This Is Me Trying by Jenna Adams portrays a young woman's path to independence as she grapples with the aftermath of her traumatic past. The novel is written in dual POV, tracking Brooke's life from her teenage years into her early twenties, and Matt's from his teens into his late twenties.

Brooke's evident personal growth in therapy and her efforts to process her history are compelling, but my personal views make it challenging to fully connect with her character. The author paints Matt as a predator, yet his mental state at 17/18 remains unexplored, which leaves his character ensnared in nostalgia and regret with no growth.

The pivotal moment when Brooke confronts Matt about their relationship comes across as rushed, diminishing the impact one would expect from a narrative centered on healing and accountability. A short, abrupt conclusion follows, leaving lingering questions and failing to provide the closure both characters deserve.

3.5 stars

Thank you to Netaglley and the publisher for providing me with an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
Wow wow wow where do i even start with this one. This story was heartbreaking and important at the same time. Following 14 year old Brooke and 18 year old Matt we see the development of a toxic and dangerous “relationship” from the perspective of the groomer and the victim. This book can be hard to read at times because both perspectives are a bit skewed. Brooke’s because of her youth and inexperience and Matt because he doesn’t see his actions as wrong. I was afraid this book would try to be to romance centered and i’m glad i was proven wrong. This book is not a romance in the slightest and instead leans more towards something like My Dark Vanessa. I think it was interesting that Matt wasn’t portrayed as some big bag villain but instead a subtly manipulative character. I highly recommend this book especially to young adults because seeing this relationship and the effect it had on Brooke’s life is so important and can help better decisions to be made.

Adams' written prose notably begins as rather simplistic. This, however, is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it heightens the air of naivety and innocence of the main protagonists when in their youth. Brooke Taylor, at 14 years old, knows little of romantic relationships beyond kisses, cuddles and butterflies. Matt Williams, barely 18, has an innate fear of growing up and crossing the border into adulthood - he clings onto his youth, his childhood and fears the inevitable changes ahead of him. By all accounts, Matt should know better than to pursue a child 4 years his junior. However, his conflicted emotions about moving away to Uni and embracing adulthood may explain his ill-choices, albeit do not excuse or justify them.

Nevertheless, Adams sensitively explores an undeniably difficult subject matter. Her choice to present the story in a dual perspective adds a layer of depth that would have otherwise alienated Matt's character, were Brooke to be the sole narrator. There are two sides to every story, after all, and Adams tells this one extremely well.

Adams also leans heavily into the theatre element of the narrative - choosing to transform chapters into "scenes". Not only that, but the structure flits between the first person account of our protagonists and a third person retelling of events in a script-like format in the first act. These little details enhance the story tenfold, giving it a multifaceted and fluid feel.

As time passes within the story, Adams' authorial rhetoric develops alongside the characters, making the reader feel as though they are present - observing the protagonists grow as the story progresses. The book is split into three acts: the first, concerning Brooke and Matt's relationship as younger teenagers; the second, four years after Act 1 ends; the third, another four years later after Act 2 ends. By the end of the book, Brooke is 23 and Matt, 26.

This Is Me Trying never denies the atrocities that occur between Brooke and Matt, ensuring the reader is constantly aware that what happened between them in their early teens was wrong. However, Adams ensures the humanity of the characters is also never eclipsed. In doing so, she reminds the reader that these characters were inherently flawed people who undoubtedly made mistakes, just as everyone does.

Make no mistake, this story is not of romance - but of growing up, accepting the past and taking accountability for your past actions in order to journey forward into the future. Adams has created a profound, impactful and deeply moving story in the form of her debut novel. I look forward to seeing what she does in the future.

This book left me feeling raw, emotional and needing therapy. This was equally heartbreaking and hopeful. Mostly heartbreaking though. The experience the main character was going through, her journey to healing and coming to terms with her trauma reminded me of the extent I went to do the same. I saw so much of myself in her, it felt really scary. At times I was mad at her but I understood.

While it is YA, It feels more like New Adult/Adult. This is a really good book that I'll find myself thinking about a lot.

This was an emotional rollercoaster at times, but a great read. Thought provoking and raw at times.

FMC and MMC have sex when they’re 14 and 18 respectively. And the rest of the book deals with everything that comes afterwards - depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts, and eventually running away. It felt very vivid and real - you could tell me this was based on someone IRL and I’d believe you.

It feels heavy at times - when FMC finds out that what happened was statutory rape (although I do feel like you find out before 14 that the age of consent is 16?), and her reaction to that.

