Bellamy’s Living with Limerence expands on his blog about the addictive pull of romantic obsession. The science of attachment and dopamine-driven desire is fascinating, though the book runs long as it shifts into self-help. Still, his insights, shaped by painful experience, resonate deeply.

The title of this book instantly had me intrigued and I had to request an arc! Overall the theory of limerence and the research on romantic love was very interesting. I found some parts repetitive but really enjoyed the neuroscience and felt it was very well researched and all resources were cited and provided well.

A lot of the book really resonated with me and I wouldn’t mind a re-read one day to absorb even more of the information! It’s definitely worth the read, and explains everything about what’s happening at a scientific level when you feel in love, obsessed with someone and even unrequited love.

Thanks for the arc St Martins Press!

Smitten breaks down those crazy crushes that take over your brain (called limerence) in a way that’s easy to get. It’s part science, part real talk, and pretty comforting if you’ve ever been obsessed with someone and didn’t know why. Some folks found it super helpful; others thought it got a bit self-help-y, but overall, it’s a quick, smart read about why crushes can drive us nuts.

For every romantic out there, Smitten, by Dr. Tomas Bellamy, is a must read book. This book is on-point about the powerful and dizzying nature of love. I was dubious about an exploration about the neuroscience behind limerence. I knew little about limerence, and wondered if the word was used as click bait on TikTok or Instagram. But being smitten, that I know about! Inability to be objective about a love object (referred to as limerence object, or LO in book), I get that too! Love does make some of us crazy. This book has some fascinating facts about how limerence changes a person’s brain in the same way addiction changes an addict’s brain. Idolization of a love object feels like a blissful refuge but it can also be dangerous. It can keep us from seeing the devastation that lies ahead if we are alone with only the fantasy of a loved one’s devotion. If that person too quickly becomes the center of our universe we may already be in trouble. If the love object seems friendly to you and seems to be offering promise of a relationship that does not materialize, that can be a brutal lesson for a limerent person. Limerents believe love fixes all and is all. We believe in fairy tales. This belief keeps us blind to red flags. If this book helps a person go from being blind to self-destructive patterns to finding help to wake out of the trance, it could save a life. It is especially hard to see what we are falling into when we have the illusion that our intense infatuation is reciprocated, with little to no evidence to support that idea. The author points out that it is sometimes flattering to a love object’s ego to engage someone’s interest and be aware the person has a crush on them. However, to play along with a limerent person’s feelings is harmful, misleading and cruel, especially if it’s only serving as an insignificant ego-boost for the love object.

This book has revelations like - inconsistency in a love objects’s actions, for example, feigning interest in them, often makes a limerent more determined to tough out an untenable relationship. It may feel more passionate to the limerent when love is not reciprocated. A limerent will default to hope if there is any chance of reciprocity. Over time, a love object’s intermittent interest may make the limerent feel more obsessed. If the perceived flame goes out, it may make the limerent feel like it is their fault for disappointing the love object. They may keep trying despite contrary evidence. They may crash and develop low self-esteem due to harsh, cyclical rejections combined with seeming accessibility of their love object. Not everyone experiences limerence, but those vulnerable to falling in love at first sight and/or those who regularly experience unrequited crushes, need to be forewarned. Limerents are often lonely, serious people, and they deserve to know how to look out for the signs that they have fallen in love too deeply and too fast with too little evidence of the love object’s mindset. This book proves that it is hardest to recognize addiction in ourselves. It is full of revelations that help us see our own propensity toward romantic delusion regarding the feelings of others. Smitten encourages us to build enough self-awareness and resilience to avoid the future pain of falling for the wrong person. If foresight is not possible, this book has tips on how to recover afterwards, find yourself again, and advice about not repeating such a reliably heart-breaking pattern.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and highly recommend it. Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for the ARC.

This was a fascinating look at the science behind obsessive love. Dr. Bellamy explains limerence clearly, blending neuroscience with real-world insights. I appreciated the practical advice on recognizing unhealthy obsession and moving toward healthier, lasting relationships. At times the book leans a bit clinical, but overall it’s eye-opening, thoughtful, and genuinely helpful.

