A fascinating take on transness and the early internet. I loved the formatting choices and found it to be so engaging.

Thank you to Netgalley for this ARC. I read this with a friend and we both enjoyed this book a lot. It gave us a lot to discuss and we found many beautiful lines to share with each other.

A/S/L has nothing to do with American Sign Language. The title is short for the names of the central characters Abraxa, Sash, and Lilith. As teens, the three are online friends working to create a computer game together. What they don't know about one another is that each of them while being "born male," is female. They haven't yet been able to make the transition they'll make as they grow up, but that self-knowledge is already present.

The settings for the novel vary a great deal. Some take place when the women are young and working on their game. Others take place in their separate, adult lives. Still occur during their rediscovery of one another and its consequences. Chapters alternate among the three women (hint: Sash's are written in second person).

Formatting is nearly as varied as the settings. The book opens with a chapter on coding from a teen's perspective. The second chapter takes place in an online chatroom for teens developing computer games. Most chapter offer more straightforward narrative, but the reader needs to be prepared for these "outlier chapters" when they occur. I know absolutely nothing about coding; I do remember my chatroom days and their simultaneously chaotic and affirming nature. At first, I wasn't sure I would be able to settle into a comfortable stride with this book, but I did—and I enjoyed and valued the reading experience despite (because of?) the demands it made on me as a reader.

I am not trans. I'm a lesbian deeply committed to trans rights. I haven't experienced what the central characters have, but in whatever way it's possible, I'm on their side. I'm rooting for them to be/become who they are. I trust their perceptions of the world as accurate given their life experiences. There's a great deal of pain in each of their lives, and I kept hoping that their lives would become easier over time, but part of the point is how difficult it is to live as who you are when much of the world doubts whether you even legitimately exist. The choice of "legitimate" is deliberate. Part of the point of A/S/L is how hard it is for these three women to find places that feel like a real home for their real selves. Things do get a bit easier for each of the women over the course of the novel, but there's never a moment when any of them arrive in a place of real comfort.

On the one hand, this is a must-read novel, but it's also not a novel I would had to someone trans who is just beginning to understand who they are. (I've tried ways of explaining this further, but I'm just not finding the right words.)

If you're up for a demanding, but rewarding reading experience, particularly one that consistently challenges notions of the gender binary, you'll find much of value in A/S/L.

I received a free electronic review copy of this title; the opinions are my own.

CW: Transphobia, Gender Dysphoria/Dysmorphia

DNF @ 50%

Thornton’s work is ambitious in its scope, but unfortunately it was not for me. I applaud her ability to capture the chaotic, freeform nature of the early internet and online communities. However, while the jargon, coding, and different formats (e.g., chat logs) were purposeful, it made the book difficult to read and hard to keep my attention. Unfortunately, I also didn’t find myself connecting to any of the three trans women once the book started following them in adulthood any more than I had during the 1990s section. I do think there is an audience for this book and, if the premise sounds engaging to you, I encourage you to read it.

One of the most unique books I have ever read. It's raw and viscerally written, a complex mix of different times, circumstances, and states of being. The three main characters are all deeply damaged in their own ways, and the exploration of this ranges from confusing to gut-wrenching. There are parts of this book that I disliked, like the beginning, the rapid narrative shifts between chapters, and the ending. There's a lot of internalised and externalised trans phobia which was hard to read but it's also a book filled with an unprecedented amount of trans characters who are diverse and multi-faceted. I would compare this book to modern abstract art in how it offers many ideas and emotions in a whirl, dispersed through the timeline of the story. I honestly don't even know how to feel about this book overall or how to rate it. I loved it, I hated it, I saw myself in some of it, and found other parts completely alien. A wild ride that won't stop surprising you.

