I’m cleaning up my bookshelf and trying to give reviews for past books I’ve read. I know I read this when it came out - I gave it 3 stars on Goodreads back in 2017. I RARELY give out 4-5 stars, so it must have been a good story. Thanks for the advanced reader copy!

Note: clearing old books from before 2019

Did not have time to read this book - still on my TBR. Thank you for the opportunity and my apologies for not getting to it.

This book wasn’t for me. I decided not to review it on my site or any of the major retailers/Goodreads.

Thank you to Net Galley and Atria Books for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. This book is a powerful and emotional story of two best friends, Amber and Tyler, who have always been there for each other, through the divorce of Tyler's parents and through Amber's eating disorder and recovery. They are as close as siblings, yet Tyler has always held out hope that their friendship could turn into something more.
During one summer break from college, the two attend a party together and fueled by alcohol and a small flirtation, Amber and Tyler wind up kissing and that kiss leads to a night that changes them both forever.
This book expertly handles the he said/she said dynamic of sexual assault and the devastating aftermath and how everyone close to each character is affected. Told with brutal honesty and from the viewpoints of both Amber and Tyler, this is one book that is thought provoking and insightful.

"It Happens All the Time" is the story of Amber and Tyler. They have been friends for years and Tyler has always had a thing for Amber. Amber can't see anything ever happening romantically with Tyler; he's her best friend and that is the way that she wants it to stay. Tyler becomes a paramedic in their hometown and Amber graduates from college and comes home to work for the summer. She comes home engaged, which makes Tyler incredibly jealous and sad. He has a choice of what he does when it comes to Amber and what he does next will break everything.

One of the things that I love about books so much is that they give you the ability to see really difficult subjects through the eyes of someone going through them. This is one of those books. Told from both Amber and Tyler's perspectives, this book sheds light on both rape and sexual assault. Both characters see the same situation very differently, which is scary when the situation is so serious and someone gets so badly hurt. I think it is important for books to tackle subjects like this!

The writing of the book was good. The story is told from both Amber and Tyler's perspectives. They see what happens on one night when they were both very drunk very differently. Amber is raped. Tyler can't believe that he would rape his best friend and is severe denial. It was so interesting to see how the characters see things and what makes them tick and make the decisions they make throughout the book. I did want to know more about how Tyler is able to absolve himself from what he did but then again, what reason could there really have been. Overall, this was a very powerful book.

I am not sure what to say about this book. I knew the subject when I picked it up and after I finished it, I was happy to have seen both sides of the story, even though the male protagonist was despicable. I couldn't find it in myself to try and understand, no matter his background story. This may sound harsh, but the fact that he repeatedly protected himself the way he did had me so angry during the entire book that it's the only feeling I'm keeping with me now that I'm done with the book. I appreciate what the author did to try and help people see the lines between sex and rape are thin and nothing, I say nothing, can excuse crossing the line. I found Amber's reactions truly genuine and heart-breaking. The entire train of thoughts and processing of the events felt realistic to me. Even the last part's events seem right, even though I was expecting something different.
It Happens All The Time reminds us the path towards rape recognition and a change in behavior is far with a raw and hard story that won't miss to touch the reader. The doubts, the shame, from the different angles are perfectly balanced to make it a strong read.

This is such an amazing read that I am not sure what I can say to do it justice. I strongly feel that the book should be required reading for both men and women. Amy has done an absolutely wonderful job of depicting the complexities of the effects of rape on both the rapist and the the person raped. "It Happens All the Time" is a must read!!!!

"I want to rewind the clock, take back the night when the world shattered. I want to erase everything that went wrong."

It Happens All The Time was a heartbreaking and realistic story. This novel dealt with something that happens so often in our society. Not just the sexual assault but the rape culture mentality and victim blaming that follows it. The author stated she wrote this story not to start a controversy but to start a conversation, and I think she hit her mark. The writing came across as fresh, captivating, and the story was simple but powerful.

Amber Bryant and Tyler Hicks  were best friends since childhood. They shared everything together and they were each other's rock. Over the years they always remained close but Tyler eventually developed strong feelings for Amber. Feelings that Amber never reciprocated. It caused a minor rift in their friendship. When Amber returns home from college, it was a chance for the two to reconnect. The two get to spend more and more time with one another. The love and friendship was still there, but ultimately one drunk night changed their friendship forever. 

