I found this book to be very insightful. People definitely overuse therapy terms and reduce them to their most simple meaning. Especially given all of the new TikTok therapists that are out and about. This book is good at telling how these terms are correctly used. I liked the examples that were used to show how a term is correctly used paired with an example of how it’s incorrectly used. Putting the term in its correct context was helpful in understanding how it’s been overused and over simplified. Overall, I would highly recommend this book.

I dont know how to wright reviews on self improvement books because of how i view it. But all the information I take from the books I am reading from them i gain more knowledge and am honored to have read this book as an ARC.

I am not sure how I feel about this book. It is outside my usual area of reading and maybe that is why I struggled to even get past Chapter 3. I made myself sit down to finish the last 200 pages in my one night just so I could be done with the book. Overall, I would give it 3.5 stars rounded up to 4, because even though it is not my taste, it was still a well done book.
Although this book wasn’t for me, I do have to say that the material talked about is important and I think many people need to hear about it. The information presented was done in a concise manor with the writing style being easy to understand and definitions provided for all the terms. I believe with social media being as large as it is, many people are seeing possibly the wrong use of therapy speaking words, which I believe is why this book is so important. My favorite chapters were “Are they Gaslighting you, or do they just disagree?” and “Did they violate tour boundaries, or did they just not know how you felt?” I think these titles are great!
Overall, I think this self-help book is important, even though self-help books are just not for me!
Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for an e-arc in exchange for an honest review!

This book is such a timely and necessary read. With therapy language everywhere—online and in real life—it’s easy to forget that terms like “gaslighting,” “narcissist,” “trauma,” and “red flag” have clinical meaning. Dr. Isabelle Morley unpacks how social media has distorted these words and how using them too casually can harm our relationships.

She doesn’t shame anyone, but she gently reminds us that labeling people can stop us from actually solving problems. The book is smart, empathetic, and full of helpful examples, including from Dr. Morley's own life. Plus, the chapter titles are perfection: Are they gaslighting you or do they just disagree? Are they a sociopath or do they just like you less than you like them?

In a world of over-diagnosis and algorithm-driven self-diagnosis, this is a call for more clarity, more nuance, and more real connection. Let’s leave therapy speak to the professionals and talk to each other like humans again.

Highly recommend.

A most interesting book about how folks use the clinical psychology terms in day to day life. As someone who was subject to gaslighting by a toxic narcissistic mother (my psychologists words not mine) I do find it annoying that these terms are used as insults especially by the young or on social media. This book sets out in easy to read chapters exactly what these terms mean and when to be applied. This should be on the curriculum.

This is probably one of the best self-help nonfictions I have read in a long while. The title is exactly what the description is. It goes through common terms and behaviors that many of us probably say in passing and in conversation and provides the reality of what they actually mean. There are clear examples of each term of what it is and what it is not. There is a clear call to action of what to do for yourself and how to help others. I think more people need to read this book.

I really like how the information in this book is presented. The author has an easy-to-read writing style that makes it easy for the reader to understand. Terms such as gaslighting, narcissist, OCD, bipolar, and more have come to be used to describe a broad range of behaviors that are not actually classifiable into these categories in the professional mental health world. This text shows how one can determine if someone indeed has Narcissistic Personality Disorder or not, is really a sociopath (person with Antisocial Personality Disorder) or not. It is a call to stop the weaponization of mental health diagnoses. Yes, people really may have OCD but not just because they like something a certain way or are fastidious. Sure, people can gaslight others, but it might actually be a difference of perspective. After you’ve read this book, you’ll be able to discern if someone in your life, or you, actually needs to be concerned about a mental illness or not.

I find it coincidental that I read this the same month I’m going through domestic violence training for some volunteer work I’ll be doing. The topic of what is emotional abuse and what is not was explored in this book as well.

"They’re Not Gaslighting You" is a practical and insightful self-help book that delivers actionable guidance on navigating complex relationships with narcissistic individuals, problem-solving, blame-shifting, recognizing red flags, mental conditions, establishing boundaries, and toxic relationships. It enables readers to identify and address unhealthy relationship dynamics and behaviors, and provides expert advice on personal growth and self-improvement. Recommend this book although I’ve only read a few self-help books, I enjoyed this one because it identifies so much in a relationship.

Thank you NetGalley for the ARC.
#NetGalley #TheyreNotGaslightingYou

From the very first page, this book draws you into its world with engaging prose, well-developed characters, and a compelling narrative. The author's storytelling is confident and immersive, weaving together themes that resonate long after the final chapter.

This had some good material! Looking forwarding to using this to help future clients and support my work as a therapist.

I loved this and thank you to NetGalley and PESI for this ARC in exchange for my honest review.
Everything about this book is what I use in my sessions and what I want my family and friends to know! The language and wording is so user friendly and makes me want to recommend it to everyone I know! So many terms are thrown around and this helps to reframe them and look at it in a different light!

I have really mixed feelings about this book.

I went into it and loved it. The first 25% was an easy five stars for me. I was ripping through it, and really enjoying my time.

The concept is great. People love to diagnose others when they have no business doing so, and they love to really weaponize these terms they don’t understand. This is a great book for anyone who feels the need to dig into their partner’s (or friend’s, or family member’s) problems. It gives a solid background for psychological terms that people love to throw around, and to some extent I would recommend this book to friends and family.

