Insightful and empowering, this book offers practical tools and deep compassion for anyone ready to break free from people-pleasing and reclaim their voice. A must-read for emotional healing. As a people pleaser, this book was reading my mind in a lot of places. I'll definitely reference back to it.

I don't typically read non-fiction, however this title really called to me and the description was spot on. I appreciated that this book wasn't particularly preachy, the way a lot of non-fiction/self-help books are. It was deeply relatable, and also put terms to things in my life I had felt but hadn't defined. To me this book felt more like reading a long text from a friend who is trying to help you through your issues, and not like a book from a total stranger.

I’m a people pleaser and hoped this might help me at least understand why. Josephson’s stories made me feel seen almost immediately. The reflection questions helped me take the time to think about my feelings and how my own traumas contribute to my current behavior. Her approach is non aggressive and allows the reader to be where they are emotionally without feeling like they need to get “fixed” right now.

Are You Mad at Me? by Meg Josephson is a compassionate and insightful guide for anyone struggling with people-pleasing and anxiety-driven behavior. Some readers will find it validating and helpful, especially in how it reframes these habits as trauma responses rather than personality flaws. While Josephson’s blend of personal story, psychology, and self-reflection exercises resonate with some, the book’s therapeutic tone and introspective focus may not appeal to everyone. Still, for those ready to explore the roots of their over-accommodation, it’s a gentle and empowering resource.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me early access to this release. Overall, I really enjoyed this book. This is not my average genre of book to pick up, but I actually found it to not feel too much like a typical “self-help” book. I thought the advice was helpful without feeling too lofty or “common-sense.” The vignettes used as examples from past clients was an interesting addition to this book!

For a people pleaser, the day you find out that not everyone is walking around on a daily basis worried if people are mad at them is a day your entire world is thrown off of its axis. When I found that out I was genuinely shocked — what do you mean normal people don’t hear other people talking in the next room and immediately think it’s about them, listening for their name… what do you mean normal people don’t get so nauseatingly anxious at the idea of confronting a friend with something they’ve done that hurts their feelings & instead stew on it until it causes them to blow up… what do you mean not every message from their boss wanting to set up a meeting unprompted or “talk” about something causes a pit in their stomach and it’s all they can think about until it’s over…

Even as a girl who has learned to stand up for herself in the professional sense out of sheer necessity, not only does that not preempt me from the physical effects (nausea, sweating, shaking, crying) of going against what my mind/body want (keeping the peace), but it also does not mean I take that mentality with me into my personal life. I am much more likely to let someone walk all over me at home than at my job (or god forbid, strangers — those I have no issue telling off). I let offenses go until they stack up so high I can’t see the good in our relationship over them and I explode. I choose to stay silent, because to me, a single confrontation could ruin the entire relationship and I am deeply terrified of that possibility.

What really got me were the different situations presented in the book of childhood experiences that led to this trauma and “fawning.” They were almost dead on what my childhood was like, to the point where I wonder if she has been spying on me. It’s like she ripped it right out of my brain.

It’s something that I have been thinking about for ages, and wanting to change. But it’s hard to change your body & mind’s natural instinct to fawn, as outlined in this book. It is going to take a lot of work for me to unlearn those habits, but at least now I can connect the why to the actions.

I really love the way this book was framed, she makes it so easy to understand but isn’t super preachy like so many other “self-help” books are. I think it helps that she lived through the exact same situation and doesn’t hesitate to refer to her own stories as examples. To me, it makes the book seem more like you’re talking to a friend (that has a social work degree). I also loved to see the intersectionality of the book — she references the different reality POC live than white people, and that women live than men, which leads to differing levels and causes for fawning. In a country that is currently rejecting the idea that POC live a different, more difficult, life than white people, it was so refreshing to see it acknowledged in this book by a healthcare professional.

Thank you to Gallery Books and the author, Meg Josephson for allowing me to read an advanced copy of this book through Netgalley.

A solid self help book. It is primarily focused on "fauning", a term I have heard before but never really understood. As a late diagnosed autistic there was a lot in this book that I identified with, but also a lot that I was thinking I wouldn't be able to use since I am autistic. I think for those looking for reassurance they will find it in this book although I know from my personal experience I am unable to use a lot of the techniques personally. I was also hoping for a more well rounded look and diverse cast, however most of the clients the author spoke of were female.

Have you ever wondered if you said the right thing or if someone is mad at you, hours after an interaction? I cannot stress this enough….. read this book!!!!!

This book absolutely blew me away. I learned so much about the fawn response, a pretty new term for me, and how this trauma response has shaped most of my personal and professional ways of thinking and being, as someone who overthinks everything and has constant anxiety.

I’ve started working through some of the practices in this book and have already felt some of my long-standing anxiety melt away. I have been working on removing my people pleasing tendencies for the past few years and this book is the next step in my journey.

I have never highlighted more in a book more. I can’t stop talking about this book and the impact it had on me. I received this book as an ARC and will absolutely be buying a hardcopy on pub day to annotate and keep forever! 🥰

I’m always on the lookout for books to recommend to my students—especially the ones who answer every question with “I don’t know though, just my opinion, whatever you think”—and Are You Mad at Me? Just earned a permanent spot on that list. Meg Josephson, MSW, delivers the kind of emotional call.

