Alison and Twitch were first introduced to me on So you think you can dance. When they became more public figures, it was nice to recognize them and watch their dance videos together on Tiktoc. The way Alison started with her family and siblings, then progressed to her life as a widow with three kids and questions that no one could answer, made her book refreshing to read. My sincere thanks go out to Alison for sharing her heart and being honest.

As a longtime follower of SYTYCD and Allison Holker, I was really excited to read about her life and also get more details about what happened with tWitch. I feel like her account was honest to her and sheds light on the complicated, painful dissonance after someone you love dies by suicide. I appreciated that insight. It was a painful read but definitely recommend if you were interested in their story either before or after tWitch’s death.

Thanks to Harper Select and NetGalley for early access to the book in exchange for my honest opinion. Being granted access the day before publication, I didn't finish the book before it was available, and I took my time reading it, as the emotions conveyed were a lot to handle.
To back up, I grew up dancing - all the styles, all the competitions, teaching lessons, working in a dancewear shop. So I was interested in hearing more about Allison's experience in dance prior to So You Think You Can Dance. I remember watching her move on SYTYCD and being struck with awe. After the intro, the first quarter of the book is about her, following her growing up and on the show. The next quarter of the book is about her relationship with Stephen Twitch Boss, and then the last half follows the aftermath of his death by suicide and how she and their children are working through their feelings and moving forward.
As Allison says, "People have a lot of opinions that they don't hesitate to share about how I should be handling my grief." I don't want to add my voice to that crew, but I do hope that in writing this book she was able to find more peace. Overall, her confusion was the most prevalent message, and I am not sure why she chose to make some of the statements she did. Especially when she says, about talking to her daughter, "I'm constantly reminding her of the power of silence." The dichotomy of that statement being included in a book that, at times, read like a tell-all left me feeling confused.
If you're a SYTYCD fan or a super-fan of hers, you'd probably enjoy this book. But if you are a fan of Twitch, I think you can skip this read. She doesn't hide the "bad" stuff that even she didn't know about when Twitch was alive. I understand she wants to paint a more realistic portrait of him than the loving soul he was on TV and social media, but I don't think this book was the best way to achieve that.

This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light by Allison Holker.

I watched Allison and tWitch on So You Think You Can Dance as well as enjoying the Instagram videos of them dancing so I was drawn to this book. The first 2/3 of the book is Allison’s story from her childhood through Stephan‘s death. Personally, I felt the information she found out about Stephan after his death was his story to tell and he kept it quiet even from her. When you read how they were feeling and why, hopefully it makes people think before they judge. Grief is different for everyone.

Thank you to the author, Harper Select, and NetGalley for the Advanced Reader Copy (ARC) copy of this book and I am voluntarily leaving an honest review.

I watched Allison Holker on DWTS and followed the news around her husband's death, so when her memoir came out, I requested the ARC. This was before I learned about the controversy over the book, but when I got approved, I wanted to follow through with reading it and giving it a chance. Honestly, I'm super torn because I can't imagine the trauma she and her kids have gone through. I want to be sensitive to that because I do know the trolls have gone for her as well. And everyone grieves in different ways. She doesn't need to deal with constant criticism.

However, she did write this memoir and put her story out there. And I'm really struggling with the way she is portraying mental health issues. As someone who has alot of family members including my own children that deal with significant mental health issues, I've learned that mental health issues are an illness and one that is caused by chemical imbalances that no positive self talk and thinking about others and willing it away will cure. His illness was untreated and he died because of that. She said that by writing this book that she would hope that people would think twice about contemplating it because of the trauma the family has to endure. But...is it truly that simple? I feel like if it was, suicide rates wouldn't be so high as they are. Mental illness is multi-faceted and complex and I feel like Holker, maybe having never experienced that herself, doesn't understand that mental illness is an illness, just any physical illness. We don't know what he would have been diagnosed with if he had gotten help. It could have been more than just depression/anxiety. But even some of the things she felt was shocking, seemed normal for a person that struggles with anxiety. For example, she was shocked about some of the topics he wanted for the podcast or some of the searches he did on the internet about fatherhood, but honestly, besides the suicide helpline, none of those are shocking. Like it's natural to think that maybe you aren't the best parent or to have concerns and anxieties about being a good parent, especially if you struggle with depression or anxiety. You could be the best parent in the world and still have doubts because it's how your brain perceives the situations. That's not necessarily a red flag. She also makes some other pretty weighty and disturbing speculations about why he would do this by referencing some of his journal entries...It's speculation and can't be corroborated and will only serve to hurt his family, who also are suffering through this grief. I feel like some editing and discernment about what to share and what to keep private would have served her well. She certainly used discernment when it came to sharing the trauma from her teen years and even said she isn't comfortable sharing what happened to her. You can feel her anger throughout the whole middle to end of this book...I'm wondering if she had written this 10 years from now, how different this memoir would be and if she would have chosen to leave some of this information out.

