Tell Me What You Like by Katie Simon bravely explores a deeply sensitive and often painful topic—one that affects countless women, and men too. It's important not to overlook the silent suffering of men, who are often left out of these conversations but are just as impacted.

With the staggering statistics surrounding sexual assault, this book resonates with many. Simon offers a compassionate and insightful guide through the complex journey of healing, reminding us that no two paths look the same. She powerfully emphasizes that trauma cannot be measured or compared—each experience is unique, and so is the healing process. Only the survivor can define what healing looks like for them.

One of the most moving messages in this book is the importance of sharing our stories. By opening up about our experiences and milestones, we create space for others to find their own way forward. Healing is not a solitary act—we are stronger together.

This is a powerful and necessary book, and I have no doubt it will help many begin or continue their healing journey. Thank you to Katie Simon, Tantor Audio, and NetGalley for the ARC.

I'm a trauma therapist that works with clients who have experienced SA and I am also a sex therapist, this book was really helpful and relevant to my work, and I will taking into account some of things discussed here and thinking about how I can incorporate that into who I work with my clients.

This book/ audio book is a book that includes the experiences of the author and how she and the people she interviewed moved through trauma through to processing their healing. This is seen as a process rather than an a to b final destination journey which was refreshing. I listened to this the audio book but am posting a review on the book as well. I must admit I found the initial listening very difficult, distressing, as time went on it became easier but it never lost its power.
Most of the time l listened to it in the car, whilst I was driving. If you haven’t done trauma work or dissociate I would not recommend that. At times there will be triggering words or phrases for anyone so I would be careful. Throughout the author treated the reader as an adult with autonomy and absolutely having agency over their own lives without a sense of guilt or shame which I found so helpful.
For me the narrator was very good, I have only just become conscious that I had been thinking it was the author narrating so I think that shows how credible her voice was. It was not an easy listen, although it is dealt with so well. I think it is essential listening for people who work with people who have been sexually abused or assaulted. It definitely made me think and I have lots of questions I will be taking to my next supervison.
I do feel the author does not shy away from difficult topics, surprisingly there are difficult areas even within this. I experienced her as relentlessly nonjudgmental which I really appreciated and felt vital. I so appreciated how inclusive the book is.
I do think for people who have experienced abused this is an excellent audio book to listen to or book to read. I think the book explicitly tells you about the subject so there is no risk of a surprise and I think only you can gage when is the right time to explore this, possibly with the support of a therapist as I think it would bring up lots of questions and feelings. I am not sure if or how I would recommend this to people I work with, I think it would be something I would take to supervison to consider before I recommended, mainly because of the complexity of the people I would with rather than any concerns I have about the book.
My one concern was when she covered choking, this became a criminal offence in the Uk in 2021. This was following cases where people were killing their partner and then claiming it was consensual. I know the author is not based in the Uk and I know even in her exploration she does emphasise the risk this could lead to a fatality. So whilst I was concerned I think the author did the best they could whilst not shying away from this subject.
I felt a humming sense of anger throughout the audio book, I recognise that’s probably coming from me rather than the author. The number of people who have been sexually abused is just overwhelming. I have not seen any other similar book and I have not had this topic covered in any training I have done so I commend the author for covering this and hope that she continues to provide more books in this line as they are very much needed. I felt in every area she covered really well and reflected on the complexity of sexual relationships after assault or abuse and I will be recommending to all my colleagues and hope it is added to recommended reading for any trauma training.
Thank you to NetGalley for providing this audio book for my consideration this is all my own rambling, honest and personal opinions

Tell Me What You Like is the book I wish I had when I was younger. It is a compassionate companion that reminds the reader with a tone of affirmation through individual interviews and stories that there is no one-size-fits-all ‘correct’ answer to healing from sexual trauma. But there are many options you can try, many strategies you can consider, and many people who can help you feel less alone.

The journeys in this book are not linear, though the book itself organizes itself handily into sections dealing with various aspects of life after sexual assault from relationships to sex to self. There is deep reflection on ways of healing, both healthy and unhealthy, without didacticism that give you space as an individual to see what resonates.

I found the author struck a good fine line, keeping enough emotional distance through plain (though sometimes repetitive) language to allow a reader to digest what was being said without being overly triggering or sensationalizing the situations mentioned. The book also is incredibly sex positive, not just in areas of consent but also exploring ideas of kink, community, and fetish without explicit approval and casual, comfortable explanations.

Rachel Perry does an excellent job narrating a very tough subject, and her calm demeanor was perfect for listening to a very tough topic. I already know this is a book I’ll be buying to lend out to friends and to have on hand to reread myself.

The author’s feelings and trauma are absolutely valid, and this moment will likely resonate with some.

