Lucy Mendoza disappears without a trace from a supermarket parking lot, leaving her infant daughter behind. Her best friend, Michelle, is convinced that Lucy would not have walked away from her baby and her life, though many think that Lucy left voluntarily to escape the demands of motherhood.

While this is a well written book, and I wanted to read it in its entirety to learn what became of Lucy, it was a struggle. I found most of the women characters self-serving and unlikeable, and the whole story was so depressing that I almost quit reading several times. I stuck it out to the end, though I would not choose to read other books by this author.

Thank you to NetGalley and the Publisher for the ARC. All opinions are my own.

This book is powerful. Sharp and emotionally layered. It is more than a thriller, it’s a mirror held up to the impossible standards placed on mothers.
The tension is steady, the characters feel real and raw, and the story taps into something many women carry but rarely voice.
Also, do not skip the author’s note. It’s one of the most honest, validating pieces of writing I’ve read in a long time.

I can’t help but wonder where Donna Freitas has been. I needed this. So many women need to read this. It addressed so many societal pressures, norms that shouldn’t be norms, the way women are and aren’t supposed to feel and what it says about us when we do. God forbid a woman not want to be a mother. Heaven forbid a woman realize she’s not built for motherhood because that switch that’s “supposed” to go off when she sees her baby for the first time never flips on.

Women love to vilify women but more than that MOTHER’S love to vilify other mothers. It makes them feel good. It makes them feel superior. It makes them feel better about themselves. As if that’s not horrifying enough. what’s left is women who need help and don’t get it, who want a way out and can’t find one, and who in some cases truly just aren’t built for it. We might have a lot more children alive if mothers were allowed to say “Look, this isn’t for me,” instead of making them out to be monsters.

In the authors note Donna says that she didn’t think this book would ever come to fruition because no one wants to read about HER. The woman who doesn’t want to be a mother. A man can not want kids but a woman? It’s supposed to be our one true goal in life.

Disclaimer: Because people suck I feel I need to say that I am a mother and it’s the biggest thing I ever wanted. But while I have never regretted being a mother, I can tell you that it is hard. Every day is hard. To me there are no easy days. Sometimes there’s a few months that are just HARD and you just have to keep pushing even when you have nothing left. You are constantly putting someone before yourself or in my case three someone’s. People always say there is help out there but in my opinion there isn’t enough help. I can’t tell you how many times I asked for help and no one listened.

For that reason I will never judge a woman who says it isn’t for her. That she doesn’t have it in her.