"For those who have kept the peace but lost themselves."

This is literally chicken soup for the anxious soul.

This book is beautifully written, filled with anecdotes, helpful strategies, and encouraging mantras. This felt less like a self-help book and more like a comforting chat with a supportive, wise friend.

"Maintaining boundaries doesn’t cause outcomes; maintaining boundaries can hasten outcomes,” meaning our consistency with our boundaries simply reveals what’s been there all along in the relationship and brings us closer to that clarity."

I particularly enjoyed the chapter on setting boundaries. While it might seem like common sense, Josephson provided a lot of great insight, particularly the reminder that setting a boundary will just dictate what you will do, not what the other person does. Someone crossing your boundary does not mean you're bad at boundaries; it just means that you're responsible for keeping your end of the promise about what will follow when that boundary is crossed. This really helped me set reasonable expectations for boundaries and avoid feeling like a failure when others disregard them.

"No one emerges from childhood unscathed, and there’s no such thing as a “perfect” parent. I like to think that a parent’s weakness becomes the child’s strength, and that’s how we evolve as a collective."

I enjoyed the thoughtful perspective on childhood and family dynamics sprinkled throughout the book. The author highlights how being raised in a performance-oriented household leads to people-pleasing and perfectionism as a plea for attention and love. It was also eye-opening to see that even while extremely goal-driven, many people-pleasers are so riddled with low self-esteem that their accomplishments seem minor to them. The "If even I could achieve it, it's probably not that impressive" mentality has followed me my whole life, and I strongly relate to the author's reflection on this being a mechanism for undervaluing one's success.

And the most important reminder of all: "You're doing enough."

Thank you, NetGalley and Simon & Schuster, for the opportunity to read an advanced reader's copy in exchange for my honest feedback.

I think this was a well written self help book for the right audience. There is a nice blend of stories from the authors own personal experiences, stories from her clients, research based information and advice. The book largely focuses on the act of "fawning" which I had heard use sort of colloquially but didn't know the true meaning of. The chapters are small and very digestible, although at times they seemed to be a bit repetitive.

I did find a number of helpful insights along the way and passages that I highlighted because they resonated with me. That said, I also felt like it didn't help me understand why I fawn or how to really move past it because I didnt fit into the stereotype of having emotionally problematic parents/childhood so I felt disconnected from the material at times.

I would have given this 3.5 stars if I had the choice. 3 feels unfair but 4 feels too strong for my own personal experience. For the right person, I do think it is a great read.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me early access to this release. All opinions expressed here are my own.

Meg Josephson provides a thoughtful perspective on the "fawn" response to trauma- the fourth F that goes with fight, flight, or freeze. Using research, personal experiences, and experience based on client experiences-- through the lens of a therapist. As someone with multiple degrees in psychology and counseling, I found this book to be really helpful and think people-pleasers everywhere could benefit from it. I also think that therapists can use it for bibliotherapy.

The author explains how trauma can lead to this response and breaks down research into sensible adages. Each chapter includes actionable steps the reader can take to notice their fawn response and the way they respond to cultivate a more authentic life. The author uses a Compassion Focused Therapy and Internal Family Systems theories along with some Attachment Theory to explain the fawn response, and more importantly, how to react to the fawn response when it happens.

The most helpful parts were acronyms to help with reactions to fawning and questions the reader can ask themselves to figure out what is going on internally and externally in order to proceed. I felt like I wanted to highlight everything!

I would encourage mental health professionals to read this book along with any one who the title speaks to! Thank you to the author, publisher, and Netgalley!

This book hit me in a way I didn’t expect. Are You Mad at Me? isn’t just about people pleasing, it's about the deeply ingrained habits so many of us have learned to survive, especially those of us who’ve grown up trying to be “good” at all costs. Author Meg Josephson breaks it all down with clarity, compassion, and so much honesty. From the concept of fawning to the roles we play...peacekeeper, perfectionist, over apologizer...there were so many parts where I felt like she was speaking directly to me.