Thank you to NetGalley and Tantor Audio for the ALC.

There is one line in this book referencing the global denial of sexual violence on October 7th, connected to the author’s experience of being sexually assaulted while Jewish, that may give some readers pause, particularly in the current political context. The author’s feelings and trauma are absolutely valid, and this moment will likely resonate with some. The line does not go on to acknowledge the concurrent denial of human rights violations, including sexual assault allegations, being committed against Palestinians by the state of Israel. While this moment stood out, it does not reflect the overall tone or focus of the book. I want to note its presence for readers sensitive to this framing, but it does not detract from the care, nuance, or impact of the broader narrative. I also did not read it as politically motivated.

To be published July 29, 2025.

Please be mindful of trigger warnings when picking up this book- this book can feel like the entire litany of feelings after an assault and while the author is delicate and heartfelt, the honesty and experiences can be hard- be kind to yourself.

The author addresses sexuality and some of the experiences with sexuality after assault in a way that felt reassuring and powerful, they utilized a diverse group of stories- including queer, POC, range of ages, lifestyles and experiences.

Katie Simon writes about intimacy after trauma in a way that felt like hugging someone. I found myself in tears on multiple occasions and writing various phrases in my planner. This is part memoir, part help, and part research based paper all wrapped up in a less than clinical way.

“Healing doesn’t mean forgetting what happened. It means remembering you are still worthy of love, desire, and choice.”

Being a social worker who mainly helps women in vulnerable situations pertaining to sexuality I was immediately drawn to this book. I wanted to get more insight into helping and relating to victims of sexual assault and how to advise them better going forward in day to day life, as well as their romantic/sexual relationships in the future.

I found the stories of the survivors fascinating and brave. I liked that the survivors were diverse, people from different backgrounds and beliefs, women as well as men. Their stories were raw, honest and very eye-opening when it comes to navigating this particular topic. They truly were the heart and backbone of this book.

I also received an in-depth insight into triggers, trauma responses, coping mechanisms, boundaries in relationships and how to communicate with your partner about sexual assault and everything that went with that. It also shed a light on how survivors deal with the aftermath of sexual assault, sometimes even up to decades after the fact, and what bravery and courage it takes to crawl out of that cycle. Knowing many women who have been sexually assaulted, I have immense respect for the strength all of these survivors display on their journeys on a daily basis.

On the other hand, I found this book quite one-sided when it came to its suggestions about sexuality, relationships after sexual assault and general advice. I found it a little too preachy at certain instances, pushing a certain belief system that pushed towards a very liberal view on sexuality and totally excluding and even demonizing any sense of Christian or ‘purity’ sexuality, I have no problem exploring all the different views on sexuality in a book like this, since this will help understand and empathize with more people, but I don’t need to be pushed towards one side in particular simply because of the author’s personal beliefs.

Overall an interesting read on an interesting topic, from which I certainly learned many things about sexuality after sexual assault, as well as it paving the way for making the topic more discussible and normalized in society, but from which I would have liked a more neutral overview on the topic.

Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for giving me an early copy of this book!

This is a tiny, powerful volume on how survivors of sexual assault and rape navigate sex and relationships afterwards. There's nothing particularly triggering here, but the topic speaks for itself, so readers take caution, if needed. I appreciated the diversity of voices and experiences, the inclusion of queer perspectives, and the offloading onto partners and everyone else to take care and learn. The narration by Rachel Perry was just right: kind, engaged, and clear.

This was a very triggering read—but also incredibly validating and necessary. It’s one of those books that forces you to sit with hard truths: about trauma, consent, shame, healing, and the way our society so often fails survivors.

At times I had to pause the audiobook because I felt the familiar weight of shame creeping in. Even now, I still catch myself gaslighting my own experiences, thinking “It wasn’t that bad,” or “Maybe I misunderstood.” But this book puts language to the gray areas, to the discomfort, to the pain we often try to bury.

“I’m healing from some trauma so it might show up. Please don’t take it personally.”
That line hit me like a wave. Gentle, raw, and heartbreakingly real.

The book tackles victim-blaming, non-concordance, the complexities of BDSM, the false notion of the “perfect victim,” and how even in healing, we sometimes seek control in unhealthy ways. It made me reflect deeply on what consent really means, and how important it is to have a partner who listens without defensiveness.

I’m grateful I had a supportive partner to process parts of this with—and even more grateful that voices like Katie Simon’s exist to remind us we’re not alone.

Rachel Perry’s narration was tender and compassionate. She brought this book to life with grace, helping the words land softly even when they were sharp.

This is not an easy book. But if you’ve ever needed someone to say “I believe you”—this story just might do that.

Highly recommend—but with care.

📖 Thank you to NetGalley and Tantor Audio for the ALC.