I couldn’t quite make it to the end of At Dark, I Become Loathsome by Eric LaRocca. While I appreciate the book’s intensity, I opted for the audiobook version, and it became a bit overwhelming for me. The narrator’s voice, filled with anger and disdain, worked for the tone of the book, but at times it felt like a heavy, rich dessert that I couldn’t quite finish. It’s a well-crafted story, but the intensity in both the writing and the narration just became too much to bear for me.

The plot follows a man grappling with the loss of his wife and the abduction of his son years ago. He’s filled with self-loathing and tries to help others rediscover their passion for life through a ritual he created. However, as the book progresses, the ritual evolves in darker, more disturbing ways due to his growing disillusionment.

While I admire the complexity of the themes and the exploration of trauma, there are moments that feel unnecessarily intense, especially with graphic depictions of violence, sadomasochism, and even cannibalism. Halfway through, I found it difficult to continue as the emotional and psychological intensity was overwhelming.

This book will definitely resonate with a certain audience, but I don’t think I was the right fit. I’m grateful to the author, Blackstone Publishing, and NetGalley for the ARC audiobook, and I hope this review gives clarity to potential readers.

This was the most deeply intense story of grief I've ever read. It made me nervous so much that I felt I was holding my breath the whole time, which feels extremely ironic because of our protagonist's "job".

LaRocca shares a story about a man who is grieving his family, and has found atypical ways to cope with it. The ongoing start of sections, "At Dark I Become Loathsome" is eerie and a reminder that this story shows us a story of depression. From the earlier events of the book, I got a strong feeling that the ending was going to be an insane one and I was very much right. While on the shorter side, the story feels long and intimate, yet I still couldn't put it down and read quickly. There are some different formats of storytelling, and the scene where it's told through online messaging still very much worked in audio format.

The story is moved forward with an overwhelming sense of dread that is executed somehow perfectly raw and honest. I did find myself scared but in a way that I couldn't stop reading. Our protagonist's main character was a fascinating head to be in, hearing all his thoughts and understanding why he did the things he did. I could see why readers might be upset with the lack of closure but for me, there really was a sense of closure that I hope others take away as well.

An absolutely wonderful horror book that makes you think twice as much as it scares you.

*Thank you to Blackstone Publishing and Netgalley for the ALC! All opinions are my own.*

DNF around 40%

Unfortunately, with really short horror books like this, I find that the pacing is often off for me. After reaching nearly halfway through the audiobook with very little progression toward the main characters meeting, I made the decision to stop reading.

The narrator was wonderful, however, and I don't intend to write-off this author altogether.

#atDarkIBecomeLoathsome by @eric_larocca
Many thanks to @netgalley and the publisher for access to its audiobook for purposes of review.
First, let me say, this book was quite intense,sometimes horrifying, and disturbing; nevertheless, I found it fascinating. Our MC narrates his story, and keeps telling us, over and over that "at dark, I become loathsome." I found this to be initially untrue, just a thing he said to himself because he truly loathed himself. He was on a mission to free others of their desire for death, by imitating a death ritual... but what I think he was looking for was to experience release from his own wish for death, and relief from his own intense suffering. His ritual takes a dark turn, only furthering his belief that "at dark I become loathsome," and im just SO grateful to the author that the old woman's pov was not explored bc that would've been too much, it's bad enough I had to ponder its horror. Which in hindsight, might've been worse had I lingered on it; thankfully I didn't. I blotted it out. I also want to give a massive shout out to the narrator of the audiobook!!! I can't imagine it being done any better! @andreweiden what a creepily fantastic job!!!! Love his voice in this.
This cover is so dark and looks like ancient remains to me, so it really drew me in.
If you're looking for a creepy horror story that has depth and psychological torment, look no further!
Highly recommend.

This being my second time with LaRocca I've kind of understood his propensity for the obscene and sexual habits of his characters. This book goes there and then some. Not for those off-put with a little graphic sexualizing and fantasy fullfillment. The story was gripping and quite intriguing as expected and the execution was original and captivating.

