Thank you to the Zando Projects and Netgalley for this e-ARC. All opinions are my own.

4.25 stars
Beautifully written, layered and complex as the paintings the main characters create together.

Redel creates an immersive world through the main character Gerta’s eyes, realistically describing her own thoughts and feelings, but perhaps most importantly illustrating the contrast of her life and feelings with those of Maria Osteerwjick. I Am You proves to be an apt title, as we follow Gerta and Maria throughout a lifetime, the characters start to meld together; Gerta supports her master so well it is impossible for Maria to exist without Gerta. This is not a plot heavy book, but the strength of characterization and motivations of the women keeps the narrative moving along very nicely. The author constructs the gender and class roles, both of the time and of the main characters, very thoughtfully.

With that being said, about 50 or so percent through, there is a slight drag in “action.” The relationship and life of Maria and Gerta is well established at this point, and no new information is given to move it along. I began to wonder at this point where the narrative was going, but this issue does resolve and the second half of the book zips by.

Overall extremely enjoyable read! I would pick up another book by this author.

For someone who doesn’t paint, this book made me want to start! Descriptive and engaging, every paragraph only drew me further into the story. I loved the intention and depth in Gerta’s character, and the way that she had some morally gray aspects to herself. Her and Maria’s relationship was intoxicating, and it definitely tied the entire book together. I wish that we had gotten to see more of Luyc and Diamanta because they added a lot of dimension to the story, but otherwise I loved it!

Lesbians? And historical fiction? I knew I'd be hooked on this book long before I started. I Am You made me love reading about the historical period it portrays. I love history, but reading fiction based on events isn't always well done. This one, however, felt the exact opposite. If it weren't for the historical period, the plot wouldn't make any sense. It was very well written, and I flew through the pages.
I highly recommend it.
Thank you NetGalley and the author for the eARC.

A transportive, well-researched (urinating English courtiers, indeed) and well-written exploration of what it meant to be a female artist in the seventeenth-century Dutch Golden Age. Redel’s world-building and writing are spellbinding — I often found myself eager to get back to the book when I had to engage in non-reading activities — and she educates the reader about the art and science of pigment-making and the process of painting, from sketching to the finishing touches. However, I disagreed with initial marketing of this work as a romance, as it seems more like a study of unabashed devotion (Greta’s) to someone manipulative, spoiled, and cruel (Maria); reading about Gerte’s willingness to put up with being belittled, used, and taken advantage of wasn’t romantic but rather frustrating. Trigger warnings include mild homophobia, sexual harassment, SA (groping, r4p3 of a male character in retaliation), explicit description of an abortion, animal cruelty (bearbaiting involving a bear, mastiffs, and small dog), and death of parents and family (not vivid, but rather unexamined feelings coming up years later).

Thank you to the author, Victoria Redel, and the Publisher, Zando, (and to NetGalley) for this wonderful eARC!

Finishing this book was like coming out of a wonderful, dream-like haze. I feel that the world outside its pages is dim, more devoid of color than the words in this picture-less novel. Somehow the sun looks less bright. Redel has captured the saturated hues of color, emotion, love, betrayal, and agony in deeper shades than I’ve ever read them. She is a true talent.

This book is narrated by Pieter/Gerta, an orphan-turned-servant-turned-maid, and follows her and Maria van Oosterwijck, a famous Dutch still-life painter. Their life together is little chronicled, as noted by the author, so this book is largely fictional. However, that doesn’t mean it reads as anything but lush and beautiful, full of the pain of life and push and pull of morality. We see these women struggle through many trials (I want to be vague here bc I would NOT want to ruin the surprises)- as women, unmarried, living in Europe in the 1600s.

I am addicted to the description of color, as well as the painstaking detail used in describing the creation of inks and dyes!! I don’t think I’ll ever think positively about horse urine, but I will definitely think twice before calling it useless! This book is unique in that it starts like a sad song- low, slow, thick- and builds to a fever pitch at the end. I love the pacing and thought that the story ramped up just as my own (and Greta’s) emotions seemed to reach a fever pitch. I relate to some of it (as a gay person…I mean as a dutiful roommate!), and some of it is beyond me, as I’m not a creative by trade (though I would love to hear the opinion of someone who fits that bill). The longing, the yearning, the internal struggle, it was all so so raw, and so heartbreakingly beautiful. I’ve never used “awesome” or “terrible” as their original uses, but this book is both- great and terrible, inspiring and awesome. If you like lush stories, historical fiction, morally gray gay people, and/or painting, this will be a gem for your shelf.

