It's hard to talk about this book because there's two approaches - if you are a person in a position to talk to a survivor, and if you are a person who has been in the position of the author and interviewees in this book where you have to navigate sex and sexuality after an assault.

I am both.

As a person who has to speak with survivors, I think it helped reaffirm some of the things that I felt organically about each person's unique experience, and potentially helping them with where to start if going to therapy for what they've experienced. It tries to cover a broad group of people of many identities and the different ways their identities might affect their outcomes, and I think if this was a more intensely academic work that diversity would be even more intersectional. I think as someone who reads a lot on this topic in the academic sense, there was something missing for me in terms of who was interviewed. I wanted it bigger and more broad, but also fully recognize this author did amazing and intense work with the interviews she did have.

As a survivor, it was both reaffirming and frustrating, and I think the only way I got through it without feeling triggered was because it's been a long time and I have done a lot of healing. If you're a survivor reading this, be gentle with yourself, and don't be afraid to stop if it becomes too much. There's limited descriptions of the experiences of the interviewees, but the context of assaults is still described and it can be a lot.

Overall, I'm grateful to this book for trying to crack open a complicated but necessary conversation.

4 stars

Book Content/Trigger Warnings:

- sexual abuse
- sexual assault
- sexual trauma

I was very excited to read this being I’m a sexual assault, trauma, and abuse survivor myself. I liked that the survivors stories were very relatable, and I personally felt a connection to a lot of their experiences and feelings as a survivor myself! I gleaned some ideas about therapies to try which I found useful.

Starting the book, I very much wanted this to be an enlightening experience; however, I don’t know if the book was trying to make a point, but I felt there was some rambling of the stories with vague direction. Sorta disorganized.

I lost track of which stories belonged to which people. It seemed the same people were constantly being re-referenced each chapter with different stories each time, and there were so many of them I kept forgetting their background from previous chapters when a new story was shared. I kept trying to connect which people were which, which was a little frustrating. Just an idea: It may have been better written with each chapter being a specific person’s set of stories (one person per chapter), instead of mixing the people’s different stories through each chapter and revisiting the same people through different/multiple chapters (the way the book was actually written). It just got too confusing.

I kinda wish there was better structure. I wish the book was building up to a stronger conclusion. It was as if the book was just rambling about different scenarios with no real point, direction, or conclusion. Was there supposed to be a bigger message besides examples of survivors struggles? I wish there were. But if you simply just want to read about examples of survivors struggles, then this is it.

For me the lack of better organization towards some bigger message or learning, left me feeling like I was wanting more by the end. I wanted to understand more about why I was reading this specific book and not just like I felt I was reading survivors blogs online or something. There was a 'conclusion' chapter that tried to wrap things up at the end, but that felt rushed to me.

I wanted more explanation of solutions people had tried, experiences people had regarding therapies, etc. The book did a great job sharing a lot of different survivors stories and the individuals had diverse backgrounds, except for the fact that it was a little disorganized.

In conclusion, although it wasn’t a perfect read, I enjoyed listening to other survivors stories. I have some examples of new things to try in my healing journey. And there was a generally positive vibe to the book. Emphasis on consent and the rights of survivors in relationships was a positive!

To be honest, this would be a good book for anyone starting in the dating world to read. It gives a perspective on consent and what’s out there in the world of sexual abuse and dating survivors. One never knows if they’re dating someone with a history of sexual abuse or trauma, and it’s good to have a perspective on it. And I would enjoy keeping tabs on this author to see what else they write, especially if it revolves around sexual trauma and healing! We need more books about sexual trauma in general anyway, and this is a decent start!

Thank you so much to NetGalley, Katie Simon, and Kensington Publishing / Citadel for this ARC in exchange for my honest review!

As someone who has survived sexual assault, I wish I’d had this book when I was in the thick of that trauma. It can be so difficult as survivors to know how to be in relationship to our sexuality on our own, much less to discuss it with partners. This book was well written and will be useful to so many survivors.

As a therapist, this book was such a good read. I will be adding to my list of recommended reads for my clients. Sexual trauma is something that impacts intimacy in many relationships, including the relationship with one's self and with future partners. The author did a great job with pacing, content and information.

