I really love the way KC Davis writes, her style is so accessible for everyone and easy to understand. I really appreciate how she broke down relationships into bite size pieces, and explains complicated terms rooted in real psychology and no tiktok psychology. This is especially evident in the chapters about boundaries and how it is used so differently than what a boundary really is. I also appreciate the reminder about psychological safety and reminders that you are not in control of others thoughts or feelings.

Who Deserves Your Love by KC Davis, a licensed professional counselor, weaves her two decades of experience as a mental health professional to those with substance abuse issues, her upbringing with her alcoholic father, and own struggles with substance abuse into a memoir/self-help hybrid. I was drawn to this book after reading the author’s previous book, How to Keep House While Drowning, which fundamentally changed the way I view care tasks, helped me untangle self-worth and judgment from whether or not those care tasks got completed, and gave me strategies for how to care for myself when my capacity for performing care tasks is limited. Davis brings this same compassion into this book. I enjoyed that she acknowledges that every situation is difference and there is no one-size-fits-all answer for everyone. I appreciate that the author breaks down harmful behavior into three different categories (one-time, chronic mistreatment, abuse) to help navigate interpersonal hardships and how to respond depending on the type. She talks about the differences between coping behaviors and patterns which de-moralizes behaviors as just right or wrong. I appreciated the author’s take on mitigation with regards to neurotypical/neurodiverse people and discussing what to look for in a resolution partner. The author working through a specific personal example and her thought process on how to handle a relationship after being wronged by that person was helpful in understanding the author’s methodology. As someone who has also read the work of the Gottmans, I appreciated how the author incorporates their frameworks into her methodology.

K.C. Davis is such a gift to everyone who gets to read her work. This book gives so, so many practical tips that can be used to help you think through what you will and won’t accept in relationships (family, platonic, romantic, or otherwise). Boundary setting in particular is such a challenging topic but this book does a great job of distilling it down in a way that makes the hard work of boundaries feel much more manageable. Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the ARC of this book!

I loved loved loved How to Keep House while Drowning so much. I’ve read it multiple times and pushed it into the hands of many friends. So when I saw KC Davis had a new book coming out, I said I didn’t need to see anything more about it, I need it!! I probably should have looked a little more. This one was less of a fit for me right now and so I decided to dnf. Still looking forward to seeing what Davis writes next!

Fans of KC Davis's social media will be satisfied with this title, which expands upon the mental health therapist-influencer's popular videos to help the reader deal with relationships of all kinds. Kind, warm, humorous and unflinching, this was trademark KC, in all the best ways.

As my mentor once said after I told her I struggled with people-pleasing, “Honey, look around.
Ain’t nobody pleased.”

• People respect you more when you have respect for yourself. ➝ When you sacrifice parts of yourself to make the situation peaceful, to make them not mad, to make them feel happy and grateful, a.k.a. not giving the SAME love and care to yourself, others will walk over you.

"You can stop perpetually pleasing people and start authentically loving people."

You get a sense of euphoria when someone is happy. But it doesn't matter who you get it from. It hurts others that want to genuinely love you, but you can't give back. The downside to caring about everybody is the inability to CARE ABOUT SOMEONE DEEPLY.

You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

I (obviously) follow K.C. Davis on TT, and after listening to her talk about her book, I was eager to read it. This book truly is for anyone struggling with any kind of relationship- friend, romantic, parental, etc. It gives practical, simple ways to decide if the relationship is worth pursuing and how to work on it.
I don't currently have a need to use it in a relationship, but I love having it in my toolkit for the next time I do.

Put down "Atomic Habits"!! No one is doing it like K.C. Davis!!
K.C.'s writing just oozes with absolute compassion alongside its writing. For those who are dipping their toes into self-improvement or therapy, her work is such a great place to start. It honestly just feels generous? In the grace she gives you and the wisdom she shares.
I love how she continued her theme of "moral neutrality" in this book, which is what I reference most from "How to Keep House While Drowning" (as in declaring to my coworkers and myself that it's actually morally neutral to eat five plain tortillas for lunch, so there).
I wouldn't say this is a book or message that I NEEDED right now (at least in the way that I needed "how to keep house") but it still has wonderful nuggets that I'll be carrying with me right away.
I think her books are something that everyone should try reading, and I say that about very few books. But there's just something in here for everyone, AND she is so brilliant in writing for her audience. One of the few self-helpy types who won't take four hundred pages/10 hours to tell you that life is really busy.