The memoir was raw and gritty and it did hold my attention as the reader. But I'm left with...I just don't know what to think. It's a unthinkable tragedy that is affecting too many families.

Thanks to #NetGalley and #HarperSelect for the ARC.

I don’t really know how to feel about this book. I usually enjoy autobiographies, but this one… I just had weird feelings during parts of it. It sometimes felt like she was out of touch with reality and not because of grief (although I’m sure that played a part in it), but it almost felt like she was bragging about herself in parts. Like this book was a tell-all to talk about her successes and how she wants to keep being successful even after Twitch passed. Obviously I don’t want her to not be successful and she deserves to tell her side of the story, but it just felt wrong for her to share some of the things she shared. Also, for someone who claims there were no signs that Twitch would eventually unalive himself, I saw so many flags throughout her storytelling. Even if she had done something or said something, maybe it wouldn’t have made a difference, but I just felt like how she acted was so selfish and now she’s using this story to further boost her platform. So I’m torn, but ultimately I do not recommend.

“This Far,” received so much negativity in the press so I was somewhat guarded as I read. I was pleasantly surprised throughout most of this story. Allison gives us more than a glimpse into her life, she really takes us on her journey of dance, family, and saying the “quiet parts,” out loud. Her blunt honesty was definitely unique among celebrity memoirs.

Much of the last two chapters were tough to read and I wonder if those thoughts would have been better off unshared. However, I do believe it is her story to share. I also have a much different perspective than I had after only watching news coverage or reading articles with clips from the book. I encourage everyone to read it to form their own thoughts.

WOW. This is a must read on so many levels. She brings humor, love, and vulnerability into this beautiful memoir that touches on so many heavy topics. Being a So You Think You Can Dance watcher in the early days, I knew about her and Twitch, as well as the devastating story of how his life ended.

She touches on the difficulties they faced as a multiracial couple, coming from families without money, being a young, single mom, a mixed family where Stephen raised her child from another relationship as her own, and of course being someone left in the wake of suicide by the person she treasured most. All the uncovering she finds after, and the honesty in which she shares the anger and devastation of the decisions he made as well as reactions from others that portrayed him as a hero were so heartbreaking but heartwarming to see being expressed in this world. I have not been where she has, nor do I ever wish to be close to that, but I can imagine how big a gift this book and her story is to so many people struggling with any part of the struggles she/they went through. My heart breaks for her and her kids, but I am also so so so in awe of the person she is and the way in which she has risen to use this as a way to help others. To make sure Stephen's death was not in vain. To help other should that are hurting feel seen, heard, and heal. Regardless of what kind of experiences you have, go read it because it will give you new perspectives and empathy for anybody you encounter.

May we all be light and love in this world because we have no idea what the other person is going through.

Thank you for this book Allison! One outstanding Q for me was where was Justin the whole of Weslie's life? Hopefully he was present throughout too and a great co-parent despite the distance!

3.5/5 ⭐⭐⭐

I've been wanting to read this, and I've also heard the controversy around it. I definitely have mixed feelings about it, but can see it from both sides.

As far as the actual memoir goes, I thought it was well written and read beautifully. It is so clear that she still holds anger towards everything, and rightfully so. I can't say if I was in her position, I wouldn't still hold emotion or anger either towards things either. As a mother, I couldn't imagine having to deal with the pain of losing your husband, while also still having to raise children who don't fully understand what is happening and grieving yourself. I commend her for her strength, truly.

However, some of the things felt a little too personal, and felt like things I shouldn't be knowing. I definitely think she may of needed more time to work through some things before fully writing this book.

It is definitely a raw, heavy read, especially if this is something you have experienced or been through.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for this e-arc in exchange for an honest review.

I watched every season of So You Think You Can Dance from its beginning, so I had followed Allison and loved her dancing and spirit before tWtich’s season and also fell in love with his dancing and personality when his season came later. I loved watching them when they later became a couple. Like so many, I was completely stunned and saddened by his suicide.