I liked the healing arc FMC went through, I was really rooting for her to come out the other side and be at peace.

Thanks Netgalley for the ARC

4⭐️

[a copy of this book was provided to me by the publisher from netgalley. thank you!]

a unique concept which was well-executed. dealt with some very serious themes for YA & the author approached them with a good level of sensitivity.

I feel like this was a really important story to tell, covering really heavy topics, but maybe not executed in the best way. The ending felt a little flat, and didn't really give the closure I was hoping for.

(copy pasted it from my goodreads)
First of all thank you to Netgalley for allowing me to read my first Arc book.
This is a book that is not suited for everyone, make sure to check if you could read about heavy topics like these before reading. After finishing it, i first want to say how inspired i am by Brooke’s growth and how she managed find her own place in the world after struggling so much. Her story is somewhat relatable for any young girl who grows up believing they aren’t deserving of love or struggle a lot with codependency that result in toxic relationships like Brooke and Matt. At first everything was innocent, Brooke having a young crush even though he’s older, as any 14 year old girl has, but during their play he starts reciprocating these feelings and get into a secret relationship. This is also where a type of power dynamic because of their age and her codependency rises to the top. The harm and the pain this toxic relationship caused her, what was a possible factor in her depression and the actions she had taken after she became 18 and decided to leave England, gets talked about in more detail during her therapy session when she’s older and in her relationship with Charlie, who has helped her grow.

The writer did such a great job describing depression, mental health that it spoke to me on a deeper level. I connected with it so much that i disliked Matt and didn’t feel any enjoyment while reading his chapters, because the author did an excellent job at writing his character. The way he continued to blame her in his mind throughout all the four years, not once trying to take true accountability for his actions and realising the harm he has done, thinking she’s still in love with him, refusing to move forward with his life thinking she would return for him. It was until he finally saw Brooke and she spoke up for herself that he did take that accountability in some way. It was interesting to see it from the male perspective, but i did grow uninterested in his chapters when nearing the end of the book because i was more invested in Brooke’s growth and got often annoyed at his lack of accountability.

Something that spoke to me was her relationship with Charlie, it reminded me of my own first healthy relationship, or well a more healthy dynamic. The amount of growth she started to make and the therapy she started going to after was inspiring. It also is a reminder that despite our toxic past experiences, that it doesn’t mean there aren’t good men out there. Even though she had to learn about how her own toxic patterns.

I enjoyed the ending where she ended up living back home fully and ended up breaking up with Charlie to create her own life back in England. It symbolizes letting go of that codependency and creating your own life and home that you enjoy. I liked how she made sure to have multiple pillars in the end just like she learned in therapy.

I really enjoyed growing with Brooke, it was inspiring and i genuinely felt happy for her in the end.

Before starting this book, I hadn’t been sure what I was expecting of it. I love reading YA, coming of age and mental health representation just works really well in that setting.

But this book didn’t work for me at all. We start off with a very very toxic relationship. And while it gets repeated the entire book that it was a mistake, nobody actually really seems to care or feel sorry about it. You even feel like you need to root for them which is definitely not appropriate.

But once that relationship finally ends, the book loses all direction. After that it’s just a bad mix of vaguely worked out plot points that don’t take you anywhere. Neither of the characters actually grow up throughout the book or have any character development.

I just truly don’t understand what we’re meant to take away from this book. It’s so hopeless and excuses so many toxic behaviours and red flags. My 14 year old might’ve felt seen, but not in a good way at all. The adults in this aren’t exactly much better either. Which made a bad situation, so much worse.

While I had some hope that the ending would make things a bit better, it just did nothing and left me feeling like I had wasted my time. In short, not the book for me.

I don't even know where to start. Wow the emotional rollercoaster that this book took me on. This is a story I know I will remember for a very long time. So many themes revolved around this story such as: Age gap relationship, Statuary rape, Self harm, Suicide, Depression, Mental health.

The story focuses on the FMC starting at age 14 and the MMC starting at age 18 following them all the way until they are well into their 20s and all the struggles they navigate in life based off the many choices that were made from beginning to the end.

This was a YA, but so very thought provoking. I found myself often times reflecting on my own life choices as a teen till now while reading this story. The chapters were very short which made this a very easy read. The story was very captivating and with every page something new was taking place. I could not put this down. So glad I was given this ARC through NetGalley I cannot wait for everyone to read this!