For me, the tipping point was when the author began to talk about red flags. IMO, the author overstepped her authority, because a red flag is not a diagnosis, it’s a colloquial term. It is completely valid for me to find not liking pets a red flag. It doesn’t mean they are a bad person, but it does mean we will never work out.

The examples used by the author were very strong, and imo, moved far past the red flag territory. A red flag is something you are aware of, and could potentially develop into worse behavior, but isn’t a problem yet. The red flags in the book were unacceptable actions. Things I hope I would not tolerate in any relationship. Again (the whole point of the book) none of them were necessary things that were deal breakers, and they could be worked through.

After that, the examples just seemed a little too extreme, and I found myself skimming. I am very familiar with a lot of the terms in this book, so it wasn’t super ground-breaking knowledge for me (even though the intro was super great about reframing), and I didn’t feel the need to finish the book.

In all, the intro is a great reminder about why we don’t need to give others a diagnosis, and the meat of the book is good for people who are unfamiliar with the terms listed, but for people who have done their own reading elsewhere, I’d pass on the bulk of this book.

Thank you NetGalley for this eARC. All thoughts are my own.

Great Read!! It opened my eyes to a lot. Great read for those that are into self development. It helped me with a lot healing .

Thanks NetGallery for this Arc.

This book had a lot of good information on a variety of topics. I feel if people are wanting to learn more this is definitely a book to read

Sound interesting title. I read this and got a lot of insight about relationship.
Tell me more about Gaslight, borderline, boundaries, trauma, love bombing, NPD, dependent, etc.

They’re Not Gaslighting You is an insightful and accessible exploration of psychological manipulation and boundaries. With real-world examples and a flexible structure, it allows you (the reader) to jump to sections that resonate most. Whether you’re interested in psychology or looking to better understand manipulation tactics, this book offers valuable knowledge in a clear and engaging way.

"This is a controversial idea, I'll admit, but I don't know that therapy terms need to leave the therapy room much of the time."

Wow. This is a really important book. While reading, I saw past and previous versions of myself, loved ones, and... less loved ones. Literally wish everyone could read at least some sectins of this book.

Due to the accessibility of information on mental health-related content and algorithms pushing therapy-speak, as the author mentions, it's pretty common for the average layperson to misuse therapy terms, especially in certain corners of the internet. But now, it's more widespread than it was on Tumblr and in niche Facebook groups 8 years ago - we see it everywhere in all age groups infiltrating our everyday conversations.

Mainly, the argument that the author makes is that
- pathologizing normal behaviors makes it harder or sometimes impossible for anyone to take accountability or heal, and
- misusing therapy speak minimizes the experiences of actual victims and people with disorders that are being weaponized.

Here is what I liked:
- I read the whole thing in order since I got an ARC and knew I would be writing a review, but I love a book that can be a choose-your-own-adventure type situation.
- Even as someone pretty well-versed in these things, I learned a lot and got new insight on past experiences I've had.
- The author is careful to not minimize actual abuse and harm.
- You get examples of perspectives from all angles of situations in which someone is misusing/weaponizing therapy speak and when they are being used properly.
- I love when therapists acknowledge that DSM is not a life manual and, in fact, mainly exists as a tool for insurance companies.
= I could see this book helping someone learn that they are not in abusive relationship but also show someone that they are actually in one either as the victim or even the perpetrator.

Here is what I didn't like:
- Something that pulls me out of the book is too much meta-speak. If I'm almost halfway into the book, I don't need to see "in this book you will learn..." because that should already be clear.
- I still believe that narcissists deserve empathy. Not saying they deserve romantic partnerships or anything, just that they are human beings with rights and complex inner thoughts. The way the author talks about people with NPD does not indicate to me that she agrees with these statements.
= The chapter about "red flags" felt out of place/unnecessary and detracted from the purpose of the rest of the book.

Thank you to PESI Publishing and NetGalley for providing an eARC. All opinions are truthful and my own.

This book was a refreshing and honest take on navigating modern relationships without overanalyzing every interaction. Isabelle encourages readers to ditch the therapy speak and stop obsessing over spotting red flags in every relationship, which can sometimes do more harm than good. The book is down to earth, relatable, and offers a balanced perspective, making it a helpful guide for anyone who feels overwhelmed by the current relationship discourse. While the advice is solid and practical, some sections feel a bit repetitive, but overall, it’s an insightful and thought provoking read. It’s a great reminder that not every conflict or misunderstanding is a sign of something toxic, and it’s okay to let go of the constant need for validation.
Thanks NetGalley for this arc!

In "They're Not Gaslighting You", Dr. Isabelle Morley, a clinical psychologist and couples therapist, observes that terms like "gaslighting," "narcissist," and "toxic" are frequently misapplied, often leading to misunderstandings and strained relationships.

The book is incredibly insightful, especially in an era where "therapy speak" dominates social media and daily conversations. These psychological terms have become catch-all labels, sometimes oversimplifying complex human behavior and conflict.

One of the biggest strengths of this book is its balance between psychological insight and practical advice. Also, the writing is engaging and accessible, making complex psychological concepts easy to understand without feeling overwhelming.

Thank you so much to NetGalley, PESI Publishing and Isabelle Morley for the ARC!

[a copy of this book was provided to me by the publisher from netgalley. thank you!]

4.25⭐️

i found this self help book to be very informative as a person with narcissists in my life.