The author captured the time period of this book in a realistic manner. The subject manner is compelling and kept my interest throughout the book. There are so many layers to unwrap in this stressful story. I would highly recommend this book.

I loved this book because it was something different than I would pick up for myself. I was immediately interested in the book because of the title and cover, but the description was different. This book was hard to read in some places I am still working through my wounds, but it was a great reminder that I am not alone.

The Short of It:

You know that feeling of gently working your way through a story because it’s just so good? No? Read this.

The Rest of It:

Steven Mills has reached a crossroads. His wife and son have left, and they may not return. Which leaves him determined to find out what happened to his own father, a brilliant, charismatic professor who disappeared in 1984 when Steve was twelve, on a wave of ignominy. ~ the publisher

Steven’s family lives in a nice, Orange County neighborhood. His parents host pool parties, movie nights and are surrounded by academia everywhere they look. Their friends, professors themselves. They talk education and research and accomplishments. This is a touchy subject.

Steven’s father is brilliant and happily married but his quest for tenure at the university puts a strain on his marriage and family. This is where I tread carefully when I say that the undue strain of jumping through academic hoops to prove his worth leads him down a path of no return.

Let me paint the picture. Warm California evenings, a cabana house, plentiful liquor and jovial conversation. Attractive, powerful colleagues and a man who wants that for himself. The casual, friendly interactions fueled by drink, slowly become something more.

Twelve-year-old Steven senses a shift as he watches these parties unfold. Observing these parties from the privacy of his room, he notices the familiarity of good friends but also the tension, mostly in how his own mother reacts to what is going on.

What is going on?

Steven is very close to his mother so when she returns to the house after these parties, he knows she is hurting. He’s not entirely sure why or what he can do for her, but he feels compelled to be there for her.

What he does, is gently explore his father’s thoughts. Walking out to join him after the guests have left. Listening to his plan to publish his book and earn tenure. As good a guy as his dad is, Steven knows that he’s a dreamer. Never has been much of a realist. He takes this with a grain of salt.

For a young boy, navigating the delicate nature of his parent’s marriage and also figuring out what he desires for himself, proves to be complicated.

We see Steven as an adult, dealing with his own personal issues but ever present is his quest to figure out what happened to his father that year he went missing. When everything blew up and his father left without a trace.

This is a tender story about so many things. Family, the relationship between a mother and a son, a father and a son, Steven’s coming of age and how all of it influences his own family as an adult. It’s about identity and value and sacrifices made for the sake of your family.

The last few chapters were breathtakingly beautiful. I re-read them, sat with them awhile and felt the weight of Steven’s memories.

So good.

When your life in the present collapses, you look to the past. It's natural to make the trip back over any life, no matter how deeply quotidian it was. To know who you are you need a vantage point to look at the whole of it from and kidhood's the natural one to choose.

There's a reason this plot's an evergreen; for a reason as basic as growing old, that much-resented thing no one guaranteed the privilege of doing. Among male writers, anyway...Falconer by John Cheever, Montana 1948 by Larry Watson are two favorites of mine. I hope you're all at least passingly familiar with them so the next bit will make sense.

Looking for your father is probably the most commonly human thing a man does in his life. Fathers are often gone, voluntarily or not...wars, jobs, or simple absence of love for the mother are all ordinary reasons for Dad to book it out the door. Does it pay to know why? I can only say it's so uniquely difficult to accomplish this feat of vanishing now that maybe it did then, but not now.

Which is at the heart of my issue with this book: It evokes a day I lived in, and does it well; but it took the narrator decades to decide to search for his father with today's incredible web of tech? Then when he decides to do it in the ashes of his own family, it's to find out who's to blame for his brokenness? Therapy first, my dude, then when you have a framework to cope with the damage done to you, find the perp. It isn't like he didn't have literal decades of living in the modern world to figure out he was wounded. It's a realistic thing, taking your time to find out the wounds inflicted on you. It's not like there's a timetable. The reason it didn't sit all the way right with me is down to my having lived through those years where awakening followed awakening. The narrator's way too smart and too savvy not to have seen them, too.
Still and all, I read the story with a lot of nodding along, a good bit of emotional investment, and a strong interest in seeing where the resolution to his growth spurt would lead. I was...okay with the resolution. I'm making my issues loom large only to show y'all why a full four stars is such a strong testament to Author Porter's writing talents.