Thank you for the audio ARC. This is my second book by this author and I enjoyed it a lot more than the other one I read. The narrator was fantastic which kept me engaged. I’m not sure I would’ve had the same self control.

At Dark, I Become Loathsome by Eric LaRocca

challenging dark tense medium-paced
Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0


At Dark I Became Loathsome is an unsettling, deeply disturbing descent into the mind of a man consumed by self-loathing and twisted ideology. Our narrator sees himself as a savior of sorts—freeing others from their emotional suffering through murder. What follows is a relentless exploration of human darkness, touching on themes of serial unaliving, homophobia, and the horrific impact of trauma.


This book does not shy away from its brutal subject matter, including the harrowing presence of SA against a child. The writing is raw and unflinching, making it a difficult but gripping read. While it’s impossible to feel sympathy for the protagonist, the novel forces you to sit with his warped logic and confront the most depraved aspects of humanity.

Audiobook is well done. The voice give you the serial unaliver vibes you want in a horror audiobook.

The reason this wasn’t a 5-star read for me was the sheer weight of its darkness—it’s one of those books that lingers, but not necessarily in a way that feels satisfying. Still, if you can handle extreme psychological horror and morally bankrupt narrators, this one will leave a lasting impression. Proceed with caution. I do wish my Audio ARC had come with Content Warnings.


Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Homophobia, Pedophilia, Sexual assault, and Murder

I enjoyed another LaRocca story last year - this one didn't hit as hard & I wasn't a fan of the style.
It did have a frantic vibe/ energy that was captured well.
I received the audiobook from NetGalley.

⚰️At Dark, I Become Loathsome⚰️

By: @eric_larocca
Pub Date: January 28, 2025

Thank you, Partner @bibliolifestyle @blackstonepublishing for hard and audio copies of this book and including me in this book tour.

Review:
Eric LaRocca's 'At Dark, I Become Loathsome' is a deeply unsettling and thought-provoking experience, and the audiobook rendition amplifies its disturbing power. The narrator's performance is commendable, effectively conveying the protagonist's descent into grief and the unsettling nature of his actions.

LaRocca's prose is as sharp and visceral as ever, painting a bleak and often grotesque picture of human despair. The exploration of grief, obsession, and the darker aspects of human nature is both compelling and disturbing. The stories within the story add layers of complexity, though at times they can disrupt the flow, especially within the audio format when dealing with text based communications.

The book excels at creating a sense of unease and dread, and LaRocca's ability to delve into the depths of human psychology is undeniable. However, some elements, like the repetitive nature of certain phrases and the intensely graphic content, might not resonate with all listeners.

While the audio production is solid, there are moments where the transition between narrative styles, particularly with online communications, feels slightly jarring. It is possible that the written format may provide a better experience for those sections.

Overall, 'At Dark, I Become Loathsome' is a powerful and disturbing work that will linger in your mind long after you finish it. The audiobook enhances the experience with a strong narration, but be prepared for a challenging and often uncomfortable journey.

4 stars

#books #booklover #bookishlife #readingisfun #iowabookstagrammers #iowabookstagram #booktour #atdarkibecomeloathsome #ericlarocca #horrorbooktok #horrorbooks #horrortok #bibliolifestyle

Part Edgar Allen Poe, part Clive Barker, LaRocca's "At Dark, I Become Loathsome" is creepy, sexual, dark, and deeply sad. Although I have read his previous works, I struggled to finish this one; the graphic descriptions of loveless sex, the hollow isolation and sadness of the characters combined with the longing for an abducted child make for an unrelentingly depressing read.

Ashley, a man who struggles with his homosexuality, is haunted by the kidnapping of his only child and the death of his wife. Through anonymous social media contacts, he contracts with those seeking a new life, a new reason to be, a way to break free of suffering. That experience involves the ritual of live burial.