"It’s all my fault, I thought. I called it a date. I wore that dress and no bra. I drank too much, I kissed him. I used his body like he was the pole and I was the stripper out on the patio. I let him take me upstairs to that bed. Maybe he was too drunk to hear me when I told him to stop. Maybe I didn’t say it loudly enough. Maybe I didn’t say it enough times." - Amber

"We were both drunk, and we both wanted it. I am not my father. Having sex was her decision as much as mine." - Tyler

The story is told from both Amber and Tyler's points of view. You get to see each of their thoughts, feelings, and rationalizations of what happened. Amber said no, but in Tyler's mind, she said yes. My heart broke for Amber. I felt the author accurately depicted the struggle and pain that Amber had to deal with. What frustrated and saddened me the most about this story was that Amber's attacker wasn't some unknown assailant. This was the person that we grew to know throughout the story, this was a person that we became attached to. Tyler was somebody that cared for her and yet somehow he was still able to hurt her so much. The strange thing about this book was I felt sympathy for Tyler. Let me be clear, I'm not justifying a damn thing he did, but it was hard to grapple with the fact that I knew he loved and cared for her and yet he was still able to hurt her in such an awful way. Being in his mind, seeing how he questioned himself, her, and still wanted to be in denial,  was both painful and infuriating. 

This book held my attention from the beginning to the very end. The story wasn't perfect by any means. It did come across a bit preachy at times and I don't completely agree how everything played out. I do think it was a great piece on something that is so very prevalent in our society. I would recommend for both young women and young men, to read this story. This story raised some questions and explained some concepts such as what is rape and what is consent. I commend the author for writing it and bringing a different side to this type of story.

3.1 - a very serious subject, but lackluster in application - the characters seemed shallow, and it seemed like every chapter was just a repetition of the prior one

From my blog: Always With a Book:

My thoughts: I have to admit...I actually finished this book a while ago, but needed time to digest the book and process my thoughts on it. Not that I didn't like the book - because I did, but this story is so powerful and heavy. Amy Hatvany is known for taking on subjects that need to be discussed and boy does she do that here.

This book is definitely not for the faint of heart. It's a tough book to read - it has a lot of trigger points - it deals with sexual consent and the aftermath. But, it's also about how we treat victims. This is a heavy book, make no mistake about it. It's told in alternating view points from Amber and Tyler's point of view and so we are able to get inside both of their heads, see how they each view what happened leading up to and after the "incident."

I liked how we were able to see the whole scope of Amber and Tyler's friendship. I think this was important to the overall message of this book. We see how they came to be friends and even the ups and downs of their friendship, and then the events leading up to that night. But it is seeing how they each felt about that night that really shows just how different they each viewed things. This is where having the story told from both sides really shines, really makes an impact.

This is a brutal, raw, honest look at what unfortunately happens only too many times in today's world. The writing is compelling and will have you wondering just what you would do if this were happening to you, your daughter, your sister, or friend. It's a book that will take you down an emotional journey and leave you with much to think about. And it's a book that you need to share with all you care about - especially those young people in your lives! This book is definitely a must read!!!

This is a must read for EVERYONE. It tells the very real story about rape in our culture, and takes it to a personal level. I loved this book.

Loved this book
Didn't want it to end
Highly recommended

This book is a solid 4.5 for me. I appreciated that both perspectives were spoken from and the courage to write about such a touchy subject. Amy did this in such an honest way that I felt as if I was there with them. Although Amber dealt with many personal issues, the controversy lies in where to place the blame and that one night acts like a stone thrown into water with rippling effects.... I stand with Amy and I stand with Amber... read this book....

I am sorry if my thoughts on this book offend an rape survivor but this book created some strong emotions in me and I felt really unsettled and unsatisfied with this book’s ending. I get that the author was tackling a sensitive subject but I didn’t quite agree with certain things. I needed time to reflect so I can write my review with sensitivity, yet honesty. I do not feel like I can be honest without victimizing people who have already been brutalized. So I will keep my words brief.

The book starts off with a history of how young Amber Bryant and Tyler Hicks became friends complete with their various family dysfunction. I believe the author was trying to lay foundation of what drove Amber and Tyler. This background led me to connect with Tyler and not so much with Amber. There were a lot of things that rubbed me the wrong. First I want to start off by saying Rape is just a horrible crime. I am not interested in victim blaming or justifications, however I do believe alcohol abuse does change the situation. I am not blaming Amber at all, but I am saying that Tyler wasn’t in a clear frame of mind to be making sure he “got” consent first. In addition, I do not agree that Tyler, whom the author had painted as a nice friend, just turned into a this monster so fast and the reader is to believe that he would take advice for a father whom he has despised just so he can avoid dealing with devastation his actions wrought. I do love that Amber talked to both her parents and they stood by her. The fact that they embraced her immediately and validated her was everything. Her parents seemed to be really good parents unlike Tyler’s parents.

