So Gay For You follows Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey as they look back on the early days of The L Word—a show they thought would be a small, unknown project that ended up becoming a groundbreaking piece of queer TV history. From their first meeting at auditions to becoming real-life best friends, the book dives into their journey through fame, identity, and chosen family, all while highlighting just how much the show meant to the LGBTQ+ community. It’s full of behind-the-scenes stories, laughs, and heartfelt moments that show just how deep their bond runs. As a huge fan of The L Word, I knew I had to read this, and it did not disappoint! It’s funny, emotional, and full of love—you can really feel their friendship. I loved reminiscing with them and soaking in all the nostalgia!

Thank you to Netgalley, St. Martin's Press and the authors for a gifted copy of the book, an ARC and ALC!

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC! As a big fan of The L Word and of Leisha and Kate, this memoir was everything I could’ve hoped for. It’s equal parts hilarious, heartfelt, and nostalgic. The chemistry that made their on-screen friendship iconic absolutely shines through on the page, raw, witty, and deeply personal. I loved getting a deeper look into their lives, before, during, and after the show, and appreciated how honest and funny they were about their journeys as queer women in Hollywood. More than just a memoir, So Gay for You is a love letter to queer friendship and chosen family. If you loved The L Word, or just love them, So Gay for You is a must-read.

This was a nice read that I liked a lot. I never watched the show but was a fan of Kate from another show. This book made me curious about the show and all the hype that surrounded it. Also nice to see things from their perspectives and how it changed their trajectory. It was fun and a nice look at their friendship.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the arc

Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for providing me with a digital ARC of this book!

I had fun watching The L Word for the first time several years ago, right around when Generation Q was announced. I never got around to watching the reboot, but I did listen to Kate and Leisha's podcast for a few months (before eventually falling behind and forgetting to pick up with it again). So, I wouldn't say I'm the most devoted fan of the show, but I liked it enough that I was intrigued when I saw this memoir was coming out about Kate and Leisha's lives before, during, and after The L Word. It's exactly what I expected it to be when I initially requested it on NetGalley - it reads in a similar tone to what I remember their podcast sounding like. So Gay for You is a comedic, heartwarming book about friendship, found family, and the authors' experiences as queer actresses in the 2000s and 2010s.

This book deals with a few heavy topics, but it is largely lighthearted and entertaining. It's full of anecdotes about the TV show, so I definitely recommend it to fans of The L Word. If you're simply looking to read a funny memoir about LGBTQ+ actors and haven't watched the show, I'm sure you would still find it to be interesting, but you probably wouldn't get as much out of the middle third, which is basically all about The L Word's production and the cast's relationships. I learned so many interesting little tidbits that provide fascinating context to the show. It also felt like both authors were being genuinely open throughout the book, and I appreciated reading their thoughts about how groundbreaking the show was, while also acknowledging some of its issues.

The book is written chronologically through back-and-forth narration by both authors. I wasn't sure how much I would like this format in a nonfiction book, but I actually found it to work surprisingly well. Both Kate and Leisha had pretty different upbringings, so it was interesting to read about how they ended up together on the same show (and initially both read for the character of Shane!). The transitions felt smooth, especially because both authors kept a quick pace. They used different enough writing tones that I didn't have too much difficulty telling their sections apart, but I imagine listening to the audiobook would be an even better reading experience, since both authors narrate it.

I only have a couple of small critiques. First, I sometimes had trouble keeping the timelines of everything straight in my head. This may be fixed in the final version, but at least in the advanced edition, the editing could have been a bit tighter to make the timeline easier to follow. Additionally, I would have liked the book to go a little deeper in some chapters. The fast pacing made it easy to read, but it felt like the authors covered so much ground without stopping to explore some moments that might have been more impactful if given more page time. I was fully drawn into these women's lives while reading, but I frequently found myself surprised when the perspective would shift and a specific story would end without much of a conclusion.

Critiques aside, this book is so bright, nostalgic, and fun! I've been having trouble getting through books this year, but I really looked forward to picking this up every night. I even limited myself to a couple of chapters per day, in order to make the reading experience last longer, since it was such a warm and comforting read. If you're a fan of The L Word or Kate and Leisha's Pants podcast, you'll almost certainly enjoy this. If you haven't checked out either of those, then I would probably recommend watching at least a few episodes of the show or listening to their podcast before picking this up. Now I'm fully considering doing a rewatch of The L Word!

3.75 stars, rounded up to 4 stars.

