this was very interesting and beautifully written book. At times it lost my interest a bit but overall very well written and a beautiful and important exploration of love and representation

This book is fine but basically just explains what those of us who have always lived on love's margins--raced, sexual, and so on.

Shon Faye, you are a treasure. This short memoir is nothing short of witty and insightful; original, yet grounded in thoughtful research. I especially loved the chapter on Norman Fucking Rockwell and the one dedicated to mothers. Faye instinctively knows when to wrestle with highbrow theory, from de Beauvoir to Dworkin, and when it’s more compelling to explore pop culture touchstones like Drag Race and Sex and the City.

This is as much non-fiction as it is memoir. I came away feeling more informed about political movements, canonical works of art, and religious motifs, while also feeling as though I’d brushed against something deeply human in Faye's reflections on love. It’s a rare balance to strike and is extremely well-executed. I’ll definitely be returning to my annotations and following her future work.

mix up 'on love' by alain de botton and anything maggie nelson's ever done, then ask shon faye to write it. here you go. a critical series of essays on... love. in all its forms. through its haves and have-nots. but even then, it seems to minimize this beautiful work to compare it to any others.

shon faye has a specific gift for weaving her life into metaphor, for storytelling without curating her own mythography. we experience the good, the bad, and the nitty-gritty down to obsessive, sexy love to a fast foward on that same relationship once it's gone toxic and has soured. for me, the more important chapters pertained to love of self, love identity, love of friends, love of humanity. shon's quick to remind us that romantic love isn't all that there is and for some reason we hold it sacrosanct to friendship. friendship, we expect, spans years and maybe forever. romantic love comes with the expectation of fights and break-ups. and yet we, as a society, spend more time trying to attain the one that's inherently less valuable. brilliant.

the tough thing about love, the reason why it's rare and beautiful, is because to have it means knowing that you will imminently lose it. you cannot experience love without too understanding that you will experience grief. but, shon asks us, isn't it worth it?

Love in Exile is a big departure from The Transgender Issue, but I found it very interesting. Faye is honest and vulnerable about love in ways that are both familiar and unfamiliar. The chapters Motherhood and Blackout stood out the most because of my own beliefs about motherhood/being child free and relationships to substances (alcohol specifically). I really enjoyed Faye's writing and I definitely recommend checking this one out!

What to give anyone who won’t stop re-posting out of context bell hooks quotes from “all about love” on their Instagram stories. A wonderful, grisly account of what it means to want love. Except bigger. And not trite. Love written about with freshness and novel ideas. If you still believe in love despite your previous experiences, Shon Faye will speak words that will have you fighting the urge to put them in your own Instagram stories. A blessing of a book for all who find themselves old enough to know better but too weary to risk getting hurt again.

A hopeful, wise book about the impossibility and necessity of finding love. Faye's memoirs of love as a trans woman are the heart of this book, but it's worth reading for anyone who feels alone or unlovable. At a time where equal rights are being slowly eroded, I can't think of a more important book to read and share.

Shon Faye’s Love in Exile is a beautifully written exploration of identity, love, platonic relationships and (of course) heteronormativity from the POV of Shon, a transwoman. Love in Exile is honest, smart, and (admitedly) a bit long-winded at times. But also full of moments and musings that stuck with me. Ultimately, I loved this book!

An absolutely fantastic read in the vein of bell hooks, Dolly Alderton and Marianne Powers, filling a much needed gap in the genre with its queer focus. As someone who loves the self-development section of the library, especially when it comes to relationships, I’m excited to recommend another future classic of the “Love genre” - a section that takes love seriously as a subject of study. Many patrons gravitate to these books (with bestselling titles by the likes of Vex King and Matthew Hussey) and are pulled in by promises of navigating the mystical experience of love. Faye gives us a quick but profound glimpse into one of the missing pieces of the puzzle: from modern dating to addiction, capitalism to community, even diving into religious love.

I am not familiar with Faye or her previous work so I went into this sight unseen. That being said, the memoir parts are deeply moving and she comes across as thoughtful and poised, but I couldn’t find a focused main point in the book overall. It was interesting, I just didn’t know what I was supposed to be focused on or be convinced of, and so I came away with a lot of information I’m not sure what to do with. It was interesting to hear from someone who has lived and is living such a very different life from me, but I dnf’ed at 50%, as I didn’t like feeling lost.