I’m a big fan of KC Davis because she is a master of mindset, and she is full of practical and meaningful advice. I also love that her content is so accessible because she keeps things clear, concise, and compassionate.

In this book, KC focuses on managing relationships. The book is broken down into three parts.
The first part looks at how to work on your relationships, by explaining what healthy and helpful relationships looks like, and by explaining what things are within your control during a conflict (including how the the vulnerability cycle works, and the importance of self-regulation).
The second part examines how to make decisions about challenging relationships (and she shares a “decision tree” that helps you evaluate the relationships to decide whether to proceed with a relationship with adjustments/safeguards or whether to step away in some manner).
The third part looks at how boundaries can be used to enhance your relationships.

Sure, this book is a book about relationships, but, ultimately, this is a book about what you can and cannot control, and how to address the things within your control (spoiler → you can control only yourself and your own behavior/responses; you cannot control others). She also does a great job laying out what a healthy relationship looks like, and what things we don’t need to feel guilt or shame about (even if others tempt you to feel that way).

KC has many talents. One of them is that she is sufficiently concise. She manages to share a lot of information succinctly. She gives adequate examples (and even included illustrations) that really help support her points (the illustrations truly were fantastic!). Many books in this genre can be repetitive or drag on to fill up space (sometimes you feel like these books should be articles or Ted Talks), but KC doesn’t waste your time. Each page is full of helpful information.

A lot of the concepts were familiar to me, but I could see how this book could be life-changing for readers who were not already familiar with any of these concepts. Although not all the information was new to me, I still leaned so much. I felt KC gave each of the concepts her own spin, and he had so many nuggets of wisdom sprinkled within each concept. It was great to hear things from her take, and I appreciated the nuances she added to the concepts I was familiar with. I thought she did a stellar job explaining dysregulation and the brain science behind it. I also loved her reminders about how powerful it is to not take things personal, and how you need to focus on controlling the controllables. The boundaries section also was full of great reminders and some new nuances. She gave a lot of good clarification of what boundaries are. I could have read even more about her ideas, but this might be because I am much more familiar with the topic of boundaries, so I wanted a deeper dive, but for those who are new to this content, it will be great info. There is a lot out there on boundaries, and her take is one of the better ones I've read.

While I was familiar with a lot of the concepts, the section on the vulnerability cycle and the decision tree had a lot of new ideas that I had not seen before. She explained all of the concepts so clearly.

I also loved the way she addressed additional things to consider for relationships with neurodivergent family and friends (or for those who are neurodivergent themselves). I find her writing to be so inclusive and accessible.

Small heads up that while KC is a compassionate queen, she cusses like a sailor. I find her use of expletives endearing (as they are an effective part of her humor - and they help lighten the tone), but I know that is an issue for some readers.

Rating:⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💫 (4.5, rounded up to 5)
Format: 🎧&📱

Genre: Self-Help, Psychology, Sociology
Themes/Tropes/Topics: Relationships (friendship/family/dating/marriage), brain science, dysregulation, boundaries, control, psychology, addiction, self-worth, insecurities, people pleasing, enabling, self care, responsibilities, communication, healthy relationships/abusive relationships, values
Moods: informative, interesting, funny, helpful, reflective, thought provoking, uplifting, compassionate
For fans of/Comps: KC Davis, Kendra Adachi, Brene Brown, and self-help that is accessible and self-compassionate.

Straight to the point but also poetic. It gives insight on
• People-pleasing habits and why we do it.
• Underfunctioning in relationship you need
• Overfunctioning in relationship you crave
• What we do AND NOT owe to each other
• how to emotionally regulate your emotions and actions, not others
• how conflict can be intimate
• how to establish standards

As my mentor once said after I told her I struggled with people-pleasing, “Honey, look around.
Ain’t nobody pleased.”

You can stop perpetually pleasing people and start authentically loving people.

You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Thank you NetGalley and S&S for the ARC. All opinions are my own

I almost never read self help books but I really love KC. I find her content so relatable and the way she described care tasks as morally neutral was really life changing for me. I was excited to get this ARC and I gleaned quite a bit from it. I know this is described as useful for all relationships and it is but I felt like it was more applicable to partner and family relationships than friendships.

The author of How to Keep House While Drowning returns with a new book on relationships. I follow KC Davis on TikTok and listen to her podcast, so I was already familiar with her ability to meet people where they are, and her ability to reflect on her own life. Her book is like listening to her speak through a video or podcast. It is like listening to a good friend who knows you well but isn't afraid to give you tough love.