I connected with this book on a personal level, but it also made me think about how many students and adults in our school community might benefit from these insights. Whether someone is trying to set boundaries, understand their anxiety, or figure out why they feel drained all the time, this book offers practical tools and a lot of validation. It’s not just theory. It’s real, relatable, and deeply thoughtful and has proactive solutions you can put into practice right away.

I’ll be adding this to our library collection and recommending it widely. It's one of those books that I know will quietly make a big impact. Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for my advanced copy.

ARE YOU MAD AT ME? HOW TO STOP FOCUSING ON WHAT OTHERS THINK AND START LIVING FOR
YOU.
BY: MEG JOSEPHSON

WOW! WHAT AN AMAZING RESOURCE, this Non-Fictional Self Development new book is. Don't let the Title that's called. "ARE YOU MAD AT ME?" fool you into thinking that this MASTERFULLY written VALUABLE narrative is filled with AMAZING, very informative multi-faceted topics that it blew me away with how many unconscious habits I have that aren't productive.. The Author is very well rounded, in her approach to covering so much GOLDEN NUGGETS, with other discomforting habits that we do. She provides an immediate framework with specific detailed scripts that we can say to ourselves to lessen the powers of say, for example, overthinking of a vast amount of detailed data, which she provides in the kindest, understanding, and compassionate voice that I highly recommend to every reader. My reasons for stating that is because it's a fascinating look at the behaviors that I wasn't even aware of that is not dry,, or slow, but more like a page turner that I think the title doesn't convey how many different TOOLS, she has detailed that I wasn't expecting,. While feeling like we should say yes, which is a way of pleasing people,,may be at its core, there are bound to be behaviors that we all do, that make this so relatable. Even if you don't realize, like I didn't that the topics discussed go far beyond pleasing people.. It's not that simple. I think most of us have pure intentions when we interact with family, friends, colleagues, etc,, that we try to be sensitive, and kind to them, because we strive to be giving as much as we can to everyone because we do it from our hearts. Sometimes, I know I did things for others, because my relationships are important, and I have a natural tendency to want to devote my energy, time, and resources to making those quality interactions. I had some early developmental years as a child when my mother was giving me responsibilities that I knew both then and now were not age appropriate, and I thought that I was well past the effects, since I have been a responsible, and self aware adult. Plus, I have a lot of psychology courses that I aced because I was planning on being a psychiatrist, but realized that I didn't have it in me to dissect animals in my labs as a PREMED undergraduate. In fact, one of my best friends was my lab partner,. and we both switched our Major's and life long plans from that Premed program, since we strongly were adverse towards slicing animals. We met all of those years ago, and have kept in touch for decades. I still continued my courses to include as many Psychology courses as I could, since I truly loved them. The reason I am mentioning them is because I still keep up to date on academic research, and studies reading online journals for fun, and I never considered myself a people pleasing person. I do know that I avoided conflict or angry people my whole life. In fact, I have only in the last year or two realized that depending on how anger is processed. I am able to accept it. I don't like to argue at all, but I wasn't so self aware, as I thought, because it's only an emotion that like any of the others is fleeting. That I find I still know it's the emotion that I am most likely able to feel the most discomfort with, but I have learned that I can deal with it more, easily even though it's still my least favorite emotions,, and this book has taught me to invite it and I already have, but I feel it also has equipped me to be more cognizant in that unprocessed emotions unless finally dealt with stay in our physical bodies. The Author, has gone to graduate school at Columbia University to earn her Master's degrees in Social Work, and Clinician study has been practicing as a Psychologist who incorporates both Eastern, and Western modalities that I think makes her so interesting. I know about the Internal Family System modality, but she has motivated me to want to learn more about Buddhism, even though I already have had up until now, enough of the basic