In First Love Language Taiwanese American Catie Carlson lives with her white dad and stepmother after her parents’ divorce when she is five. When her dad dies of cancer, Catie finds herself longing to reconnect with her mother Ya-Jung in Taipei. She meets Korean Blackanese Toby who agrees to help her relearn Mandarin in exchange for dating advice. Catie agrees, although she has no knowledge of dating aside from her dad’s copy of The Five Love Languages. Toby and Catie go on “practice dates” and as she learns more about her Taiwanese heritage, she finds herself falling for Toby. Topics of transracial adoption, the challenges Catie experiences in learning about her heritage, and how deeply her cultural identity is embedded in her heart are explored. The book is loosely based on the author's own life.

At first, I was immediately drawn to the cover of this book and then I read the blurb which made me go and request it. Such a beautiful & inspirational representation of LGBTQIA+, Language barriers and embracing the culture. It was refreshing read and I smiled the way romance happened between Catie & Toby.
It talks vividly around identity crisis, communication gap, sisterhood and love.

While I appreciate the exploration of one's biological mother and first language in the context of transracial adoption, it feels like Stefany Valentine tried to stuff too many themes alongside it and, therefore, wasn't able to delve into any of them. I did appreciate Catie's relationships with her friends and family; I would definitely read a book about her sister, Mavis. The romance between Catie and Toby is cute but VERY insta-love, which will be fine for many readers but is a pet peeve of mine.

[arc review]
Thank you to Penguin Teen Canada for providing an arc in exchange for an honest review.
First Love Language releases January 14, 2025

2.5

Due to financial hardships, Catie is forced to move from San Diego to Utah with her stepmother and stepsister.

After losing her father, Catie has reached a time in her life where she’s looking to learn more about her biological mother and her Taiwanese heritage.
Helping her rediscover her roots, is her new co-worker Toby. In exchange for teaching Toby how to date, Toby will give Catie free Mandarin lessons.

As a biracial reader, it’s always special to come across stories where the biracial main character explores parts of their identity and reconnects with their culture — I truly saw a lot of myself in Catie and sympathized with her as she was grieving.
That being said, I had a hard time getting fully invested due to the heavy-handed Mormon/religious undertones. Had there been any indication of this in the blurb, I likely wouldn’t have chosen to read it.

Overall, this was cute. I loved the parallels between the five love languages, and language as a form of communication.
For some reason, I think this would’ve been so good set in the early 2000s!

One thing I would like to make a note of is how the narrative navigated queerness and inclusion. I think Valentine did a great job portraying Mavis, Rayleigh, and Alex’s identities in their Mormon community, but going out of the way to mention that Catie could see Alex’s top surgery scars through the arm hole of their shirt upon first meeting them felt too intrusive when their nonbinary pronouns would’ve sufficed. I really don’t think it’s necessary for a reader to know what is underneath the clothes of a teen side character.

I received an ARC from NetGalley for an honest review of this book.
I started this book months ago, but it took me several tries to finish it, not because it was bad, but because of my own experience with grief and personal experiences. As a grown woman, I'm not the target demographic for this novel. But this book talks about several weighty issues--race, death of a parent, moving, and adoption. As someone who just lost my father 3 years ago, this book hit me right in the feels at the very beginning of the book. And while I have spent a lot of time processing his death, I realize that reading about grief could still be triggering for me.

I let myself process all my emotions before attempting to finish this book again. And I'm so glad I did. This book follows the story of Catie, an Asian-American adopted child, trying to reconnect with her Mandarin heritage while growing up in the Mormon community of Salt Lake City, Utah. By luck, she lands a job at a spa where she meets Toby, an adorably kind and nerdy aesthetician. Toby ends up giving Catie language lessons in Mandarin in exchange for dating lessons from Catie. Desperate to reconnect with her first language, she lies about having a boyfriend and being a love expert. As a dating coach, she designs lessons based on an old copy of Five Love Languages, which her deceased father had notated for her rather than actual dating experience.