Thank you for allowing me to read this ARC!

A compassionate guide to a sensitive topic

(I received a free digital copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review)

This book quite literally changed my life and I truly hope it lands in anyone who's survived any sort of trauma related to sexual assault or intimacy. I much appreciated how this was not an in-your-face manual filled with science or statistical information, but instead shared stories and voices. It was of course a hard subject matter, but felt safe and as though you were with a friend. Thank you Katie Simon.

So much of the shame that a survivor may feel has a really strong chance of falling away by reading this book. This felt like every single experience in the aftermath of SA, from disclosing to partners and changes about body perception, becomes less taboo or felt less shameful to have experienced. There's now words to contextualize the experience and to make sense of how our bodies/mind cope with what happened.

This honestly felt like a big sigh of relief. It single handedly help me understand myself better and this book does a really good job at explaining the emotional experience.

I think it's only fall is the writing! It got a bit repetitive at times (understandable, so it wasn't a big deal to me but can be to others). The writing also did a lot of telling instead of showing, there was a sense of distance between what they're talking about and the way I felt about it. Which wasn't a problem for me because that helped me to manage my own triggers and not get too overwhelmed by my feelings.

Overall, genuinely solid book that everyone whose ever experience SA to read. It'll Alll make sense!!!

Katie Simon’s interviews with female, male, and non-binary sexual assault survivors is enlightening. Her book shows that no two survivors are alike in their post-assault responses. It is helpful to know there is no clear-cut, predictable pattern of behavior after trauma. She stresses seeking community support and seeking out friends and groups of friends who honor boundaries, are kind and feel safe.. She highlights re-victimization as a common issue without placing blame on the victim. I especially like her suggestion that the topic of sexual assault should be addressed in every Junior High/High School sex-education class, along with more common-sense explanations of what consent is so partners can navigate intimacy clearly. This book can benefit everyone, help them to bring empathy to all who suffer and, most importantly, bring self-compassion if you or someone you love has been affected. Being gentle and patient with ourselves, and others, is paramount.

A must read for sa survivors and their partners.
I loved this book not only did it give you validation , hope but it also made you know you are worthy of love and pleasure regardless of what’s happened to you.

“Healing doesn’t mean forgetting what happened. It means remembering you are still worthy of love, desire, and choice.”

Beautiful empowering read!

Engaging and accessible. A recommended purchase for collections where sexual health, psychology, and self help titles are popular.

💬 BOOK REVIEW
📚 Tell Me What You Like by Katie Simon
🗓️ Pub Date: July 29, 2025
🧠 Nonfiction | Trauma Healing | Sexual Health
#TellMeWhatYouLike #NetGalley #LiteraryHavocReviews

🧷 “Reclaiming your body isn’t a destination. It’s a series of small, revolutionary choices.”

Katie Simon’s Tell Me What You Like is an essential and compassionate guide to navigating sex and intimacy after sexual assault. Part memoir, part survivor anthology, part research-based roadmap, this book is everything I’ve ever wanted to hand to someone walking the long, winding path of reclaiming pleasure, safety, and agency in their body.

🌸 This book does not give a one-size-fits-all solution—because it shouldn’t.
Instead, it gives you stories. Choices. Language. Options. And the reassurance that you are not alone.

Some standout elements:
💌 Grounded in trauma-informed care
💌 Real stories from survivors of all genders, backgrounds, and orientations
💌 Topics like triggers, body shame, pleasure, embodied consent, and self-trust
💌 Inclusive, validating, hopeful

Whether you’re a survivor yourself, a partner, or a mental health professional, Tell Me What You Like is a must-read. It’s a healing companion, not a prescription—and that’s what makes it so powerful.

🗣️ “Healing doesn’t mean forgetting what happened. It means remembering you are still worthy of love, desire, and choice.”

⭐️ 5/5 | Required reading for anyone navigating intimacy after trauma—or supporting someone who is.

#TraumaInformedHealing #SexAfterAssault #HealingAfterTrauma #MentalHealthBooks #KatieSimon #BookstagramReviews #SexualHealing #NonfictionReads #SurvivorVoices #LiteraryHavoc #EmpoweredReading #KensingtonPub