The topic of fawning is not well known in today’s world of mental health, which is why this book is so desperately needed. I love how the author not only references her professional expertise to explain the topic, but uses her clients’ personal experiences (with permission) as well as her own to help the reader understand the trauma associated with fawning.

In a personal note, this book has been extremely helpful for me and I plan on taking my notes from the book to therapy so my therapist can help me on my journey of unfawning. Thank you NetGalley and Penguin Random House for the ARC in exchange for my honest review!

📱Thank you Netgalley for a free e-book ARC copy of Fawning. This book is one that should have been written decades ago. Fight, flight, and freeze are well known trauma responses but fawning is the least talked about response. And when we do talk about fawning, we often use judgmental language to say that fawners are master manipulators and controlling. In this book, Ingrid openly discusses the least understood trauma response and specifically how it’s impacted her own story and her clients as a licensed therapist.

For those unfamiliar with fawning, the author defines it as “a response to a threat by becoming more appealing to the threat.” She says that “fawners mirror or merge with someone else’s desires or expectations, to diffuse conflict rather than confront it directly. Because it’s their best chance to stay safe, at least for now.”

Examples of fawning include:
- Apologizing to someone when they’ve hurt you
- Trusting others more than yourself
- Making excuses for people who have hurt you, privileging their pain over your own
- Not having a voice because speaking up makes things worse

There are 7 chapters total and after each chapter there is a story of one of her clients’ journey to learn how to stop fawning and become their own independent and empowered individuals.

I really like how the author infused her own story into the book and showed how even as a therapist it was hard for her to see all the tangled ways she continued fawning even after leaving the house and getting distance from her abusive stepfather. Fawning is such a tricky trauma response because it involves losing sense of one’s own identity. Fawners tend to become so confused on what they actually want, so accustomed to appeasing the people around them.

Ingrid differentiates people pleasing and co-dependency from fawning. She does this because the motivations are usually very different. Fawning as a trauma response involves a pure, amygdala desire to stay safe. And fawning tends to be less of a choice and more like the only viable option available for a given traumatic event or threat. Often fawning is seen together with complex PTSD or cPTSD. People pleasing is a choice, fawning is not. Also fawning is inherently in response to relational trauma.

This book was clear, practical, and insightful. It gave me a lot to think about, specifically ways in which I still tend to use fawning as a tool even though it’s no longer needed for my current relationships. Ingrid gives helpful techniques for fawners to learn how to unfawn and take control of our lives again. I highly recommend this book if you can relate to fawning as a trauma response in your own life. Or if you want to learn more about it to be more trauma informed in general.

An important text on a complicated topic. This book was super helpful to me as I'm sure it will be to many others.

This book is a revelation for anyone who has ever felt trapped in the exhausting cycle of over-accommodation. With clarity and compassion, the author unpacks the often-overlooked survival strategy of fawning—how many of us learn to prioritize others’ needs at the cost of our own authenticity. Rather than pathologizing the behavior, the book offers a tender, trauma-informed lens that helps readers understand where these patterns come from and how they can be gently unraveled.

What I found most powerful was how the author blends psychological depth with practical reflection. The exercises invite honest self-inquiry without shame, and the stories throughout are validating, especially for those of us who have spent years trying to stay invisible or agreeable just to feel safe. This isn’t just a book about boundaries—it’s about reclaiming the self.

Highly recommended for therapists, survivors, and anyone ready to stop performing and start belonging—to themselves, most of all.

This book is a must read for your healing journey TBR Fawning by Dr. Ingrid Clayton was both conversational and insightful. I was so thankful for her sharing personal antidotes from her life and from the client’s she has worked with which really helps you see not only your behaviors but of behaviors of your loved ones or clients that you work with. It was very uplifting and nonjudgmental in calling out the behaviors and provided strategies to reframe and challenge these actions for personal growth and healing. This is a must read for people who work with trauma clients and for people trying to overcome people pleasing or codependency that stem from trauma. It felt real and applicable. Again I cannot say how much I enjoyed this read.

Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for allowing me to read this ARC. This book was everything I needed! I am the worst at always wanting to be a people pleaser. I think everyone who has past traumas and struggles with always wanting to please others above yourself needs to read this!

Fawning is a powerful read. Dr. Ingrid Clayton brings clarity, compassion, and lived experience to one of the most misunderstood trauma responses. Her storytelling is both intimate and illuminating-offering a mirror for anyone who’s ever lost themselves in the name of staying safe. As a fellow trauma therapist and survivor, I felt seen, validated, and deeply moved. This book is a gift to anyone ready to reclaim their voice.

This book was very informative and empathetic. As a therapist, I found it to be a helpful resource for informing my own understanding of the fawning response. I think a non-therapist would enjoy this book too, as it might help them to understand their own experiences.

This book opened my eyes to the unknown 4th trauma response, fawning. Theres a comprehensive education on WHAT it is, how it shows up in our lives as a trauma response, and most importantly, what we can do to break the cycle and change our behaviors.

Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves, and How to Find Our Way Back, by Dr. Ingrid Clayton, was very enlightening and educational. We have all heard about the Fight/Flight/Freeze responses, and in some circles, we hear about Fawning, the fourth "F". Understanding the details involved in the fawn response is critical in healing from trauma. Not only is this book filled with concrete data and education on the aspect of fawning, it gives us tools in regulating this dysregulated response. The author touches upon various types of modalities and treatment techniques useful in integrating a fawn response. She is a master storyteller, not only sharing from her own heart and story, but also various stories and examples from clients she has seen over the years. I would highly recommend this book to those who have experienced trauma and discover the tools that can be helpful in your healing journey.
Thank you to NetGalley and G.P. Putnam's Sons for the advanced review copy of this ebook. All opinions are my own.

Engaging and accessible. A recommended purchase for collections where self-help and psychology is popular.

In this book, Dr. Clayton coins a new term for a 4th trauma response: Fawning, adding to the list of fight, freeze, flee. While all 3 verbs are known as common trauma responses, and have the connotation associated with a fear response that is expected, her added creation of fawning is a surprise. It’s a surprise because fawning in its demonstration looks positive from the surface of it. It’s an interesting perspective that makes sense and adds new dimension to understanding the complex world of trauma responses.

"Fawning" by Dr. Ingrid Clayton is a compelling exploration of the often-overlooked trauma response known as fawning. The book has clear, organized chapters and practical tips that are easy to understand and apply. The author effectively combines her clinical expertise with personal anecdotes, offering readers a compassionate and detailed guide to recognizing and addressing fawning behaviors. The book distinguishes fawning from codependency and people-pleasing, providing valuable insights for those who have survived by being overly accommodating. It's a must-read for anyone looking to heal from relational trauma and reconnect with their authentic selves. This is a book that will stay with me long after reading it.

Thank you to NetGalley, Putnam for this ARC.

great read. Well organized chapters with relatable practical tips that are easily digestible . Very readable content. The depth and insights are wonderful. An excellent book overall. I am sooo grateful for this knowledge. I saw myself in most of my relationships . I have tried a few tips already at work and home too. They felt right.. I felt right about myself.

Thank you NetGalley, Putnam, and most of all Dr. Taylor.