In 1998, three friends who never met in real life were making a video game that would change the world. Now, 30 years later, that game is just a leftover dream that's been forgotten along the way. Sash is a 33 year old still living at home, scraping by and unsure how to become independent. Lilith is maybe the first trans lady to be a loan approval writer at her bank, and she's living a mostly stable life. And Abraxa, a wanderer, increasingly flirts with unreality and returning to the world of their video game. Slowly, their lives reintersect and the three have to deal with the fallout of their teenage actions, the political climate of 2017, and the intense mental health struggles of being alive and more specifically, transgender.
This is an absolute brick of a book, but it is very good. It's tender and weird and kind of like a train wreck because you can tell it won't be happy but you can't look away. I liked some of the experimental formatting with the online chats and the coding and the second-person chapters. I also liked all the overlap between these three very different people. There's the constant concern that all three have that they're bad people and need to figure out how to be a good person. It was an interesting question, and the way they all approached it from such different angles was neat. I wish it had ended happier, but I know it never could have.

Unfortunately, this book just wasn't for me. I'm just a bit too young for the nostalgia, and I don't know enough about creating videogames to really understand or keep up with the metaphors. I also couldn't get used to the formatting of the dialogue lines, they just got lost in the other text for me.

It's a kind of melancholic, thoughtful book about three queer/trans friends, with lots of trans side characters. I think it will find its readers.

This one was not for me. The writing style was frustrating. I say this as a someone who has been on irc since the early 90s. It just didn’t work.

[3.5 stars]
A/S/L follows three trans women, starting when they were creating a game online anonymously as teens, then jumping to 2016 when they have moved on from this era of their lives, or have they?

Let me start off by saying how well written this book was. I enjoyed the language, the creativity therein, the slightly mixed media format. The story felt real from the character exploration, to the plot, to the writing. A truly authentic work of literature, both true to the author, but also millions of nerdy trans femmes out there who this book was clearly written for. And for all of that I have such reverence and sweet love for this book.

My reading experience was a journey. The beginning felt incredibly discombobulated and difficult to get into. The storyline got introduced so late in the book, that as someone who hadn't fully read the synopsis, I was mildly confused. I found it difficult to read the longer chapters featuring online chats (while very well executed themselves), and the characters were frustrating me to no end.

All three women in this book are incredibly bad at communicating, lack such trust, and while for good reason, this is especially presented in context with other trans femmes. I just wanted so badly for them to feel they could lean on someone in their community. To feel supported and seen. Instead they push those people away, act selfish, lacking self-awareness. I suspect I would have felt better about the book if the character growth had been more prominent, but that just wasn't the type of book this was. Which is completely fine, just not something I enjoy reading.

I am glad I read this book and will still recommend joyfully to many people who I can see absolutely loving and relating to the experiences and thoughts explored.

Thank you NetGalley and Soho press for gifting me an ARC in exchange for an honest review. <3

A/S/L is hard for me to review because I don't exactly know how to feel about it. While I really enjoyed many aspects of the book - the experience of growing up as a trans girl in the 90's and later living through the 2016 US elections, the different POVs and how there were many different things like the game descriptions and chats, the changing timelines, in the end, the book dragged a lot pace-wise and was a bit confusing when POVs and time changed with no indication. The missing quations marks were definitely not helping as it was sometimes hard to see what's a dialogue and what's not. But I really liked all three of the main characters and how different their lives were, and I think that was the strongest point of this book.

what a beautiful and immersive experience this book was - how heartbreaking, how honest, how transcendent. i loved each of the main characters, i related so hard to lilith and sasha, and i was desperately sad that they never got to meet up again as adults, in real-life. can’t recommend enough.