I wish this book had been around when I was a teenager. It was so healing for me to see a book that not only represents Asian Americans and the discomfort and confusion of trying to understand identity as minorities in America, but on top of that, it dealt with issues like adoption, grief, family relationships, and LGBTQ+ issues with grace, emotional intelligence, and poignancy. While Catie certainly needs to grow emotionally throughout the story, I found myself rooting for her and empathizing with her. The tie-in with Five Love Languages was also well done. While I think some of these heavier themes could have been explored in more depth, this is a beautiful debut from Stefany Valentine and a great addition to API young adult literature. This book will speak to any kid who has ever wondered about their birth family or felt unusual or marginalized in any way.

A beautiful book about learning about your culture as well as yourself.

I loved that her adoptive mom was so supportive of Catie researching her biological mother. I also loved Toby and Catie’s little dates. They were so cute.

In a personal note: as someone who grew up in the Mormon church I was rolling at the first church scene. Sneaking off to the Nursery to hide out before sacrament meeting, the Weird cat scratching post walls. Reading that took me back to being fourteen again.

**I have recently joined the YALSA Morris Award Committee 2025-2026 and will have to take a break from reviewing certain books. Any books that are debuts from MG to YA I won't be able to review for this year.* This is NOT a rating. I just HAD to add something there

Thank you to PENGUIN GROUP Penguin Young Readers Group | Penguin Workshop and NetGalley for an electronic advanced readers copy of this novel.

Catie is having a hard time after her father died. She moved with her father at a young age to the US away from her biological mother, losing her first language in the process. Living with her stepmother and her daughter, Catie struggles to fit in when her family falls on hard times and has to move to Mormon country - Utah - to live with her stepmother's sister. She quickly finds a job at an Asian salon where she meets Toby, who offers to teach her Chinese in exchange for lessons on dating.

First Love Language by Stefany Valentine is a thought-provoking but also entertaining read. I enjoyed reading about Catie and her journey to finder herself. I really liked it!

In this unique and charming new rom-com, readers follow Taiwanese American Catie Carlson, who loves her stepmom and stepsister but can’t fully connect to her white relatives or her Taiwanese culture and birth mother. After moving to Utah, Catie has no idea that her summer coworker Toby will teach her Mandarin in exchange for learning how to date and ask out his crush -- except Catie has no dating experience, just her late father’s annotated copy of The Five Love Languages. As their lessons and friendship progress, Catie gets closer to Toby and discovers her biological mother, but both come with their own challenges. A fantastic, heartwarming, and emotional debut novel, Stefany Valentine’s characters are the stars of this fantastic new novel with their complex emotions, backstories, and relationships. Their growth and development -- particularly Catie’s -- is especially exciting to follow, since so much is on the line for her. Great for readers interested in cultural reconnections and inter-character relationships, this book has a great heart and some brilliant characters carrying the story forward and investing readers in Catie’s journey. Entertaining, emotional, and immersive, this debut novel is a fascinating story of family, friends, and personal discovery that readers will really enjoy.

This was a sweet romance. I liked the characters and the storyline. I thought it was well-written, well-paced and just an enjoyable book. I felt like it wasn't necessarily lighthearted due to her trying to discover "who she is" since she was adopted and wanted to know more about her culture. But, that didn't weigh the book down overall and make it depressing.

When Catie and Toby make a deal in which he'll teach her Mandarin if she'll teach him how to date. Its easy to see which direction this one is going to go in and quite frankly I was there for it.

“Broken Hearts and Broken Homes—If home is where the heart is, then a broken home must mean that a heart is broken too.”
4.5/5☆

📖 Recommended for fans of:
💜 Emotional contemporary YA
💜 Books that explore cultural identity & adoption
💜 Slow-burn romance with serious soft-boy energy

There’s something special about books that sneak up on you—ones that promise a lighthearted story but end up gripping your heart in ways you didn’t expect. First Love Language felt exactly like that. I went in thinking I was getting a cute coming-of-age romance, but what I found was an emotionally rich exploration of identity, grief, and the search for belonging.

