🌈 So Gay For You by Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey 🌈

MY RATING: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

In So Gay For You, Leisha Hailey and Kate Moennig reflect on their decades-long friendship, from landing roles on The L Word to becoming queer icons, podcasters, and activists. Part memoir, part love letter to chosen family, it’s a story of identity, impact, and an unbreakable bond.

Before coming out in the eighth grade, I remember binging The L Word on my laptop in my room, so excited about the queer representation. Shane and Alice were obviously my favourites, and I’ve loved Kate and Leisha’s podcast, so I was so excited to get an ARC of So Gay For You! In each chapter, the book alternated between Leisha and Kate’s perspectives while they talked about the same topic. I started with the ebook and read most of this through the audio book, which was narrated by Kate and Leisha. It felt very conversational and honest, and was enjoyable to hear about who they were before The L Word, and how the show impacted them and their communities. It felt very nostalgic I loved getting to hear about Kate and Leisha’s friendship and how they’ve become family. Definitely in the mood for a rewatch now!

Read this if you like:
- celebrity memoirs
- The L Word
- behind the scenes in Hollywood
- lesbians

Vibes: 👖👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏼🎙️🎥☔️

Song that matches the vibe: Boys Wanna Be Her by Peaches

Full review including content warnings on my StoryGraph.

🌈 So Gay For You is out June 3, 2025. Thank you NetGalley, Kate Moennig, Leisha Hailey, and St. Martin’s Press for the eARC and audio arc. This eARC was provided in exchange for an honest review. 🌈

I had a blast with this book! As a fan of The L Word it was a delight to hear about the behind the scenes of the casting and filming process as well as learning about how the actors grew personally throughout the show. I loved learning about their experiences of pushing boundaries in the entertainment industry and it's particularly relevant now that our political environment is trying to censor queer stories. Definitely make sure you've seen the show before you dive into the memoir though because the actors references specific plot points that you'll be spoiled about if you dive in blind.

Fantastic book, by two engaging and well spoken authors. As a longtime fan of the L Word, I was ecstatic to see that Kate and Leisha had written a book together, and was even more thrilled when I was chosen to read an ARC.

Their relationship is a genuine delight, and it translates to the page perfectly. They kept me laughing and engaged the entire time. The book was a joy to read from start to finish!

when the l word first came out, i was a deeply closeted person. i had a bad dad that often expressed affection financially so whenever he was doing one of his apology tours i would request a box set of the newest season of the l word on dvd. i prayed and prayed that he wouldn't read the back of the box to figure out i was watching a show about lesbians. he never did, but that's not the point.

the l word was pretty instrumental back then. lesbian representation was pretty rare and the most it felt like we had was ellen, who was mostly a punchline, or rosie, who people loved to make fun of despite her absolutely inherent joy and sense of humor. the l word was the first visual representation that i had of lesbians that i wanted to become - hot, fun, happy with a bunch of friends, participating in sex that was steamy not just 35 minutes of longingly looking another girl in the eyes.

also, i can't really tell you that kate moennig or leisha hailey were MY queer awakening - i was already awakened but i paid a LOT of attention to them both.

this memoir goes through leisha and kate's upbringing, to when they first realized their queerness, through getting cast on the show, originally called earthlings. (didn't know this, now love that they were constantly having lunch at a restaurant/bar called the planet.)

i remember really prevalent rumors about personality clashes between the cast that led to a significant character exit at the end of season one. for the record, we don't hear much about that story. but we do, for the first time, get to hear what they Really thought about the ending to the original show that traumatized us all. we get to hear about all the ways the original series aged badly. we get to hear the story of what happened with that alice-in-jail spin-off, a show that never made it to air followed by the extreme popularity of orange is the new black later. we get to hear what they thought about generation q, the mistakes in its creation that took it from a beautiful homage to the original series to something that lacked a beating heart.

this book let's you grow with leisha and kate, tells you about their loves, both the ones that they lost and the ones that they gained. their heartbreaks, their losses. it really paints a beautiful story of a relationship between two soulmated friends that will make you long for it for yourself.

this was an excellent nostalgic read for me. 5 stars.

What a compelling, heartfelt journey. So Gay for You is more than a nostalgic dive into The L Word—it’s an intimate exploration of female friendship, queer identity, and the enduring bond between two trailblazing women who helped shape lesbian visibility on screen.

Told with honesty, humor, and self-compassion, Leisha and Kate guide us through their lives from childhood to today. The dual memoir format gives readers a sense of sitting in on a deeply personal conversation between best friends, filled with inside jokes, vulnerability, and the kind of understanding that can only come from decades of shared experience.

One of the most meaningful aspects of this book is their willingness to reflect critically on The L Word itself. They don’t shy away from how certain storylines or representations may have aged—and in doing so, they offer thoughtful insights on how they would’ve hoped for more nuance and care, especially with the benefit of hindsight. Still, they never diminish the cultural significance of the show and their gratitude for having been part of something so groundbreaking.