Josephson takes the idea of people-pleasing and tears it to shreds (respectfully). She reframes it as “fawning”—a trauma response, not a cute personality quirk—and then gently drags you through all the roles you’ve been performing your whole life: the peacekeeper, the overachiever, the therapist friend, the human doormat, etc.

It’s part memoir, part psychology lesson, and part workbook, with exercises that low-key wreck you in the best way. She teaches how to “lean back” in relationships (instead of micromanaging everyone’s emotional climate), how to tolerate discomfort without panicking, and how to stop thinking conflict means you’re a bad person.

If you’ve ever spiraled over a one-word text or apologized to someone for your own boundary, this book is for you!

This book spoke to my very soul and helped me identify a lot of problems (and solutions to those problems) in my life. Meg Josephson is a great writer, explaining things in an informative and simple way. Are You Mad at Me? would be an excellent addition to therapy sessions.

Thank you Meg Josephson, Gallery Books, and NetGalley for the ARC!

It's really great to know I'm not alone in my struggle with people pleasing and prioritizing others over myself. I constantly have to fight my urge to say "Are you mad at me?" and this book opened my eyes about why I do it. I will definitely be purchasing for the library's collection and look forward to recommending it to patrons.

I enjoyed ARE YOU MAD AT ME? and it's very relatable for people pleasers.

The book spends a good bit of time on the action of "fawning." Those chapters were helpful.

I already know I fawn - a lot - and the book helped me recognize a few more details about that.

My issue was there were not a lot of practical NEW solutions. A lot of what was suggested rehashes what has been written before in most self-help books.

Perhaps I'm looking for the magical answer to all of this. The author alluded to that exact thinking in this book. Unfortunately, this book didn't give any new advice.

Thank you NetGalley and Gallery Books for an e-copy of ARE YOU MAD AT ME? to review.

I rate ARE YOU MAD AT ME? three out of five stars.

Reading Meg Josephson's "Are You Mad at Me?" felt less like consuming another self-help guide and more like receiving a crucial update for my internal operating system – the one that often defaults to prioritizing everyone else's comfort. Josephson skillfully unpacks how that relentless drive to please isn't just 'being nice'; it's often an outdated survival program (fawning) running in the background. What elevates this book is that it doesn't just diagnose the pattern; it offers the tools for reprogramming. Through relatable stories and thoughtful exercises, Josephson provides a practical pathway to understanding the roles we play and gently dismantling them. I found the perspective shift on boundaries – viewing them not as fortifications but as necessary structures for authentic connection – particularly transformative. The book feels like a wise, empathetic friend guiding you back to your own center. Thank you for this ARC!

Fantastic, great material! Looking forwarding to using this to help future clients and support my work as a therapist.

This book explores people-pleasing behaviors, better interpreting them as survival mechanism rather than personality traits. The author is able to demonstrate this concept through various examples including their personal experiences, discussions with clients, and through providing tools and exercises for the reader to think through. These examples helped illustrate the concepts, but also help the reader feel seen and not alone. I appreciated both the layout, utilizing different chapters to dive into different points, which helped the concepts and book flow from beginning to end. I think this is an extremely validating reminder and guide for those also struggling to heal and create boundaries.

Thank you so much to Galley Books and author Meg Josephson for an ARC of this in exchange for an honest review.

As someone who recently started going back to school to work toward my MSW, I found this book both incredibly informative and validating. It’s a great refresher for those of us already in or entering the social work field or any helping profession, really. I also think it would be a valuable and accessible read for anyone looking to better understand their own mental health.

The book covers some heavier topics, so I definitely recommend taking your time and reading at your own pace. Take care of yourself while diving into it - it’s worth it! ❤️

damn this book felt like someone reached into my chest, gently untangled all the invisible threads of anxiety, and whispered, “YOU'RE NOT BROKEN YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO FEEL SAFE!" I flew through this book in one sitting.

if you’ve ever spent hours spiraling over a short text, if “did I do something wrong?” is a question that lives rent-free in your head, or if you constantly overextend yourself to make sure everyone else is okay this book is for you. It helped me name things I’ve struggled with forever, especially the way I silence my own needs to avoid conflict, disappointment, or just the feeling of being “too much.”

the doesn’t just explain why we fall into people-pleasing or perfectionism, she shows how these are often trauma responses, specifically fawning. but instead of making me feel ashamed for these patterns, she gave me language, tools, and compassion. her insights into the roles we play (like caretaker, peacekeeper, performer) made me feel so seen. And the way she redefines boundaries not as walls, but as bridges to real connection shifted something in me. this book felt like a warm hand on your back, a guide to finally letting yourself be you, without apology. I know I’ll carry the lessons from this for a long time.

if you’re someone who’s always felt like you’re walking on eggshells, trying not to disappoint, always wondering, “Are you mad at me?” this will feel like coming up for air. Read it. Let it soften you. Let it set you free.

4.5 ⭐️❤️
Thank you so much Gallery Books for my personal arc!