This wasn’t what i was expecting, which was a social-science exploration of infatuation and (or versus) love. Instead, at least this was my impression from the intro, the author seems to pathologize infatuation via the concept of limerence and appeared ready then to launch into self-help — none of which is vaguely interesting to me. I would not have requested the book had I gotten that impression from the description. Apologies.

Thanks very much to NetGalley and the publisher for the eARC of Smitten. As a neurodivergent person prone to hyperfixation, I've only recently learned of the concept of limerence, which is basically hyperfixation on a person (and is therefore common among ND people like me), and this book provided some great insight into the phenomenon, including from a neuroscientific perspective.

Very interesting book about limerence, or obsession about another person that is often romantic. Reading about others' experiences was fascinating, as were the author's tips for getting out of limerence.

We've all had "crushes" on somebody in our lives, and in most of us, it just fades away over time, but when that unasked-for attraction for another person develops into an obsession that won't let go, it is called limerence, and may become worrisome, embarrassing, or even dangerous. Author Tom Bellamy delves into the neurological causes of this phenomenon and offers practical advice on how to handle it if it happens to you.

While the author appears to make a sincere attempt to offer insights into the neural mechanisms and definitions of “limerance”, the book falters when interpreting emotional, relational, and therapeutic dynamics that are best understood through lived clinical practice. Neuroscience explains how the brain reacts; psychotherapy explores why the mind suffers and how it heals.

Without any personal grounding in the therapeutic process, the author’s conclusions often oversimplify or misrepresent the complex human experience. He then greatly oversteps by ending the book with chapters on self-care, which includes misguided advice on how to deprogram yourself from your “limerant object” — because apparently the human psyche is little more than a faulty computer to this guy. He mentions therapy as a potentially helpful tool but then disparages it in the very same chapter — a damaging choice from someone who is ironically attempting to teach psychology when they are neither a psychologist nor a legit professor. This book may have had some real potential if only they had sought out a writing partnership with a licensed and seasoned psychotherapist who has earned their expertise.

"Smitten" is a fascinating deep dive into a very specific experience of romantic love: limerence. Bellamy offers a deeply researched, science-backed look into the experience of falling in love through the lens of limerence and romantic obsession.

Overall, I quite enjoyed this book and learned a great deal! If you enjoyed reading "Attached" by Heller and Levine or are familiar with the work of Helen Fisher, this is a great follow-up and will deepen your understanding of the science of intimacy and love.

The book does assume the reader has a baseline understanding of some of these concepts (like attachment theory), as it doesn't go deep into the basic theory but instead expands on it through the lens of limerence. With that said, Bellamy does an excellent job of making the neuroscience underpinning this work accessible and understandable to a layperson.

As someone who identifies as a limerent, I found this book to be eye opening and helped explain a great deal of my past experiences. I found this framework so helpful in understanding my instincts and patterns in relationships.

"Smitten" was a solid read and I'd recommend it to anyone looking to deepen their understanding of the psychology of interpersonal relationships or hoping to better understand their own experiences navigating romantic love.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher — I received an early copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

(I will post my reviews online closer to the publishing date.)

Well written and informative. Abstract concepts are explained in a manner that makes them accessible to a lay reader. I would recommend this for a public or university library.

I wanted to read this book because I'm interested in the neuroscience of emotions and I'd never heard of limerence before. I'm glad I got to learn about something new and this put a lot of my friends' behavior in college into perspective, however I had a very hard time staying focused while reading this book. To me, the writing just was not as engaging as it could have been, though perhaps part of the problem is that I don't believe I experience limerence myself. If this was something more applicable to my own life, I think I would have enjoyed the book more.

Still, thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for the ARC!

Very interesting book about limerence, or obsession about another person that is often romantic. Reading about others' experiences was fascinating, as were the author's tips for getting out of limerence. I deducted a star for the poor writing: there was a lot of "try and", which sounds terrible. For example, you shouldn't say, "I will try and forget him." It's supposed to be, "I will try to forget him."

First and foremost, I received an arc from NetGalley. Thank you!