I attempted to listen to the audiobook but the production quality was substandard. There was a lot of background noise and mouth sounds. I also found the chat transcripts and other aspects to not work in the audiobook format. It was a no go for me.
I returned to the ebook format and found that easier to follow. Comparison to Tomorrow, Tomorrow, Tomorrow came to mind. I found that book easier to follow as a non-technical person as this one had a lot more technical terminology and discussion. I gave it my best try as I was drawn to the characters but struggled with many of the details.

this book is a 4.5 star read rounded up to 5 stars.

kind of geeked that my first wish granted on netgalley was such an incredible success. this book takes place during two timelines - one set in the internet boom of irc chats and kids teaching themselves to code in the late 90's and then later, in 2016, in a world punctuated by political unrest.

our three characters are sash, abraxa, and lilith and wow, did this book accurately depict what a tool the internet used to be for kids to both work out their identities via playing with gender in chatrooms and doing web searches to find any amount of information that can help them understand the questions of their identity. similarly, it also shows some of the toxic nature of online culture, even back in the 90's, which is a precursor to the right wing radicalization of individuals in 2016.

but mostly, our three are trying to make a game. they've been inspired by a video game franchise, mystic knights. later, there's much discussion of the trans-coding of that media, how in the absence of representation trans kids had to read between the lines to feel seen in any capacity. and in their franchise, a sorceress plots to revive and revitalized the mythic northwood abbey, a safe haven of art and magic in a inhospitable world.

cut to 2016. these women are all trans, all living deeply different lives. sash is an online dominatrix, bartering cruelty for money. lilith's life is seemingly above board - she's scored a cushy bank job approving loan applications, but you soon realize it's due to the obsessive nature of her boss. and abraxa is lost, traumatized to the brink of a breakdown, drawn to a decomposing church where she thinks she might be able to recreate northwood abbey for real, because though trans people are more visible, the world is full of red hats and ever-evolving hatred against anything they've deemed against their ideologies. this story is about how these women reconnect in this new future.

there wee multiple layers to this story, from sussing out your identity in the world, internalized hatred, and the viciousness of transmisogyny, even from within the queer community. it's also about finding a space for us all where we can exist joyously. and it's about the things that we do to survive.

excellent, excellent read.

A story following three queer kids who once upon a time tried to make a video game together until one of them stopped coming online and the project was disbanded soon after. Now, 18 years later, we meet the characters as adults and get to see how they have changed: Lilith, trying to use scout mentality to find her footing in a cis world, Sash, who is a part-time webcam dominatrix and still lives with her parents, and Abraxa, mentally ill and homeless and slowly losing her connection to reality as she descends deeper into the world of the unfinished game.
While we only spend a little time with the characters as teenagers, I really found that part quite interesting. Even though I wasn’t familiar with online communities in the 1990s, I found it fun to explore how friendships and communities formed and fell apart. However, the bigger part of this novel takes place in 2016 in an America where Trump hasn’t yet been elected President (but will be during the course of the story) and follows our three main characters as they try to get through their days, diving deep into their various mental states. So if you don’t really connect with the first part of the story and the chatlogs and the very detailed descriptions of video game creation, don’t worry: that’s just the beginning of the story, it does change a lot and become a lot more accessible.
One thing I particularly enjoyed with this story is how it explored the concept of sanity and madness and the very thin line between them. Abraxa, who is treated as insane by everybody around her, holds a similar dream of building a safe haven as a corporate cis woman, who applies for a loan at a bank. One of Lilith’s trans friends votes for Trump, but then acts horrified when he attacks trans people. Sash longs for community with other people, but acts in ways that make others distrust her and finds herself more and more isolated. The line between over-the-top paranoia and the actual lived experience under transmisogyny and trauma born from it is thin and dissolving constantly and I found that incredibly intriguing to read.
While I agree with some reviews that at points the story felt too long (this book is 500 pages long and not that much happens) and the ending felt a bit too abrupt, I have to say I enjoyed that too. Life (and stories such as these, which are quite lifelike) do not need to tie up in a neat little bow to be enjoyable and as I let myself get carried away by Abraxa’s, Sash’s and Lilith’s experiences. I also really enjoyed getting to see the characters as closeted/gender-questioning teens and how the story then skipped over the whole coming out and transitioning processes to their adult and out selves only hinting at what happened in the time between. It reminded me a lot of Any Other City by Hazel Jane Plante in that way.
If you like stories exploring video games or older internet culture, you will love the first part of the story. If you enjoy messy trans women and an exploration of (some of) the ways they carve out a survival in a fucked-up world, you’ll love the second part of the story. I really enjoyed it and am very glad I read it.