⚠️I'll include a content warning at the end of the review. ⚠️

4.25 ⭐

Raw, poignant, and brave, <i>The Imagined Life</i> is daring not only in its exploration of a family in crisis but being bold enough to show realistic hope in the face of generational trauma. The thing about hope in these situations is it takes work and most of it is unpleasant. The story felt honest in both the writing approach and the plot. The first-person narrative felt voyeuristic it often seemed as though reading it was crossing a line.

In an effort to save his own struggling marriage and be a better father Steven Mills decides to dig through his own memories and meet with his father's friends and colleagues to uncover the truth of what led to his father abandoning him in 1984. Steven hasn't seen his father since he was twelve years old; his father has been missing ever since.

Steven discusses being eleven- and twelve-years old living in California, his father is a brilliant, yet troubled college professor. The Mills's home is known for throwing adult pool parties. His father was fixated on receiving tenure and often experienced mania while focused on that goal and spiraled into unstable moods when met with resistance. The author's portrayal of mental illness was convincing. I noticed that many characters were trying to keep sad truths from Steven both as a boy and a man. And then the charming charismatic part of his father's personality his incredible skills and patience as a teacher adored by students which most discussed.

Steven's character had more to come to terms with than one novel could allow for and I like that because it conveys the gritty truth about overcoming hardships and damage. The road to healing is ongoing.

I understood Steven's emotions and the tendency to hide from them without realizing it. When you're a child around adults who aren't able to master their own emotions, it can become a survival mechanism to make your own feelings smaller or silence them altogether. This novel was thought provoking and will cross my mind often.

Content Warning
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alcoholism/binge drinking
drug use
mental illness
infidelity


Thank you to NetGalley and Knopf, Pantheon, Vintage, and Anchor | Knopf for providing an Advance Reading Copy. All opinions are my own.

"The Imagined Life" by Andrew Porter is a memoir-like work of fiction that has at its core a set of questions that almost everyone at one time or another has reflected upon...

●Can a person, in their youth, ever truly *see* their father or mother beyond the filter of parenthood? Do our broader adult experiences allow for a less filtered understanding?

●When can one objectively begin to understand all of the intricately woven threads within the family relationship tapestry?

●Can a better understanding of the dynamics of some familial relationships be rooted in both the factual and the imagined... and still be true??

The reader travels this road of discovery with Steven, a family man at an emotional crossroads. His life has been haunted by incomplete memories of his brilliant, troubled, enigmatic father, a man who disappeared from the family following harrowing years of domestic, financial, and career instability An overarching uncertainty for all members of the family (both before and after the father's disappearance) seems to have its source in the mental health challenges of the father. Now, as an adult, Steven is determined to find answers to his questions and to give voice to the unspoken *truths* within his family's story lest he repeat them within his own.

My thanks to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for the advanced copy of Andrew Porter's "The Imagined Life."

#TheImaginedLife
#AndrewPorter
#NetGalley

After Steven's own marriage and relationship with his son fails, he realizes it's finally time to confront his past. When he was 12 years old, his father abandoned him and his mother but he wasn't ever really sure why. As a kid, his dad was a professor and working towards tenure. He hosted backyard pool parties and movie screenings, but there was a sudden shift in life as this family knew it when he was denied tenure. Shortly after that decision, Steven's father left and he never saw him again.

The pacing of this book moves very, very slow. The writing is excellent so it didn't really bother me, but I could see it being an issue for some readers. This is a character study in the slow decline of a family, and for me, it was fascinating. The insightfulness into marriage, fatherhood, family secrets, acceptance and forgiveness gave me a lot to think about and analyze. The setting was super atmospheric, and in some ways, Steven's life was idyllic.

This book won't be for everyone and it does need good timing in order for it to be a successful read. Many will find it slow, but if a slow burn, deep character analysis is something you enjoy, this is a great book!

Andrew Porter is a beautiful writer. Reading his description of being a kid listening to his parents' parties brought me back to that same time in my life listening to my Mom and Dad shed their "parent voices" and show a different side of themselves than I knew existed. This novel reads like a memoir - a really good memoir learning about the choices your parents made in life and how that influenced you becoming YOU. It's a serene, thoughtful book that I really liked. Thanks to the publisher for the advanced copy!