While LaRocca has created a unique character that, while monstrous, is understandable, the plot wanders from ghost story to ghoul story to gay story to finally settling on a weird parody of "Its a Wonderful Life". However rather than a revelation the Reader is left with little more than a sad shrug of the shoulders.

The Narrator of the audiobook is excellent with a solid understanding of the text.
Fans of LaRocca will like this one but it simply was not my cup of tea.

Interesting in premise, I found the writing to be hard to follow and I was not a fan of the main character. there were one or two supporting characters that stood out to me but all in all, one that I will not revisit.

Characters: 4/5
Story/Plot: 4/5
Writing: 5/5

Ashley Lutin creates a ritual in the wake of the loss of his wife and son. This ritual involves inviting strangers that are struggling with life in various ways, to come and put their trust in him and follow his instructions. What follows is an interesting look into the grief and darkness the characters struggle with, as we follow Ashley's story and interactions.

Eric LaRocca's writing is gorgeous one moment and foul the next. He is great at creating visceral feelings of disgust and shock, while also delivering some beautiful prose. This novel, like his previous work, also explores characters struggling with their sexuality. I strongly advise looking up trigger warnings for this, as nothing is off the table.

Overall, I enjoyed following Ashley as he unraveled. I do feel like it was a little too short to develop his character enough for me to connect completely. As a whole, his character elicited the emotions I would want from a horror novel, so I am still satisfied!

I will say that while I do recommend the book as a whole, I do not recommend the audiobook format. The narrator did a fantastic job, but there were certain sections dominated by text messages/IM messages, and the audio format did not work well for these sections.

Thank you to NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for providing an arc in exchange for an honest review!

While a huge fan of this author and incredibly excited for this release, this book just didn’t hit the mark for me. The initial concept and build up were tantalisingly true to trademark. I loved that dark and poetic descent into the mind. The segues to other forms of communication between characters with a side story, disrupted the flow for me, and the repetitive crassness lost the sublime factor for me. The ending did wrap things up neatly, but I’d overall suggest starting with any of the other books by this author.

I listened to the audiobook version and the narration was good. I think when narrating online username communication, the chronic repetition of those usernames becomes an earache so I’d definitely suggest written text.

Thank you to NetGalley, Eric LaRocca and Blackstone Publishing for this advanced audiobook copy.

An incredibly dark horror novel about the lengths one man will go to in his grief over losing his wife and son. I read the audiobook via Netgalley and Andrew Eiden has a great voice for this dark tale. Not for the squeamish or faint-hearted, but recommended.

That cover is so cool and creepy…it’s such a dark work of art! I went in blind on this read and the book throws you right in! This book is dark and a little twisted in all the best ways! Jinx was sooo captivating! I’m still reeling from shock! Ashley’s ritual had my imagination going wild!!! I loved this book!!!!

Thank you Netgalley and Blackstone Publishing for providing me with a review copy of this audiobook. My opinions are my own.

This is the second book by Eric LaRocca that I have read. I'm sorry to say, that it is also my last.

The author's writing style doesn't work for me. It's very repetitive. Some of this is deliberate, like the frequent use of the line, "At dark, I become loathsome." LaRocca also reuses many similies throughout the novella. For example, "torn apart like wet paper" is used twice only a few chapters apart. He also likens characters to dying insects and panting animals more than once.

Another issue is the dated dialogue. Characters frequently refer to their loved ones as "beloved." If it were only the narrator using this term, I would chalk it up to a personality quirk but multiple characters say this. Eventually, all of their voices blurred together. Maybe that was the author's intention but I suspect this is more an issue of the author's voice overshadowing the characters.

LaRocca's characters are also big on oversharing. Jinx shares a story in a messaging app that is over an hour long. This became annoying during the audiobook as the narrator reads the name "MasterJinx76" for every new line. Since MasterJinx76 is the only one speaking, repeating the username for every line seemed unnecessary.