Thank you again so much for this beautiful ARC, NetGalley/Zando! Thank you Victoria Redel for creating such a beautiful piece of art.

Lush prose filled with a twisting, toxic, homoerotic devotion! There were a few structural issues with introducing new concepts to the narrative (the main character occasionally inserts new information that makes you have to backtrack on some of the plot to fit in the new knowledge, in a way that feels almost disruptive), but overall I found this a satisfying, engrossing novel!

WOW. The characters. The writing. The whole story.

Everything worked perfectly.
Gerta and Maria were fascinating and their relationship to each other was beautifully written.

I wish i could say more about it in detail but I don’t want to spoil anything, which is why I urge everyone to read this book!

Thank you Netgalley for giving me this ARC for an honest review.

4.25 ⭐️

beautifully written and well done historical fiction that touches the heart and captures the mind from page 1. 5 stars. tysm for the arc.

I Am You is a book set in 1600s Netherlands about love, autonomy, and art. It tells the story of Gerta Pieters, servant boy and maid girl to Maria Van Oosterwijk and explores how much of yourself you can lose in another person.

Now, I loved this book all the way through. It starts off with fascinating tales of Gerta pretending to be a boy to survive in a time where the punishment for such was humiliation and death. It also shows her annoyance with her keeper's daughter, Maria.

This annoying starts turning into a childhood crush and, as she grows to accompany Maria to a painting school as her maid, develops into something even stronger.

The story alone is good, but the writing also kept me hooked the entire time and the book provides very interesting commentary on the tension of desire vs autonomy (though I'm afraid I can't get too much into this without spoilers).

Redel's telling of these two painters' lives is phenomenally written and I highly recommend it.

How long can you let yourself be controlled, manipulated, and diminished by the one person you love most before you finally reclaim your own life?

In a world where women are silenced, overlooked, and denied basic rights, one girl becomes a boy to survive. What starts as a disguise to earn money for her family becomes a lifelong mask that grants her a freedom she would never otherwise know. But behind that freedom lies a twisted, obsessive connection with a woman who sees everything and gives nothing back.

This novel is both beautiful and brutal. It explores how love can blur into obsession and how admiration can be twisted into control. The prose is lyrical and immersive, filled with yearning and quiet devastation. There is intimacy here, but it is more emotional than explicit, more aching than sensual.

Victoria Redel crafts a story that slowly unravels the cost of being seen only when convenient, loved only when useful, and silenced when inconvenient. At its heart, this is a story about identity, artistry, and the painful journey of reclaiming yourself from someone who convinced you that you were nothing without them.

I Am You is a haunting and psychologically rich novel that will stay with you long after the final page.

It took me a few days to reflect on this book, and although it was easy and quick to read, there was a lot to process. The writing is exquisite, the way it describes painting and color is simply spectacular. I felt deeply connected to Pieter's experience and pain, and although I felt conflicted about some of her decisions, her complexity and nuances fascinated me. On the other hand, Maria is a character who I liked in some moments and was disappointed in others; her transformation from a passionate young woman to a vain and complex woman was fascinating, but it also made me feel angry at times. The relationship between them is just as complex. The final chapters, which describe the "Ultimate Act", are particularly outstanding and left me with a sense of satisfaction at the end of the book. I wouldn't have liked another ending. Although the subject matter is complex and may be triggering for some readers(abortion and abuse), you can see it coming so it's easy to skip. Overall, I really enjoyed this book and recommend it to those who enjoy historical and complex literature.

Sometimes I really love fictional takes on historical people; Maggie O'Farrell comes to mind as I was enamored with The Marriage Portrait and Hamnet. I'm a sucker for these types of stories.

I Am You is a beautifully written novel based on the lives of 17th century Dutch painter Maria van Oosterwijck and her servant and essentially life long companion, Geertgen Wyntges (Geertje Pieters).