This book is a surprisingly honest, deep and well written memoir. The first half is basically the before of his death and the second half is her and her children’s lives after. Yes, she tells some personal things about him, but not gratuitously, and nothing honestly that extreme. I read that his mother is furious that she says he used drugs towards the end and that he may have been s…. abused as a child. That saddened me because she acted as if his being a survivor of that would be shameful. What a sad thing to be furious about. And what is so shameful about struggling with drugs during a deep depression either? Clearly he was in a desperately dark, bad place or he would not have done what he did. Drugs can certainly make things seem darker.

Allison sets the record straight on some things, like explaining that she made his family sign NDAs because they insisted on an open casket viewing for themselves (she had closed casket for the rest of the funeral and chose not to view when it was open) and she was adamant that there was no way people could take photos that could end up getting out and for her children to have the possibility of someday seeing those online when he had shot himself in the head.

She doesn’t hold back that she is still angry with him for leaving her and their children, especially for their kids not to have him. She also makes it clear how much she loved him, what a wonderful husband and father he was, and how much she realized too late that he was hurting desperately and for a long time. She does paint herself as pretty perfect in every way, but I think part of that is a reaction to a year and a half of judgment, criticism and nastiness directed at her as she was trying to deal with extreme grief, legal and financial nightmares, traumatized children and nonstop public scrutiny. Glass houses, people. I can’t imagine how awful any of it would be, but especially when you have to navigate it with paparazzi trying to get photos of your children’s trauma and random strangers saying you’re a horrible person if you post a picture of yourself and your child to your own instagram.

So many books gloss over the hard or unpleasant parts of a story. This felt full and real. I wish the best for her, their children, and his other loved ones. I hope his family can move past blaming his widow for something he did and find some peace.

I read an advance copy of this book via netgalley.

This was a hard read. I was a fan of both Alison and Twitch.
In reading her book I have learned that I really think she should have let more time pass to sit with all the emotions she was having and to try and possibly heal her relationship with his family…while she did say all the wonderful things about him that he seemed to the world..she was mostly angry, understandably so, but just my opinion that maybe she should have let the anger and feelings in her heart settle a bit. And of course it’s my opinion, but as a mother to a son, I would have definitely appreciated knowing ahead of time what those journal entries said before reading about it in a book. That was unfair to his family and must have been heartbreaking to read.

This interesting memoir describes Allison’s early life, dancing, her career path, meeting Stephen, & their life together. His death by suicide, grief, healing, & moving forward are also addressed. I ignored all the criticism surrounding this book, & chose not to judge someone when I haven’t walked in her shoes.
*Thank you @netgalley and @harperselect for this advanced reader copy. Pub date was 2/4/25.

Raw and honest, an unflinching look at Allison's life, the highs and the lows. It made me cry. But also shows that there is light even after the deepest darkness in life.

Thank you Netgalley and Harper Select for the ARC.

There’s obviously going to be people that don’t like it because it is after all a book and we will all have our own thoughts about it. That’s fine. What isn’t fine is saying she doesn’t have a right to tell her story. To say how she felt when he made the choice he did because it was in fact a choice. What isn’t fine is coming at her like she had anything to do with his suicide, like she’s the reason he’s not here, like she didn’t care for him, like she’s an opportunist for writing what she felt she needed to write. When news broke that Stephen committed suicide everyone was so shocked. Why would he do this? He was so happy. He had so much joy. So now here you have her speaking out and saying hey this is what was going on with him and everyone’s mad. Oh she’s profiting from his death. She killed him. His death is suspicious.

It’s not.

Let’s accept no matter what this woman does she will be the villain to a lot of you.

He went to a hotel and put a gun to his head and left behind a wife, three kids, his mother, his brother, and countless other family members and friends. He made a choice I have no doubt he felt he had to make but the reality is he did make a choice. A devastating choice.

The book:

Allison talks a lot about herself, her struggles, how she started dancing, and what that world was like for her. Then about halfway through we got to what happens the night before tWitch dies. She wrote about how he called her and was clearly intoxicated and she was concerned but she didn’t know where he was. They didn’t share locations. Not everyone does. Eventually he made his way home and he just kept saying “I lied, I lied, I lied” which stuck with her because she never knew what he meant he lied about. She still doesn’t know what he meant.