I've never watched The L Word. I know, I know, it's like a lesbian right of passage, but it was before my time. I honestly didn't know who Leisha or Kate was when I was gifted this book, and I did procrastinate it a bit knowing I didn't know anything about the show. But I ended up really enjoying hearing about how their roles came to be and how the years following progressed. I think I will definitely be watching now.

I have to admit that when I first started watching The L Word I never thought about anyone’s ages. I just thought, “How come my queer crowd looks NOTHING like that?!”😆 I was usually the only AFAB among a wide range of gay men. We danced and hung out at my place (I was the oldest). There was drama, but of course nothing like the tv show. (Thank goodness.)

It wasn’t until I was reading So Gay for You that it occurred to me that Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey are my age. We have kind of the same memories growing up of being different and bullied. We have the same cultural references and crushes. I loved Helen Slater in The Legend of Billie Jean. I even took a copy of the song by Pat Benatar to boot camp with me.

There is nothing in this book that really jumps out and “shocks” you. There are easter egg name drops of other famous people throughout the book, but basically it’s about growing up adrift and then finding community and family because of a tv show.

I love the friendship between Kate and Leisha. The book reads like you are having a conversation with them and they are taking turns telling their story (though my brain automatically puts in Leisha’s laugh (she has the greatest laugh)).

I admit to being a bit prejudiced in this review because I was a HUGE fan of The L Word (2004-2009). Funnily enough Bette and Tina weren’t my favorite characters on the show. Dana and Alice come in second. Shane and Carmen were my first. I never got over their breakup. They were so hot on screen. I have followed Leisha and Kate as well as Sarah Shahi ever since.

So Gay for You is about friendship. Finding a place where you are safe to be who you are without any pressure from anyone - just love and support from like minded people. It will make you yearn if you don’t have it and hope that maybe one day you might have it too.

I hadn’t watched The L Word since it was airing and I was in college, but when I saw these two had a book coming out, I HAD to read it. Navigating coming out while living in a sorority house surrounded by frat boys and judgy midwesterners, watching this show with the queer community I found in my college town was a ray of sunshine every week (well except the Dana plot line… seriously still devastated).
It was interesting to hear Kate & Leisha’s “coming out” stories and about their bringing long before the show. Dang, Alice may have already been my favorite character but Leisha is a super badass lady and while I was listening I realized I have a Lilith Fair poster with her OG band Murmurs on it! Really everything about their time before/during/and after the show was interesting to visit. I basically find any like story interesting and when it’s someone I’m a fan of, that’s an added treat.
It was reassuring to hear some of their takes on The L Word decisions and nice to get some behind the scenes moments from a group I haven’t revisited in ages.
This memoir is quick and easy. I alternated between the audio, narrated by the authors, and the kindle and enjoyed both- though hearing their voices is obviously a step above.
Five stars! Would recommend to any fan!

I don’t read many memoirs, it’s not my typical genre™️ But sometimes I can be convinced when I’m interested enough. Enter, So Gay For You, written by Leisha Hailey and Kate Moennig. This was such a refreshing book to me. As someone who watched The L Word several years after it finished airing, I had qualms. I still have qualms.

But… the cast does too. Even the discussion about Generation Q didn’t lack a critique of what they wish was done better. This book captured so much of the joy of the show and the friendships behind the scenes that kept me watching even when storylines got especially rough or particularly ridiculous. Even shows that may not be the finest caliber still manage to have such good chemistry and be so wholly unique that the experience of watching them can’t be replaced. That is The L Word for me— it’s so deeply uncomfortable a lot of the time, but it’s also a little magic. So the experience of getting to read this definitely brought that feeling of magic back.

Thank you so much to @stmartinspress and @netgalley for this ARC in exchange for an honest review. So Gay For You is out June 3rd!

I loved watching The L Word and absolutely absorbed every episode so I was very happy to read this and see where it began and the life's of Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey.

As a massive L Word fangirl, I knew I had to pick this up... and boy was I not disappointed! I love these two and their dynamic so much.

So Gay for You is a candid, captivating, and often hilarious exploration of friendship, fame, and the serendipity of life-changing roles. Authored—and narrated in the audiobook version—by Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey, the memoir will be a must-read for fans of The L Word and devoted listeners of the PANTS podcast, but its appeal reaches well beyond its built-in audience.

Told in a warm and engaging tone, the book traces the personal and professional journeys of both Moennig and Hailey, from their early lives through their iconic roles on The L Word, and into the present day. Along the way, readers are treated to behind-the-scenes anecdotes and insights that deepen the appreciation for their chemistry on-screen and off. These revelations are less about scandal and more about connection—authentic moments that reveal the people behind the personas.

