Betsy Holmberg’s book, Unkind Mind, is essential reading for women, and men too, who struggle with a nagging, unhelpful inner critic - in other words, most of us. Her research is extensive and her theories are backed by the latest advances in brain science. She offers a handy, easy to understand framework. She explains, through examples, that the thinking we do is through three primary brain networks, one destructive, one productive, and one that records what we believe is important. She has a comprehensive theory of how to quiet, and even silence, that primitive voice in our heads, while allowing the strong voice inside us thrive and become our primary voice. This recognition, in turn, can change what the brain thinks is most important. I really like her simple idea to say to yourself something like “oh, it’s that old familiar voice again - it lies”. She presents how these negative voices once helped us to survive, but now keep us stuck. Echoes from the past, often from childhood, hold us back and gradually erode our self-confidence; this inner talk, we erroneously believe, is our true self. Our vocal critics in life serve to amplify and validate that unkind voice in us. It makes the lies we tell ourselves about our shortcomings seem true. While she explores how our brains function, and the roles different parts play, her explanations are easy to understand. Dr. Holmberg’s references show that she has studied current authors of note. Her research is up to date and oh so helpful. She brings us awareness of our undermining voice. She gives guidelines on how best to drown it out with our wiser, truer, more constructive voice. This is a book that brings awareness about the power of what we say to ourselves. This is a future classic for all who seek to overcome people pleasing and incorporate the wisdom of self-awareness; all who, in short, want a happier life.

Thank you to Net Galley and New Harbinger Publications for a free e-ARC of 'Unkind Mind: The Neuroscience of Why Women Are So Hard on Themselves - and How to Quiet Your Inner Critic for Good' by Betsy Holmberg.

This was a really interesting non-fiction read all about the Default Mode Network (or DMN) part of our brain that can make up the 'unkind' part of our mind. Holmberg explains, in clear and understandable ways, how we often believe our negative thoughts come from ourselves and we are in control of them - when this isn't always the case.

Unkind Mind goes into the different situations that can make this self-talk worse, such as feeling stressed, or when you have experienced trauma. Some of these parts felt a bit common sense, but I learnt lots of new things and particularly found the information on the relationship between the DMN and trauma interesting. There were also a number of useful exercises and tips sprinkled throughout the book. Holmberg sets out a quiz on the different aspects of life that your DMN may focus more on which was really valuable for me to explore what areas I may need to consider and work on in relation to my DMN.

I loved the author's opinion on meditation and how it doesn't always work as the one-size-fits-all that it is often presented as! She offers a lot of alternatives that work much better for me (and I imagine many others).

The only criticism I have of Unkind Mind was that, although there are many references provided throughout and at the end of the book, there are some theories presented without providing evidence that I found slightly dubious - particularly the mention of dog packs and 'alphas' as my understanding was that this theory had been disproved.

Unkind Mind offers some genuinely helpful insights, and I appreciated the author's conversational tone—it felt she was talking directly to me! I felt that points were repeated too much, and I found myself wishing for a deeper connection with the material at times. It took me a bit to get through it as I did want to apply the tips she gives and I felt it easier to do so in small steps. I do find myself being more aware of when I am being unkind to myself. I can see myself returning to certain chapters when I need a reminder. It's a great resource, especially if you're looking for a gentle, validating approach to understanding your inner critic. Overall a very nice book!

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher, New Harbinger, for providing me with a digital ARC, an uncorrected proof, so that I could read and review prior to publishing.

I requested a digital ARC of "Unkind Mind" because it was published by New Harbinger—a press I trust—and the author has a strong academic background. From the start, I could tell I’m older than the author and not quite the target audience. Still, there’s useful information here, especially for readers in their 20s or 30s who struggle with self-criticism.

Holmberg offers science-backed insights into quieting our inner critic, but the book is weighed down by too many acronyms. They often pulled me out of the reading experience, and I wish visuals or summaries had been included.

There are some strong chapters—on sleep, stress, therapy, and social media—that offer practical takeaways. I especially liked the “Loves of My Life” exercise and her point about decompressing before jumping into hobbies. However, the book would benefit from better editing and organization (please, more bullet points!).

I didn’t love the reference to Bessel van der Kolk, and I was surprised the author described things like deep breathing and binaural beats as new—many of us have used those techniques for years.

Overall, if you tend to be hard on yourself or are looking to build a kinder relationship with your thoughts, this book may be worth borrowing or buying—just be prepared to wade through a few acronym-heavy sections to find the gems.

This book gave me many opportunities to think about how my DMN controls a lot of my negativing thinking, and as someone that lives with an anxiety diagnosis, it provided a lot of helpful perspective. I really appreciated how it wasn’t just the science of the work, but provided real world examples, exercises and worksheets to work through within the book.

Unkind Mind is a clear, compassionate, and science-backed guide to understanding and quieting the inner critic that many of us live with daily. Betsy Holmberg, a psychologist and expert in negative thinking, skillfully blends neuroscience with practical advice, making complex ideas feel accessible and easy to apply.

Holmberg doesn’t overwhelm you with too much jargon or theory, instead, she offers straightforward explanations and actionable tips that are easy to follow. Through the lens of the brain’s default mode network (DMN), she explains why we fall into patterns of self-doubt, comparison, and shame and more importantly, how to interrupt those patterns with compassion and presence.

This book is a valuable resource for anyone, but especially women, looking to break free from negative self-talk and reconnect with a kinder, more courageous version of themselves. It’s well-written, easy to digest, and filled with tools that can make a real difference in everyday life.

Thanks to New Harbinger Publications and NetGalley for the opportunity to read before release.

Thank you so much to the publisher and NetGalley for this ARC opportunity. This is a really great resource for both those new and veteraned in the world of mental health improvement. I found this to be validating, easy to understand, and actionable. I appreciate the knowledge and tools the author shares with us as I believe this will be very valuable for many women.

Unkind Mind by Betsy Holmberg caught my attention right away and I really felt the need to read it. As many of us are, I'm my own worst critic. Things other people say about me is nothing compared to what my mind tells itself. I really enjoyed the way the book laid everything out in an easy way to understand and make the feeling relatable. I will try to use some of the tactics discussed in the book to help navigate away from negative self talk and as I practice it more, hopefully it will get easier. Thank you to the publisher and Netgalley

In this book, the author describes the default mode network (DMN) and how it affects a woman’s life. Strategies to recognize negative self-talk are provided, including ways to counteract with positive messages.

Thank you Net Galley, Betsy Holmbery, and New Harbinger Publications for an E-arc of Unkind Mind.

I loved this book and it really helped me reflect upon so many past life experiences and how my DMN was taking over. I loved the discussion and tie in with the Zones of Regulation. If high school me could have read this, I feel like my self love would have been so much stronger in my early and late 20s. I can no move forward and take control of my DMN as I move forward in life abs begin instilling many of these practices and though process with my 4 year old daughter to help her social emotional development flourish and thrive!