This book strikes a powerful balance: honoring the impact of the past while staying accountable to the present. It’s informative, funny, poignant, and real. If you were a fan of The L Word or just love memoirs about enduring friendship and queer resilience, this one belongs on your shelf.

5 stars

This is exactly the book that we have ALL been waiting for.

Most fans likely know the co-authors from their featured roles on _The L Word_ and later _Generation Q_, and then their cohosting of the excellent podcast, _Pants_. What listeners of the latter know - and viewers of the former will have guessed at - is that these two are so much more than coworkers, and this book really highlights their deeper connections.

I can't recommend the audiobook enough (when and where accessible) since it is narrated by the co-authors, both of whom have very distinctive voices (literally and figuratively).

Regardless of modality, listeners will get so much out of this: insight into both women's personal lives and careers, details about the making of the shows and memories from those experiences, and info about who and where they are now. Most of all, the audience gets insight into their relationship, and this is a real win.

I absolutely loved this book. I had high hopes, and they were exceeded. I speak from the perspective of an incoming fan of both of their work, but I suspect I'd have felt this way even with no background on them at all. This is just a tightly constructed and highly enjoyable narrative and exploration.

RECOMMENDED!

I loved to read about their best friendship! I watched some of the original L word as it released, and there wasn't much on TV like it at the time, so I was really interested to see how this book would turn out! I'll be recommending it to others who I think will enjoy it, thank you for the advance reading copy.

This book is absolutely for every queer kid who secretly watched reruns of The L Word late at night when they're supposed to be in bed (I'm talking about me). This was a wonderful, nostalgic, and heartfelt account of what it was like to work on such a groundbreaking show, and gave a lot of insight into the personal lives and careers of Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey in their own words. The characters of Shane and Alice are both such pivotal figures in queer pop culture, so it was interesting to hear about the creation and development of their characters, what they thought about certain directions the show went in, and how involved they were in what happened. It was also really nice to hear about how close several of the cast members were, and hear stories about adventures they went on together and shenanigans they got into while filming.

So Gay for You, by Leisha Hailey and Kate Moennig, is a nice glimpse at their lives before, during, and after starring in The L Word. Coupled with the many anecdotes from working on the series this is essential reading for fans.

I wasn't watching much TV during the run of the series so I only saw a couple of episodes. Because one of my areas of study and teaching was Women and Gender Studies, I read far more about the series than I watched. So my appreciation of this book will be a bit different from many.

What I enjoyed was the way we learn about the paths that led each of them to the show and ultimately helped them become great friends. While I would love to read their individual memoirs, if they choose to write them, which would allow them to go into more reflective analytical territory, I thought they found a nice middle ground with this joint memoir. We see how their lives sometimes mirrored each other, sometimes were very different. We get enough thoughtful commentary to understand some of the obstacles, personal and professional, they overcame. But it is all done in a relatively light manner that keeps this in the realm of a great book for fans, from the most casual to the most ardent.

The anecdotes probably meant less to me since I don't have an intimate knowledge of all the people involved, but everything is set up so well that I could still appreciate them as both fun stories and meaningful tidbits contributing to the big picture.

While definitely a must read for fans of the show, I think anyone who enjoys behind-the-scenes books about the entertainment industry will find a lot to enjoy.

Reviewed from a copy made available by the publisher via NetGalley.

I loved this book so much. I wa such a big fan of the l word that I was so grateful to get the opportunity to read this. The behind the scenes info was so great to get insight into the inner workings of the show. I loved this and would recommend to anyone who is a fan.

After reading this book I need to rewatch The L Word. Like many newer fans, I discovered the series when it was added to Netflix. The show changed how I saw myself and opened the doors to the possibilities of who I could be. Recently, I've found even greater appreciation for the show through the behind-the-scenes insights from Kate and Leisha. Their reflections have deepened my connection to both the series and its cast. I also got a little bit of FOMO but there’s nothing I could do to change the year I was born. In hard times especially now, it's comforting to have thoughtful, affirming books to turn to. Thank you to NetGalley, St. Martin’s Press, Kate Moennig, and Leisha Hailey.

Honestly, The L Word was a formative part of my experience (as it was for many queer millennials), and this memoir would have to have been pretty poorly crafted for me not to love it. So yes, I'm biased, but So Gay For You absolutely exceeded my expectations. It's packed full of the behind-the-scenes stories and cast friendships I was dying to know more about. But it's also got fascinating perspectives on queer representation in media, the challenges the actors and creators faced in telling the stories they wanted to tell, and honest recognition of the mistakes they made along the way. Hailey and Moennig's voices really come through in the writing, and I found it so funny and engaging that I never wanted it to end.