This is a beautifully written coming of age story about a boy growing up in California, his unstable father, and his mother who holds it all together. The father is a professor whose tenure depends on the publication of his book, the cause of so much of the tension at home. While the parents host many pool parties with lots of shenanigans, there's a darkness to this life as the father slips deeper into mental illness. The son is a witness to it all while navigating adolescence. He spends a good deal of his adult life processing his anger at his father yet imagining what his life could have been. Set in the late 70s-early 80s, the narrative feels almost dreamy. Written like a memoir, it's not a page turner but more of an introspective novel that hit home for me.

The Imagined Life's, author, Andrew Porter, has his characters focus on many tough issues - mental illness, sexuality, and self worth.

Steven Mills, now in his 50s and separated from his wife and young son. is on a quest for answers, a quest for discovery and also self-discovery. Steven's father, a college English professor, abandoned Steven and his mother four decades ago after not being granted tenure. I feel that Steven not only wants answers about his dad's departure but also about his own life. How much did that impactful summer of '84 aid in molding Steven into who he is today?

The timeline alternates between 1984 and present day when Steven scours the California coastline seeking out old acquaintances of his father's. His dad was not only gifted, but also a tortured soul who was continually searching for happiness and a "fit" in the California niche as he hosted pool parties and many times ignored family life.

There are many essential questions in the novel - 1) Would Steven's family life had been drastically different if his dad had been granted tenure, and would he, his mother and father been living the "imagined life" that his dad referenced? 2) Exactly why did Steven's father abandon his family? 3) Lastly, has Steven inherited some of his father's traits?

The plot of the novel was both nostalgic and heartbreaking at the same time. For those of you who enjoy novels centered on family dynamics and searching for answers, truth, and discovery, Andrew Porter's Imagined Life hit shelves April 15th. Thank you, NetGalley and Knopf, for the opportunity to preview this ARC.

Writing instructor Steven Mills, the discomposed protagonist of Andrew Porter's “The Imagined Life,” a fictional contemplation of actual vs. imagined life, is warned from the outset that his quest for answers about his English professor father, who disappeared years before after being denied tenure, might get him too close to things he might not want to know.
And indeed as he interviews one after another of his father's old associates, he turns up truths that ended up making for a life disastrously different for both his father and his family from an “imagined life” in which the father would have gotten tenure and received treatment for a mental illness he obviously suffered from and perhaps most consequentially not come so much under the influence of a visiting professor, Deryck Evanson, whose influence extended as well to Steven, who in the course of the novel is given to wonder, for all his mother’s assurances to the contrary, if he might be like his father.
Particularly unsettling the thought is for Steven, what with possible correspondences between his father’s relationship with Deryck and his own relationship with a childhood friend, a special enough relationship to make for a compelling story on its own.
A more compelling story line for me, though, with my English major background, was the depiction of the father’s academic troubles and in particular his toil on a book he was writing that was seen as brilliant overall but which descended into incomprehensibility as his mental instability took ever greater hold and he moved ineluctably toward his eventual traumatic sacking.
So traumatic, indeed, was the termination for him as to seem to be a kind of excommunication, which might seem an overwrought reaction to some readers – the ouster had him firing off angry letters to anybody and everybody – but was abundantly understandable for me for my having been raised in an institution not so dissimilar in its way to the academy, the military, where up-or-out apprehension is every bit as ever-present as tenure anxiety in the academy.
Particularly relatable for me, then, on a couple of fronts, Porter’s book, and made all the more engaging with its easily digestible, distinctly nonacademic writing.

This was a touching story about how families are ALL complicated - you never know what's really going on behind closed doors. After facing a lot of major life changes in a short period of time, "The Imagined Life" follows Steven's journey to revisit parts of his past to figure out what he truly wants.

The characters of this one were POWERFUL and left me thinking about them long after finishing this book. Their stories were authentic, tragic, and relatable all at the same time. I really liked the idea behind the story, but the pacing fell a little flat for me. I'm not sure if I just had a hard time connecting to the time period? I'm a 90s baby and love nostalgic references but I had a hard time feeling truly absorbed in this one despite not being far off from the time. While not for me, I can respect that this was a touching story and it wouldn't prevent me from reading more from Porter! Thank you for the ARC!

