Larocca has such a dark and unique voice. His tales are both beautiful and grotesque, twisted and engaging at the same time. Since he burst onto the scene a few years ago he hasn't let up. It's nice to see him mature and grow as a writer and I look forward to many more works from him. A must read author for sure. I will read whatever this guy puts out there.

LaRocca makes these 4+ Stars look easy.

Thank you to the publisher and to Net Galley for providing me with an audio arc of this title.

At Dark, I Become Loathsome is a book which explores the darkest thoughts and actions of humans and how grief can permanently alter people. Please read the trigger warnings before reading this book. This is not gory or spooky horror, but psychologically grotesque horror.
We follow a psychopathic main character who, after losing his family, turns to harming others. The book opens with the main character performing a live burial service for clients. I found this to be an interesting concept. I though the ways in which he views the world and his actions were well written, as well as the guilt he feels towards his late family. This central plot of the story (the burials and his grief) was interesting and well done. However, there are also sections within this book that are basically mini stories that the main character is hearing. These sections felt out of place and introduced a sadistic plotline which is all too common for LaRocca. This is the sixth title I have read by LaRocca, and I am getting tired of the reoccurring theme of sadism. It is purposefully uncomfortable and used to explores the darkest human actions, I understand this. But, after having seen this theme in several LaRocca titles, they are losing their impact. Instead of being crucial to this title, the sadism read as pure torture porn. I will use this information to be far more discerning about what I picked up from LaRocca in the future.

Eric LaRocca’s At Dark, I Become Loathsome is an experience unlike any other—a novel that both captivated and unsettled me, pushing me far beyond my comfort zone. It’s a story steeped in pain, darkness, and the rawest parts of human existence, and while I found it masterfully written, it was also deeply challenging and, at times, deeply unpleasant to read.

The novel follows Ashley Lutin, a man drowning in grief after the loss of his wife and the disappearance of his child. Ashley copes by creating a grim ritual meant for those on the edge of life and death—people who want to die but secretly yearn for a second chance. This ritual is not a path of healing or comfort but one of brutal self-confrontation, forcing participants to endure the kind of suffering that reveals truths they might rather keep buried.

When Ashley meets Jinx, a stranger who agrees to undertake the ritual, their lives collide in a storm of guilt, trauma, and revelation. What follows is a descent into a nightmarish reality where boundaries blur—between life and death, salvation and damnation, and perhaps most disturbingly, love and destruction.

What stands out most about LaRocca’s writing is how unflinchingly he portrays these dark themes. While the rest of the book doesn’t quite reach the brilliance of its opening chapter, it remains a haunting and worthwhile read. The prose is hauntingly beautiful, almost lyrical, which contrasts sharply with the horror and depravity of the subject matter. That contrast is part of what makes the book so uncomfortable—it’s hard to look away even when the content becomes almost unbearable.

Listening to this book in audiobook was difficult at times, for the graphic nature of some scenes but also because of the format. There’s a particular chapter, told entirely through text messages, that was especially complicated to follow in audio form. While the story itself was gripping, the format made it challenging to fully grasp the nuance and pacing of the exchanges, pulling me briefly out. It’s one section where I think the written format might have worked better for clarity.

This is not an easy book to listen to and it’s certainly not for everyone. It felt like LaRocca was intentionally pushing me to the brink, asking me to confront the ugliest parts of human existence, both in the story and within myself. It’s the kind of book that leaves you drained but also introspective, forcing you to wrestle with uncomfortable questions long after you’ve finished it.

I can’t say I enjoyed reading At Dark, I Become Loathsome in the traditional sense, but I absolutely respect and admire what LaRocca has achieved here. It’s a book that dares to go to places most authors wouldn’t, and while it left me shaken, it’s a story I won’t forget anytime soon. If you’re willing to be challenged—emotionally, psychologically, and morally—then this is a novel that will take you to the edge and hold you there.

Once again, Eric LaRocca kills it with this book. All I gotta say is Mr. Larocca you are one sick. F***, but I like it!

For me, the development of the characters was right on, but a little too deep with the sex for me. The horror was on point. The entire time I was reading this book the horror made me want to stop and put it down for a timeout, but found myself diving back in right away.

I really don’t know where you come up with all of this shit Mr Larocca, but I hope that well of horror never dries out! Keep that sickness coming and I will keep reading.

This is the first Eric LaRocca audiobook that I have listened to, so I am not sure if all of his books are like this one, but this book was not for me. I like the idea that the author had for this book, I liked the writing, and I liked the narrator, but the POV character was way too focused on his confusion around his sexuality. That was distracting from the main story of what happened to his wife and son and the rest of the story unfolding around this character, and I wasn't interested in that aspect of the story. I DNF'd the book around the 20% mark.

Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to listen to this audiobook. I'm sorry this didn't work for me, but I am open to trying another Eric LaRocca book in the future.

At Dark I Become Loathsome is a dark horrifying ride through the brutal and baser instincts of a troubled persons human psyche.

Disclaimer: I read this book as a audiobook arc via NetGalley. Thank you to NetGalley for the free copy.

I find no fault with the audiobook. It was clear and readable even at 2x speed. The narrators voice was acceptable but not a favorite.

This horror novel was a definite brutal and gorey chapter for LaRocca. A shorter novel, this book did have some pacing issues for me. I did feel like it droned on a little too long in some areas and I tended to start to wander. In true Larocca fashion, this is a story within a story and there were just a few pacing issues within that for me. I guess you got more enjoyment out of some than others, and that affected my enjoyment as well.

The story was sufficiently gory and creepy, and I do like the greater themes that were explored. Ashely was an interesting character that definitely wasn't a good person by any means, but I still found myself hoping for the best for him.

A decent novel but didn't work for me on many levels. Still a LaRocca fan and looking forward to more.

This is the second book I have read by Eric LaRocca and it met all my expectations of the first one I read! LaRocca builds a story so unique, well thought out, and terrifying which ends up leaving you staring at nothing after you finish. This book had stories within the main story, which I actually loved! Ashley helps people, after losing his wife to cancer, and his son has gone missing. He has a whole process for them in which he buries them alive for 30 minutes and then takes them out. It is supposed to help them appreciate life more. Clearly, a couple twists come into play and make this book absolutely fabulous!

Thank you to NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for an audiobook ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

I have read every single one of LaRocca’s books expecting at some point to really like one and I still haven’t found it (even though I do appreciate his ability to tickle my gag reflex) 😅 The plot comes off as extremely disjointed and the characters don’t really have any redeeming qualities. I think this book would’ve been better had it been three separate short stories: the story about Ashley and his son, the story about Tandy and Victor, and the story about the jeweled centipede. Because all together they don’t really connect…at all. I did really like the writing, it was beautiful, although I could’ve definitely done without the repetition of “at dark I become loathsome” for the umpteenth time. My favorite part of the book was the premise of the death ritual, and I would’ve really liked to see that fleshed out more. This is a BLEAK book with a BLEAK outlook, major trigger warnings for people experiencing hopelessness and depression. Song pairing for this book is Pittsburgh by The Amity Affliction ⚰️

PUB DAY: JANUARY 28TH 2025 (my birthday!) 🥳

This was super intense, and let me tell you, it's NOT your average horror. It’s one of those stories that totally grabs you from the start, and you just can’t look away—even though you kinda want to. It's all about grief, trauma, and this very dark, twisted ritual that... honestly, gets way deeper than you’d expect.

The main character is dealing with the worst stuff imaginable—losing his wife and son—and it’s super raw. There are moments where you're just, like, “OMG, how does someone even survive this?” But the whole vibe? It’s hauntingly beautiful in its own weird way. The pacing is tight, the writing is sharp, and the weird little stories within the story are total show-stoppers. There's a lot of body horror, but it’s mixed with this emotional depth that really made me think.

I’m not gonna lie, the ending was... well, let’s just say it was one of those “what the heck just happened?” moments. But even though I wanted something a little more, I totally get why it ended that way. It was, like, the perfect amount of disturbing and thought-provoking.

Overall, I gave this a solid 4 stars because it’s totally unlike anything I’ve read. It’s dark, it’s gritty, and it’s just... whoa. Definitely not for everyone, but if you’re into stories that mess with your head in the best (and most unsettling) way possible, then you NEED to check this out.

Big thanks to NetGalley for the audiobook in exchange for my honest opinion. This was a ride!

Thank you to Blackstone Publishing and NetGalley for sending me an audio-ARC in exchange for review of At Dark I Become Loathsome.

3.25 stars

I was super excited to receive this audiobook because one of my closest friends has mentioned this author multiple times and I can understand why. The writing of this book felt like poetry, it flowed without falter (except near the end but the situation felt incredibly authentic to the character).

Loved that the main character and I share the same first name regardless of gender as it’s become quite uncommon to see and felt bizarrely coincidental.

This book is heavily focused on trauma, loss, and trying to escape it by the most extreme means possible, illegal means? It takes some dark turns to some very vulgar and graphic conversation and situations which gave a highly visual experience for a book. It gave me the creeps mostly because I’m certain the things that happen in this book happen in real life but I do love a horror.

I also ADORE the narrator Andrew Eiden. Their voice is so smooth, pleasant, and familiar. I checked their catalogue and saved a few of their narrations to listen to later. A wonderful choice to make you feel sympathetic to a character making such questionable decisions!

Thanks again.