understanding of it. I have only read certain books by a couple of favorite authors , who are practicing Buddhism,, whose books I found to be soothing, giving me a basic understanding, of why it's so helpful, since there are ideas I've gleaned while reading resonated with me. Even though I have my own Spiritual faith that I was raised in, and don't think I would convert to Buddhism as giving up my own, I can still apply some helpful strategies that appeal that bring me comfort. I found something about each book to be aware why Buddhism is so popular, and has endured for so many centuries, that I can appreciate enough why some of the concepts are so peaceful, that can be applied without switching my own religion. I do find it worth learning more about it, since I am intrigued by how certain ideas in the books I've read, brought such instant comfort, as they gave me a different perspective about certain things that as an inner thinker that examines my thoughts as often as I do led me to rethink them. I found value in how to shift towards agreeing with how these Buddhist Authors gave me more clarity, to bring me to have Aha moments. I don't resonate with some of the beliefs that are major components of that faith. I wonder if it's because I lack the understanding from not being familiar enough through lack of knowledge, and not enough experience that I could be reacting because it's human nature to drift towards the familiar, and be inclined to disagree for that reason. We all tend to connect with the most familiar, that's just how our brains are wired. Still I haven't been motivated enough to actively seek out mentors, who could give me more knowledge than I will ever gain from a book. I keep reading those world famous practicing Buddhist, favorite Authors' books, so I must identify with how much there's always some of their words I adopt that soothe me especially when I'm feeling uncomfortably about a difficult day that I automatically find myself once in awhile gravitate without hesitation, that I haven't yet taken the time to ask myself how or why on seldom occasions decide to read them. All I know is that they are one way I can choose that always work to bring me an inner peace faster yet I don't do it very often. Since this book has some of the Buddhist practices blended with Western psychology, has been so profoundly powerful impact, that I only know because the Author shared her many life experiences which is useful towards many ways that are what are universal to everyone that as an older reader I have recognized in most everybody. That's why this book is so unique from any other I've encountered, and frankly generously packed by how it has covered so broad in scope of generally addressing the way humanity operates that we all have in common. I think what makes this so BRILLIANT, is that in such a short book it has so many behaviors that are addressed that pertain to how most everyone will recognize that are applicable to either themselves or someone they know. Somethings are going to be more or less helpful, but I feel certain that it's going to be a book that you will find something that if you already know, you will gain and benefit since we all never stop growing at least I haven't met anyone who if healthy thinks there's not room for improving in some way. That's how life is, we always can expect to face unpredictable circumstances since that's something I think we all know is that nothing ever stays the same. The longer we live the more we can expect that nothing is ever permanent. The more we practice something the better we get at doing most everything. I've either known more or less well in my interactions that I'm confident that this book will benefit in ways that all that it covers I've noticed we all are connected, and I have noticed that we all have a lot more in common in how this book covers the most common skills, and tools that we all as a species relate to one another in the content included with some people more higher self aware and successful at most of these concepts than others, but I've never met anyone who is perfect, I have never been more impressed with a Self Development, book that is geared towards covering as much as this that is as EXQUISITELY well written that will be as beneficial to offer the most tools to everyone who reads it. IT'S DESTINED TO BECOME A CLASSIC! She's blended both Cultures which made this Self Development book more elevated than I expected that's easy to implement, and I wouldn't say everybody should read this unless I felt certain we can all benefit from this because it's comprehensive in it she's formatted it to be enjoyable as well as interesting. It really is BRILLIANTLY detailed, so it's so much more than the title implies.