I didn’t like the hypocrisy in the end with Amber committing a crime, but it’s viewed with “understanding” and it’s okay that Tyler covered her actions up because I guess Tyler owes Amber for his part in hurting her.

At the end of the day, I hope all rape victims get counseling and have a support for their healing. .This book was hard to review but it make me examine my own beliefs on the topic. I hope to learn more about how to help victims.

I think under the right set of circumstances, pretty much anyone is capable of horrific behavior.

This prose tackles a difficult subject matter of date rape. First it identifies what rape really is and here it is...if the at the last moment no matter what; if both parties are drunk, or if the girl entices and leads the guy on, if she says no and it continues, it is rape.

It addresses the rape culture and makes you think about the girl who asks for it and the guy who needs to be "man" and man up. You have two characters Amber Bryant and Tyler Hicks who have been friends since Tyler's family moved next door. In fact they become best friends as they deal in their brokenness of family dysfunction and identity crisis.

Tyler deals with a father who thinks as women as objects and his marriage to Tyler's mother is a nightmare. Tyler is always trying to live up to being a man but does not want to be the man his father is. He becomes a paramedic when he saves the life of his best friend Amber and realizes that he wants to save others too. He is a complex character as he tries to deal with feelings and insecurities that his father on laid on him.

Amber is the only child that become her parents miracle child. They adore her, dote on her and want the best for their daughter. She deals with an eating disorder that takes over her identity.

The narration starts with Amber taking Tyler at gun point. It is intense. The narration goes between Tyler and Amber that brought them to this point.

It should challenge readers that we need to change the culture of men will be boys and girls that dress immodesty are only asking for it.

A Special Thank You to Atria Books and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.

TW: rape, anorexia

It Happens All the Time is one of the toughest books that I’ve had to review in a long time, in part due to the subject matter, and in part to the tangled emotions that I felt throughout. We start out with various timelines, but we know that Amber and Tyler are childhood best friends and have spent a significant part of eachother’s lives hanging out. Amber, who is now a training teacher and has her own independent live in Seattle, comes to visit her parents for Christmas. Old feelings stir up again in Tyler, who simply thinks that Amber is the only lover for him out there.

Now, if you don’t read author’s note, I would highly recommend that you take the time and read this one. It makes the intent of the story extremely clear and I appreciate that she brings certain issues directly into the light.

“The world is full of seemingly nice guys who assault women. Guys who don’t have healthy attitudes about women and sex in general, who see sex as something they are entitled to, who hurt women and don’t even know they are doing it because we don’t educate our young men on how not to become rapists.”
I think that this is certainly one of the most powerful quotes that I have ever read about this topic, and I sat there sobbing over the truth that’s in it. As a part of society, viewing how other people and the media address consent and assault is often so frustrating. We hear things like “but he was a good guy who would never do that” and “but she was so drunk”, etc. which downgrades the truly traumatic experiences that these victims have gone through. In fact, there is this quote which perfectly addresses the type of toxic attitude that I’m talking about here:

“Our society always seems to blame the victim not the perpetrator, for a sexual crime. It says a woman shouldn’t dress provocatively or drink alcohol or have any kind of flirtation or interaction with a man because that means she is asking for him to do whatever he wants to do to her, even after she tells him no.”
Consent: such a valuable discussion that was handled extremely well by explanations from Amber’s therapy counselor, how hard it is for Amber to talk about how wrong her rape was in specific situations.

“I nodded, but I didn’t know how to tell her how wrong she was. That it’s possible for a man to interpret a woman’s initial permission as license to steamroll any boundary she may set after that. That once a woman says yes, it’s possible a man might not give a shit when she changes her mind.”
This was a timely and needed topic that was highlighted throughout the book’s message. I felt like the author was screaming: “non-consensual sex is never okay.”, which I could really get behind.

I felt like there was a lot of commentary of how parent’s raising can play a role how the characters view a certain situation. Tyler, for a big part of the book was in denial that this ever happened, couldn’t believe it. His father is everyone who I would hate, in a man or women, because he was manipulative, always thought that he should get whatever he wants with women, disrespectful to everyone around him, just an abhorrent human being.