I picked this book up without knowing quite what to expect and I am coming away with a renewed love for The L Word show and an appreciation for the joy, community, and friendship it fostered. As a fan, I love hearing that a show I loved watching was a lot of fun to make and that the cast were so close. The gay summer camp chemistry really came across in the show and in the long-standing relationships built amongst the cast. Getting a peek at the queer community the two authors were a part of and the way they leaned on each other was really special and inspiring. When I watched the show when I was in college, I wasn’t out yet and wouldn’t be able to name the reason I felt so connected to this show until years later so hearing Kate’s coming out story was really validating. I appreciate that the authors shared some disappoint and critiques of the reboot. It wasn’t the show it could’ve been and I really agreed with them on that.
Closing the book with their visit to the White House and the staffers being able to share the shows (and the authors’) impact on them was very moving. I am so glad I decided to read this book!

This was such a blast to read! I didn’t know much about Leisha and Kate outside of them being on The L Word, I loved getting to learn about their separate lives and their friendship. And of course many stories about the TV show. The book alternates between Leisha and Kate’s perspectives, I really appreciated how their different voices shone through in the writing.

I’ve never read a memoir quite like this one before. It was interesting going back and forth between their different childhoods, experiences growing up, and being young, struggling artists before meeting on The L Word. The bulk of the book is definitely spent on the show, talking about their experiences shooting it, thoughts on different storylines, ways it was groundbreaking, and also ways it missed the mark on certain issues (especially when it came to trans characters and bisexuality). I loved hearing about how much of a found family vibe there was with the cast and crew. It was also interesting and frustrating to read about how they fought so hard for the show’s reboot only to end up being disappointed with the eventual outcome.

Leisha and Kate’s friendship is just so beautiful to read about. Definitely check out this memoir if you’re a fan of The L Word. But I also feel like it could be enjoyed by people who are interested in the history of queer media, queer friendships, or found family stories.

I went into this book thinking light summer read. It is definitely light with a little family background and L Word vignettes. Hardly anything about the Generation Q reboot. I had no I idea that Leisha dated k.d. and Kate hung out with Courtney Love. Maybe I was not in the right mood for this book. It felt super light on details.

This was a great read! As they mentioned in the book, I was part of the second generation to discover the show when it was on Netflix. One of my coworkers had watched the original run when it was airing so this show has a special place in my heart, not just for the show itself but for the community it created throughout a couple generations now.

Reading about Leisha and Kate's upbringing was insightful and gave us different perspectives on mid-west/east coast growing pains as LGBTQIA+ individuals. I didn't know anything about Leisha and Kate's past or personal life before this so everything was new to me and I'm interested in listening to their podcast as well.

This book is definitely a memoir of the two of them. If you're looking for insights into any of the other cast members viewpoints including their storylines and perspectives, they're not in here very much except for the ways in which they interacted with Kate and Leisha. That's not a bad thing, it's just that sometimes they'd mention a co-star and in my brain I'm thinking of that co-star's storyline at that point in the show and expecting them to discuss that but that wasn't the case since they weren't directly involved with that.

I loved the way the authors explored their personal relationships with the cast, especially learning more about Erin, Mia, and Sarah. I think Mia was the most surprising and I loved whenever they talked about her varied interests and pot-stirring antics.

This was a fun memoir and a great trip down memory lane with Kate and Leisha. It definitely made me want to rewatch the show with a new perspective on what it has done for represention throughout the LGBTQIA+ community.

So good! I have loved Kate and Leisha since I was 15 and it’s no different now, 20 years later. I will buying a hard copy to keep as a trophy because I loved this book!

This is a love letter to fans of The L Word. I found myself smiling as they mentioned stories surrounding some of my favorite moments from the show. I loved having a look into the lives of two of my favorite actresses!


Thank you to Netgalley & the publisher for an arc of this book in exchange for my opinion!

I didn’t know how much I needed this book until I started reading this book. So Gay for You is like a perfect pair of pants. It’s comfortable, hugs you in all the right places, and covers you in warmth. This perfect mix of heartfelt, joyous, and informational thrums throughout the book as the chapters move from Leisha’s to Kate’s perspective or Kate’s to Leisha’s perspective. The editing here is masterful and the book itself feels more like a conversation between two best friends with the reader being welcomed into their world as if they were also part of Hailey’s and Moennig’s found family. Highly recommend.

I’ve been smitten with Kate Moennig since Young Americans and, although I’ve only watched a handful of episodes of The L Word, Alice and Shane were by far my favorite characters, so I was excited to read about so I was excited to read about the actresses’ real life friendship. This was a wonderful mix of their personal journeys, romantic ups and downs, on-set experiences, and the found family they forged with the cast. I loved how their friendship has continued to flourish, even after the show and the reboot ended. I definitely recommend this to anyone who loves the actors, The L Word, or the PANTS podcast.

I received an advanced copy from the publisher and am voluntarily leaving this review.