The final few chapters from WHEN MAMA CAN’T KISS IT BETTER had my heart pounding. I was unable to put the book down. On one hand, I was compelled to read it quickly to find out how it unfolded. Alternatively, I found myself slowing down to digest the great spiritual insights Lori Gertz learned through her journey. I shed many tears over her heart aching descriptions, like looking at the empty seat at the dinner table. Gertz’s honesty and her willingness to expose her vulnerability is a gift as this story is a significant contribution of support to society. It will touch more lives and families than we will ever know or our culture will ever want to admit. - By Christian Sorensen

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Blaming mothers has to be the oldest trick in psychology's book. It is heartbreaking that this loving, dedicated mother (family) is vilified for loving her daughter so much she put her child's need for different before her need to parent and love her. This family's dedication and devotion to a child who, through no fault of her own, could never love or even bond with them is inspiring. This mother's quest to find the best placement to help treat the effects of fetal alcohol syndrome and reactive attachment disorder will leave readers frustrated and stunned at the barriers and lack of resources to help save this child from the damage she sustained from drugs and alcohol abuse by her birth mother before she was even born. And, possibly even more heart wrenching, that there were no safety nets for this family, no intensive mental health services and supports to preserve this family while keeping their beautiful daughter and other children safe. A must read for everyone, but should be required reading for those involved in adoption and children's services everywhere. Very brave, Mrs. Gertz. Grateful you are again willing to be scandalized in the quest to help those that have not found their voice, but share your incredible pain. - By Kristi Rice

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If you're wanting a light summer read to flip through on the beach, Lori Gertz book isn't the book you're looking for. A few pages in you find yourself between heart wrenching feelings and a total inability to put the book down (or tablet, in my case) out of the magnetic draw this book and everything Lori and her family went through, you simply have to find out how things end. Lori is nothing short of an advocate, one who is brave enough to not only share her story on a level many wouldn't feel open enough to do, but to publish it. If you have never read much before about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and the effects it can have on the child, this book will be an eye opener.

Lori's descriptions in When Mama Cant Kiss It Better are nothing short of amazingly descriptive, her words jump from the page and in to your heart, inspiring not only true amazement at her raw talent for writing, but anger at the way her family was treated and the things they endured trying to find help and get answers.

This book gives you the look behind what the media was showing you. Instead of an unloving and unfit mother, we are given a rare and touching look into Lori's family and their experience trying to live, love, and find answers to help their children. Not as the media portrayed her, but as the loving mother she truly is, struggling to both protect, and bond. Lori's feelings of isolation extends beyond how she was portrayed & in to how many doors she had slammed in her face, how many misdiagnosis, through all the finger pointing Lori had her one escape for sanity, her one life raft in a sea of turmoil and pain, candidly spilling her heart, her fears, & her experiences on the paper. She spent six years writing When Mama Can't Kiss It Better and every page reflects the years of not only experiences, but pain of living with and loving a self destructive child while tossed among accusations and left massively in debt with little to no help.

Lori's book sheds light on our mental healthcare system and reminds us that a mothers love is truly endless, even if Mama Cant Kiss It Better - By Emmerson McGinnis

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Lori Gertz provides the reader with an adrenaline packed emotional roller coaster from the prologue to the end. One has to admire her tenacity in trying to fix a family nightmare with unconditional love. She tells her story with brutal honesty and truly shares her pain with the reader as she goes on this incredible journey with her adopted daughter. As she describes the numerous events in detail the reader can sense her strength, perseverance and shear despair. Our hearts go out to Lori and her whole family as they endure the diifficult relationship with their adopted daughter.This book is a must read for anyone considering adoption and is not meant to scare them but to educate them as to some of the pit falls and challenges of adoption. It was impossible to put this book down and not give my children a special hug and remind them how much they mean to my wife and I every day that we are blessed to be with them. - By Richard Drutman

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When Mama Can’t Kiss it Better powerfully transcends past media misinterpretations of the Gertz family’s case as a “failed adoption” tale. Taking charge of her story, Lori Gertz balances moving storytelling with enlightened analysis to reveal a far bigger picture. She presents chilling proof that our medical, educational, and legal systems are quick to place blame for a child’s invisible disabilities (and thus responsibility for “fixing them”), squarely on the mother. Indeed, at least half of the 38 doctors who evaluate Emily conclude the problem stemmed from Lori’s interactions with her (e.g., lack of discipline or too much of it) or in Lori herself (e.g., over-worrying, depression, drugs, unsuitability as an adoptive parent). One doctor goes so far as to suggest Lori suffers from Munchausen by Proxy. Not much has changed--in the 1950s we blamed overbearing mothers for causing schizophrenia and in the 1970s we blamed cold mothers (“refrigerator mothers”) for autism. Even after the fetal alcohol spectrum disorder and mental illness diagnoses are obtained, Lori must (and does) move mountains to secure adequate services and accommodations for her daughter. However, as the story unfolds it becomes increasingly clear that our current systems set up children with invisible disabilities and their families for failure. Ultimately, this book is poignant evidence that children with neurological disorders or mental illnesses need more and better support and resources--regardless of the time, money, and kisses provided by their mothers.

Rebecca Fuoco, MPH

Writer & Invisible Illness Advocate

POD/Print

Ebook