Within the story that MasterJinx76 shares, centipedes are frequently referred to as insects. Centipedes are arthropods, not insects.

I wish I could at least praise the LGBT representation, but even that missed the mark. At one point, the bisexual narrator says "What woman wouldn't want to be ravished by such a specimen of male beauty?" The reality is that many women wouldn't. Not all straight women are attracted to pretty boys, lesbians are not attracted to boys at all, and asexual women do not feel attraction toward anyone.

This same bisexual protagonist shares a photo of his son wearing a wedding dress. The recipient comments that the 9-year-old boy must be gay, and the protagonist agrees. I would think an LGBT character would know better than to assume someone's sexual orientation based on the clothes they wear.

The only thing I can say on the book's behalf is that the author's tone and writing style remain consistent. So if you enjoy his other books, you will probably like this one too.

I loved the narrator and the premise for At Dark, I Become Loathsome, but I found, over the course of listening, that I didn't personally jive with LaRocca's style, or the overall structure/pacing. I do think they were stylistic choices that some will enjoy, they just didn't work for me. This story is tragic and often gruesomely intimate, and I think it will absolutely find its audience.

At Dark, I Become Loathsome was chilling, upsetting, engrossing, tragic, and difficult to review. Storywise, I loved the story's central ritual and its rules, it was bleak and gripping, especially with the inherent level of trust it requires of the main flawed character.

After losing his wife and child, Ashley offers a therapy of sorts where he temporarily buries troubled souls as a means of "rebirth." The self-loathing found in Ashley's inner monologues features a recurring mantra of "At dark, I become loathsome," which starts captivating but turns frustrating for me. I love grief horror, but a lot of the horror to me felt punishing, especially when it involved animal cruelty. There are captivating ideas in here, and I'll always respect a story that makes me squirm, but this one was tough for me.

Many thanks to NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for the audiobook!

Most important things first, this is my favorite Eric LaRocca book to date. I found it hilarious that the main character's name is Ashley (my name as well). I listened to this in audiobook format and absolutely LOVED Teddy Hamilton as the narrator. I've listened to other audiobooks he's narrated and love those as well. He has a voice that's incredibly easy to understand and listen to, and I feel like his voice and inflections were so very fitting for this book specifically. His narration allows you to be so immersed in the story.

The elements of this book had me so disgusted but so very into the story, I couldn't stop listening. The aspects of grief and suicidal ideation were depressing as a reader, but that's what made the story amazing, it sits the reader down directly into those scenes with our characters.

As always, check the trigger warnings! I highly recommend this read via audio!

Thank you NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for this audiobook arc. All thoughts and opinions are solely my own.

Trigger Warnings: Violent, sexually explicit, suicide ideation, death

As far as the splatterpunk genre, this may be mild. However, don’t make any mistake, At Dark, I Become Loathsome is not for the faint of heart. Ashley Lutin is a narcissistic, tortured, and miserable soul tormented by the twin losses of his son and wife. To find relief, he offers clients relief from their own suffering through a dark ritual with the intent of saving their lives. “At dark, I become loathsome.” Instead of being a savior, Lutin becomes executioner, presumably to offer the stricken ultimate release. Told from Lutkin’s point of view and his client’s journals, readers will learn about the depraved actions and thoughts of what people hide from the daylight. What Lutin may believe to be benevolence turns out to be a disguise for his own pure egoism and hidden desires.

Listening to the audio version, Andrew Eiden (aka Teddy Hamilton) gives the perfect voice to the suffering and darkness of the characters. Lutkin’s “at dark, I become loathsome” and LaRocca’s title is meant to carry the theme throughout the book but becomes a tiresome, repetitive chant. The book is violent and readers should be wary of picking up At Dark, I Become Loathsome. It is not merely horror, it is psychological terror - sexually explicit and sadistic containing adult themes, suicide ideation, and animal brutality.