I received an advanced copy of the audiobook for this novel through NetGalley. Some of my feedback pertains to the audio version of the book specially, but probably wouldn’t apply to a reader who is reading the hard copy.

This book had some distinctive strengths— specifically, it had an interesting protagonist, intriguing concept, and creative structuring. The book contained several stories within the main story, which gave the reader a nice break. The writing was also excellent; LaRocca has a clear and interesting voice. The writing felt almost lyrical.

He also did an excellent job dealing with the darkness of grief and loss in a unique way. The physical transformation of the main character was incredibly impactful, and felt like a perfect reflection of the darkness you feel after a profound loss.

Although it has quite a few things going for it, I think this book fell short of being great for a few reasons. First, I think it wasn’t committed enough to being shocking. There was some dark horror, but this was contained mainly within the short stories. It seemed almost like the author wrote two excellent splatterpunk short stories and had nowhere to put them, so he shoved them into a novella. It wasn’t clear (at least to me) what they added to the narrative besides being a break from the main storyline. I feel like tying these stories into the main story more explicitly would have made the work feel more cohesive.

Second, I found the ending to be very odd. It felt unfinished and vague, rather than what I believe the author intended, which was to be open ended. There were many opportunities to make connections and plot adjustments that would make the ending feel more intentional.

Last, this book was hard to appreciate as an audiobook. The structure is INCREDIBLY hard to listen to- specifically the sections which are set in virtual chat rooms. MasterJinx76 was repeated no less than 50 times in a row and it was grating. I also found the repetition of “at dark I become loathsome” to be frustrating. I realize the author was using it lyrically, but at times it felt like a shortcut to writing an interesting beginning to a chapter. Or like the author had thought of this incredibly compelling phrase as a title, and didn’t have much else to say. This was especially frustrating when consuming the book via audio.

Overall, I would recommend this if you’re someone who enjoys existential/ grief horror, or if you’re a fan of LaRocca’s work. Otherwise, I think you can pass on this.

Thank you to NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Not for me. While some of the imagery was beautifully sculpted, I’m having a hard time finding much I enjoyed about this book. The two stories-within-stories felt gratuitous and didn’t add anything at all to the experience other than some body horror and grotesquely disturbing moments. The repetition of “I become loathsome” felt more like a bad drinking game than holding artistic merit. There was so much potential for the narrator’s chosen “field” and yet I felt completely left adrift without wither extreme of the potentiality (savior or mass murderer) being explored. The intermittent use of readings from the written works would have been perfect if they were important in the slightest by the end (example: if they turned out to be evidence from a police case file?). Overall I was grossed out at times and underwhelmed at others. There was so much potential left completely unexplored and I ended the hook feeling like I had received nothing but a couple of really grotesque moments.

To focus specifically on the audiobook, I wouldn’t recommend this on audio. The narrator isn’t my favorite, and the emotion felt rather one-note the entire time. The section reading the messages on the chat board was rather awful to listen to, constantly restating the name of the chat user and making the story almost gibberish interrupted constantly by user names.. This section was very obviously intended for print only and made the audio almost unbearable.

Overall not my favorite and I’m not happy I spent my time on this one. Disappointing.

A nasty little novella - perhaps not as ponderous as some of LaRocca’s earlier writing but his most concise, his most clearly articulated. It’s tough to spend so much time in such a loathsome, sad mind - this poor, haunted, depraved bundle of confused desire - but it’s consistently compelling. I appreciate that this core narrative exists primarily to prop up a series of grotesque parables, but it’s just such a bummer. (With a lot of violence against dogs, for some reason.) LaRocca’s prose is lean and affecting, and it’s a feature, not a bug, that it’s so dire: self-consciously transgressive works like this are content to be vile things.

At dark, I become absolutely fucking miserable and disgusting
For me, this book was a horrible reading (listening) experience. Somehow the description blurb forgot to mention the torture of animals, the torture gay porn, the pedophilia... a lot of things actually. It was painfully repetetive, and if it was excluded, it could've been even shorter... but nooo, we needed all the description of genitalia and weird sexual perversion for no reason whatosever. My first and last experience with the author, for sure. I like the way he builds the atmosphere, but it's just not worth it.
The narrator did an awesome job though!

thank you to NetGalley, the author and Blackstone Publishing for the audio arc in exchnage for an honest review

I've read almost everything Eric LaRocca has published, I find their prose uniquely dark and equally charming and upsetting, so I was excited to listen to the audiobook of their new novel At Dark, I Become Loathsome.

