As a psychiatrist, I’ve been worried for a while about how therapy language has taken over everyday conversations. Words like narcissist, gaslighting, and trauma are being thrown around so casually that they’ve started to lose their real meaning. They’re Not Gaslighting You is the kind of book I didn’t know I needed — a smart, honest, and very readable reminder that not every disagreement is abuse and not every flawed person is toxic.

Dr. Isabelle Morley doesn’t dismiss mental health or diagnosis — she just asks us to be more thoughtful with how we use those words. What I really appreciated is how she talks about the damage this kind of language can do to real relationships. When we slap labels on each other, we stop listening. This book encourages the opposite — real conversations, empathy, and the ability to see things in more than black and white.

As someone who works in psychiatry and cares about how language shapes the way we treat each other, this book hit home. I also liked how straightforward and relatable the writing is — even the chapter titles are clever and make you think. I’d definitely recommend it to anyone who’s feeling overwhelmed by all the therapy speak online and just wants to understand their relationships better.

Thanks to NetGalley for providing me with an ARC in exchange for an honest review

This should be a must read for every person (if only we could make books like this high school reading requirements!). Morley has written an easy to access book, helping the reader to understand the relationships in their life vs how they may view them based on terms thrown around in society. A great read!

THEY’RE NOT GASLIGHTING YOU by @drisabellemorley

READ IT AND WEEP. or, read it and pass it to a friend/partner/family member who’s a little *intense* like giving a dog a pill wrapped in ham. a super super informative and important book about the very real harm in taking clinical terms and throwing them around. the person you’re thinking of is probably not ACTUALLY toxic, maybe they’re just kind of suck to be around. come come, step inside and uncover your own defense mechanisms! seriously, someone needed to say what she’s saying and she did it SO WELL. I have three copies now.

I think this is a book everyone needs to read. We are becoming more and more open talking about therapy, self help books, and how to be better overall, but we also use terms like red flags, OCD, and narcissist way too casually. I personally have done it on more than I’d like to admit, and I’ll now be more cautious of using certain words moving forward. I think the two most important takes from this book are: that we’re all humans that succumb to bad behavior at some points in our lives (and that doesn’t make us sociopaths) and that we need to be more aware with how often and in what context we are using some of these therapy terms. These terms do effect real people and by casually saying someone is gaslighting us or that we’re trauma bonded, then we are taking the true meaning of those terms away from people who have lived or do currently live with these realities.

Thank you NetGalley for providing me with an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and PESI Publishing for the ARC in exchange for an honest review!

An incredibly important and well done book that ambitiously covers a range of clinical terms that are most often misused these days.

I loved Dr. Morley's compassionate and self-aware approach to explaining each terms without also being afraid to call out the reader.

It's not easy to balance both sides of the narrative well, but Dr. Morley handled it with grace and covered different relationships, such as parent-child and friendships, which I really appreciated.

Not only was this book validating for my own experience, but it was an important reminder that not everything needs to be given a label in order to be valid. Focusing on the actions, feelings and patterns (on both sides) can be much more productive and encourage actual change.

This is a book that I think everyone should read — not just to understand weaponised therapy speak but the hidden gem is Dr. Morley's approach to managing conflict in all relationships: take reponsibility for your own actions, ask the right questions and don't point fingers and label people as a way to absolve yourself of any blame.

Are you tired of everyone diagnosing others with various psychological disorders? Like that one person who's constantly claiming their mom is gaslighting them when it's obvious their mom is just disagreeing with them. Or the person who keeps blaming their eccentric organizing on OCD, even though they're clearly not dealing with obsessive thoughts that interfere with life, they just like things a certain way. This book is for you! Isabelle Morley details the weaponization of therapy speak with salient examples that anyone can grasp and relate to. Read it yourself, then gift it to everyone who's out there diagnosing others instead of worrying about their own damn selves.

I have very mixed feelings about this book!

Firstly, I must give credit where it is due. Morley is a great writer and thinker. Her ability to explain complex topics around the nuance between actually being in an abusive relationship vs feeling like you are is impressive. There is so much ground covered in this book, it was so thorough. Not only does it question our own personal responsibility to not over diagnose and use weaponised therapy speak but it also considers the role of therapists in facilitating and in some cases promoting this issue.