In "ARE YOU MAD AT ME? by MEG JOSEPHSON, has shared not only her personal struggles, but also composites of patients blended in illustrating how they are vignettes of an overview with different sessions that are short, but how each person "Fawns," or self abandons themselves in their unique fashion which is done subconsciously, and they are all are labeled with how they have each a different example that enhances the content she writes about. The sessions are different behaviors that give a foundation supporting how each patient's way of relating in their lives that are different examples of fawning as adults. She combines each patient's background history with dialogue. As she inquires, she also demonstrates the script so her sessions are a clever, but brief way to reinforce her later content. Each patient comes from all types of familiar childhood experiences that while making suggestions you gain insight and tools she equips the reader and the patient with in what she says is always sensitive that how the different learned coping ways in which kept the patients safe, but as adults that same behavior is no longer serving them, causing enough discomfort to have brought them to her practice. As each patient receives feedback it's always fresh that approaches very unique. concepts. Out of each session everything she says is cementing different organized terms and concepts whether her own story in future chapters covers new ways of communicating, and behaviors that we all do. You're either going to resonate with something in each case since she incorporates the nervous system, breathing, mindfulness, boundaries, nice versus compassion, and that's just to name a few.

She reinforces all pretty much basic psychologically oriented behavior or terms that are basic ways that we relate that when it's introduced it's in Heavy Bold Print that you learn by how what follows how she presents each concept how to either adjust your behavior in effective scripts that helps you become more attuned with how you can gain more self knowledge, and you will understand concepts that she covers since she has followed each term with easy definitions. What I love most about it is that as you read at the end she has questions to ask yourself or ways of patterns in how in italics there's reminders that this is all internal self reflective questions. At the end of each behavior there's a summary asking you if you identify with each question. Since Nobody is perfect as we are all growing and changing, and by reading this book you will get to know yourself better. She doesn't preach, but helps you to feel empowered to gently get you to ask yourself questions that I was surprised how much insight that by her questions brought thoughts to my awareness that were subconscious. It's the gentle way she frames questions that is discomforting at times which she lets you know that you will feel discomfort. But with affirming statements reminding you that your safe now. She even says that you're not going to remember everything you read and in one statement if you take away anything from the book she tells you what that is. I really think that this should be required reading because it's such a comprehensive overview of so many ways we all interact, but I'm just speaking for myself. It isn't going to be something that is a quick fix, and I didn't see myself as a people pleasing person, but I know I have had weak moments where I did things for people who I love to make them happy, even when I didn't want to. This is an eye opening book that one universal trait that we all do is compromise at times since we are all not going to be clones that we are all unique. This can be so beneficial as a place to start on a path to process trauma that can be tiny things that stay stuck in our bodies until we remember it. Who hasn't had something painful happen that we didn't want to think about so we distracted ourselves, and forgot about it? If you haven't had that experience, you will someday since life has challenges that in how busy we are we don't always have time to sit quietly in solitude and think about something that unexpectedly disappointing happened.
In the end it's up to you whether you read this. I've never read something quite like this, so I'm highly recommending it, and will reread it again since it goes into many different aspects in such a thorough way. I only meant for this to be helpful, since it is one that goes far beyond dealing with being worried if somebody's mad at me, which is why I loved this so much. I spent a long time writing this review because I've wanted to be helpful to anybody who takes the time to read this. This is probably the best written Self Development books I have read that was so tenderly written, and easy to read that I am grateful to discovered, and it's so universal in scope of how much pearls of wisdom, that could help anybody. I realize the title makes it seem narrowly focused, but this Author, MEG JOSEPHSON did a SPECTACULAR & OUTSTANDING job with how gently she guides you through such depth of a wide range of topics that COMBINES BOTH EASTERN & WESTERN Cultures. Additionally it is so well presented that I'm amazed at how she managed to make this so accessible to all readers. I'm also going to applaud her for how interesting she made this reading experience. It's definitely one that I will say is a TOP FAVORITE LIFE TIME SELF DEVELOPMENT book.

Publication Date: August 5, 2025!

Thank you to Net Galley, Meg Josephson, and Gallery Books for generously providing me with my Fantastic ARC, in exchange for a fair and honest review. All opinions are my own, as always.

#AreYouMadAtMe? #MegJosephson #GalleryBooks #NetGalley

This book actually did something unique for me--It showed me that there are very few areas that I really DO worry. In the areas that I do, Josephson paints an actionable plan that is easy and effective. Well-written and thought out!