TW: domestic abuse (minor), drug use, fire, homophobia (minor), intrusive thoughts, psychosis, suicidal thoughts, transphobia, unreality

Not for me. Overall, I thought the premise was interesting, but as someone who isn’t a gamer, this book felt too technical for me. I couldn’t keep up with certain details. I think maybe there needs to be a sort of middle ground maybe.

Trans Rights Readathon (book 2 of 5) review📖 A literary fiction book about queer friends + late 90s setting + video games sounded like the perfect read to me! Overall I’m kind of on the fence about it but there were both things I liked and things I didn’t.

Let’s start with what I didn’t like so we can save the best for last!

My main complaint was that it was a bit too long. The story is almost 500pgs so there were definitely parts that read slower or felt a little too drawn out. I think it could’ve been 100pgs shorter and still kept it essence. I also wish the early part of the story was longer! I wanted to see more of the three women in their 90s youth making video games and wish we could’ve gotten a deeper feel for them and their lives during that time. That first part of the story goes so fast! I didn’t mind the technical game jargon at the start like other reviewers, I think that bit will be hit or miss with people.

Now for what I liked! I loved how much depth all the characters had. This a very much a character driven novel with emotions and introspection being the core of the book. They each showed a different experience of being a trans woman and the many ways that impacted their lives. The books has a lot of neurodivergent and mental health representation as well.

As I said earlier I wished there was more of their early lives because I loved the early internet culture bits at the start. The IRC chat was making me soooo nostalgic. I was in a very active IRC for a few years during the hardest time in my life and it was so meaningful to me and kept me afloat💜

Overall I did vibe with what the book was trying to do but I feel neutral about the execution. This is very much a book you’ll have to read for yourself to see how you feel about it. It comes out April 1st! Thanks to NetGalley and Soho Press for a copy of this book, it was such a uniquely written tale!

I really enjoyed this story of queer nostalgia for a deeply specific moment of internet culture, when chat rooms and text-based communication ruled. Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow combined with I Saw the TV Glow.

4.25 out 5 stars.

In A/S/L, Jeanne Thornton crafted a story that is not only deeply rooted in nostalgia but also one that lingers for years after you read it.

The prose is magnificent and it untangles, questions, tries to explain, the very complicated feelings Abraxa, Sash and Lilith have.
From childhood friends on the internet to three very distinct trans women, their paths are bound to cross again, as they live within the same city without knowing it. As the story unfurls, we get to peek into their lives and their minds and how everything still connects them, in some strange way, to that massive fangame they made when they were much younger.
It was sometimes hard to follow how the characters felt and reacted to everything they were going through. That iniatially bothered me - particularly while reading Abraxa's POVs - but as I kept reading, I found that I was allowing myself to enjoy their way of processing their thoughts as something that's not always making sense or that's not always following a clear reason followed by explanation logic. So, overall, I think what Jeanne Thornton built on a narration standpoint is stellar and palpable. It made me feel invested and I wanted to know all the little details. It made it feel real.

If you love character-driven stories, trans women coming into themselves and video games, you'll cherish A/S/L deeply.

Thank you Soho Press, Jeanne Thornton and NetGalley for providing me with an ARC. This review is entirely my own and honest opinion.

Thank you to NetGalley and Soho Press for this ARC.

I loved the integration of games to the daily lives of our main characters and following their journey as teen online friends who are trying to code their own game, and in their adulthood.

The only thing was that the book was a 100 pages too long, but otherwise beautifully written!

I wanted to love this novel so bad! The synopsis sounded incredible, but I just couldn’t get into the overall story. I wanted to feel nostalgia while reading it, but the writing style wasn’t very good. I love novels about computers games but this one was such a letdown. The characters were interchangeable and I lost interest halfway through. Such a disappointment.