What stands out most is the genuine affection and playful banter between the two co-authors. Their dynamic is infectious: witty, unfiltered, and deeply rooted in mutual respect. The memoir doesn’t just chart the trajectory of their careers—it offers a portrait of a rare and enduring friendship, one that might never have existed had they not each said yes to the roles that brought them together.

Whether you’re revisiting the nostalgia of The L Word or discovering the authors anew, So Gay for You is an entertaining, heartfelt celebration of identity, collaboration, and chosen family. The audiobook, enriched by Kate and Leisha’s own voices, adds an extra layer of intimacy and humor, making it a highly recommended format for experiencing this vibrant memoir.

🌈 So Gay For You by Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey 🌈

MY RATING: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

In So Gay For You, Leisha Hailey and Kate Moennig reflect on their decades-long friendship, from landing roles on The L Word to becoming queer icons, podcasters, and activists. Part memoir, part love letter to chosen family, it’s a story of identity, impact, and an unbreakable bond.

Before coming out in the eighth grade, I remember binging The L Word on my laptop in my room, so excited about the queer representation. Shane and Alice were obviously my favourites, and I’ve loved Kate and Leisha’s podcast, so I was so excited to get an ARC of So Gay For You! In each chapter, the book alternated between Leisha and Kate’s perspectives while they talked about the same topic. I started with the ebook and read most of this through the audio book, which was narrated by Kate and Leisha. It felt very conversational and honest, and was enjoyable to hear about who they were before The L Word, and how the show impacted them and their communities. It felt very nostalgic I loved getting to hear about Kate and Leisha’s friendship and how they’ve become family. Definitely in the mood for a rewatch now!

Read this if you like:
- celebrity memoirs
- The L Word
- behind the scenes in Hollywood
- lesbians

Vibes: 👖👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏼🎙️🎥☔️

Song that matches the vibe: Boys Wanna Be Her by Peaches

Full review including content warnings on my StoryGraph.

🌈 So Gay For You is out June 3, 2025. Thank you NetGalley, Kate Moennig, Leisha Hailey, and St. Martin’s Press for the eARC and audio arc. This eARC was provided in exchange for an honest review. 🌈

I had a blast with this book! As a fan of The L Word it was a delight to hear about the behind the scenes of the casting and filming process as well as learning about how the actors grew personally throughout the show. I loved learning about their experiences of pushing boundaries in the entertainment industry and it's particularly relevant now that our political environment is trying to censor queer stories. Definitely make sure you've seen the show before you dive into the memoir though because the actors references specific plot points that you'll be spoiled about if you dive in blind.

Fantastic book, by two engaging and well spoken authors. As a longtime fan of the L Word, I was ecstatic to see that Kate and Leisha had written a book together, and was even more thrilled when I was chosen to read an ARC.

Their relationship is a genuine delight, and it translates to the page perfectly. They kept me laughing and engaged the entire time. The book was a joy to read from start to finish!

when the l word first came out, i was a deeply closeted person. i had a bad dad that often expressed affection financially so whenever he was doing one of his apology tours i would request a box set of the newest season of the l word on dvd. i prayed and prayed that he wouldn't read the back of the box to figure out i was watching a show about lesbians. he never did, but that's not the point.

the l word was pretty instrumental back then. lesbian representation was pretty rare and the most it felt like we had was ellen, who was mostly a punchline, or rosie, who people loved to make fun of despite her absolutely inherent joy and sense of humor. the l word was the first visual representation that i had of lesbians that i wanted to become - hot, fun, happy with a bunch of friends, participating in sex that was steamy not just 35 minutes of longingly looking another girl in the eyes.

also, i can't really tell you that kate moennig or leisha hailey were MY queer awakening - i was already awakened but i paid a LOT of attention to them both.

this memoir goes through leisha and kate's upbringing, to when they first realized their queerness, through getting cast on the show, originally called earthlings. (didn't know this, now love that they were constantly having lunch at a restaurant/bar called the planet.)

i remember really prevalent rumors about personality clashes between the cast that led to a significant character exit at the end of season one. for the record, we don't hear much about that story. but we do, for the first time, get to hear what they Really thought about the ending to the original show that traumatized us all. we get to hear about all the ways the original series aged badly. we get to hear the story of what happened with that alice-in-jail spin-off, a show that never made it to air followed by the extreme popularity of orange is the new black later. we get to hear what they thought about generation q, the mistakes in its creation that took it from a beautiful homage to the original series to something that lacked a beating heart.

this book let's you grow with leisha and kate, tells you about their loves, both the ones that they lost and the ones that they gained. their heartbreaks, their losses. it really paints a beautiful story of a relationship between two soulmated friends that will make you long for it for yourself.

this was an excellent nostalgic read for me. 5 stars.