Thank you for this e-arc!

Are You Mad at Me? is all about letting go of that constant worry about what others think. It’s really down-to-earth, offering simple, practical advice to help you break free from people-pleasing habits and start living for yourself. The author gives you the tools to embrace who you really are without feeling bad about it. If you’re over the mental clutter of trying to meet everyone’s expectations, this book is a quick and helpful reminder to put yourself first. It’s like a mini guide to finding your confidence again!

I wavered between 3 and 4 stars for this one. There are some parts that resonated so completely that I felt I was peering into my own mind.

That said, there were also parts that felt like they strayed from the main topic, or didn't really contribute to a cohesive message.

Ultimately, I found several actionable takeaways and new insights that I look forward to using to lend perspective to different social situations.

Thanks to Netgalley for the eARC provided for this review.

Highlighted probably a good 70% of this book. Resonated so so strongly with me as a "fawner". I've been following Meg on Instagram for a while and every single thing she posts hits home hard, so I knew this book would be a winner. As soon as I finished it, I knew I needed to share with my therapist at our next session, lol. Reading this was kind of like a therapy session in itself - I felt so validated with every sentence.

Thanks to NetGalley for the eARC of this book!*
I tend to be very skeptical of self-help-type books, but I loved this one. The author does a fantastic job breaking down the concept of “fawning” in easy-to-understand terms and relatable examples. I imagine that many readers will have “Whoaaa, that’s why I do/feel that?!” moments as they read through the chapters. Whether you are someone who is just starting out on your healing journey or a seasoned therapy attendee, I think there will be something of value in this book for you. It is one that I will be referring back to from time to time, I’m sure.
For further reading on this topic, I highly recommend Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson.
*{4.5 rounded up to 5 stars}

Very practical and relatable information. I trusted Meghann’s knowledge and point of view, and I appreciated the input of her own personal experiences and humor.

Insightful and empowering, this book offers practical tools and deep compassion for anyone ready to break free from people-pleasing and reclaim their voice. A must-read for emotional healing. As a people pleaser, this book was reading my mind in a lot of places. I'll definitely reference back to it.

I don't typically read non-fiction, however this title really called to me and the description was spot on. I appreciated that this book wasn't particularly preachy, the way a lot of non-fiction/self-help books are. It was deeply relatable, and also put terms to things in my life I had felt but hadn't defined. To me this book felt more like reading a long text from a friend who is trying to help you through your issues, and not like a book from a total stranger.

I’m a people pleaser and hoped this might help me at least understand why. Josephson’s stories made me feel seen almost immediately. The reflection questions helped me take the time to think about my feelings and how my own traumas contribute to my current behavior. Her approach is non aggressive and allows the reader to be where they are emotionally without feeling like they need to get “fixed” right now.

Are You Mad at Me? by Meg Josephson is a compassionate and insightful guide for anyone struggling with people-pleasing and anxiety-driven behavior. Some readers will find it validating and helpful, especially in how it reframes these habits as trauma responses rather than personality flaws. While Josephson’s blend of personal story, psychology, and self-reflection exercises resonate with some, the book’s therapeutic tone and introspective focus may not appeal to everyone. Still, for those ready to explore the roots of their over-accommodation, it’s a gentle and empowering resource.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me early access to this release. Overall, I really enjoyed this book. This is not my average genre of book to pick up, but I actually found it to not feel too much like a typical “self-help” book. I thought the advice was helpful without feeling too lofty or “common-sense.” The vignettes used as examples from past clients was an interesting addition to this book!