This Is Me Trying focuses on Brooke, who as a teenager navigates a romance with an older boy when they are cast as the leading roles in their drama group's production of Romeo and Juliet.

Unfortunately this book just didn’t work for me. While the topics being discussed were important, I felt they weren’t handled particularly well, which made it difficult to stay engaged.

One of my biggest struggles was with the writing style. It didn’t flow smoothly and instead of drawing me in, it made the reading experience frustrating. The main characters didn’t help either—I found them irritating and their actions often left me irritated. There were moments when I seriously considered not finishing the book, simply because I wasn’t invested in them or their journey.

To make things worse, the advanced copy I received seemed to be an early, unpolished draft. The formatting was all over the place, with scenes merging into one another which made it difficult to follow. Even the character names changed in some sections, which completely threw me off and made it hard to stay focused on the story.

Overall, while I appreciate the themes the book aimed to explore, the execution just wasn’t there for me. With stronger editing, better character development, and a more refined writing style, it might have been a different experience. Unfortunately, as it stands, this one was a struggle to get through.

Thank you to NetGalley for the eArc of this book.

I think I am one of the few people who have had no intense reaction to this book. Full of trigger warnings on statutory rape, codependency, mental health, etc., it does pose many important questions for teens as they navigate these difficult and potentially disastrous situations themselves.

I didn’t expect this story to take place over a decade but it does add to the story of how trauma and mental health can affect us later on.

Thank you NetGalley, Jenna Adams and Unbound for the ARC. All opinions stated here are my own.

Thank you to the publisher for the earc!

I'm going to be completely honest here, the main reason why I read the book was the title. But I admit, based on the synopsis I expected a very different book. The reunion when they are adults? Happens in the last 6% of the book. They meet once accidentally, then have 1 talk about what happened 6 years ago and that's all.

I can't deny that this is an important topic, it needs to be spoken about, but something wasn't right here. I'm leaning towards that it was the writing style which made it odd. It felt a bit juvenile which in itself wouldn't be a problem as Brooke is only 14 at the beginning, but I think the style should have matured with her.

The story itself was okay, though I did not agree with many of Brooke's choices. And her therapist said she had signs of depression before, like where? After their first break up, it was clear, but before that it did not read like she was depressed.

I did not like any of the characters. All of them were selfish and immature, even when they got older and should be wiser.

And the ending was disappointing for me. After 400 pages of suffering and moping, I was expecting something bigger.

This is Me Trying by Jenna Adams
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
🚫

Well this was a gut wrenching roller coaster of emotions that I was not prepared for. Thank you @netgalley for the multiple gut punches and 3am crying fest. It was cathartic. I picked this book because I'm a Swiftie and the title called to me. I stayed with it because it was so well written and I needed to know what happened to the characters, especially Brooke.

What I liked:
Brooke and Matt were flawed, relatable characters who screwed up, tried to hide from their mistakes, and then tried to confront or fix them. I loved the way we see them at several ages as they grow and realize how they messed up in the past and what they would have done differently if they had the chance. The dual POV was essential to really diving into this story.

What I didn't like:
Parts of the story felt like they dragged. Nothing terrible or long lasting, but a few unnecessary scenes that felt overdone. And if you read the book; the way things were left with Charlie at the end. I really didn't like that. I get why, but I hated it.

4/5✨ First of all, thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an ARC of “This is me trying”. This book talks about a lot of important topics regarding mental health, consent, statutory rape, self harm and many other topics which sadly a lot of us relate to and for that reason is very important to talk about them. Whether I think this book is very important and necessary, and i liked it for the most part, I struggled a lot up until the 40% mark, it made me feel very uncomfortable. I’m aware this is a me problem but it’s not that it triggered me or anything, but reading the POV of an 18 year old and knowing about how he feels and the thoughts he has about a 14 year old was very difficult for me. Definitely highly recommend reading the trigger warning before deciding if you want to read this book. Nonetheless, i think the author was well informed and made a story that maybe can help a lot of people, specially a younger audience.

This book was an absolute roller coaster... I never knew what the MC's were going to do or decide. With that being said I think that book will be vital in starting valuable conversations with young adults and adults. This book does not shy away from heavy topics such as suicide, abusive relationships, as well as depression. The way these things are shown in the book are done in a way that I feel many readers may understand or relate to. The ending was also satisfying, given the books content. Wonderfully written and a highly recommended read.

ok, im not sure where to begin. Firstly, I'll address the elephant in the room, I definitely dont feel like this book should be marketed as teens/young adult. I feel the themes are quite dark and even though the FMC is 14 years old, the issues within the read are better suited to older teens, or at least advanced emotional maturity.