First of all I want to say that Andrew Eiden narrated this audiobook and he did an amazing job, he perfectly brought the darkness to life!
The story... well it's hard to talk about it, it's something out of nightmares to be honest, it's about grief and loss, depravity and disturbing rituals. It's for sure not for everyone, I sometimes think it's not even for me! Please do check trigger warnings before starting it before the graphic imagery is quite intense at times.
3.5 stars, rounded up to 4.

* I'd like to thank Eric LaRocca, Blackstone Publishing and NetGalley for providing this ALC in exchange for my honest review. #AtDarkIBecomeLoathsome #NetGalley

You’re definitely going to want to pay attention to trigger warnings with this one as parts are incredibly disturbing. I’m not entirely sure how to feel about this one. I just don’t think I’m the right audience.

This was by far the longest and creepiest 178 pages, I have ever read! Ashley is a broken man. His son disappeared as a young boy and his wife has died from cancer. While dealing with his grief, he creates a ritual, he thinks can cure people of their personal pain, depression, and grief. The ritual requires him to bury you, in a casket, underground. He leaves you down there for about 30 minutes and then digs you up. Afterward, you are grateful and cured of the demons that haunt you, so he says.

Ashley meets Jinx, while online. Jinx maybe interested in the ritual but, first, they start to share grotesque stories with one another. These stories are sexual, gay, violent, cannabalistic, and definitely disturbing. Finally, when Ashley and Jinx meet up for the ritual, Jinx tells him the final story and it’s the most horrific one yet!

Ive read several LaRocca’s and for me, this has to be the craziest Ive ever read, while still making perfect sense. Of course peace can be found in death!

I received the audio version from NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing and the narrator, Andrew Eiden did a great job! I was on a ladder putting up curtains when Jinx started telling one of his stories, I found my self frozen on the ladder somewhere in-between shock, surprise, maybe turned on..and afraid?! Lol, how that guy read all of that with a straight face and no quivering in his voice is beyond me. Goodread! 5 stars from me!

I really enjoyed this book. LaRoccas writing is one I've wanted to try for some time and let me tell you, I was not disappointed. This book could be considered quite graphic but personally, I love that style. The topics discussed and used were a mix of heavy and disturbing which I found fit well together. I found that it didn't linger on one subject too long and flicked back and forth between Ashleys pain and..."hobbies" frequently enough that it kept me interested. A short and enjoyable read from an author I look forward to picking up again.


Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for a copy of this book.
[Please note: I don't review with star ratings so I give each author and book 5 stars for the creativity, effort and energy alone, that goes into writing and publishing each book. Stars are a commendation of art]

I will start by saying I am a fan of Eric Larocca's stylized writing and disturbing horror stories. This novel was no exception! In a lyrical, almost poetic kind of pose, Larocca delves into the mind of Ashley Lutin, a grieving widower and parent of an abducted child. Ashley describes himself as being out of the norm, with his unique look involving piercings, and other body modifications. He is not someone who hopes to belong. However, through his grief, he enacts a kind of "ritual" for other people who may feel as though they do not deserve their lives any longer. We learn more about Ashley's history, losses, and other people who come into his life, and what that means for him. He also battles with his sexuality having been bisexual for his wife but mainly feeling homosexual in his mind.
A haunting, poetic journey into a dark mind. Five out of five read and listen!

This audiobook was utterly amazingly narrated, and it only added to the dark atmosphere of the writing. The narration truly made this novel come to life and crawl off the pages!

I recommend checking trigger warnings for this one. I made it through, but barely.

Ashley has had two horrible tragedies in his life: his wife died, and, shortly after that, their 8 year old son disappeared from outside a supermarket. To help him cope, Ashley has done some extreme body modifications to his face, so he looks on the outside as monstrous as he feels on the inside. He’s also come up with a “death ritual” that clients pay him money to perform.

I found some of Ashley’s actions inexplicable. I also thought the two side stories were unnecessary, and it seemed like they were added just to pad the book a bit.

I did like the ending!

Our main character, Ashley, has lost his son and his wife and is just trying to get by. He has started a business of burying people alive for thirty minutes to help them find a renewed appreciation for life. He is struggling to find his own purpose in the world without his loved ones.

I was very confused throughout the short story and there were too many side stories that carried on far too long without furthering the actual plot.

This was an interesting short queer horror. I listened to the audio and read the book and found the book slightly easier to follow than the audio.

The story was chilling, and you need to check the TW's.

I have loved everything I have read by LaRocca, but sadly this one missed the mark. It felt like a bunch of side shoots that had trouble connecting to the main story and the repetition of the title also got tiresome after a while. It has all the gruesome bits we have come to love from LaRocca, but this one just did not work for me in the way that I had hoped. I think I will be in the minority here though, so take my thoughts with a grain of salt!