Fast forward to the next day and tWitch takes his older daughter to school. He says to her “I wish I could’ve been your superman.” I want you to imagine being a child and that’s the last thing your parent said to you before they decided to leave this earth KNOWING what they were about to do? This wasn’t a spur of the moment act.

The rest is what we know which is he essentially goes missing. Allison doesn’t want to call the police just because she can’t reach him because he’s always made it clear to her not to call the police because he’s a black man. Enough said. She does end up contacting the police though and they tell her not once but twice that unless it’s been 24 hours…. You know the rest.

Eventually he is located at a hotel. By then he’s gone. He had turned off his location. He didn’t want to be found. He didn’t want to be stopped. He left a note. We the public are not and should not privy to what was in that note.

Due to what’s in the note Allison has a better idea of what was going through his mind, but it really is the bare minimum. She does not and probably will not ever know why he chose to go to that extreme.

Misconceptions:

She made his family sign an NDA. Yes she did. She made everyone sign an NDA because his family wanted people to attend the funeral that she wasn’t familiar with. Some people hadn’t seen him since he was a toddler. She didn’t want pictures of his body leaking. Pictures from the service. His family was understandably upset and demanded everyone sign an NDA if they had to which I think is fair and Allison said okay done. What’s the problem?

In the NDA it states she’s the only on that can benefit from his name or something of that nature. And? How no one realizes that she’s protecting his name and his brand is mind boggling to me. That was his wife. I would’ve done the same thing.

I understand there’s bad blood between the families and unfortunately this will happen with grief. It’s unfortunate. However making her out to be a villain isn’t only inaccurate it is unfair.

Throughout the book it is very clear how angry she is with him. How she can’t see him as a hero when she’s left to pick up the pieces of everything he left behind. Their children that she will have to raise alone. She isn’t comfortable with the narrative in glossing over the fact that he committed suicide and almost romanticizing it because what message will that send to her kids? She has every right to be angry.

She is saying what no one wants to say. He made the wrong choice. He abandoned his family.

Yes he was mentally ill. Yes he felt it was his only option. That doesn’t change the reality that it was the wrong choice. He chose to leave a family behind, a wife that has to tell her kids it’s not their fault, that they’re not the reason that he chose to do this, and to try to piece together the broken hearts of three children that no matter what she does will never be whole again the way they were.

It was also clear to me while I read this book that she hasn’t ever felt this kind of despair and for that I envy her. It is very hard to understand anyone doing this to themselves for someone like Allison who seems to FIGHT through whatever is going on. It has been very hard for her to grasp what would lead someone to do this. She has made it her mission to understand mental illness and what could lead someone to this choice.

There is also all this chatter that she is benefiting financially from this book from what he left behind….. inaccurate. He died without a Will. That means probate. There are several properties that they bought for each child that will now have to be sold. What she inherited is debt and a shattered heart.

Saying what he was going through doesn’t destroy his legacy and shame on anyone saying otherwise because what you’re saying is that what he was going through prior to his suicide destroys his legacy. What you’re saying is that a legacy is destroyed if there is any illness mental or otherwise attached to it. You are saying that his legacy is tarnished because he was struggling before he died. Newsflash: he committed suicide. That makes it clear he was going through a lot.

Allison has a strength that I envy. Her belief in herself, in her strength is relentless and it’s also how Stephen described her. It is no wonder that what people see is someone that is unshakable. However just because she’s not publicly falling apart for the public’s viewing pleasure does not mean she isn’t shattered. She is. She is still human and she has experienced a great loss and will forever have to deal with the fall out and deserves the grace to do it in peace.

bravo Allison.

Stopped @ 55%. My decision to stop reading is more about me as a reader. This book is very emotional as is to be expected, and I decided I needed to stop for a myriad of reasons. I can imagine it took a lot to put the words of these experiences out for all to see even for someone already in the public eye. It's hard to offer feedback on a memoir as the truth is the author's, and it's up to them how it goes. I do wish there was a bit more about Allison's upbringing and time on Dancing with the Stars, SYTYCD, etc. However, I also understand why she chose the direction and focus she did. I may return and finish this down the road, but for right now, I'm pausing. Thanks to NetGalley for the look at this February 2025 release.