Beautiful story about finding and releasing the past and its hold on you. The events that defined Steven’s life haunt until until he goes on a journey to find out why his father abandoned him and his mother. It’s a wonderful story about how reclaiming his past defines his future. Told beautifully.

Steven hasn't seen his father since he was 12, when he was denied tenure and descended into a self-destructive spiral. With his mother dead and his own marriage in serious trouble, he is determined to discover more about that fateful time of his life. As he travels through California, meeting with people he remembers from that time, he begins to gain perspective not only on his father's life, but on the impact it's had on his own life. Finally, he realizes he does not want to make the same mistakes his father did and seeks to improve his own life.

Porter captures the 1980s perfectly (probably because he lived through the decade too). His father's exploration of his own sexuality coincides with Steven's growing awareness of his own, while Steven's experimentation with weed parallels his father's increasing consumption of his own form of self-medication.

As evocative and moving as this novel is, it is sometimes difficult to read. Steven and his mother are heartbreaking characters, as are Chau and his family. The story is deeply affecting. #TheImaginedLife #NetGalley

This one is a hard one to review. There are some beautifully crafted sections and there are some others where the pace just stalls. Some interesting 70s/80s references but I wasn't fully sold on the main character.

A fragile, emotionally charged tale of (lost) human connection, Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage by Haruki Murakami comes to mind—structurally—as in The Imagined Life, we also follow the protagonist as he tracks down his parents’ scattered acquaintances in an attempt to uncover the truth behind his father’s decades-long disappearance.

Right away, I found Andrew Porter’s writing vivid (with plenty of period-specific details) and intimate without being overly verbose. While The Imagined Life is a low-key, contemplative read, the cinematic quality of the prose ensures it is never boring.

Even though the premise is set up like a mystery, I wouldn’t go into The Imagined Life expecting shocking reveals. Instead, it primarily focuses on the protagonist’s character growth—contextualizing his father’s past behaviors as an adult, and how that new information helps him to unburden his own personal traumas.

Overall, an extremely well-crafted and resonant read!

A fabulous premise, that unfortunately does not deliver. The plot line and character development are very thin.

The Imagined Life by Andrew Porter reads much like a memoir, however it is a sensitive and moving novel about an adolescent boy who witnessed the demise of his brilliant, yet mentally ill father, an English professor at St. Agnes College in California. At times Steven Mills was happy as his parents obviously loved one another, yet often without warning his dad's behavior would become erratic. Life changes when Steven is 12, and his dad is working dilligently to finish his much anticipated academic book and to secure tenure at the College. He became obsessed with achieving these goals, yet lacked the personal discipline to reach the finish line. He was partying, drinking excessively and developed a personal relationship with another professor. During this time Steven's mother tried to support her husband, however it became more and more challenging. He ultimately hit rock bottom, and simply disappeared when Steven was in his early teens. Steven's feelings about his dad were convoluted; in his forties he leaves his job and separates from his wife, leaving her alone with their third grade son. He embarks on a journey to find out what drove his dad to abandon his family and position,and to discover if he was still alive. The journey was painful, and at times raised more questions than answers. I dont want to include any spoilers so suffice to say I found the book to be powerful, realistic and at times heartbreaking; it will stay with me for sometime. Thank you to NetGalley, Knopf Publishing and Andrew Porter for the opportunity to read an ARC of The Imagined Life; my review reflects my candid opinion. 4 stars.

Understanding the complex psychological relationship between a father and his son can be obscured by the passage of time, the unreliability of memory, and the various lenses through which it may be viewed. Porter gives us an intriguing mystery with each of these elements on full display. Steven Mills is a middle-aged father and husband whose academic career seems to have stalled, and he has become increasingly withdrawn from his family. He feels betrayed by his father’s desertion of the family and has a lingering sense of anger aimed at his father. Moreover, he imagines his own life may be following the same trajectory. When he was a pre-teen, his much beloved father seemed to be on track to an illustrious academic career only to be mysteriously denied tenure. The circumstances surrounding this decision are never really explained. But in mid-century America, tenure denial could ruin an academic career and constitute a severe psychological blow. Today, however, we have lawyers who specialize in litigating tenure decisions and non-tenure-track alternatives are common. The ways Steven’s father dealt with his own denial, however, seem chaotic and ham-handed.