What a compelling, heartfelt journey. So Gay for You is more than a nostalgic dive into The L Word—it’s an intimate exploration of female friendship, queer identity, and the enduring bond between two trailblazing women who helped shape lesbian visibility on screen.

Told with honesty, humor, and self-compassion, Leisha and Kate guide us through their lives from childhood to today. The dual memoir format gives readers a sense of sitting in on a deeply personal conversation between best friends, filled with inside jokes, vulnerability, and the kind of understanding that can only come from decades of shared experience.

One of the most meaningful aspects of this book is their willingness to reflect critically on The L Word itself. They don’t shy away from how certain storylines or representations may have aged—and in doing so, they offer thoughtful insights on how they would’ve hoped for more nuance and care, especially with the benefit of hindsight. Still, they never diminish the cultural significance of the show and their gratitude for having been part of something so groundbreaking.

This book strikes a powerful balance: honoring the impact of the past while staying accountable to the present. It’s informative, funny, poignant, and real. If you were a fan of The L Word or just love memoirs about enduring friendship and queer resilience, this one belongs on your shelf.

5 stars

This is exactly the book that we have ALL been waiting for.

Most fans likely know the co-authors from their featured roles on _The L Word_ and later _Generation Q_, and then their cohosting of the excellent podcast, _Pants_. What listeners of the latter know - and viewers of the former will have guessed at - is that these two are so much more than coworkers, and this book really highlights their deeper connections.

I can't recommend the audiobook enough (when and where accessible) since it is narrated by the co-authors, both of whom have very distinctive voices (literally and figuratively).

Regardless of modality, listeners will get so much out of this: insight into both women's personal lives and careers, details about the making of the shows and memories from those experiences, and info about who and where they are now. Most of all, the audience gets insight into their relationship, and this is a real win.

I absolutely loved this book. I had high hopes, and they were exceeded. I speak from the perspective of an incoming fan of both of their work, but I suspect I'd have felt this way even with no background on them at all. This is just a tightly constructed and highly enjoyable narrative and exploration.

RECOMMENDED!

I loved to read about their best friendship! I watched some of the original L word as it released, and there wasn't much on TV like it at the time, so I was really interested to see how this book would turn out! I'll be recommending it to others who I think will enjoy it, thank you for the advance reading copy.

This book is absolutely for every queer kid who secretly watched reruns of The L Word late at night when they're supposed to be in bed (I'm talking about me). This was a wonderful, nostalgic, and heartfelt account of what it was like to work on such a groundbreaking show, and gave a lot of insight into the personal lives and careers of Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey in their own words. The characters of Shane and Alice are both such pivotal figures in queer pop culture, so it was interesting to hear about the creation and development of their characters, what they thought about certain directions the show went in, and how involved they were in what happened. It was also really nice to hear about how close several of the cast members were, and hear stories about adventures they went on together and shenanigans they got into while filming.

So Gay for You, by Leisha Hailey and Kate Moennig, is a nice glimpse at their lives before, during, and after starring in The L Word. Coupled with the many anecdotes from working on the series this is essential reading for fans.

I wasn't watching much TV during the run of the series so I only saw a couple of episodes. Because one of my areas of study and teaching was Women and Gender Studies, I read far more about the series than I watched. So my appreciation of this book will be a bit different from many.

What I enjoyed was the way we learn about the paths that led each of them to the show and ultimately helped them become great friends. While I would love to read their individual memoirs, if they choose to write them, which would allow them to go into more reflective analytical territory, I thought they found a nice middle ground with this joint memoir. We see how their lives sometimes mirrored each other, sometimes were very different. We get enough thoughtful commentary to understand some of the obstacles, personal and professional, they overcame. But it is all done in a relatively light manner that keeps this in the realm of a great book for fans, from the most casual to the most ardent.

The anecdotes probably meant less to me since I don't have an intimate knowledge of all the people involved, but everything is set up so well that I could still appreciate them as both fun stories and meaningful tidbits contributing to the big picture.

While definitely a must read for fans of the show, I think anyone who enjoys behind-the-scenes books about the entertainment industry will find a lot to enjoy.

Reviewed from a copy made available by the publisher via NetGalley.