For a people pleaser, the day you find out that not everyone is walking around on a daily basis worried if people are mad at them is a day your entire world is thrown off of its axis. When I found that out I was genuinely shocked — what do you mean normal people don’t hear other people talking in the next room and immediately think it’s about them, listening for their name… what do you mean normal people don’t get so nauseatingly anxious at the idea of confronting a friend with something they’ve done that hurts their feelings & instead stew on it until it causes them to blow up… what do you mean not every message from their boss wanting to set up a meeting unprompted or “talk” about something causes a pit in their stomach and it’s all they can think about until it’s over…

Even as a girl who has learned to stand up for herself in the professional sense out of sheer necessity, not only does that not preempt me from the physical effects (nausea, sweating, shaking, crying) of going against what my mind/body want (keeping the peace), but it also does not mean I take that mentality with me into my personal life. I am much more likely to let someone walk all over me at home than at my job (or god forbid, strangers — those I have no issue telling off). I let offenses go until they stack up so high I can’t see the good in our relationship over them and I explode. I choose to stay silent, because to me, a single confrontation could ruin the entire relationship and I am deeply terrified of that possibility.

What really got me were the different situations presented in the book of childhood experiences that led to this trauma and “fawning.” They were almost dead on what my childhood was like, to the point where I wonder if she has been spying on me. It’s like she ripped it right out of my brain.

It’s something that I have been thinking about for ages, and wanting to change. But it’s hard to change your body & mind’s natural instinct to fawn, as outlined in this book. It is going to take a lot of work for me to unlearn those habits, but at least now I can connect the why to the actions.

I really love the way this book was framed, she makes it so easy to understand but isn’t super preachy like so many other “self-help” books are. I think it helps that she lived through the exact same situation and doesn’t hesitate to refer to her own stories as examples. To me, it makes the book seem more like you’re talking to a friend (that has a social work degree). I also loved to see the intersectionality of the book — she references the different reality POC live than white people, and that women live than men, which leads to differing levels and causes for fawning. In a country that is currently rejecting the idea that POC live a different, more difficult, life than white people, it was so refreshing to see it acknowledged in this book by a healthcare professional.

Thank you to Gallery Books and the author, Meg Josephson for allowing me to read an advanced copy of this book through Netgalley.

A solid self help book. It is primarily focused on "fauning", a term I have heard before but never really understood. As a late diagnosed autistic there was a lot in this book that I identified with, but also a lot that I was thinking I wouldn't be able to use since I am autistic. I think for those looking for reassurance they will find it in this book although I know from my personal experience I am unable to use a lot of the techniques personally. I was also hoping for a more well rounded look and diverse cast, however most of the clients the author spoke of were female.

Have you ever wondered if you said the right thing or if someone is mad at you, hours after an interaction? I cannot stress this enough….. read this book!!!!!

This book absolutely blew me away. I learned so much about the fawn response, a pretty new term for me, and how this trauma response has shaped most of my personal and professional ways of thinking and being, as someone who overthinks everything and has constant anxiety.

I’ve started working through some of the practices in this book and have already felt some of my long-standing anxiety melt away. I have been working on removing my people pleasing tendencies for the past few years and this book is the next step in my journey.

I have never highlighted more in a book more. I can’t stop talking about this book and the impact it had on me. I received this book as an ARC and will absolutely be buying a hardcopy on pub day to annotate and keep forever! 🥰

I’m always on the lookout for books to recommend to my students—especially the ones who answer every question with “I don’t know though, just my opinion, whatever you think”—and Are You Mad at Me? Just earned a permanent spot on that list. Meg Josephson, MSW, delivers the kind of emotional call.

Josephson takes the idea of people-pleasing and tears it to shreds (respectfully). She reframes it as “fawning”—a trauma response, not a cute personality quirk—and then gently drags you through all the roles you’ve been performing your whole life: the peacekeeper, the overachiever, the therapist friend, the human doormat, etc.

It’s part memoir, part psychology lesson, and part workbook, with exercises that low-key wreck you in the best way. She teaches how to “lean back” in relationships (instead of micromanaging everyone’s emotional climate), how to tolerate discomfort without panicking, and how to stop thinking conflict means you’re a bad person.

If you’ve ever spiraled over a one-word text or apologized to someone for your own boundary, this book is for you!