I also think this book sparks an interesting conversation overall about the loose use of terminology associated with mental illness. Even outside of romantic relationships, overuse of calling things 'OCD' or 'PTSD' without evidence or diagnosis of. it being such is harmful to those communities and does dilute the power of diagnosis. There is a lot said in this book about the complexities of diagnosis to start with and it raises such an interesting question as to which mental health terminology is even permanent given the ever evolving and ever changing vocabulary around mental health that is heavily influenced by the DSM and other diagnostic manuals like the ICD.

And I do think all in all, Morley does make a good point. Labelling others behaviour as 'abusive' or 'gaslighting' can in certain circumstances be a way of distancing ourselves from their bad behaviour and avoiding responsibility for our role in their bad behaviour. By blaming others, we can bypass self reflection that is necessary to be a good partner or a good friend. However, there is so much nuance to this that isn't really covered properly in the book. There are cases in which behaviour is abusive and there should be no responsibility held to the victim, I worry with this book that those who are difficult and genuinely abusive relationships may dismiss their situation and ironically gas light themselves into thinking they're the problem and that they should take responsibility for their partner's actions. Which I really don't agree with.

Something about this book in terms of its overall messaging just didn't sit right with me but it was incredibly informative in the points that were raised. I loved that this book didn't read as an opinion or self help piece but more factually and scientific. But I just think some of the red tape around letting people get away with bad behaviour and that conversation should've been addressed more.

I found this book to be very insightful. People definitely overuse therapy terms and reduce them to their most simple meaning. Especially given all of the new TikTok therapists that are out and about. This book is good at telling how these terms are correctly used. I liked the examples that were used to show how a term is correctly used paired with an example of how it’s incorrectly used. Putting the term in its correct context was helpful in understanding how it’s been overused and over simplified. Overall, I would highly recommend this book.

I dont know how to wright reviews on self improvement books because of how i view it. But all the information I take from the books I am reading from them i gain more knowledge and am honored to have read this book as an ARC.

I am not sure how I feel about this book. It is outside my usual area of reading and maybe that is why I struggled to even get past Chapter 3. I made myself sit down to finish the last 200 pages in my one night just so I could be done with the book. Overall, I would give it 3.5 stars rounded up to 4, because even though it is not my taste, it was still a well done book.
Although this book wasn’t for me, I do have to say that the material talked about is important and I think many people need to hear about it. The information presented was done in a concise manor with the writing style being easy to understand and definitions provided for all the terms. I believe with social media being as large as it is, many people are seeing possibly the wrong use of therapy speaking words, which I believe is why this book is so important. My favorite chapters were “Are they Gaslighting you, or do they just disagree?” and “Did they violate tour boundaries, or did they just not know how you felt?” I think these titles are great!
Overall, I think this self-help book is important, even though self-help books are just not for me!
Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for an e-arc in exchange for an honest review!

This book is such a timely and necessary read. With therapy language everywhere—online and in real life—it’s easy to forget that terms like “gaslighting,” “narcissist,” “trauma,” and “red flag” have clinical meaning. Dr. Isabelle Morley unpacks how social media has distorted these words and how using them too casually can harm our relationships.

She doesn’t shame anyone, but she gently reminds us that labeling people can stop us from actually solving problems. The book is smart, empathetic, and full of helpful examples, including from Dr. Morley's own life. Plus, the chapter titles are perfection: Are they gaslighting you or do they just disagree? Are they a sociopath or do they just like you less than you like them?

In a world of over-diagnosis and algorithm-driven self-diagnosis, this is a call for more clarity, more nuance, and more real connection. Let’s leave therapy speak to the professionals and talk to each other like humans again.

Highly recommend.

A most interesting book about how folks use the clinical psychology terms in day to day life. As someone who was subject to gaslighting by a toxic narcissistic mother (my psychologists words not mine) I do find it annoying that these terms are used as insults especially by the young or on social media. This book sets out in easy to read chapters exactly what these terms mean and when to be applied. This should be on the curriculum.

