This book aims to help dismantle the notion of toxic masculinity claiming an emphasis on protecting boys from sinister influences like the red pill-manosphere agenda. The previous claim was why I wanted to it, however I was not expecting the heavy anecdotal narration, if this works for you then you will love it. I did find insightful the author’s take on rituals and penetration, but they rambled for a bit too long. Which brings me to my main question, who is the intended audience?, because I don’t think this was for me. Furthermore, I don’t see any man in my life going out of their way to read it.

“Before They Were Men” is the latest book by bestselling author Jacob Tobia. Fans of their previous work, “Sissy,” will likely appreciate this exploration of how we can rethink the concept of men in our culture.

Tobia delves into the topic of “toxic masculinity” and encourages readers to change their language while embracing men with compassion, empathy, and nuance. As someone assigned male at birth who identifies as genderqueer, the author offers a unique perspective on this subject, presenting a compelling case for new approaches that can support men and, in turn, benefit everyone.

I highly recommend this book as it is very thought-provoking. While Tobia doesn’t claim to have all the answers, they are certainly asking many of the right questions. This book would be an excellent choice for book clubs, as it invites readers to engage with its themes and discuss them with people of all genders, races, ethnicities, and abilities.

At times, it can be challenging, but that is part of its value; questioning the status quo often is. As a non-binary/agender queer person, I may not agree with every point made in this book, but I believe it serves as a solid starting point for a much-needed conversation. As Fannie Lou Hamer said, “Nobody is free until everyone is free.” Thank you to NetGalley and Rodale for this insightful read.