Eric LaRocca is one of the most unique horror writers out there, today. The beauty with which he writes the most shocking and disturbing scenes you've ever read pulls you in, even when you want to look away.

"At Dark, I Become Loathsome," is a heavy hitting gut punch to add to LaRocca's growing body of expertly crafted, devastating, work. This story follows a grieving husband and father down a dark path to see just how far he'll go to try and find some sense of wholeness and healing.

The "stories within a story" approach to narrative often misses the mark for me and can feel tedious to try and follow, but it really worked well here. As with most of LaRocca's work, there were some really rough scenes in this book and trigger warnings should definitely be checked before diving in.

I would recommend this book to fans of horror who are looking for a very dark ride, with twists and turns that lead to a destination as bleak as the journey it took to get there.

LaRocca explores the darkest corners of grief and how it amplifies the quicksand of regret. How do you tackle your own demons when you're haunted by the people you loved and hurt in equal measure? This is not only another notch in the horror only LaRocca can write but also an evolution of his writing—in novel form—that earlier fans can get behind.

This guy is so obsessed with death. People hire him to perform death imitation rituals (like burying alive) and he sometimes takes it a bit too far. Part of his obsession comes from the abduction of his son years ago, and he can't let go. There is a lot of self harm ideation - as this is essentially the theme for the entire book so please check content warnings.

It's real depraved and has a few exceptionally gory scenes involving a household tool.

The audio is SO good. Because the writing style is very lyrical, I highly recommend listening. Plus Andrew Eiden (Teddy Hamilton) is the best narrator so that's an easy choice.

This is my favorite book by this author so far. Mainly because of the style of writing.

I think this is the most disgusting book I’ve ever read. I read LaRocca’s other book, Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke, and that was pretty gross, and I don’t know if I’m just blocking it out, but this one is way worse. That said, I should have known what I was getting into.

Let this be a warning: do not read this book if you have any inhibitions. It won’t be a fun time for you. On the flip side, if you want to be disturbed, this is the one.

It is quite an interesting plot. I don’t want to spoil anything but that part pulled me in. The writing is not quite as good as Poppy Z Brite, which I assume is an inspiration because it was quoted in the beginning. However, I do think the writing has improved since the last book of theirs that I read, and I like to see that.

I listened to the audiobook version, the narrator was great. However, I might not recommend it over the physical/ebook just because a lot of the book is written in online chats, so the usernames of whoever’s talking are repeated over and over.

The gross out stuff isn’t quite for me, so I have to take it down a bit for that on the rating, but obviously if that’s your thing, I think you’ll be happy with it. 3/5 stars.

*An uncorrected proof of this book was provided by the publisher at the reviewer’s request in exchange for a fair and uncompromising review.

Unfortunately, this book wasn’t for me. I love the narrator, and his narration on this book wasn’t as good as I could have expected. But the story itself was all over the place and felt a bit cliche and like it was trying too hard to be original. The username “SadBoy” that Ashley uses basically encapsulated my opinion by the end. I was a SadBoy from reading At Dark I Become Loathsome. And not in an actual sad way… in like a 2008 tumblr way.

At Dark I Become Loathsome
Eric LaRocca
01/28/2025
Blackstone Publishing
Andrew Eiden – Narrator

This book is the definition of transgressive horror. At Dark I Become Loathsome is unsettling, dark and horrific, creating an increasing sense of unease with the reader as you turn each page. Caging the reader in with less and less room to breathe. LaRocca uses horror to evoke intense emotions that include empathy, understanding and fear.

There are a lot of trigger warnings and social issues that will go along with this book. However, all of them are deftly handled in a way that that is truly stunning. LaRocca peels back layers of the heart and human psyche slowly and delicately to allow these emotions and traumatic events to flesh out and become real. This is a brutal and vivid. Be prepared to take a break to get over this one.

Thanks to NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing - Audiobooks | Big Bald Head for an audio ARC of At Dark, I Become Loathsome in exchange for an honest review.

Rating: 5/5

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I loved this book. It's creepy and sad and essential. It's real and raw and brings up a lot of emotions from within. Glad that this book exists. Unsettling and uncomfortable in the way you want a horror book to be. I highly recommend it.

This was a very disturbing story with a very terrifying but intriguing concept (which was well executed).The main character was really interesting and u could really feel empathetic to him somehow. I really enjoyed the writing. It made it very atmospheric (in a dark way), but it also had repetitiveness. I recommend it if u want an unsettling read!

Classic LaRocca. What a treat to get a bonus story within this novella. This gave me what I've come to expect and look forward to from the author. The darkest material paired with such beautiful prose

Extremely bleak but very well written. It’s hard to summarize the plot and make it sound like something you would want to read, but if you like your horror very dark and bleak, this one’s for you. I enjoyed it, but definitely look into some warnings before reading.