This is probably one of the best self-help nonfictions I have read in a long while. The title is exactly what the description is. It goes through common terms and behaviors that many of us probably say in passing and in conversation and provides the reality of what they actually mean. There are clear examples of each term of what it is and what it is not. There is a clear call to action of what to do for yourself and how to help others. I think more people need to read this book.

I really like how the information in this book is presented. The author has an easy-to-read writing style that makes it easy for the reader to understand. Terms such as gaslighting, narcissist, OCD, bipolar, and more have come to be used to describe a broad range of behaviors that are not actually classifiable into these categories in the professional mental health world. This text shows how one can determine if someone indeed has Narcissistic Personality Disorder or not, is really a sociopath (person with Antisocial Personality Disorder) or not. It is a call to stop the weaponization of mental health diagnoses. Yes, people really may have OCD but not just because they like something a certain way or are fastidious. Sure, people can gaslight others, but it might actually be a difference of perspective. After you’ve read this book, you’ll be able to discern if someone in your life, or you, actually needs to be concerned about a mental illness or not.

I find it coincidental that I read this the same month I’m going through domestic violence training for some volunteer work I’ll be doing. The topic of what is emotional abuse and what is not was explored in this book as well.

"They’re Not Gaslighting You" is a practical and insightful self-help book that delivers actionable guidance on navigating complex relationships with narcissistic individuals, problem-solving, blame-shifting, recognizing red flags, mental conditions, establishing boundaries, and toxic relationships. It enables readers to identify and address unhealthy relationship dynamics and behaviors, and provides expert advice on personal growth and self-improvement. Recommend this book although I’ve only read a few self-help books, I enjoyed this one because it identifies so much in a relationship.

Thank you NetGalley for the ARC.
#NetGalley #TheyreNotGaslightingYou

From the very first page, this book draws you into its world with engaging prose, well-developed characters, and a compelling narrative. The author's storytelling is confident and immersive, weaving together themes that resonate long after the final chapter.

This had some good material! Looking forwarding to using this to help future clients and support my work as a therapist.

I loved this and thank you to NetGalley and PESI for this ARC in exchange for my honest review.
Everything about this book is what I use in my sessions and what I want my family and friends to know! The language and wording is so user friendly and makes me want to recommend it to everyone I know! So many terms are thrown around and this helps to reframe them and look at it in a different light!

I have really mixed feelings about this book.

I went into it and loved it. The first 25% was an easy five stars for me. I was ripping through it, and really enjoying my time.

The concept is great. People love to diagnose others when they have no business doing so, and they love to really weaponize these terms they don’t understand. This is a great book for anyone who feels the need to dig into their partner’s (or friend’s, or family member’s) problems. It gives a solid background for psychological terms that people love to throw around, and to some extent I would recommend this book to friends and family.

For me, the tipping point was when the author began to talk about red flags. IMO, the author overstepped her authority, because a red flag is not a diagnosis, it’s a colloquial term. It is completely valid for me to find not liking pets a red flag. It doesn’t mean they are a bad person, but it does mean we will never work out.

The examples used by the author were very strong, and imo, moved far past the red flag territory. A red flag is something you are aware of, and could potentially develop into worse behavior, but isn’t a problem yet. The red flags in the book were unacceptable actions. Things I hope I would not tolerate in any relationship. Again (the whole point of the book) none of them were necessary things that were deal breakers, and they could be worked through.

After that, the examples just seemed a little too extreme, and I found myself skimming. I am very familiar with a lot of the terms in this book, so it wasn’t super ground-breaking knowledge for me (even though the intro was super great about reframing), and I didn’t feel the need to finish the book.

In all, the intro is a great reminder about why we don’t need to give others a diagnosis, and the meat of the book is good for people who are unfamiliar with the terms listed, but for people who have done their own reading elsewhere, I’d pass on the bulk of this book.

Thank you NetGalley for this eARC. All thoughts are my own.

Great Read!! It opened my eyes to a lot. Great read for those that are into self development. It helped me with a lot healing .