Theres a lot going on, and I love how the author touches on serious topics of mental health, self love, consent and toxic relationships. I just felt that the delivery wasnt quite there for me. Its a decent sized book, but I had moments where I felt like parts were missing, they start at 14 and 18 years of age and that made me quite mad, a bit grossed out... maybe that was the intention..

Theres a huge graphic scene of self harm which is quite confronting.

Even though it wasnt a perfect read for me, Its a very thought provoking with very contentious/confronting topics. Thanks so much for the opportunity to review this arc.

It's such a beautifully written book!
The book follows Brooke, a teenage girl who's romantically involved with the Senior, Matt.
I find the author masterfully tackle a sensitive issue around mental health, romance, co-dependency and blurred lines when it comes to sexual consent. While this book does categorized itself as contemporary YA, I find it is leaning towards the mature side due to the topics it's explores on consent and trauma. It definitely resonates with adult readers as well.

I really enjoy Jenna Adams' writing style, she does have her way of masterfully crafting prose that feels both poetic and piercing, describing trauma and healing and self acceptance in such raw honesty. This book will resonate with a reader who are on an intersection of heartbreak and healing.

An interesting YA that touches on areas of difficulty - suicide, teenage romance, discovering ones self.
I loved the characters and was crying, laughing and feeling all the emotions along with them.

TW: suicide, depression, pedophilia, abusive/toxic relationships

I have read a lot of bad books in my day, but this one takes the cake as the absolute worst book.

To start, the writing is absolutely horrific. My review thus far has more description than the book itself. The characters had no personalities, no characteristics, no aspirations, NOTHING. Because of this, they were unable to develop as characters because there was nothing to develop. This did not stop the author from trying, although it obviously did not work. This was not helped by the pacing either, as most scenes between the main characters were reduced to summaries rather than actual scenes with actions and conversations. The pacing also affected the plot, which was mostly non-existent, and made it difficult to understand where the story was going and what the author's intentions with this book were.

This next part will contain spoilers.

The main characters are fourteen and eighteen respectively. The synopsis says he is seventeen to appear less-perverted, but the mmc turns eighteen almost immediately in the novel. Either way, the age of consent in England—where the book takes place—is sixteen. This does not stop the main characters from entering into a very toxic relationship or from having sex (also known as statutory rape). The fmc's maturity is frequently referenced, even though she is the most immature character ever. I do extend some grace to her, seeing as she is a literal child. Whenever the main characters break up—a frequent occurrence—the mmc refers to her as young, naive, and bratty.

There are also time skips of three years throughout the book. These are poorly written, of course, and lead to issues with both the pacing and plot. It was impossible to tell where the book was headed, and I fully believe that is because the author herself had no clue what to do with her predatory plot and bland characters.

The fmc does have depression, and in my unprofessional opinion, it is handled very poorly. I was uncomfortable reading any infrequent mention of her mental health because it felt rude and harmful to those who actually suffer from depression. There is also a scene with self-harm and a possible suicide attempt. It is unclear whether the fmc actually wanted to kill herself or not. Either way, she goes to the hospital, where a doctor tells her she is selfish. This quasi-suicide attempt is thankfully vague, but that is likely more due to the author's inability to write rather than out of respect for anyone's mental health.

It was a struggle to read this book because of all of the issues mentioned above and multiple other issues I am too tired to talk about. The only reason this book gets two stars is because the fmc and the mmc do not end the book together. I was very afraid they would for the longest time. Throughout the book, I found myself asking whether the author intended to write a romantic relationship between two people separated by age and an unforgiving society, or if she intended to warn minors of inappropriate relationships with creepy men. Even at the end of the book, the question still lingers.

This book never should have been published. Jenna Adams should be ashamed for tiptoeing around the predatory dynamics played out between the main characters in this book. Both characters are incredibly young, but it doesn't make it less predatory for an 18 yo to pursue a relationship with a 14 yo girl, though young, he's, by nature, more mature and therefore able to manipulate someone her age. The author should also never write another book again. Anyone that found this book to be well-written or romantic or any positive adjective should never be allowed to read again or allowed near a playground. I am disgusted with Neem Tree Press for acquiring and publishing this book. I am absolutely disgusted with everyone involved in this book. I hope you have the life you deserve.

Absolutely no thanks to the publisher for the e-copy. This was the worst experience of my life. All thoughts and opinions are my own.