This was my first Eric larocca book, and I’m pretty sure also my last. I knew nothing about it but have heard about some of his other books, so I fully expected dark and weird. This was so far beyond that though and I’m left wondering what the hell I just read.
Depending on what the author was going for, I guess you could say it was well written, but oh my god, this was definitely not for me.

📖At Dark, I Become Loathsome by Eric LaRocca

I just know I'm going to hear Andrew Eiden say, "At dark, I become loathsome," in my dreams for weeks! 😂 He truly brought this grim poetry to life. I'll be adding more stories narrated by him to my TBR.

Eric LaRocca has been on my radar for a while. When I saw the cover of this book, I knew I had to start my journey with this one. I finished this audiobook in one sitting; there was no way I was walking away once I was immersed in this story. It oozes grief, touching on themes of mourning, mental health struggles, and self-identity acceptance. My only complaint: I felt something was missing in the final moments of Ashley with his wife, when those with his son were poetic.

If you enjoy audiobooks and horror reads, I highly recommend this one. However, do check the ❌TWs❌, as it is a dark read that really makes you reflect on the subjects of loss and grief.

Thank you NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for the ALC!

“If you’re reading this, you’ve likely thought that the world would be a better place without you.”

Horrifying, beautifully written and something out of nightmares.
Ashley Lutin is no stranger to loss, after his wife passes of cancer and his son went missing. He struggles to continue living and he creates a ritual for others who feel this way. He takes willing participants for this ritual that is truly disturbing. But that’s not all… there were so many moments my jaw dropped open from what I was reading but I was truly invested. Be sure to check the trigger warnings as there is many.

The story follows Ashley Lutin, a man broken by his wife’s death and his son’s abduction, leading him to question whether he should even stay alive. In an attempt to cope, Ashley creates a disturbing ritual where he helps others struggling with suicidal thoughts by temporarily burying them alive. This dark act becomes the backdrop for his growing emotional turmoil, which worsens as the story unfolds.

LaRocca excels at capturing the toxic combination of grief and guilt, illustrating how these emotions can drive a person to become a loathsome monster. He deeply explores Ashley’s unraveling mind, portraying his downward spiral in visceral, unforgiving detail. This is not a light read, but for those who appreciate horror at its darkest, it’s an unsettling journey into the mind of someone who is both a victim of his circumstances and a perpetrator of his own undoing.

Andrew Eiden’s narration is truly exceptional—brilliant, poetic, and tinged with self-loathing. He adds a somber, reflective quality that deepens the portrayal of Ashley’s internal struggle. His voice brings a haunting tenderness to the tragic, dreamlike moments when Ashley converses with visions of his lost loved ones, adding a strange poignancy to the horror.

That said, At Dark, I Become Loathsome is not for everyone. The themes are heavy, the graphic imagery intense, and the trigger warnings are numerous. But if you enjoy horror, especially books exploring grief, guilt, and self-destruction, you'll want to add this to your TBR.

I don't understand all the 5 star reviews. Makes me feel like people just try to agree with whatever the "popular" view is.
First off this is written like edgy teenager. If you forget the title of the book don't worry it's repeated about 30 times.
The whole story makes no sense and feels like all the gay sex is just shoved in there for shock value.
This didn't work for me.
Thank you netgalley and Blackstone publishing for the ARC for my honest review.

Thank you for the opportunity to listen to this book. The audible is fantastic.

I like the way it was written but it is just not something I would read again. It was a bit out there for me, little gross, little sick.

The repeating of At Dark, I become Loathsome was a bit much as well.

All in all solid 3.

Deliciously dark, Eric Larocca once again manages to tell a depraved tale of morality and desperation.

I listened to the audio of this book - narrated by Andrew Eiden. I have enjoyed many books by this narrator under other pseudonyms and his voice is absolutely perfect for this book and character.

At Dark, I Become Loathsome tells the tale of Ashley Luton, a man who has lost everything - his wife to cancer, and his son Bailey who went missing when he was 8. To cope with his loss, he helps people to find the meaning of life through death reinactment rituals and has purposefully disfigured his face through piercings and modifications to make himself appear as gruesome as he feels on the inside.

In true Larocca style we are faced with the initial story and other stories contained within, through excerpts from blogs, manuscripts and chatrooms.
One particular story of Tandy and Victor is so awful and disturbing I found myself talking out loud along with the narration, expressing my disgust and said 'urghhh' on more than one occasion.

This may be Eric Larocca's best one yet.

Thank you to the publisher for granting me access to this book via Netgalley.