Experiencing parental abandonment or neglect can profoundly impact an individual's self-esteem, mental health, and interpersonal relationships. Unfortunately, this is something that someone I’ve very close to, has had to experience. The effects of parental abandonment, and then, grandparent abandonment make those that experience this, suffer with feelings of insecurity and shame. In this book, Healing from Parental Abandonment”, Gillis, a survivor of abandonment and an expert in family trauma, presents an evidence-based methodology for recovery. This book integrates multiple therapeutic milieu, including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and Cognitive Behavior Therapy. With the combination of all of these therapeutic approaches, there are a multitude of insights, and strategies presented to readers. These strategies aid readers in understanding how experiences of abandonment shape their identities while offering techniques to overcome self-blame and maladaptive coping mechanisms. This book features practical exercises designed to facilitate the application of learned strategies. The author encourages readers to actively participate in his/her healing journey and to practice the concepts that are presented. This book emphasizes the importance of moving forward, focusing on how to set boundaries, and offers resources for ongoing support. This book is a valuable resource for individuals seeking to comprehend and heal from the trauma of parental neglect. Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the advance review copy in exchange for my review.

Healing from Parental Abandonment and Neglect is a compelling read that resonates deeply with anyone who has faced similar childhood challenges. The book effectively explores how feelings of shame and self-blame can become ingrained, impacting self-perception and emotional well-being. Through relatable stories and practical exercises, it offers valuable tools for breaking negative patterns and rebuilding self-trust. While some sections could delve deeper into complex relationships, the book remains a powerful resource for those seeking to heal from childhood trauma. Its engaging narrative and actionable advice make it a worthwhile addition to any self-help collection. I received this book as compensation for my review, but its insights have left a lasting impression, prompting me to consider purchasing a personal copy for future reference.

This book begins by providing education on what it can look like to have experienced abandonment or neglect from a parent, including the depth of pain involved in this experience. As a mental health therapist, I appreciated that the authors define this experience as "trauma", which I think is powerful for the reader to be able to acknowledge and normalize. I also appreciated the inclusion of background information on why parents/caregivers might abandon or neglect a child, and the inclusion of understanding the cycle of trauma and abandonment involved; although this is not providing an "excuse" for these behaviors, it is often beneficial to understand the "why" behind others' actions towards us to comprehend that it wasn't our fault. Importantly, the authors also normalize feelings of "shame" that one might experience after having been abandoned, as well as acknowledgement that the blame often placed on the abandoned/neglected children themselves is maladaptive and harmful in nature.

Part 2 includes an overview of how abandonment can show up in our relationships in various ways, including romantic relationships, friendships, and other familial relationships. Common roadblocks to healing from parental abandonment are also addressed in this section. Notably, I appreciated that the authors included descriptions of the myriad of emotions (sometimes multiple at once) that one might feel when coping with parental abandonment. Pain and confusion in relation to these intense emotions are something that I commonly hear about when working with clients on topics related to parental abandonment, so I appreciated the focus on delving into each emotion as well as providing the reader with coping strategies and various tools to manage difficult emotions.

Lastly, "moving forward" from the impact of parental abandonment, and the road path from healing is covered in the third and final section of this book. Focus on learning to implement boundaries is a heavy focus of this section. Additional resources to support your healing journey, including ways in which other loved ones can support you, are also included at the end of the book. Various vignettes and exercises are also included throughout all sections of the book, which is also helpful to the reader who is looking to begin to implement strategies while reading this book. Overall, this book is a useful introduction to the topic that is written in a way that is easy to understand and is also brief enough to keep the reader engaged, but provide enough education to be helpful.

*Healing from Parental Abandonment* feels deeply relatable. The book does a wonderful job of explaining how shame and self-blame take root, often shaping self-perception and creating cycles of insecurity and emotional pain. Gillis acknowledges how easy it is to internalize abandonment, making readers feel seen and understood through the stories shared.
The book offers practical tools for breaking patterns, with exercises to help rewire negative beliefs and rebuild self-trust. It also examines the cognitive dissonance that can come with recognizing past wounds while trying to move forward. Some areas could go deeper, particularly in navigating complicated relationships, this is still a powerful resource for healing from childhood trauma.