This isn't particularly a plot driven novel, but it is a deeply enveloping story of a complicated and emotional relationship between van Oosterwijck and Pieters. The writing is entrancing, descriptions that tickle the senses. Splendid and atmospheric; a story that many people will fall in love with!

I have to mention--there are a couple heavy scenes that made me uncomfortable dealing with animals and SA--they are short but worth noting for other readers)

I thoroughly enjoyed this novel. Beautifully written. This is one of those stories that forces you to slow down and enjoy every single word. It is set in a time that I can only conceive through other people’s points of view. And yet it shocks me every time. It is both easier and harder in many ways, I think. The biggest parallel to todays time was the main characters reaction to the plague and people’s today reaction to Covid. I feel like this book consumed me. It was so beautifully unraveled and by the end I felt that way too. Reading about two queer artists from that time and the different things they had to go through has me feeling very glad I’m born in today’s time where people mostly mind their own business. But gosh…. Are we moving backward!? I felt immensely for these characters and the understanding that they were never safe. And they would never feel that way. And the penalty was incredibly severe had anyone come for them. Such a beautiful book with very heavy moments. Check your triggers for this one but I definitely see myself reading this again and again over time, if I get to receive the incredible gift of aging. This book got me. It will go down as a piece of history. Felt a little nod to the picture of Dorian Grey. Love it so much. What a special novel. I think if I were to read this in five years it would have an entirely different take away for me. And again five years after that.

This book is a beautifully woven tapestry that brings Gerta and Maria’s relationship to life with remarkable tenderness and depth. The writing is elegant and immersive, effortlessly drawing me into the golden age of Amsterdam. The historical detail was so vivid and atmospheric, it felt less like reading and more like stepping into another time.

What really stood out to me was how thoughtfully everything was crafted. The emotional nuances, the character development, the descriptions of art and daily life, it all felt intentional and meaningful. Gerta and Maria’s complex and intimate relationship is at the heart of the story, and it’s portrayed with such care.

The novel also explores powerful themes of ownership, autonomy, and identity in a way that felt both timely and timeless. The question of who controls a person’s image, body, or future echoed through every chapter, adding a layer of emotional and philosophical depth that I really appreciated.

This was a richly written, emotionally resonant novel that left a strong impression. I was completely engaged until the very last page, this will be highly recommended and I will be purchasing a copy as soon as it’s published.

This was a gorgeous historical fiction book about a painter and her servant. It is based on a real painter who taught her servant to paint but I LOVED the fictional twists the author put in this book. Maria and Gerta were fascinating characters. I looked up Maria’s paintings afterwards and they were exactly as I had imagined.

Set in the vibrant art scene of the Netherlands during the late 1600s, this story follows a determined young servant girl who rises from the lowest ranks to become an artist's apprentice. As she navigates this world, she adeptly transforms herself to meet the evolving expectations around her, all while passionately promoting her mistress, the woman she loves. Is the self-sacrifice truly worth it?

Once again, Victoria Redel has written an excellent, thought provoking book. "I Am You" is a well researched novel with attention to detail regarding art and history of 17th century Amsterdam. Her research on paint colors is impressive and immerses the reader into the painters' process. All the characters are well drawn out and the narrator is a multi-dimensional person, one who I liked very much.
While reading the book, I kept thinking about the best actors for each character. I do hope that there will be a film.
If you enjoyed, "The Girl With the Pearl Earring" and "Safekeep", you will love "I Am You".

Although this was gorgeously written, the pacing moved a little too fast for me. I also just wasn't a fan of Maria's personality or how Gerta seemingly had no identity outside of her.

I Am You" by Victoria Redel is a thought-provoking novel exploring identity, family secrets, and the complexities of human relationships. The story follows a family's dark past and the impact of secrets on their lives. I could not put this book down and loved it.

A riveting love story that is also about so much more-ambition, art, talent, class, gender, social norms, and more. The writing was gorgeous and I was captivated by Gerta’s narration and the lush scene setting. As someone interested in the art of the Golden Age, it was especially fun to read about the artists of the time and get a glimpse of Amsterdam in the 1600s. Highly recommend!

Thank you very much to Zando Projects/SJP Lit and NetGalley for the opportunity to read a copy.