Well, I definitely learned something from this book. I had no ideas that limerence was a thing. Simply fascinating! Luckily, that has never happened to me because it sounds kind of creepy and scary. Give it a read and learn for yourself and about yourself.

I received an ARC copy of this book in exchange for a review from NetGalley. I had never heard of the term Limerence before, but I love Non-fiction psychology books so I figured I would give it a try. The book opens with a handy questionnaire where you can determine your love style. Limerence is a style of love where you become preoccupied by biological impulses to pair-bond. When you experience limerence, your mind obsesses over your new love interest (Limerent object) in order to try to successfully reproduce. Unfortunately, sometimes this causes chaos. In a world with social media, it can lead to anxiety-inducing behavior where you try everything to make sure your love interest loves you back. The problem with this is sometimes it causes unbalance in relationships. The book explains that the beginnings of Limerence are basically the best feelings of the world, but when the relationship is not healthy, Limerence can cause jealousy, frustration, difficulty adjusting during breakups, and in worse-case scenarios, can lead to adultery. At first, I found the book very interesting. There aren't too many synonyms for the word limerence, so reading the book becomes a task in repetitiveness. The last chapters become more self-help with the author advising the best way to live your life is to live a life of purpose. The book was split into three parts. Overall, I thought the book was interesting, but I didn't fully connect with its purpose. It seemed to me that if you took the quiz and realized you live with limerence, the book cautioned that you need to be careful because you can destroy your life and everything you care about really easily. I especially did not like the chapter where you had to challenge your belief system by purposely recalling negative memories and chanting to yourself "I will not be limerent". The book also tried to be two things: a guide for people who do not experience limerence to understand it better and a cautionary tale for those who do experience it to avoid pitfalls in their romantic life. Sometimes, I think the tone was harsh towards those experiencing limerence.

Well, I really could’ve used this book back in the day. Like, a lot. It might’ve saved me from a few heartbreaks (okay, maybe more than a few) and helped me spot the giant waving red flags I somehow managed to miss while floating through one hopeless infatuation after another. If you've ever spiraled into a full blown crush that took over your brain like a rom com villain with a dopamine gun, then yeah, this book gets it.

In Smitten, neuroscientist Dr. Tom Bellamy dives into “limerence,” a term that sounds fancy but basically means “the kind of obsessive, all consuming crush that hijacks your life”. It’s not just butterflies and daydreaming; it’s a legit psychological state, one that can turn into a full blown emotional rollercoaster. Tom Bellamy, a self-confessed serial limerent, brings both personal experience and scientific insight to the table in a way that’s surprisingly relatable and deeply validating.

The first half of the book was really fascinating. The author unpacks how our brains (and specifically, our reward systems) can latch onto someone and refuse to let go. Spoiler: it might go all the way back to our attachment styles with our parents. Turns out, those of us with anxious attachment are more likely to fall into limerence traps. (It's me, hi. I'm the problem, it's me). The mix of personal anecdotes, brain science, and “oh wow, that explains everything” moments really hit home.

The second half shifts more into self-help mode, which I did appreciate. That section dragged a bit for me, but it still has value, especially if you’re currently knee deep in limerence and looking for a way out. The author offers solid tools for breaking the cycle and finding more stable, grounded relationships.

Honestly, if you’ve ever wondered why one look, one smile, or one text can send you into an emotional tailspin, Smitten offers the clarity you didn’t know you needed. It’s like therapy with a side of neuroscience, and a reminder that our brains are sometimes just a little bit dumb when it comes to love.

Thank you to NetGalley, Tom Bellamy, and St. Martin's Essentials for the eARC of this book.

I’d never really heard of *limerence* before picking up Smitten, but wow, what a fascinating deep dive. Short, sharp, and backed by neuroscience, this book explains why obsessive crushes feel so intense (and often unhinged), and how that early-stage romantic chaos is biologically wired. It’s part science, part relationship manual, and totally worth reading if you’ve ever wondered why you’re spiraling over someone after two dates. I really never considered a lot of the links to limerence before and I have a doctorate in neuroscience and so this was quite enjoyable for me!