When I first read the book description, I was concerned that this book would be a ‘misery memoir’ and would be like watching someone pick at a scab. However, Susan Blumberg-Kason’s journey from Hong Kong graduate student to member of a Chinese family is so much more than the series of events which sent a marriage hurtling toward failure.

The author looks back at herself, her relationship with Chinese culture and the rise and fall of her marriage to a mainland Chinese man. It is clear that she loves Chinese language, history and culture and her insights and reflections make this book a very enjoyable read. Her observations are not only presented through the lens of her relationship, as she also shares her experiences as a study abroad student in Mainland China and as a postgraduate student in Hong Kong. While contemplating the changes China was going through at the time, she examines the decisions she made in her twenties which led to her from being a student in Hong Kong to a wife, mother and breadwinner in the United States.

Blumberg-Kason comes across as a very shy, eager young woman and she shares her story with an endearing simplicity. I especially loved the accurate depiction of scholarly Western women who don’t want to be seen as the ‘typical American girl’ and find themselves entranced by ancient China’s elegant language, music and scholarly refinement. Keeping this in mind, it’s easy to understand how a Midwestern girl could leap into marriage so quickly. Blumberg-Kason constantly reflects on how well she did or did not “understand China,” while her husband – even after they lived in the United States – only had a minimal understanding of Jewish-American culture and related lifecycle events. This shows how a successful multicultural marriage has to be a two way street.

I was occasionally baffled by why she made certain decisions and there were points where I wondered if her lack of self-reflection illustrated how quick she was to rationalise her partner’s behaviour. That said, what Blumberg-Kason is good as is capturing the claustrophobic, isolated and hunted feelings of toxic relationships. She shares the interactions with her new family with sympathy, even when they are at their worst. Near the end of the book, I found myself wondering if the author was so matter of fact about the chain of events in this section of the book because she had no time to reflect on anything while being pulled in multiple directions.

Anyone who has moved overseas knows how important it is to form a supportive social network. Out of pride, embarrassment, shyness or isolation, the author kept her family in the dark about the state of her marriage and seemed to have few friends to turn to for advice. I frequently wondered why the author, who had strong ties to China and the university community, didn’t have close Chinese girlfriends to ask whether or not her husband’s actions were typical or appropriate. Readers will appreciate the sensitive portrayal of her ex-husband, who is sometimes mind-bogglingly selfish and sometimes incredibly thoughtful. I thought this was excellently done, because from my observation it is the occasional swings from bad to good which make it so hard for people to leave an overall toxic relationship.

Good Chinese Wife would appeal to you if you’re interested what life is like for Western women in Asia or for those in a cross-cultural relationship. I would really like to see a follow-up book describing how she incorporates both her and her ex-husband’s cultures into her son’s life.

Susan is a young American woman from Chicago, who suddenly get's the chance to do her master's degree in China. Having an interest in China for long, she doesn't hestitate and grabs this amazing opportunity with both hands. It is at the university in Hong Kong when she meets Cai, who is also studying there. Their relationship starts when they start living together in a dorm room. After a few months he proposes to her, and they marry. Susan has found the man of her dreams in Cai, and from the start she tries to be the good Chinese wife Cai expects her to be.

But soon little things start to change and little bursts starts to appear in the cement of their marriage. Cai is renting movies, the filthy kind, and Susan is ofcourse very bothered that he watches them in her presence. Cai is starting to setting his own needs higher then those of his wife.“I know what American wives are like. I also know what Chinese wives are like. And then there’s you!” When Susan tries to step up to him, he loses his temper and gives her the silent treatment for days. Susan though tries to keep him happy and makes excuses for his behavior. She even excuses him when she finds out he has be unfaithful to her and she has got an infection from it, She expects that things will get better when they move to San Francisco, where they have bought a house and eventually their son is born. But Cai has problems finding a job and adjusting to the American way of live. Things got even more worse when Cai's parents are coming over from China to live with Susan and Cai for a year. They have their own set of idea's of what's good for their son, which all not all the best idea's to set a healthy eating and sleeping pattern for him. And Cai is blaming all on Susan. Cai is going out almost every night, while he blames Susan for going away when she does. Susan even receives strange calls from unknown woman at her house, asking for Cai. When Cai threats to go back to China and take their son with him (with the treath of keeping him there as China hasn't signed the The Hague Convention for parental child abduction) Susan starts to see that she can't live like this anymore with Cai and has to stand up for herself and the wellbeing of her son for once and for all.

Good Chinese Wife is a moving and impressing memoir about a woman who is under the thumb of her abusive husband. You see how Susan struggles with standing up for herself and how difficult it was to live with Cai. I sometimes wondered though why she let it pass for so long, and didn't seek help earlier, as her internal alarm bells ringed for a long time that something was very wrong in her marriage. Luckily her parents come to stay after Cai's parent's return to China, and they also see Cai's behaviour and advise Susan to seek counselling, something Cai also refuses to start. With a memoir with this topic, the danger lures that it relies to much on misery, but this book doesn't fall into that. I thought it was very brave of Susan to keep up so long with Cai, and how she steps up for herself in the end is just very courageous, I did wonder though if it was the cultural differences that made this a bad marriage or it was just the wrong, wrong man which can be found everywhere. I also liked the different backdrops of the book that the author described very vividly, especially Hong Kong. Overall, I was very impressed by Susan's story and I truly recommend this book to everyone interested in Asia.