Amber’s parents, on the over hand, were extremely overprotective of their only child who had a close brush with death, being a preemie. She’s sheltered pretty much her whole life, and is always treated like a “fragile” human. Through her teenage years, she suffered from a really horrible case of anorexia and it was almost painful to watch Amber go through that and to what degree she was hurting her body.

The problem was, none of the characters were easy to connect, or at least I wasn’t able to. Throughout any story, I want to feel for the characters, and there were extremely conflicting emotions about who they are and where they stand. Although a majority of this book was extremely hard-hitting, there was a distance/coldness which seemed to indicate a lack of connectivity.

**Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with an ARC in exchange for my honest review. All opinions are my own.**

An important (and timely!) topic, deftly told in alternating points of view.

It happens all the time, it really does. Rape has unfortunately become something normal that people can talk about daily. It happens at home. It happens at school. It happens at work. It happens all. the. time.

Amy Hatavany gives us a story where the line of consent is definitely blurred. As a woman, I want to side with the victim, who is also a woman. However the circumstance had me questioning my side. Not to say that the victim is at fault, the victim is NEVER at fault. I just think that in this shitty situation, they were both victims, really.

Alright, here we go. Don't shoot and put those rocks away. I won't say too much about how I really feel about this book because it is way too touchy of a subject. This book is definitely one of the hardest I have ever read. It goes up there with disturbing, but not in 'a child called it' kind of way, more like a WTF. I had to put it away for a few hours, but then pick it back up because I HAD to know.... Usually when I read a book, I'm quick to pick a side. It's just in me to immediately like or dislike a certain character. I wasn't able to do that here, or maybe I did and chose the wrong side.

The story starts out with a bang. Okay not literally a bang, but there is a gun so there. Why is there a gun? and boom! you're sucked in.

This book is about "the ever-timely issue of consent" pffft. Where do I begin. So Tyler and Amber are best friends and on a night of drinking and partying together they make bad decisions. It's pretty clear early on that Tyler loves Amber "I love her so much, it made my stomach hurt..." but Amber is engaged and doesn't feel the same way. They have a pretty heavy history because they practically grew up together, their mothers are best friends too, and Amber went through something traumatizing when she was younger, which Tyler helped her through. Tyler is IN LOVE with Amber.

Okay, so they drink and Amber kisses Tyler, everything that follows is up for discussion because I don't think two people will think the same thing about it. Unfortunately shit goes south for both of them. Amber claims rape, while Tyler is sick with the thought that she actually believes he would do that to her. He thinks it was consensual, she blames her self, and everyone EVERYONE turns on Tyler. The guy has absolutely no support except SOME from his POS father, and I wouldn't even call that support.

"It's possible for a man to interpret a woman's initial permission as license to steamroll over any boundary she might set after that. That once a woman says yes, it's possible a man might not give a shit when she changes her mind"

If that doesn't wrap it up, I don't know what does. That quote right there is exactly what the whole second half of the book is about. I fn hate that there is even "a side" that there is a wrong and a right. It was a bad situation. they both made bad choices and both of their lives are practically ruined.

" 'you have to understand. If you'd just stop-'
The same way you stopped that night?" dammmmmmm this book hits you right in the gut. It's nasty, its real, it hurts.

I rated it 4 instead of 5 because there are a couple of things about the book that I did not like, but I can't go into them without spoiling it or like i said, without stepping into ugly territory....

Amber and Tyler have been best friends since their teenage years. That comes crashing down the night that Tyler rapes Amber. Their lives will never be the same.

This was a really tough one to read. The subject is always a rough one, but Amber's rapist was her best friend! She lost so much that night, and I was impressed with her progress in her struggle to make her life positive. This one had a very engrossing storyline and is one that will stay with me.

Unfortunately for me, the big thing in this book was spoiled for me, but even with the spoiler, I can say that I absolutely adored this book.

Amber and Tyler are childhood friends and they have been each other's person through the ups and downs through middle school and high school, but when Amber comes home with a significant other, Tyler's world is shaken to its core and he doesn't know what to do without his best friend being just his.

Before reading this book, I was already a HUGE Amy Hatvany fan and have read most of her backlist. The way she writes is indescribable, but just makes the reader want to dive in and not give up on these characters.

Without giving away the big thing, I will say that this book hit close to home and I may have avoided books that had this topic in it because I am not sure I was ready to read it, but the way Amy Hatvany did it was spot on. I loved that there were chapters told from each Amber and Tylers points of views so the reader gets the fullest picture of their story.

If you are already an Amy Hatvany fan you won't be disappointed. If this is your first of hers, start getting her backlist, you will have quite a collection to your TBR pile!