Catie’s life is a constant balancing act between past and present, between San Diego and Utah, between the mother she lost and the one who raised her. Moving to a new place with her adoptive mother and younger sister should be a fresh start, but the ghosts of her past are impossible to outrun. The questions about her biological mother linger, as does the ache of losing her father. But how do you best spent your summer away from home? Working of course. Then she meets Toby. Beautifully dyed lilac hair and an easygoing charm, a boy who somehow makes the tangled mess of Catie’s emotions feel a little less overwhelming. Their relationship is a slow burn in the best way—filled with hesitation, missed chances, and the quiet kind of understanding that speaks louder than words.

"Of all the things I’ve lost in my life, my first language is probably the only thing I can reclaim."

One of the most compelling aspects of this book is how it captures the experience of feeling disconnected from your own roots. The way Catie grapples with her transracial adoption, the cultural knowledge she never got the chance to fully embrace, and the language barrier that seems to separate her from a version of herself she’ll never fully know—it’s all written with so much honesty and depth. Some lines genuinely made me pause, just to sit with the weight of them. Stefany Valentine has this gift of weaving emotions into her prose in a way that feels effortless, yet powerful. I kept on annotating over and over again.

"血 脈 ·文 化 The Culture in My Veins."
Not to mention the absolutely immaculate chapter titles. CAN WE BRING BACK CHAPTERS THAT DON'T JUST HAVE A NUMBER?

And Toby. Oh, Toby. My favorite character. If there’s one thing this book absolutely nailed, it’s the portrayal of a love interest who is equally awkward and endearing. He’s the kind of character who sneaks up on you, much like the book itself—one moment he’s just a coworker, the next he’s teaching Catie Mandarin, helping her find pieces of herself she thought she had lost forever. Their dynamic is filled with playful banter, stolen glances, and that ever-present what if. It’s impossible not to root for them, even as Catie struggles to untangle her feelings. New book boyfriend alert.

I do wish there had been more direct integration of The Five Love Languages, considering how much weight the title carries. The book touches on the theme, but it never quite dives as deeply as I hoped. And while I loved Catie’s perspective, I would have loved even better to get even a glimpse into Toby’s mind as he had so much quiet depth that I wanted to see more of.
While representation is important, the inclusion of a certain theme felt slightly forced imho, considering this was ultimately Catie’s story of self-discovery. It didn’t add much to the overall plot for me.

Still, those are small things in the grand scheme of what this book does so well. It’s beautifully written, deeply introspective, and filled with moments that linger long after you turn the last page. If you love contemporary YA that isn’t afraid to explore the complexities of identity and first love in a way that feels real and raw, this is absolutely worth picking up. I know I’ll be thinking about First Love Language for a long time.

"I hope you saw a piece of yourself in Catie’s story." ❤️‍🩹
Indeed, I did. As a Turkish-Dutch girl raised without my Turkish side, with a father I’ve never known, the story resonated with me in ways I didn’t expect. That constant push and pull between what is and what could have been, the questions left unanswered, the feeling of being tethered to a culture that feels just out of reach—it all hit home. There’s grief in not knowing parts of yourself, in wondering who you might have been under different circumstances. I’ve learned that identity isn’t something you either have or don’t; it’s something you can reclaim, something you can grow into. This book made me reflect on my own life, and for that, I’ll always hold it close.

This was so cute. It captured my attention from the first page and made me practically devour it, the pacing made it feel like such a quick read. From the characters and their journeys, to the chemistry and dynamics between them, I enjoyed every page of this book. It reminded me of why I love YA contemporary so much, it was a great debut and I cannot wait to read more from the author.

This book had no business of making me emotional and almost shed tears towards the ending. The whole plot around the five love languages is golden. I'm already obsessed about how love languages exist and its fun to see replicated in practice dates.

Followed by, both Toby and Catie are oh so precious. Catie is messy with her lies, sure. But I love how she's always there for her family, takes on responsibility, and accepts there's more to her life than what she's already living. And Toby? Oh god. What can I do to get a guy like that? He's literally the personification of a k-pop idol lol. I loved how sincere he's towards his work, family, and friends. He doesn't push boundaries, and isn't afraid to pursue what he dearly loves.

