Thank you New Harbinger Publications and Netgalley for an ARC of this book.

L.eah Aguirre is an EMDR therapist who has written a sadly, much needed but fabulous book to help people recognise coercive, controlling and emotionally abusive relationships.

Leah presents a wealth of information in an easy to understand, highly readable and compassionate manner.

She explains that being in a relation with an emotionally abusive person (EAP) is insidious. The EAP makes you constantly question yourself and defend yourself whilst making you feel,powerless and defeated as you loose your sense of self.

Leah uses EMDR, compassion, Committment therapy and motivating interviewing techniques to help someone in a relationship with an EAP understand it is not them, what a healthy relationship looks like, understanding the EAP, cognitive dissonance, challenges and after effects of ending a relationship, self empowerment and so much more.

Thankfully I am not in a relationship with an EAP but I have an interest in psychology and work in a field where people are affected by EAP in their relationships on a regular basis so this was incredibly interesting. I also learned new info about attachment theories and was intrigued to see new research shows that her attachments can be “hindered” by previous love relationships, rather than just our parents and caregivers as previously believed.

Each chapter has a person study to highlight the contents of that chapter and exercises to do including EMDR exercises, journalling, questionnaires.

This is a really helpful, relevant book that I hope will reach the people who really need it.
Irrelevant of whether they can access counselling or not, this book will be of some help and comfort on their journey. I highly recommend it.

Thank you for the opportunity to read and provide my honest review.

This book may be short but it is important. Leah highlights this in the book, but emotionally abusive relationships can be more difficult to recognize. Aspects of them can even be normalized by society, think “boys will be boys” and the idea of “passion” in extreme emotional responses.

Leah leads you through recognizing what emotional abuse is, understanding the effects, and providing tools to leave the relationship. All while not blaming or criticizing those who are in these relationships. She pulls on self-compassion skills, as well as other therapeutic modalities.

Overall, this is an incredibly helpful read for those who in an emotionally abusive and unhealthy relationship. This is one that I can see being a great addition to therapy and to read with your therapist.

Learned a lot from the content included in this book. I liked the journal prompts and insights from real couples that were within. The book is laid out in a helpful way. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.