Vulnerable, self-aware, fresh, and candid, Shon Faye crafts a beautiful journey, equal parts essay and equal parts memoir. I loved how readable and resonant it was while effortlessly weaving theory and story.

I have read lots about monogamy/nonmonogamy, love, gender, etc. and I loved that Love in Exile built off these relevant conversations while still adding an original voice and some edge.

Highly recommend for a readable yet provocative nonfiction book — really happy this is an upcoming book club pick, because there’s so much to discuss!

This collection of essays is well-researched, witty, intelligent, moving, and incredibly reflective. As Faye delves into the ideals of love and lovelessness, human connection, femininity, even religion and politics, she often poses questions that I found myself contemplating in real-time. It reads like an intimate conversation between author and reader.

This novel is packed with information, yet it maintains a steady pace and is incredibly easy to read.

As a first-time memoir reader, I can confidently say that I would read more if they are as fascinating and engaging as this one.

This book, for me, was part memoir and part rumination on all things love. Shon writes about love, which remains elusive for many people and often excludes those who reject traditional behavior and heteronormative relationships. She explores how societal norms and shifting goalposts often force people to shrink themselves in their pursuit of love.

The book is not solely about this, of course - it also traces how the idea of love has evolved, sometimes for the worse. She writes about maternal love, platonic love between friends, the links between love and addiction, self-love, and spiritual devotion.

I want to preface the criticism by underlining that Faye is articulate and engaging, and many of the chapters are well-researched, thorough, and strike the perfect balance between personal anecdotes and general musings from media, literature, culture, history, and other people’s lives. I also want to add that Shon remains graceful throughout (and she even explains in the last chapter why). This is something I found really admirable - she has many reasons to be angry, yet she chooses to focus the book’s attention on love, particularly a kind of love that is healthy and accepting.

For all its strengths, I did feel that some of the musings on love are a little too trite (to be fair, Shon acknowledges this in places - she is quite intelligent and self-aware). Still, it does make the reading experience a little laborious at times. However, I think it’s a great starting point for people who want to be gently guided into knowing and seeing (healthy) love all around us.

Shon Faye secures herself as a great, new, British voice after The Transgender Issue and this new memoir on love. She weaves through love, loss, addiction, worship, and the trans experience through substantial and insightful essays. I always admire an intelligent writer with a messy life who takes the time and care to neaten up their thoughts into well-researched work for the masses to consume.

Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for ARC.

I highly recommend this book; Shon Faye writes intelligently and emotionally about love in its myriad forms. She also explores addiction, agency, and identity, imparting sparkles of wisdom throughout the pages. This book will encourage you to think more deeply about yourself and your relationships. If you consider yourself a modern, reflective person, this book is for you.

Shon Faye gives us a reflection on the various aspects of love and her experiences of womanhood as a trans woman, along with her own memoirs and experiences of the world. Engaging prose and witty observations. Definitely worth your time when it comes out in May.

An interesting and reflective read that has made me consider love in all its forms. I feel like I understand both Shon’s experience of love, and my own, in a much deeper way after reading this book.

4.25⭐️

[a copy of this book was provided to me by the publisher from netgalley. thank you!]

a beautiful exploration of what it means to love and be loved. really enjoyed the writing style & content of this book, it was very well done

I read this book in one sitting because it's such an engrossing and vital read combining memoir with rigorous research on political theory on reimagining how we care and commune outside of heteronormative scripts. Shon Faye's astute observations on love and romance being anything but apolitical feels particularly relevant for the moment of late stage capitalism most Western societies are in.

I lived in London around the time Shon Faye was finding fame in gay London and internet circles. We sometimes frequented the same clubs and I always love her musings online. She always struck me as someone who’s extremely intelligent.

Love in Exile is part memoir and part well researched thesis. Faye offers her unique perspective on love in many forms (love of self, love of another, love vs. sex, etc.) and I found her academic lens interesting, but in someways it distracted from the memoir. Early on in the book, Faye states, “…I often felt I understood things long before I experienced them. I regularly mistook intellectual understanding for true knowledge of my emotions…” This is relatable for anyone who has experienced trauma.

I think Faye has a strong academic voice and this book will strike the right note with a certain reader.