Apart from our MCs, I appreciated a glimpse into Mormonism and queer relationships. Catie's mum is amazing and Mavis is gold. It explored subjects that have a depth - losing your heritage and pursuing it again, practicing a different religion, and accepting your identity.

The setting and everything, as I mentioned earlier, is amazing. I think what could've worked a little better for me is more insight into the relationship of Catie and Toby. Like... I still don't understand where and how they fell in love with each other, but I was still there for it!

This is my first 5 star book of the year! I never expected a random ARC from an author I’ve never read before to be this good, and I was pleasantly surprised. It’s hard to say exactly why I loved it so much, but it really was the perfect ya novel.

It perfectly combined the cutest romance with a story of identity and self-acceptance, balancing the heartwarming and heartbreaking moments really well. The book follows Catie, who moves with her family away from San Diego to Salt Lake City, where they have to stay with their very strict relatives. Catie and her sister both don’t fit in at their new home, Catie being half Taiwanese and her sister being a lesbian. Throughout the book, they both manage to find their communities in a way they never expected to, and I just really liked seeing their journeys. My favorite part was Catie connecting to her heritage and finding more of her family through her church genealogy program.

And of course the romance was amazing!! It had a super cute premise of Catie teaching Toby how to go on dates by creating dates based on each of the five love languages. It was very unique and I’ve never read anything like that before. The exchange of Toby teaching Catie how to speak Mandarin was a great way to connect both parts of the novel together.

Overall this was such a good book and I REALLY RECOMMEND READING IT!!!

Full review to come on Goodreads and Amazon. Thank you to the publisher, author, and NetGalley for a review copy.

I liked this book much more at the beginning than I did towards the end.

Catie’s dad passed away 2 years ago and she currently lives with her adoptive mother and step-sister. When they have to move from San Francisco to Salt Lake City for the summer, Catie decides it’s time to get in touch with her Taiwanese mother’s side and see if she can find out more about her. Unfortuantely, she does not speak Mandarin anymore and she doesn’t know anyone in Salt Lake. When she gets a job, she becomes friends with the owner’s son who speaks Mandarin and is willing to teach her, if she will teach him how to go on dates. She finds her dad’s copy of the Five Love Languages, and even though she has no dating experience, she lies to Toby and uses the book to help teach him how to date.

There was a lot that went on in this book for being under 300 pages. I liked the beginning of the story because I enjoyed the teen angst of being dropped in Salt Lake in a community you no longer relate to and no friends. Catie’s adoptive mom’s family is Mormon, so there is a lot of discussion about Mormonism and how strict the church is.

Catie’s dad met and married her birth mom in Taiwan, but they divorced and she moved back to America with her dad. She kept in touch with her mom for a little bit but then eventually they stopped talking when she was little. She never asked her dad why they divorced or why her mom wasn’t in contact with her, so a lot of this story is Catie trying to figure that out. I would say that is the majority of the story and a little less so the fake dating.

I did like Toby and I liked when they went on dates. I didn’t like how easily things seemed to fall into place. Catie never planned these dates. She would just wing them in the moment and they always turned out perfectly. I would’ve appreciated if she had put at least some sort of effort into the dates.

I also understand that this is a YA novel, but I felt like the romance was so flat. Like, at one point she just goes “oh my God I love him.” Even though they have only known each other maybe a month? Like, they’ve never dated or kissed or anything and she decides that’s love? And then a little later, her sister and cousin say “Dude. Toby loves you too.” And immediately Catie goes ‘Oh my God he dose love me. Hoe could I have no seen it? There’s no way they’re wrong about this.” So it was a little bit too insta-lovey for me and I didn’t like how quickly she just decided that yes, they are in love and it’s the truth. I know I’m no longer a teen, but even back the I don’t think I would’ve decided I was full on in love with someone I had a crush on.

I think the author bit off a little more than she could chew given this was a debut novel. Between the Mormonism, the divorce, the cancer, the love, the abandonment and the move it was a lot going on. Not that that’s not necessarily realistic, but I just think there was a lot that got left behind.