Porter’s two-track plot follows Steven in the present and during the summer of 1984, when his father faced his fateful tenure decision. Clearly, the latter events were seen through the eyes of a child and thus were not well understood. These events were further obscured by his father’s enigmatic and self-destructive behavior, which included homosexual experimentation, extreme substance abuse, pointless bickering with his publisher, withdrawal from the family and eventually abrupt disappearance. In an effort to obtain closure, Steven embarks on a quest to understand these events as an adult by interviewing the key players, including his mother, uncle, and several of his father’s close colleagues. Just as his investigation seems to be going nowhere, he stumbles upon something remarkable that cannot be revealed here.

Porter’s California setting is atmospherically evocative. Steven’s investigation is essentially a road trip up the California coast with stops in San Diego, Loma Linda, Los Angeles, Santa Cruz, Berkeley, San Francisco and Petaluma. Likewise, the nostalgia of 1980’s Fullerton comes alive with pool parties, classic films, the songs of Fleetwood Mac, academic intrigue and coming-of-age teen awkwardness. Both of the main characters are nuanced and interesting. The reader comes to care about Steven and his father. However, the women in Steven’s life (his wife and mother) don’t really seem to leap off the page. While not a page-turner, Porter’s storyline is measured and engaging. In the end, Steven comes to terms with what happened to his family, finding some semblance of closure and peace.

“Haunting, poignant, nostalgic. Acclaimed author Andrew Porter’s THE IMAGINED LIFE is a beautiful, lyrical, emotional coming-of-age family portrait of a boy searching for answers to his father’s complex history, with vivid descriptions of time, place, and culture in the 80s.”

About...

Present: Steven Mills has never forgotten the father who left him and his mother behind when he was twelve. Now, with his own family, he is grappling with the past and his struggles. His wife, Alison, and son, Finn, have left. Steven needs answers about his father to move forward. Is he still alive?

Past: 1984. Living in California, his dad was a brilliant, charismatic professor who was up for tenure and gave lavish pool parties with the weed flowing. He also had many male friends and colleagues, and often, his dad spent much time in their pool house with another male colleague.

Steven never understood what was going on in his father’s mind. He was close to his mother, but she tried to protect him. He desperately wanted his father’s love and acceptance; however, he was attentive one minute and manic the next—in his own selfish world. His life seems to be a place full of ghosts. Are his memories correct?

To confront truths about his own life and the past with his father, he drives up the coast of California, seeking out his father’s friends and former colleagues to learn more.

Will he find the answers he is looking for?

My thoughts...

THE IMAGINED LIFE is psychologically rich, lyrical, evocative, intimate, and eloquently written. Profoundly moving, the past/present timelines add a layer of suspense, mystery, and intrigue.

Heartbreaking yet hopeful, this bittersweet poignant story draws you in from the first page to the last, examining this young boy's life to adulthood in search of answers about his complex father and identity. At times, it almost appears so real that it could be a memoir.

The author rewinds the culture in California's 80s, a time of vibrant artistic expression and changing social norms, with backyard parties, films, art, music, drugs, and sexuality. With vivid descriptions of time and place, these elements provide insights into the complex family drama, marriage, father/son relationships, academia, and mental health central to the story.

Atmospheric, thought-provoking, lyrical, and moving, THE IMAGINED LIFE offers an intimate look at a father and son relationship, forgiveness, grieving, and acceptance.

The book's conclusion ties up the narrative threads in a satisfying and emotionally resonant way, leaving the reader with a sense of closure and a deeper understanding of the characters.

Recs...

THE IMAGINED LIFE is for fans of the author, coming of age, domestic, and literary fiction. It has the edgy, raw emotional intensity of Bret Easton Ellis combined with the elegance and sophistication of Dennis Lehane and Ron Rash (favorites). These influences, blended with Porter's signature style, create an impressive, compelling, and unforgettable reading experience. I cannot wait to read more from this mega-talented author.

Thanks to Knopf and NetGalley for a gifted advanced reading copy in exchange for an honest review.

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@JudithDCollins | #JDCMustReadBooks
My Rating: 5 Stars +
Pub Date: April 15, 2025
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