Written with a neurodivergent audience in mind, both the font, and the format are designed to help the reader get the most out of the book no matter their situation. The book is short, and I read the first 25% over coffee and while riding an exercise bike, so it's not an overly challenging read. The challenge comes when we are doing the work of self-healing. But readers will find this book to be accepting of their circumstances and one that gives a helpful nudge when we are stuck.

I highly recommend this book for therapists, libraries, and doctors' offices.

I heard about KC Davis on a podcast, and it felt like she just ‘got’ me… leading me to purchase her first book, How to Keep House While Drowning, which I chose as an audiobook so I could revisit her advice whenever needed.

When I learned she was releasing a new book, Who Deserves Your Love, I was soooooo excited! I was fortunate to receive an early release copy through NetGalley, and I eagerly anticipate purchasing the audiobook upon its release.

This book is a valuable resource for anyone navigating relationships. This book offers practical tips, reflection questions, end-of-chapter recaps, and, most notably, a relationship decision tree to aid in making informed choices. The material is presented in an easy-to-understand manner, making it accessible to all readers.

Who Deserves Your Love is a wonderful guide for assessing how much of ourselves to invest in relationships and recognizing when it might be time to step back.

Thank you to NetGalley & Simon Element

Once again, KC Davis tears apart my mind as a I knew it and made it a functional little space. She says in the beginning of Who Deserves Your Love that there wouldn’t be a bunch of direct one liners to change your life. Yet I was highlighting every other sentence.

This book held so much emotional weight that it took me longer than expected to get through- in a good way! I took my time and allowed myself to feel, process, learn and heal. So grateful to have gotten to read this early. I will be applying so much of Mrs. Davis’ wisdom to my own life and already have felt a shift in some of my relationships and the way I perceive them.

The writing is phenomenal. I could hear her witty and sometimes sarcastic tone through out the entire book. It felt like we were sitting down and having a conversation together.


So thankful for this ARC copy!

Posted on Goodreads and my Instagram @the.therapists.bookshelf

“Let’s start with I was gifted this book as an advanced reader copy. I am also a licensed marriage and family therapist. I thought this book was wonderful and the material was easy to to understand. I can’t wait to recommend this book to so many of my clients who I think will be able to very quickly absorb the information and support our work in therapy. This book is a beautiful love letter to the relational work that I love so much. thank you to KC and the team at Simon & Schuster for the early copy! I have already recommended this to colleagues to preorder!”

Overall, it was okay, alright. Not the greatest but also truth be told not the worst, I fairly enjoyed the read that this gave me but I felt like I really didn’t learn much out of this it helped open some of my thoughts but not to the point that I was like “ahhh”, it’s alright, possibly won’t read it again in the future though.

This was... ok. I felt like it could've touched more on different forms of trauma/abuse, and how it plays into the vulnerability cycle. I felt like much of it was oriented on marital relationships (wife, husband, children, mental load, household chores). To each their own! However, it just wasn't for me. The decision tree was a helpful tool, as was the people pleasing chapter.
Overall, it was ok and had some insightful moments but for the most part I felt like it was lacking.

As a fan of the author on TikTok, I was so excited to dive into this book.

The writing is so compelling - you can hear the authors voice in every page. It’s extremely easy to understand and digest. I read it in one evening!

It’s an intricate and practical look at relationships, community aligning your actions with your values, what we owe to ourselves, each other, and more.

It’s also an excellent reminder that the pros of practicing vulnerability and boundaries is often on the other side of discomfort. And you have to learn to regulate in the face of that discomfort

Not reinventing the wheel BUT:
1) The author’s explicit purpose is to help those without access to this type of information and
2) This book is so refreshing in the midst of a billion terrible pop-psychology books / psychological Dave Ramsey’s.

Overall a great book to help readers determine how much of themselves to give in a relationship and how to decide when its time to call it quits. Practical tips, reflection questions, end of chapter recaps, and (in my opinion, the most useful) a relationship decision tree that can be used to make choices in a relationship can be found here.

The only detractor from me was reading the line "Why Jonah Hill is a dick and other thoughts on boundaries." Jonah Hill misused the phrase boundaries (despite being open about his therapy experience) in place of what were effectively demands on his then romantic interest. For a book about empowering people, it's not necessary to disparage a person - using the specific behavior and speaking to why it's problematic and how to address it is enough.

Thanks to Simon Element for a copy via NetGalley.