This book is fine. I think it’s obvious that this is a debut novel. Maybe I would’ve enjoyed it more as a teen? I wanted more about the romance of the five love languages than of Catie researching her family history. Which was also left with an unsatisfactory ending. I think I would recommend this book more for young teens or even middle grade than I would older teens.

"If home is where the heart is, then a broken home must mean that a heart is broken too."

What a beautiful coming of age romcom (drama). Catie is such a lovely character, and her spin on fake dating is hilariously relatable as well as outlandish.

The author's unique addition of love languages as a reference book definitely makes this a meaningful story. Not only is it an adoption story, it's a found family story, and a story of LGBTQIA+ community. It's about dealing with grief and finding yourself.

My heart breaks - and grows - right along with Catie.

"For someone who's never been in love before, I've known heartbreak since long before this moment."

Thank you to Colored Pages Book Tours, Penguin Teen and Stefany Valentine for sending me a physical copy of this book!

I really enjoyed this book! Catie does make some mistakes and can be a bit messy, but with what she has gone through, you understand why she made the choices she did. This does not excuse it, and I’m glad she took accountability for it. I think this story will really resonate with adoptees since so much was touched upon, when it comes to secretly wishing to know your biological parents to feeling a disconnect from your culture. I think the book really highlighted how meaningful it is to reconnect with your culture. I do think her conversation with her mom could’ve been a bit longer, but I overall do like how it was resolved.

The romance was so cute! I love the idea of dates based around the love languages and think it’s such a fun concept. Toby, the love interest, tutored her in Mandarin, and in exchange, she tutored him in love. Toby was very sweet, and I love how their relationship developed!

I also really appreciate the important discussions throughout the book surrounding identity, adoptees, family, grief and religion. I didn’t know too much about Mormon culture, and the book featured her conservative relatives but also included how it is being queer and growing up Mormon (her sister, Mavis, is pan). I think this rep will mean a lot to people who have gone through this as well.

I do think the ending was a bit abrupt and would’ve loved to learn even more about her family history, but I do like how the book ended very on a very hopeful note. Catie had been through so much, so being able to be happy and hopeful by the end of the book is something that I think will bring comfort to those who understand her journey.

First Love Language follows high school senior Catie as she has to move for the summer from San Diego to Salt Lake City after her mom loses her job and they have to move with her very Mormon aunt. This coming of age debut was incredibly sweet and offered a closer look into exploring themes of adoption, family, and one's cultural identity.

Catie wasn't expecting her summer to take the turn it did, especially when the opportunity to learn her first language arises through the form of an exchange of lessons between her and her new coworker Toby. While he will help her reconnect with her Taiwanese heritage and language, she'll give him dating lessons to help him score a date with his longtime crush - the only catch is that she's never dated anyone in her life. Armed with only her late father's annotated copy of The Five Love Languages, Catie has to come up with an entire curriculum to prove she's an expert on love, while learning more about a part of her past and identity she had always been left in the dark on.

Reading this book felt like a love letter to adoptees which is reflected in the author's note as well. Pulling on personal experiences, Stefany Valentine dives into what it means to be adopted and the emotional process of deciding how to find the answers to one's birth parents. Through Catie's perspective, we get to understand the joys that come from finding long lost relatives as well as the pain of discovering all the time lost as a result. Her story offers a gentle hug to readers who might be experiencing or have experienced the similar journeys all while offering a lighthearted element of first loves.

On that note, I did wish that we could have spent more time in the "love department" because I was initially intrigued by the use of The Five Love Languages. While Catie uses her father's copy to come up with dates for Toby, she begins to realize that love is so much more than what she initially thought. I loved their interactions together as they tried to keep things platonic and professional all while tiny seeds of romance are being planted. In some ways, Catie's lessons with Toby begin to help her come to terms with all she's discovering about her birth mother and family, allowing her to find love and support that she's always yearned for.

First Love Language is a lovely debut that offers readers to develop a deeper understanding of the adoptee experience while getting a glimpse into first love and lost identities and I would definitely love to see what the author comes out with next!