. I think the moment I really started to like him was when he said he'd wait for Fen, and actually did. (I do wonder how things would have played out if he’d had to wait for years, but I like to think he would have stuck it out.)

Overall, Pansies is a wonderful story. It’s a heartfelt, authentic read that I highly recommend.

I absolutely would not trust many people to write a book like this aside from Alexis Hall. This book was hard to read, yet I didn’t put it down because it still had everything I love about Alexis Hall books: humor, great characters, great storytelling, great discussions.

A perfect book for a rainy day, so logically, it deserves a place on my for-a-rainy-day shelf on Goodreads. This book really made me laugh, despite it being serious as well: about not being labelled, or feeling disconnected from being average, or mainstream, or... you name it. Whatever it is that makes others uncomfortable, but thankfully not all. This book reminds me it is okay to be you, no matter how you identify, either sexually, or the way you dress, you cut your hair, your hobbies, do the things you love! And yes, in this demanding and deafening world we need reminders like that, well.., I do and I am guessing I am not the only one.

I enjoyed most of the women especially, Kitty, Gothshelley, and Leyla and am hoping one of them will be in the next book in this series - which I honestly can't wait for :)

Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of the book.