Hoo boy.

<i>Healing from Parental Abandonment and Neglect</i> is a short book – 169 pages including acknowledgments, further reading, and references. It took me many days to read it. Same as the people described on the pages, same as the <i>author</i>, I am a survivor. And I saw myself on those pages again and again and again.

This helps a lot. Not just the exercises (very useful – a rare thing in self-help books – and I actually may whip out a journal). The stories; the reminders that not only am I not alone, but I’m not all that special for going through this. I don’t mean that I’m not good enough, important enough, etc. – I’ve done enough therapy to be finished with negative self-talk. There are many of us and each of us has a different story and in many ways we are all the same. And all of us can be ‘fixed’.

The chapter on forgiveness hit hard. I am not there yet. I might never get there. And that’s okay. (The author repeats this many times; there is no one right way to process our broken childhoods. Our feelings are okay.) A particularly weird-sounding bit about forgiving our anger is prefaced by the admission that this might sound weird; it’s also true, once I’ve re-read it a few times. This book is longer than it seems, because many passages and pages require re-reads, and it definitely isn’t something you swallow in one go.

Instead of turning this review into a self-confessional essay longer than the book, I’ll finish with a quote: “Particularly when your child is struggling, a parent's natural instinct is to emphasise their achievements, and sound upbeat and optimistic.” Not every parent’s; not every child’s. There’s a lot those 150+ pages cover. I recommend this book to every grown-up who had to parent their parents, never quite figured out the reasons why they’ve been so scared ever since they remember, or… you’ll know if you are this book’s audience, and if the answer is yes, you 100% need it.

I received an ARC from NetGalley. This did not influence my opinion. I’ll be buying a copy of this book, because this is something I will need to re-read many times before I’m… let’s say optimistically… done with it all.

<i>My ratings:
5* = this book changed my life
4* = very good
3* = good
2* = I should have DNFed
1* = actively hostile towards the reader*</i>

Healing from Parental Abandonment and Neglect is a transformative guide that delves deep into the wounds left by early neglect and abandonment. With profound empathy and clinical expertise, Kaytlyn Gillis offers readers a pathway to understand and heal from the invisible scars that have long impacted their self-worth and relationships. This book is not just about recognizing past hurts; it's a hands-on journey toward rebuilding trust, establishing healthy connections, and reclaiming one's true self. Through practical exercises and compassionate guidance, Gillis empowers readers to move beyond the shadows of their past and step into a future filled with safety, connection, and self-assuredness. A must-read for anyone seeking to mend the fractures of their early experiences and cultivate a life of genuine fulfillment.

From page one, *Healing from Parental Abandonment* feels deeply relatable. The book does a great job of explaining how shame and self-blame take root, often shaping self-perception and creating cycles of insecurity and emotional pain. Gillis acknowledges how easy it is to internalize abandonment, making readers feel seen and understood.

The book offers practical tools for breaking these patterns, with exercises and affirmations like *I am safe* to help rewire negative beliefs and rebuild self-trust. It also explores the cognitive dissonance that can come with recognizing past wounds while trying to move forward. While some areas could go deeper, particularly in navigating complicated relationships, this is still a powerful and compassionate resource for healing.

I am thankful for the opportunity to have received an ARC of this book. I feel like the author has genuine experience in this field and is quite knowledgeable. Unfortunately, I am feeling compelled to DNF this book at this time.

I want to be clear, that my reasoning for choosing to not finish this book is not because of the content or information given, however, I do feel like this book should be read through by editors another time. The formatting (at least on the kindle/ebook version) is not well constructed, which makes it hard to read when certain sentences and paragraphs are broken in strange places. There are also some grammatical errors that I have come across which made me wonder if some parts had been poorly translated from another source. The language throughout the book seems to have dialogue as if it had once been a speech and then flips to more of a conversational dialogue within the same section or paragraph. As someone who has read numerous self-help books, I found this one exceptionally difficult to read because I was so distracted by the technicalities within the text.

Overall, the information is wonderful, but the delivery has been poorly executed and seems rushed. I hope that the author can make the necessary changes/updates so that her message can be well received; she's on the right track.