As a fan of Stephen “tWitch” Boss and Allison Homer individually and subsequently when they became a couple, I was among so many others that were shocked by the news of his suicide. It seemed so out of character and out of the blue. I looked forward to reading this book to gain insight into the possibility of answers about the unknown. Allison has provided a moving recollection of her own experiences and grief. We discover that Stephen was probably suffering far longer than he ever let on and that there were signs. While not always the loud and obvious ones we tend to associate with depression. It’s a huge lessons for us all to try to normalize seeking help. Especially with people who appear to never have a bad day. They could be the best actors of all time I commend Allison for sharing her life story before and after and sharing how her family is coping. She will hopefully help many people going through a similar struggle. Moving and insightful.

When you are at your lowest point in life, how do you find the strength to make it through another day? This Far by Allison Holker details the triumphs and tragedies that have shaped the dancer’s life. As a household name thanks to So You Think You Can Dance, Allison’s life was shape by the art of dancing. This memoir details Allison’s hardships in life, family secrets and the resilience of a mother to provide her children with a stable future.

Allison’s memoir details the struggles of her home life as a child. This fueled her passion to become a professional dancer. While many might look on at their past with regret, Allison details the struggles that molded her career. Rejection, setback and an unplanned pregnancy all shed light on the perseverance of a woman who was determined to break through barriers. The details were honest, thought provoking and inspirational to anyone trying to balance a career and motherhood.

While Allison was a powerhouse on her own, her high profile marriage to Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss catapulted the star into a different realm of fame. The duo rocked social media with their family dance moves during the pandemic and were frequently seen throughout Hollywood as a couple on the ‘rise’. Then a single decision would forever alter the lives of each member of the Boss-Holker family. As expected, Holker opens up in the memoir about learning to cope with the loss of her husband.

What I didn’t expect to uncover was the raw honesty that Holker exhibited in the retelling of life after loss. The details are raw, honest and provide hope for others learning to navigate through similar grief. Holker allows readers to view her vulnerability, perseverance and garnering strength in your community. This memoir was a true inspiration to the dedication, devotion and love that Holker possesses for her family.

I always enjoyed watching videos of Allison, Twitch, and their kiddos on social media, so when I saw this, I thought it would be an interesting read to learn more about them and their kids. I loved how Allison went into depth about herself growing up, even the deep bits about her family and their financial issues. I loved how she spoke about her kids. Twitch (Stephen) was mentioned a lot within it. I found it interesting to see their life behind the cameras. I can't imagine her loss of him due to su!c!de and left with all of the questions left unanswered. I'm praying for her and the kids, this cannot be easy.

I received this book from NetGalley and Harper Select to read/review. All of the statements above are my true opinions after fully reading this book.

I wanted to give this book a fair chance because I love reading memiors and I have liked Allison and Stephen since seeing them both on So You Think You Can Dance. I was as shocked as everyone else upon finding out that he had sadly unalived himself. He always seemed to be so happy when seeing him in his public appearances.

I think Allison had every right to express her thoughts and emotions by writing a book. I think it can be helpful for a lot of people who are either battling mental health issues or for those who are attempting to support someone through their hard times. It sheds light on the emotional pain someone could be hiding beneath the surface. At one point, she mentioned that Stephen would be giving the appearance that he was reading a book, but he was not actually turning any pages. Her assumption was that he was using it as a signal that he needed to be left alone because he was "reading." To me, her assumption was probably correct because I have done the exact same thing at times when I did not want anyone to talk to me because of certain emotions I was dealing with.

There were also parts of her writing style that felt like it was flowing like beautiful poetry. The book was not solely about what happened to Stephen. She talked about her life before meeting him, about how they built a life together, and how she is raising their family in his absence. Maybe people are right in their argument that she should not have disclosed such personal information about what he was struggling with, but I think her honest intentions were to help people who might have the same struggles that he did, not using it as a way to profit off of him.

Thanks to NetGalley, Allison Holker, and Harper Select for allowing me to read an advanced reader copy of This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light in the return of an honest review.

I’ve been a fan of Allison since her earliest SYTYCD days, and I was also a fan of tWitch when he was on the show as well. I have not followed their story closely since then other than seeing a headline or photo every once in a while. I was happy to hear they got married and floored to hear of Stephen’s death by suicide. I know this book has brought out a lot of feelings for people. After reading it, I am even more of an Allison fan. It’s written in a thoughtful way, and while there is some repetition at times, I believe it shares just enough information to tell her story and not reveal too much of his. Throughout it all, her priorities seem to remain her family, which is now her children and herself . Her strength as a person and mother continue to shine,

Thank you very much to NetGalley and Harper Select for the advanced reader’s copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.